“Dear God.” It did sound horrible. She shook her head. “I don’t know what to do. He’s gone.”
“Then go to him.” He settled onto the bed next to her. “Tell him what happened. Tell him how you feel.”
She froze.
His face softened. “Unless you don’t love him.”
“I do,” she said quickly. “But I’m scared.” It almost seemed easier to let them all go, to return to the life she’d been living before Lorena and the rest of them fell into her lap and filled her heart. She’d enjoyed her life before them but now it all seemed so incomplete.
And she felt more incomplete without Morris. She’d been ready to let a part of her soul die, knowing that she would have the man she loved. Even now, she knew herself to be so far beneath him. How had she managed to catch the eye of a duke? It seemed impossible. She’d lived in an orphanage. Most of her friends were of the working class. Her father had spent most of his life in the working class.
“I don’t think I can be a duchess,” she confessed.
His lips twitched for the first time. “Do you think Morris a fool?”
She returned the smile he fought. “Definitely not.”
“Then you must learn to trust him.” Calvin stood. “I can’t tell you what to do because in the end you’re the one who will have to play duchess to his duke, but I can tell you that Morris is a good man and he deserves a woman who loves him completely and trusts him. So if it’s not you, then let him go and the brotherhood will figure out another way to help him.”
He’d spoken bluntly and it was a language Sophia understood. She wasn’t hurt at all by his truth. Most of the wealthy people she’d grown to associate herself with did not play word games like the ton.
No matter what anyone said, it was she who would have to live with the decision to be with Morris or let him go. Let him go. Morris had not left her. She’d let him go. She’d pushed him away with her fears.
She’d always thought herself brave whenever she thought of the sacrifices she’d made for others but the truth was, she was a coward. She’d become nothing more than someone who survived every passing day and the more she learned to survive the easier it had all become.
Until Morris.
He’d tempted her to dream beyond what she’d usually allowed herself to and had given her glimpses of a life that seemed most unimaginable. She loved him and she wanted Morris for herself. She didn’t want him kissing or making love to anyone else. He was hers.
But did she dare take a chance on such a future?
She stood. “Thank you, Calvin.”
He’d been standing at the door, watching her. He nodded and turned to leave.
“Don’t you wish to know what I’ll do?” she asked at his back.
He turned and smiled at her. “No, I already know what you’re going to do. Don’t worry about the party. Those of us who didn’t leave with him will help the women oversee everything here. Go.” Then he was gone.
Sophia smiled and her heart beat so fast that she struggled to breathe.
She was going to go after him.
She only hoped he’d accept her once she arrived.
Then something in Calvin’s final statement gave her pause.
“Who left with Morris?”
* * *
"I didn't ask any of you to come with me." Morris crossed his arms and glared out at the black night. He couldn't see a thing but the sight was more calming than the faces that surrounded him. He'd wanted to be alone, yet it appeared that the world was not inclined to see that he got it.
"No one wants to be alone for Christmas." Julius stretched and his arm knocked Morris in the head.
Morris turned and glared at him, knowing he'd done it on purpose.
Julius' violet eyes glittered in the lamp that hung from inside the carriage.
Morris scoffed. "Your presence will be missed from the party. I don't want to be the reason someone's day is ruined." He didn't want Sophia to feel as though he'd purposefully stolen people away as revenge, though why he cared at all what she thought was beyond him. He didn't know how long thoughts of her would plague him but he prayed that when he saw her next season, he'd at least manage to hide his feelings.
If only he could go back and undo their first meeting. If only it hadn't taken seeing her with someone else and the Lorena and Emmett's romantic engagement party to help him see where his heart truly lay. He pulled in a deep breath and fought back his urge to tear the carriage apart. Part of him wanted to get out and walk home but, of course, it would take him at least three days to reach home on foot and he'd freeze before he ever made it.
He could let the weather do what it wished; the thought was not entirely unappealing. Morris closed his eyes.
A heavy hand settled on his shoulder. "Breathe." Frank's voice filled the silence. "There we go. Take another breath. We'll get you through his, old friend."
Morris took another breath and leaned his head against the wall, unlatching himself from Frank. "I asked none of you to come."
"Doesn't change the fact that we're here," Rollo said. "We couldn't let you go by yourself, knowing what you're going through and what still needs to be done. Lord Ashford is going to have a fit once he realizes that you're gone."
"I have no intention of giving him an answer anytime soon." Morris turned and met Rollo's dark eyes. "I don't think there's any way out of the situation though."
"If there is, Rollo will find it." Julius smiled. "Rollo has the best luck out of all of us."
Rollo smiled in agreement, knowing the words to be the truth. His father had made his fortune as a merchant and had been called King Kerry because of his ability to always strike gold. He'd done so when he married the only heiress to the Dixonshire land, and became landed gentry. Rollo had kept on the family tradition by being profitable in all his endeavors.
"I'm unsure if Rollo's luck can rub off on me in time." Morris sighed.
