by K. B. Webb
“Whatever happened to the guy she was supposed to marry?” That must have sucked for him, being left at the altar like that.
“He’s my brother-in-law. Turns out he had always been in love with her younger sister, but was too scared to admit it. After he got stood up, he finally grew some balls and asked her out. Six months later, they went to Arkansas and got married, too.”
“What does all this have to do with me? I’m damn sure not ready to marry Dani.”
“I know ya aren’t, but you’re saying you aren’t ready for a real relationship with this girl, which I understand. But you have to ask yourself, how are you gonna feel when she meets someone who is ready for a relationship?” With those final words, he walks out on the dock to greet the few drivers who have arrived.
How would I feel? Do I want Dani to be with someone else? Fuck no, but I don’t know if I’m ready to be with just one girl. Yes, I haven’t been with anyone besides Dani in weeks, but that’s by choice. I don’t know if I’m ready to not be with anyone else because I’m tied down to one person. What if it doesn’t work out? What if I get my heart broken again? Even worse, what if I’m the one who breaks Dani’s heart again? God knows I would never forgive myself if that happened.
By the time I’m off work, it’s fucking hot and I just want to go home and sleep. Working outside all day has been physically exhausting, and thinking of my situation with Dani has drained me mentally. I’m fucking spent.
I pull up at my apartment right as Logan is getting in his truck to leave.
“Where you going?”
“Back to Molly’s. She and Wynee took off work tonight, oh and Geo fired Tiffany.” Damn that means that Dani is going to be working all by herself unless Geo found some fill-ins, which knowing Geo, is doubtful.
“Who the fuck is helping Dani?”
“I don’t know, bro. I assumed she would call you and ask for help.”
She hasn’t called me, and that realization hurts like a motherfucker. She would rather be slammed busy all night than call me. What the fuck have I done?
“Naw, she didn’t call, but I’m gonna go up there anyway.”
I began walking toward my front door. It is already five thirty; soon customers will be pouring into Ricky’s.
“Hey.” Logan grabs my attention right before I’m about to walk inside. “What the hell is going on with y’all anyway?”
I just shake my head at him. “When I figure that out, I’ll let you know.”
When I pull into Ricky’s thirty minutes later, there are already quite a few cars in the parking lot. The regulars won’t be hard on her, but it’s the drunk college dickheads that stumble in here that will give her a hard time, and I’m not okay with that.
I walk in and instantly see she’s struggling. She’s trying to deliver trays of food to tables while there are also people sitting at the bar waiting for her to come back to order drinks.
“Hey, sweet thing, think you could bring that fine ass over here and make me a drink?” Some twenty-one-year-old looking prick calls to Dani across the room. I want to punch him square in the jaw, but I don’t. Instead, I walk around bar and stand right in front of him. “Well, my ass isn’t nearly as nice as hers, but I’m gonna be the one fixing your drink, hotshot. What’ll it be?” I can tell I catch him off guard, but he’s smart and doesn’t say anything stupid back to me.
I make a few drinks and hand out a few beers before Dani is back behind the bar shooting lasers at me with her eyes. “What are you doing here, Lucas?”
“Helping you. It looks like you could use some.”
“Well, I mean, I can. I just, well, after what happened last night, I didn’t think you would come help me at all.”
Well fuck. I really wish she would have just punched me in the gut; that probably would have hurt less than hearing her say she didn’t think I would be here for her.
“Let’s not talk about that right now. Just let me help you tonight. Okay?”
She nods, but the pain in her eyes proves to me that it is anything but okay.
The night goes by in a blur. I stay behind the bar slinging drinks while Dani handles the tables. She does it like a pro. The whole room is packed and she doesn’t seem a bit nervous. I do notice that every time she gets hit on, she looks at me, waiting to see my reaction. I don’t do or say anything, even though I am mentally making a list of what guys in this room I want to fuck up.
Right before closing, Nikki strolls in. I know she’s there before I even see her. It’s like she sucks the life out of a room the moment she enters it.
She stares Dani down, but walks straight up to me.
“I didn’t know you worked here now.” She sits down at a stool, throwing her purse on the counter.
“I don’t work here. I’m just helping out Dani tonight.”
“Oh, are y’all dating or something?”
“No. You know I don’t date, Nikki.” I don’t know that Dani is even behind me until I hear the beer bottle drop. Well, fuck, and I thought this night couldn’t get any worse.
“Does she know that?” Nikki stares at Dani, but directs the question to me. She knew Dani was behind me; that’s why she said it in the first place, and I walked right into her trap like a fucking idiot.
“What are you doing here, Nikki?”
“Well, I was driving by and I saw your truck. Figured I’d stop and see if you needed some company tonight.”
