“Let me guess,” she said, responding to his subtle declaration of affection. “You will not want to say goodbye to me because I am all you have.”
He needed her because he felt alone. That was all it was. She was the last woman on earth, so to speak.
“It’s a heavy responsibility,” she added, “to be the sole provider of your happiness.”
She spoke with bite, cognizant of the fact that she was trying to push him away. She wanted to pick a fight. She did not want to be in love, and she certainly did not want to feel jealous of whoever had made love to him before she had.
“You may not like it,” he replied, frowning at her, “but until I remember my old life, or begin a new one, you are my everything.”
‘ “Until I remember my old life,’” she repeated, trying desperately to focus on those words, instead of the way it made her feel to know that at the moment she was his everything. “It is something we would both do well to remember, Jack, because as soon as you venture out into the world, you will no longer need me, and this will be over.”
He would replace her with other friends, other activities, and other women, because right now he was just using her to fill his sense of emptiness. He had told her so more than once.
But she was using him, too, she realized, and for far more deceitful purposes, and therefore had no right to be arguing with him or punishing him. She had started all this, so she would have to cope with the chaos of her emotions. She could not take it out on him.
“If you will excuse me,” she said, deciding it was not a good day for coping, and that it would be best to end the conversation. “I am feeling tired, and I don’t really want to talk about this anymore.”
He bowed his head politely, and did not object to her departure. She crossed the lawn, walked around the house, and nearly collided head-on with her mother.
“What have you been up to, Chelsea?” she asked accusingly.
“Nothing, Mother.”
Chelsea did not stop to elaborate. She continued on, but felt her mother’s disapproving gaze burning a hole into the back of her head as she entered the house.
Ten minutes later a knock sounded at her door, but before she had a chance to respond, her mother barged in.
“I am not a fool,” she said, slamming the door behind her. “What is going on?”
“Nothing,” Chelsea replied, feeling as if she were six years old again, taking a scolding for climbing trees. But then she remembered she was a grown woman, and lifted her chin. “I don’t appreciate being interrupted like this, Mother. You cannot just walk in here as if these were your rooms.”
She quickly picked up her pencil to give the impression that she had been writing, though she hadn’t. She’d been staring at the wall.
Her mother strode closer. “You’re not fancying yourself in love with him, are you? He is handsome and charming, no doubt about it, but we still don’t know anything about him, and you have a responsibility to this family. You are as good as promised to Lord Jerome, and I will not tolerate a repeat performance of the last time, when you ran off with an unsuitable young man because he knew how to flatter you and you became infatuated.”
Chelsea strove to keep her voice under control. “How many times must I repeat this? The performance you are referring to happened when I was eighteen. I was young and foolish. Since then I have been living here in exile with you, without complaint, for seven years. I have not once asked for anything for my own happiness. I have been dutifully paying the price for my mistakes. Does that not count for anything?”
“I tried to talk to Melissa just now,” her mother said, ignoring everything Chelsea had just said, “and she was hiding something. I could see it in her eyes. You’re not scheming to make him fall in love with you and propose, are you? So that you might get out of marrying Lord Jerome?”
“Of course not.” But then her back went up, for she was tired of paying for that mistake she made all those years ago, and wanted her mother to know it. “But what if I were? And what if he did propose to me? If I wanted to marry him, I would.”
Good Lord, what was she saying?
Her mother’s face went white as stone. “You insolent girl. Clearly you have not learned a thing. You have no sense at all.”
“Why? Because I might want some joy for myself? It is not fair what you ask me to do. Lord Jerome is more than twice my age, and he is a horrid, self-regarding, repulsive man.”
“You must do your duty, as we all must.”
“You might speak differently if it was you who had to marry him.”
“He doesn’t want me,” she said. “He wants you, because you will be able to give him heirs.”
Chelsea recoiled in disgust at the thought of sharing a bed with him, especially now that she knew what would occur—and when she knew how enjoyable lovemaking could be with a man like Jack.
“I will be miserable, Mother.”
Her mother scoffed. “Well, if you think the handsome stranger in our midst has just washed ashore to save you from your fate, you are a fool. He could be a fish merchant for all we know, in which case a match would be completely inappropriate. You are the daughter of an earl. You will not marry beneath you.”
“Beneath me? I am the lowliest of the low, according to you.”
Her mother said nothing to refute her claim, which only incensed Chelsea further.
“And you must know he is not a fish merchant,” she argued. “He may even be a duke or a prince. Surely you would not oppose it then. Or would you? Just to see me miserable?”
Her mother’s eyes narrowed. “If he is a duke or a prince, you are even more a fool than I thought, to think that he would propose. Tsk tsk, Chelsea. You forget sometimes that you are ruined. No man of such eminence would ever have you as a wife. You would be lucky if he were inclined to use you as a mistress, which would never happen, of course, because I would not permit it. That is why you must settle for Lord Jerome.”
“Settle? Like you did?”
Her mother pressed her lips into a hard line. “I loved your father.”
