Hiccup shook his fist at the Heavens.
‘I don’t WANT to be the Chosen One!’ he
howled at the blue sky above. ‘I don’t WANT to be the
Chief of the Hairy Hooligan Tribe! I didn’t WANT to lift
Norbert’s stupid Curse! I wanted to cheat the Curse on
Fishlegs! All I want is my FRIEND…’
The silly blue snow took no notice, and rained
down steadily from above.
Hiccup began to cry.
‘All I want is my friend…’ he sobbed. ‘Fishlegs
trusted me. He thought I would make everything all
right…’ He turned to Norbert in sudden hope.
‘Have you got ANOTHER potato?’ asked Hiccup.
Norbert the Nutjob shook his head. ‘My father
only brought back ONE of those Vegetables,’ he said
between gritted teeth. ‘This is what made it so precious…’
Norbert the Nutjob shifted his axe uncertainly
from hand to hand. The tic in his eye danced a wild
fandango.
198
‘I don’t know what to do!’ shrieked Norbert the
Nutjob. ‘You have shot me in the bottom, stolen my
American Vegetable, chewed off my moustaches, fed
Papa to the Squealers and burned down my Great Hall!’
His shaking hands reached out, almost of their
own accord, towards Hiccup’s neck… and then he
stopped himself just in time.
‘But on the other hand, it seems incredible, but
you HAVE lifted the Curse on Hysteria, and I cannot
199
ignore my father’s Prophecy. So THIS TIME, I shall let
you go free. But if you ever, EVER cross my path again,
I warn you I will kill you on the spot.’
‘Don’t worry,’ said Hiccup sadly. ‘I’m not that
keen on seeing YOU again, either. I’m sorry about the
Hall, and the moustaches, and the bottom, and… I’m
sorry about EVERYTHING, really… I was just trying to
save the life of my friend.’
Norbert the Nutjob pulled Hiccup’s sword out of
his belt, and threw it down with a curse on the floor of The
Hopeful Puffin. He then climbed back on board his sleigh,
and sped back to Hysteria, a land which ships could now
sail in and out of as freely as they liked for the first time in
fifteen long years, all on
account of Hiccup lifting
the Curse, which wasn’t the
quest he set out to do in the
first place, but, there we are, these
things happen to a Hero-in-Training.
200
And hearts sorrowing and despairing, Hiccup
and Camicazi set out in The Hopeful Puffin towards the
distant little Isle of Berk.
Camicazi took the helm because Hiccup was too
depressed.
There was a brisk wind and The Hopeful Puffin
fairly flew over the waves. They had to dodge the
floating icebergs, and if Hiccup had been happier, he
could have enjoyed the warmness of the breeze now
blowing in their faces, for he had been waiting for this
moment for six months.
201
For six long months they had been trapped in
winter, and to Vikings who are used to being surrounded
by the never-ending rocking of the sea, this frozen white
stillness had been terribly eerie, as if time itself had
forgotten to tick and was caught in a Hibernation Coma.
There was nothing, no smell, no sound, no movement,
just a painted white world that stretched out for ever
and a cold that made Hiccup’s helmet burn against his
forehead as if it were made out of fire.
Hiccup had longed and longed for it to end,
and now spring HAD come and broken the spell. The
sea was alive again and the wind whirling through the
marshy grasses carried with it the catcalls and whoops of
Dragonese and the lovely fresh smell and taste of salt.
And Hiccup had never been so miserable in his life.
‘I don’t understand,’ said Camicazi, after they had
sailed in silence for half an hour. ‘Why did the Doomfang
eat the Vegetable-that-No-one-Dares-Name? Why did
it suddenly leave the Wrath of Thor when it had been
hanging out there for the past fifteen years? What just
happened?’
Hiccup sighed, raising his head from his chest for
a moment. ‘Well,’ he said, ‘I don’t KNOW of course,
because, how can we know? But my guess is that the
DOOMFANG ITSELF HAD VORPENTITIS.’
202
Camicazi’s jaw dropped.
‘It had all the symptoms,’ continued Hiccup.
‘Crazy behaviour. Bloodshot eyes. Foaming mouth.
A very high temperature. Doomfangs can live to be
thousands of years old, so fifteen years is only two
minutes in the life of a Doomfang. It would explain how
desperate it was, and how ill it looked. And once it had
eaten the Potato, it was instantly cured, so it didn’t need
to hang around any more. That was it, end of Curse.’
‘Who is to say that your friend’s life is worth
more than a Dragon’s?’ said One Eye, who was taking
up most of the deck.
‘It’s worth more to me,’ said Hiccup. ‘Because I
didn’t know the Doomfang personally.’
The temperature was very pleasant, and for the
first time in six months Hiccup found he was sweating in
his furry overcoat. He took it off, and Toothless landed
on his shoulder, and started trying to tuck his head under
his wing.
‘It’s a bit late to go into Hibernation Sleep
now, Toothless,’ said Hiccup, scratching the little dragon
affectionately behind his horns. ‘It’s just about to be
spring again.’