"Chin up. I'm sure once you've had plenty of rest, you'll manage to come up with a brilliant plan." Frank was set to train under one of Britain’s most accomplished psychologist when he returned to London but at the moment, Morris didn't wish to speak about his issues or have anyone tell him what to do.
All he could think about was Sophia and how big a fool he'd been for the last few months. Indeed, she was a mystery but apparently, she was one he'd not be the man to solve.
"And if you can't, then I'll marry her," Frank went on.
Morris looked at Frank and saw the seriousness in his green eyes. "You'll marry who?"
"Lady Beth. I'll even compromise her if that's what it takes." Frank leaned back in his chair. "You know I'm to marry a lady either way." It was his father's wish. Frank and Calvin Lockwood were gentry but their father aimed to add proper blood to their line. A few years ago, Calvin had promised to marry a lady if Frank never asked for assistance with their land and Frank had given up his plans to study the medicine of mind and soul if he was allowed to marry who he wished.
That plan had changed when Calvin set his heart on Alice, a club owner's daughter. Now Frank was stuck being the one to keep his father's promise but in exchange, Calvin had taken on more responsibilities at the Greenmoor estate.
Unlike the titled, gentry could leave their lands to anyone they chose, and though it was traditional to leave it to the eldest, Mr. Lockwood had hoped both his sons would contribute and now they were.
"You don't plan to fall in love?" Morris asked him.
Frank shook his head. "Love is not for me." He smiled. "But I'll be content once I return to London next month." His training would begin the day after Twelfth Night, which took place on the sixth of January, a holiday that the English celebrated even more than Christmas.
Morris had thought himself like Frank a few months ago. Before Sophia, he'd been content with the idea of marrying a lady and focusing his time with Parliament. Now, nothing held a candle burying himself inside of her. If he closed his eyes, he could still feel her soft li
ps, hear her cries of ecstasy.
The blessing of the cold kept his body from fully responding to his thoughts. They'd be no good in present company. He forced himself to think about something that would cool his blood. "I could never force you to marry Lady Beth."
Frank shrugged. "She's a lady. She'll do if she'll have me." His cool eyes were hazel but greener than any other color. He was a good-looking man and Morris imagined that if he set his mind to it, he could have the woman compromised in a matter of weeks, maybe less.
Julius shook his blond head. "Not her. Any other lady but her."
"Julius is right," Rollo said. "I'll not deal with a lady who lies about being compromised. She'll cause trouble for us all."
Morris closed his eyes as a headache began to settle in. "Let's talk about something else."
"All right, what do you want to do tomorrow?" Julius asked. "Hunt, of course. I'll join you."
The carriage was silent.
Morris turned to him. "You don't have to do that." Everyone knew that Julius didn't shoot for pleasure and though he never went anywhere without a gun, he abhorred them really. He simply thought them a necessary evil. "I'd never ask that of you."
"Whatever you need," Julius told him.
Morris nodded and looked at his friends and knew that the others would be with him if they'd had fit in the carriage and if they didn't equally want to be there for Sophia as for him. They were good men, and he was proud they were his friends.
"Oh, I know that look," Rollo said aloud. "He loves us."
"To hell with you all," Morris grumbled before looking out the window.
The others laughed.
He smiled to himself and a small bit of his pain eased.
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CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
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Sophia shivered in the cold as she gazed up at the castle entrance. Lamps burned at the entrance in the night. Kidd Castle was not far from Dovehaven and the journey had only taken them a few hours. She could find no lights burning in any of the windows, which made the large structure that much more imposing.
She didn't know how long she stood staring at it but when the cold began to drift through her cape, she turned around and found her retreat to be blocked by Maura. She tried to step around her but the girl simply moved within her path again.
Sophia stilled. "This decision was made it haste. We should return in the morning. Surely, it is better that I return in the morning."
"No." Maura was as stiff as a stone in her own cape, having withstood the frightful temperature with her. "You must go inside."
"I don't wish to."
"Don't be a coward."
Sophia blinked.
Maura was the only other woman in their group who was unattached and thus the one Lorena had sent with her. While Sophia had thought the idea harmless at the time, she was starting to see that she'd been wrong. Maura had more Lorena in her than Sophia had thought.
Tears made her nose burn as she realized Maura was right. She was still being a coward. She closed her eyes. "Why am I so afraid?"
"Because you think he'll refuse you."
She opened her eyes and stared at her. "Yes. I'll deserve it if he does." Her emotions made her shake harder than the cold.
"Yes, you will," Maura readily agreed. "And what will you do if he does?"
Sophia laughed. "Then I suppose I'll be back to thinking that he is too good for me."
Maura frowned; her look became sad. "You're broken."
She stared as Maura spoke, breath coming out in clouds.
"I suppose I would know more than anyone else." Maura smiled sadly. Before last season, Maura had spent ten years of her life in Bedlam for seeing ghosts. Sophia hadn't been told much about Maura's spiritual visitors but she believed she knew enough about Maura to believe she wasn't mad. At least no more than anyone else.