“You loved that he was an earl. That’s what you settled for. You resigned yourself to a marriage without love, and therefore a life without joy or laughter or passion.”
“Passion fades. A title does not.”
“So while you were married, you had a title and what else? Boredom? Resentment? Contempt, even? That’s what I remember most about you and Father, which is why I ran away with that ‘unsuitable’ man in the first place, and why I would do it again in a heartbeat—with that equally unsuitable man outside in the garden.”
There. She had said it. The truth.
Her mother’s cheeks flushed with fury. “You just say these things to spite me.”
Then she walked out and slammed the door behind her.
For a fleeting second Chelsea thought she was off the hook—until a key slipped into the lock and turned.
She gasped. Leaping out of her chair, she ran to the door, grabbed hold of the knob and rattled it frantically. “Let me out of here, Mother! You’re behaving like a child!”
“You are the child, Chelsea, not me,” her mother said from the other side. “I will not let you run off again and leave us all here to rot. I am writing to Lord Jerome today, and I will tell him to come and collect you as soon as he is able.”
“But you won’t rot!” she shouted, suddenly desperate to save her future by any means possible. “I have a plan. I am trying very hard to do my duty at this moment. I might have already succeeded.” But she would not know for sure for at least a few weeks.
There was a long silence on the other side of the door. “What plan?”
Chelsea let go of the knob and took a step back, certain that if she tried to explain, it would come out all wrong, and her mother would faint out there in the hall, or worse—do exactly what she said she was going to do and tell Lord Jerome to come right away.
“Why don’t you talk to Sebastian?” Chelsea suggeste
d. “He will tell you everything.”
“Sebastian knows?”
“Yes.”
There was another long silence on the other side of the door.
“Go and see him, Mother, I beg of you,” Chelsea pleaded.
The only response was the sound of her mother’s shoes, treading heavily down the hall to the stairs.
Chapter 12
An hour later Chelsea woke to the sound of a key turning in her lock. Groggy from a nap, she sat up and watched the door, curious to see who would come in to talk sense to her next.
The door opened. Her brother peeked his head in. “Don’t throw anything. It’s only me.”
She rose from the bed and smoothed out her hair, tucking the loose strands back into place. “Did Mother talk to you? Am I to be shipped off to Lord Jerome in the morning?”
He entered the room and reached into his pocket. “She said to give you this.”
“What is it?”
He handed her a tiny bottle.
“It’s her favorite perfume,” Chelsea said.
“She wanted me to tell you that you had to wear it tonight. Clearly, it’s her way of letting you know that she is consenting to your idea—by delivering a command of her own.”
Slow to comprehend what he was saying because she was having a hard time believing it, Chelsea opened the bottle and sniffed it. “You’re telling me she liked the plan. Was she intoxicated?”
He let out a melancholy sigh. “No, but I think it was just underhanded enough to appeal to her controlling side, which we both know so well.” He strolled to the bed and sat down. “After she got over the initial shock, I believe she wished she’d thought of it herself. Although she did suggest that it would have been simpler to send Melissa to him, instead of you, just in case it is my fault there is no heir.”
Chelsea smothered a gasp. “What did you say?”
“I told her hell would freeze over first. I love my wife, Chel, and no other man will ever put his hands on her—ever—not as long as I have breath in my body. It’s difficult enough as it is for me to let you go through with this. My own sister. I must tell you that there have been moments when I wanted to bash down his door and throw him out on his ear. I have not been sleeping well.”
Chelsea touched his arm. “I’m sorry it’s been difficult for you, but perhaps it will give you some comfort to know that he has been very good to me. It has not been unpleasant. Not at all. And if this saves me from having to marry Lord Jerome, I will forever be in your debt for allowing me to do this. You will be saving me from a terrible fate.”
He did not look up, and she could see that her words were doing little to console him.
She decided to take a different tack, to try and lighten his mood. “Besides, if we did send Melissa and she conceived, the child would not be of Father’s bloodline, and we do have some scruples.”
“Not many,” he said quietly.
Still hoping to ease his conscience, she crossed the room to her dressing table and began to comb her hair. “So Mother will not write to Lord Jerome today?”
“That’s right.”
Ever hopeful, she turned to face her brother. “Does this mean I will not have to marry him? Ever?”
“Don’t get too excited,” Sebastian replied. “There will have to be a male issue before she lets go of that safety net. I suspect she will write to him and string him along until you give birth.” His eyes were streaked with red as he regarded her. “If things work out, that is, and you find yourself with child.” He paused. “Were you being honest with me, Chelsea? Is he good to you? Does he treat you well, because if not—”
She interrupted him. “He is lovely, Sebastian. Truly. If things were different, I could see myself falling quite head over heels.”
They were the words her brother needed to hear.
“Well,” he said awkwardly, clearing his throat, “I hope you know how grateful we are for what you are doing. Melissa is overjoyed. Truth be told, it wouldn’t matter to her if it was a girl or a boy, or a donkey for that matter. She is just so happy, Chel.”