Toothless grunted grumpily.
Hiccup squinted up at the sun. Now that it was
203
out, he could tell the time fairly accurately from the
sun’s position in the sky. They were at least two hours
away from ten in the morning, he reckoned. Not that it
mattered what time they got back now, of course.
Hiccup’s heart was beating fast in anxiety and
sadness, and he suddenly realised he could actually
HEAR it beating.
Tick tock tick tock tick tock went his heart.
How very peculiar, thought Hiccup.
And then he remembered the funny round metal
thing that Camicazi had found lying in the casket next to
the potato. He reached into his breast pocket and drew
it out.
TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK went
the metal thingummy.
It was a beautifully made, strange little object,
slightly smaller than the potato. The front was
transparent and hard, like ice, and behind it were all
these rune numbers set in different circles, and at least
seven arrows, all different colours. When he stared at
it for some time he realised that some of them were
actually moving, very slowly, but all on their own.
He opened up the back to see if it was a tiny
nanodragon making the ticking noise, and found inside
nothing but lots of little delicate metal wheels that all
204
&nbs
p; seemed to be moving. Perhaps they too had been frozen
by the ice, and now that it was warmer again, they had
woken up…
‘WOW,’ breathed Camicazi, looking over his
shoulder. ‘What is it, do you think?’
‘I have no idea,’ said Hiccup, putting it back
in his pocket, where the ticking would be muffled. He
would think about it later. ‘It’s some kind of Hysterical
invention, I suppose. Those Hysterics are mad as
mackerel, but they are good inventors.’
205
Please, Thor, please, thought Hiccup to himself,
please let it be all right somehow after all…
It began to rain, and the rain melted the blue
snow, and it dripped like tears off the horns on Hiccup’s
helmet, down into blue puddles on the deck. The
American arrow lay, half drowning, on the edge of one
of these puddles, and Hiccup picked it up and put it
carefully in his arrow case.
Within five minutes, all the snow had gone, and
Camicazi, Hiccup, Toothless and One Eye all looked as
if they’d had some kind of weird accident with a lot
of blue paint. Their hair, coats, helmets and horns all
coated and streaked with the blue of the bluest of blue
skies.
Tick tock tick tock tick tock said the metal
thingummy in Hiccup’s pocket.
Tick tock tick tock tick tock went Hiccup’s heart,
hopeful in spite of itself.
Back on Hysteria, steaming through the pouring
rain, you could see the bright flame of fire and a
column of smoke coming from the Hysterical Great
Hall.
Norbert’s Papa was finally getting his proper
Viking funeral.
206
18. FISHLEGS
Stoick was waiting for them, in pouring rain, on the
Long Beach.
Stoick was FURIOUS.
He had only just found out that Hiccup had not
spent the night at Snotlout’s house, and Snotlout had
told him that he had seen Hiccup and Camicazi sneaking
away in a sleigh from the Freya’sday Eve Celebrations,
heading out on to the great sea of ice.
When Stoick demanded why Snotlout had not
told him this earlier, Snotlout could not answer.
Snotlout could hardly give the real reason, which
was that he had been rather hoping that Hiccup was
doing something STUPID and DANGEROUS, and
he didn’t want Stoick rushing out to save him at the last
minute.
But Stoick the Vast saw the real reason in
Snotlout’s eyes, and in the delighted way that Snotlout
looked out at the melted ice in the Harbour. Snotlout
was PLEASED that Hiccup could have drowned
somewhere out there in that grey, grim sea.
For the first time, Stoick realised that Snotlout
might not be the best choice of friend for his son
Hiccup.
207
I am afraid that Stoick the Vast gave Snotlout an
old-fashioned spanking.
This WAS the Dark Ages.
Stoick then ran to the Long Beach to see if he
could see what was going on, and, to his MASSIVE
relief, the first thing he clapped eyes on, picking through
the icebergs out to sea, was the tattered, round shape of
his son’s funny little boat, The Hopeful Puffin.
‘WHAT IN THOR’S NAME DO YOU
THINK YOU HAVE BEEN DOING?’ roared Stoick
the Vast, storming up to them as the nose of The Hopeful
Puffin landed on the sand. Hiccup, who appeared to
have turned an extraordinary blue colour, clambered out
of the boat and looked his enraged father straight in
the eyes.
‘I have been to Hysteria, to try and bring back a
Potato to save Fishlegs’s life,’ said Hiccup.
Stoick exploded.
‘I ABSOLUTELY FORBADE YOU TO DO
ANY SUCH THING!’ bellowed Stoick the Vast.
‘HOW DARE YOU DISOBEY, ME, YOUR CHIEF,
AND RISK YOUR LIVES LOOKING FOR A
VEGETABLE THAT NEVER EXISTED, ON A
WILD-GOOSE CHASE FOR NOTHING—’
Tears poured down Hiccup’s face. ‘The potato
208
DOES exist,’ he interrupted his father, ‘it DOES exist,
because we stole it, and Norbert the Nutjob nearly
chopped our heads off, but you are right, it WAS all for
nothing, because the Doomfang ate it and now Fishlegs
is going to DIE.’