"You're not broken," Sophia whispered.
"I'm not," Maura told her. "Not anymore. I was broken when I wouldn't accept who I was. I've accepted who I am and in doing so, I've learned to see what others see. You must accept who you are as well. Only then will you see what others see." Maura turned to the carriage that still waited at the end of the steps and started down the stairs.
"Where are you going?" Sophia's stomach burned with indecision.
Maura stopped and looked back at her. "Giving you time to make up your mind. What do you see when you see yourself? Look past your blood, past your family, and friends. Look into your heart. Who are you?"
Sophia did as Maura instructed. She looked inside herself. Her first thoughts were to say she was a 'survivor' and a 'coward' but then the word 'lover' also came to mind. She loved so many people but more importantly, she was suffering in the cold because of the love she had for a man. It was time to stop letting fear control her and to let love do so. Surely, she could manage it, couldn't she?
She turned back to the carriage. "I'm sorry I made you suffer out here with me. Let's go inside."
Maura caught up with her and smiled. "Not to worry. I've suffered far worse than this."
Sophia didn't wish to imagine it.
They made it to the door, and it was immediately opened by Julius.
"I held back the servants," he told Sophia. "I wanted to make sure it was your decision to come here."
Her heart drummed in her ears as she stepped through the doors, the cold immediately melting from her body. Morris managed to keep the castle far warmer than most. She shrugged out of her cape and gave it to the butler, who'd come out of the shadows.
"Your rooms have been prepared." Julius led the way deeper into the house.
"You knew I would come?"
He smiled at her. "I had hoped." He led them down to a lit part of the castle with maids standing by two doors. Maura was shown into the first one and after a word of goodnight, Sophia was shown into the next.
The room was well decorated in calm pink colors with a fire already going.
She hardly took a step inside before turning to Julius. "Is he awake? I wish to speak to him. There are things he must know."
Julius frowned. "I've no idea where he is and the castle is large. He wandered off right after we arrived. I believe he grew tired of Frank, Rollo, and me." He smiled. "We were trying to make him feel better but I believe only you will be able to do that."
Sophia could feel the blood rushing through all her limbs, pulsing with nervousness. She ignored it. "I'll go look for him."
"I would suggest you wait until morning. I'm nearly sure he's not in the castle." He looked around the room before returning his eyes to hers. "He's always preferred the outdoors even in weather as horrible as this."
"And I'm sure he didn't take a servant." She sighed heavily. "That seems dangerous."
"It can be. He'll probably go to the parlor once he returns."
Despair nearly gripped her but she managed to remain standing. "Then if it's all right, I'd like to wait for him there."
Julius led the way and once inside the parlor, Sophia took a seat on the couch near the fireplace and turned to face the door, declaring that she would be ready when he came. Ready and willing to do anything to have him again.
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CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
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Morris sipped his brandy in the dim parlor and stared at Sophia as she rested on the couch. Even in sleep, she had the power to stir his inner desires. For the last hour or so, he'd watched her silently and could not deny the strong pull at his heart. She was beautiful and sensual as she lay there.
When he'd returned from the gardens, a footman had been there to tell him of Sophia's arrival. He'd been so surprised that he'd run to the parlor and
for the first few minutes couldn't believe his eyes. She'd come to him but why?
Deciding he was not ready to know and deciding to not arouse her from her sleep, he'd closed the door and sat.
The smell of tobacco burned in the air from the pipe he caressed with one hand. The other held a glass of spirits. Both kept him from touching her.
There was no denying he loved her but since she'd never said the words back, he could only assume that her presence held an alternative reason. He'd thought that perhaps she hoped to drag him back to Dovehaven so as not to ruin her party but even that cold thought didn't sit well with him. Sophia was not a cold woman. Indeed, she was warm and kind, so he had to assume she wanted him to return for the sake of Lady Beth. Undoubtedly, she cared for the woman's reputation more than his feelings. Perhaps she had more of society's traditions in her than he did himself.
He pulled from his pipe and leaned his head back in the chair. He turned to look at the clock over the mantle and saw the hour was extremely late. He would have to wake her to get her on her way. She could return to Dovehaven hours before her guests were any wiser.
He took a breath and closed his heavy eyes, vowing he'd get her on her way in a moment or so.
He was startled by a weight settling into his lap and found his hands to have been freed of their objects. He looked up and met Sophia's eyes right before she kissed him, forcing his mouth to yield and open. Her tongue slid between his lips. His hands went to her waist and he pulled her in as his body came to life. Her legs spread on either side of him and she settled right over his cock. Her mound stroked over him and he groaned as need made him harder.
With great strength, he wrenched his mouth from hers and held her waist tightly to stop their motion.
He closed his eyes and pulled in one breath after another, trying to calm himself.
Miss Sophia's Spirited Spinster's Society (The Spinster’s Society) (A Regency Romance Book) Page 15