In some ways, Chelsea was pleased to hear it, yet at the same time, she could not bear to think of it. She did not want to imagine a baby growing in her womb—perhaps a boy, who would grow up to be tall and handsome, with dark, wavy hair, a strong, confident disposition, and creative, like both his parents…
“So where is Jack now?” she asked, thrusting those thoughts from her mind.
“In his guest chamber. He mentioned feeling tired. I don’t think he’s fully recovered yet.”
She looked at herself in the mirror and dabbed some perfume behind each ear.
Her brother watched her for a moment, then glanced uncomfortably toward her desk. “I suppose I should leave you to your letters.”
That was not why he was leaving, and they both knew it.
Chelsea finally met his gaze in the mirror’s reflection. “Thank you, Sebastian, for speaking to Mother,” she said, “and for buying me time.”
He merely nodded at her, then walked out and closed the door.
She picked up her brush and continued to comb out her hair, ignoring the pain from the knots that had tangled while she slept.
“So you’ve forgiven me, then?” Jack asked as he withdrew from the sweet, honeyed depths of Chelsea’s irresistible body and refastened his trousers.
They had made love standing up against the door of his bedchamber, thumping away like rabbits. She had not seemed to mind the base carnality of it, nor suggested they move to a quieter spot on the bed. Perhaps she knew there was no one nearby to hear, for clearly she’d come here with one thing on her mind, and they got down to business without any of the usual genteel preliminaries.
He nuzzled her cheek and stepped back, realizing only then that he had not withdrawn at the proper time—again—and he wondered why he was inclined to take these risks, when he still had no idea what lay in his future. Or his past.
Next time, he promised himself…Next time he would be more careful.
She dropped her skirts and pushed away from the door. “We already agreed that there is nothing to forgive,” she said. “You were right when we spoke outside earlier today. You have not kept anything from me. I knew what I was getting myself into when I came to you the other night, and I have indeed been more than satisfied.”
He watched her for a strange moment, as she walked seductively to the window.
“But there is something different about you,” he said, narrowing his eyes. “You’re closed off. You’re not acting like yourself.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Is it? I think you are still angry about what happened in bed this morning.” He hesitated. “Or perhaps…hurt.”
“I am neither,” she quickly asserted as she pulled the curtain aside with one finger and looked out. “I am simply trying to be realistic.”
“How so?”
She faced him. He had the distinct impression she was giving a great deal of consideration to her answer, almost as if she were plotting one of her stories, deciding upon the most effective piece of dialogue for her protagonist.
“I don’t want to become too attached to you,” she said at last.
He studied her eyes and saw a hint of vulnerability there, mixed possibly with some melancholy.
But it was an honest answer—at least he believed it to be so—and it gave him some reassurance that he had not lost her completely. She was still being open with him.
He approached her. “And is there a danger of you becoming too attached?”
“There is a danger of anything. You are very pleasant to be around. Most of the time,” she added playfully.
“When I am not calling you by other women’s names, I suppose.”
“Precisely.”
“I’ll try not to do it again.”
“I would appreciate that.”
For a moment more they stood without talking, merely looking at each other while the waves rolled u
p onto the shoreline outside the window. Here in the room, the clock ticked steadily on the mantel.
Jack noticed the heavy beat of his heart. He felt restless, filled with a yearning that seemed to have no cure—for he could not close the space between them. How could he, when he did not know who he was, or if he was even free to care for her the way he wanted to?
Then, for some unknown reason, he remembered the urgency he’d felt the night before, and felt again that he was letting someone down. The feeling dropped into his stomach like a stone. Someone needed him. Of that, he was certain. There was a duty he was expected to fulfill.
God, was there a wife?
He looked down at the floor.
“So until we know more about you,” Chelsea said, her voice more forceful now, almost as if she had read his thoughts, “I will simply keep my heart out of it, as you should do as well.”
“That’s probably wise,” he heard himself saying, without looking up, because he was not in a position to offer his heart, or any kind of promise that involved the future. As things stood, he could offer Chelsea nothing, and she knew it.
Pembroke House, Mayfair
“He has left us in the lurch,” Vincent said to Devon as he walked into the library at four in the morning. He had just come back from an extensive search of his old stomping grounds—the whore-houses, gambling dens, and all the places where vice and greed were practiced without reserve. “I searched everywhere, and no one has seen him.”
“He wouldn’t desert us like this,” Devon told him. “Not intentionally. I know our brother. He is as dependable as they come.”
Vincent went to pour himself a drink. “Did you hear any mention of him at the club? Has anyone heard from him?”
“Not since that night you referred to, when he came back to the palace talking about a night at the tables with a certain wild young buck with a pretty sister. The gentleman’s father, George Fenton, Baron Ridgeley, is the director of the London Horticultural Society.”
Vincent blinked. “Father’s beneficiary if we don’t all marry by Christmas?”
When a Stranger Loves Me Page 11