Stoick the Vast’s anger could not last in the face
of the utter hopeless misery in his son’s eyes. His fury
melted away, like the snow dissolving into rain all around
them on the beach. He patted his son awkwardly on the
shoulder.
‘Now, now, son,’ he said uncertainly. ‘Of course
Fisheggs isn’t going to die…’
Hiccup pushed his father out of the way, and
stumbled over the sand to Old Wrinkly’s house, followed
by Stoick the Vast, Camicazi, Toothless and One Eye.
He flung open the door without knocking.
Old Wrinkly was standing in the middle of the
room, poking the fire with a metal stick.
For a moment, Hiccup couldn’t see Fishlegs, and
then he realised Fishlegs was on the bed. He was lying
completely still, his glasses off, white as a corpse.
209
Hiccup’s heart stopped.
And then to Hiccup’s unspeakable relief, Fishlegs
sat up and put his glasses on.
He was still alive, then.
Stoick the Vast, Camicazi, Toothless and One Eye
the Sabre-Tooth Driver filed into the room after Hiccup.
‘WELL?’ roared Stoick the Vast. ‘IS FISHEGGS
DYING, OR IS HE NOT?’
Old Wrinkly looked very embarrassed. He shifted
guiltily from foot to foot. ‘Ah, yes, Stoick, I’m so glad
you brought that up… yes, the thing is, I’m not sure that
Fishlegs is dying after all…’
‘WHADDYAMEAN, NOT DYING?’ yelled
Stoick the Vast.
‘I’m afraid my diagnosis wasn’t completely
210
correct.’ Old Wrinkly giggled nervously. ‘Soothsaying
from the fire is very complicated… I won’t go into the
details, but take it from me, it’s tricky… and, what with
one thing or another, it turns out that Fishlegs didn’t
have Vorpentitis after all. It was just a bad cold that set
off his Berserk tendencies. I nursed him back to health
with lots of bed-rest and lemon-in-honey.’
Fishlegs stood up, slightly wobbily, and gave
Stoick the Vast a big smile.
‘I’m fine!’ said Fishlegs happily, throwing wide
his arms.
Hiccup couldn’t believe it.
It was going to be all right after all.
‘HE’S ALIVE!’ cried Hiccup joyously, over
the moon at this uncomplicated happy ending, and he
rushed over to hug his friend.
Toothless gave Fishlegs a lick on the ear, which
was a big compliment from Toothless. One Eye drawled,
‘Well, well, that was all worth it, wasn’t it?’ and
Camicazi did a couple of celebratory cartwheels.
But Stoick wasn’t going to take this lying down.
Stoick the Vast at Old Wrinkly, ‘THAT ALL
BECAUSE OF YOUR LOUSY SOOTHSAYING
MY SON HICCUP HAS GONE ALL THE WAY
211
TO HYSTERIA AND NEARLY GOT HIS HEAD
CHOPPED OFF BY NORBERT THE NUTJOB
AND FACED THE DOOMFANG ALL FOR
NOTHING?????’
‘Well, not for nothing, Stoick,’ explained Old
Wrinkly. ‘If you’ll just listen a moment, I’ll explain.
Soothsaying is a very tricky business and when I looked
in the fire—’
‘Did Fisheggs have Vorpentitis, or did he not?’
interrupted Stoick.
‘No he didn’t,’ admitted Old Wrinkly.
‘THEN THE QUEST WAS COMPLETELY
UNNECESSARY!’ roared Stoick.
‘Don’t give Old Wrinkly a hard time, Father,’
said Hiccup. ‘Why waste time getting angry
when all’s well that ends well…’
Hiccup started to laugh, but
something in the middle of the laugh
went wrong when Hiccup’s left arm
suddenly went dead.
Hiccup looked down at his
arm in surprise.
‘I can’t feel my arm,’ said
Hiccup.
And then the other arm went dead.
212
Hiccup had been feeling rather hot all day, but he
suddenly felt as if he were burning alive. Sweat poured
down his face, and great clouds of steam rose up off his
shoulders and chest.
And Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third’s
entire body went rigid as a statue, his eyes staring and
bloodshot, and he fell down lifeless on the very bed
Fishlegs had been lying on just two minutes before.
213
19. THE FINAL CHAPTER
Sometimes it is not until the Final Chapter that you
realise what a quest has REALLY been about all along.
Stoick’s face turned from red anger to pure
white terror.
‘The Doomfang…’ whispered Stoick the Vast
in agony, rushing to hold his stiff son in his arms. ‘By
Woden and Freya and Hairy Knuckled Thor, he did get
touched by the frozen flames of the Doomfang… and all
for a stupid useless quest for NOTHING…’
How to Train Your Dragon: How to Cheat a Dragon's Curse Page 11