“You know I don’t. We’ve been over this many, many times. So why don’t you just go ahead and leave.”
She doesn’t look hurt or shocked by what I’ve said. She just smiles, grabs her purse, and stands back up. “Well, you have my number if you change your mind.”
“Nice to see you again, Dani.” Dani doesn’t even acknowledge her; she just keeps making drinks like Nikki didn’t say anything.
I know I should address what Nikki said and what happened between us last night, but I’m a chicken shit, so I don’t. Instead, I tell everyone it’s last call and start closing out bar tabs.
When the last customer has left, Geo walks out from the back.
“You did a great job tonight, Dani. Why don’t you take tomorrow night off? Wynee and Molly owe you one.”
She tries to argue, but Geo insists.
We walk out together, but don’t talk. I’m hoping we can avoid this conversation for a few more days so I can have some time to think.
“Ya know, I never expected to be your girlfriend.” Well, looks like that won’t happen. Dani has stopped dead in her tracks in the parking lot and is standing in front of me with her arms cross over her chest.
“I never said you did.”
“But you assume I do. That’s why you got so freaked out last night and this morning and when that bitch Nikki came in, because you assume that I want to be your girlfriend. Well, you’re wrong. I don’t want to be your fucking girlfriend.”
I don’t respond because I can tell she’s not done talking and my momma always taught me that you never interrupt a woman.
“You know what I want though, Lucas? I want you to quit taking out the shit Nikki did to you, and your dad did to your mom, on other people. I want you to quit preaching your ‘I don’t do relationships’ bullshit every chance you get. I want you to man the fuck up and admit that I’m not just some random girl you’re fucking. I want you to be real with yourself and realize we are in this mess because you said the wrong thing first, not me! You! And damn it, I want to go home to my apartment and not feel like it’s fucking empty without you there! But ya know what I don’t want, to be your stupid fucking girlfriend!” She doesn’t even give me a chance to say anything. She jumps in her jeep and speeds out of the parking lot before I can even process everything she said.
I sit in my truck for a while after she leaves, just thinking. I don’t take out Nikki or my dad’s bullshit on other people. Do I? No, of fucking course I don’t. And I don’t spew bullshit about relationships; I’m just honest. And I have never once said
that I thought she was like other girls I had been with, because she’s not. She is so fucking different that I can’t even put it into words. And I know that I’m the one who fucked up. I know that without a doubt, but I never did it on purpose.
I slam my fist into the steering wheel a few times, hoping that some physical pain will help ease the shitty feeling I have in my chest, but it doesn’t. There is only one thing that can help this, and I know what it is. Good thing Dani said she didn’t want to be my girlfriend, because after tonight, she will probably never speak to me again.
I dial a number I haven’t in years and wait for her to answer. “Lucas?”
“Don’t sound surprised, Nikki? Where are you?”
“My house. I’ll text you the address.”
“Good.” With that one word, I hang up the phone.
This is a bad decision. This will fuck up anything that is between us, but I don’t care. I need to remind myself that I don’t deserve a girl like Dani, and the only way to do that is to act like the true asshole I know I am.
I get a text from Nikki with her address and send her one back telling her I’m on my way.
“Better as a Memory” by Kenny Chesney pumps through my speakers when I turn my radio on. I don’t think there is a song that could be more fitting for the situation I have gotten myself in.
I spent last night in the arms of a redheaded angel, and tonight I’m going to dance with the devil herself. It’s funny how quickly someone can fall from grace.
I fucking hate men. Really, they’re raging dipshits, always thinking with their dicks instead of their brains.
I didn’t sleep for shit last night. I call my momma on Skype earlier than usual, but I just tell her I don’t feel good so I couldn’t sleep. I feel terrible for lying to her, but I’m not ready to talk about what is or isn’t going on with Lucas right now. I know she worries about me, and I refuse to add any more stress onto her. I can handle this one by myself.
I’m lying on my couch when someone knocks at my door. I open it to see Jasmine standing there in running gear. “Wanna go for a run?” I nod in agreement and let her inside while I change my clothes.
Ten minutes later, we’re walking down the stairs together.
Jasmine breaks the silence. “Shitty night, huh?”
I scoff, “You have no idea.”
“Jason won’t talk to me. He says I can call him when I learn how to act like an adult. Fucker.”
“I caught feelings for my fuck buddy, but he’s a dick, and last night, I yelled at him and told him I didn’t want to be his girlfriend.”
“Wow. That sucks.” I laugh at her. It does suck, so I shouldn’t be laughing, but the way she says it just cracks me up.
“Hey, what are you doing today?” What am I doing today? Well, if Lucas weren’t being a raging prick, I would probably be spending it with him, but I don’t see that happening.
She stops walking and looks at me. “Nothing. I’m actually off work today, but I don’t have any plans. Why?”
“Fuck running. Let’ go shopping! I can show you around town!”
Maybe a girl’s day is exactly what I need. Some time to just think about something besides all the bullshit with Lucas.
“Sure, why not!” Jasmine claps her hands together and jumps up and down.
“Yay! I’ll go shower and change, and meet you at your apartment.”
An hour later, Jasmine is standing in my apartment looking like a fucking supermodel. She is just effortlessly beautiful. She walks around my living room looking at pictures.
“Are these your parents?”
“Yep.” She’s eyeing the picture of my dad in his uniform holding me by his police car when I was a baby.
“I’ve never heard you or Jason talk about your parents. What do they do?” I grab my keys and we head toward the door.
“My dad was a business man and my mom stayed at home. They died when I was thirteen.”
“Oh, Jasmine, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”
She shakes her head at me; there isn’t a hint of sadness in her voice. “Don’t be. You didn’t know.”
We get in Jasmine’s car. It looks just like her. Pink steering wheel and seat covers and it smells of flowers. I notice a picture of her and Jason folded by her gas gage.
She begins driving and clears her throat. “Jason raised me after they died. We have grandparents, but they all live in California, and I didn’t want to leave the only home I had ever known, so Jason became my legal guardian. He was only twenty-one.”
Suddenly, Jason’s protectiveness over Jasmine makes total sense. He doesn’t just act like her big brother; he acts like her dad, too.
“Ya know, if I had a brother, I hope he would be as protective of me as Jason is of you.”
“Psh. You say that, but it would probably drive you insane. Don’t get me wrong, I know my brother loves me, and I love him more than anything, but I need some freedom. He needs to learn to let go a little, give me some room. So what if I fail. It’s my failure, not his.” She quickly ends the conversation.
“So, tell me about this guy. I’ve seen him with you a few times. He’s cute!”
“He is so much more than cute. He’s smart, funny, fucking sexy, and exhausting.”
“Oh, aren’t they all.”
We pull into a newer looking shopping mall with a few different boutique type stores in it. We shop for the next few hours, going from one boutique to the other. All the shop workers know Jasmine by name and we get the star treatment. After I am officially worn out from shopping and wondering where the hell I am going to wear all the new clothes I’ve bought, we decide to get some lunch.
Over lunch, I spill all of the details of Lucas’ and my short relationship to Jasmine. She listens intently the whole time, waiting till I’m done to say anything.
“Wow. You got yourself in a shit storm, sister.”
I’m quickly realizing Jasmine doesn’t think through the things that come out of her mouth before she says them.
“I’m not an expert in the relationship department at all, but I think you should give him just what he wants. Leave him alone. Let him sweat it out. If he really wants to figure out whatever is going on between y’all, he will come to you. Until then, fuck him. Have some fun!”
After lunch, we head back to our apartments to drop of our stuff, and then meet at Jasmine’s to do what two confused twenty-something girls do best, drink and talk about boys.
I’m not a wine drinker, but Jasmine has a lot of it, so we just start opening bottles, trying a little bit of everything. Before I know it, I’m pretty much shitfaced, and so is Jasmine. We’re having fun though. We watch Bridesmaids; then spend hours combing through Pinterest looking at clothes that we will never wear and recipes we will never make.
Around seven, Jasmine decides we should order pizza, but in her drunken stupor, she calls Jason instead of the pizza parlor. I can hear him screaming at her from across the room, but she doesn’t get upset, she just says “wrong number” and hangs up on him.
A little while later, when someone knocks on the door, we both assume it’s the pizza guy, until Jason walks in.
“What the fuck are you doing, Jazzy?”
“It’s Jasmine. Jas-MIN!” Yep, I think we officially drank too much wine.
“Well, Jas-MIN, why are there empty wine bottles everywhere?”
“Funny thing, big brother,” she tries to take a sip from the glass in her hand but Jason intercepts it,- “Dani and I found some great wine bottle craft projects on Pinterest, but the bottles had to be empty first. So basically, we’re doing craft projects.”
She looks over her shoulder at me, where I’m sitting on the couch, and we both start laughing.
“You think this is funny, Dani? I thought that you would be a good influence on her. I guess I was wrong.”
“Hey! Don’t be mean to my friend! I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m in my house drinking, not at a bar, and there are no boys in
sight!” She sticks her tongue out at him, grabs an open bottle off the coffee table and takes a swig.
“No, fuck this, Jazzy. You are not going to get shitfaced and act a fool, even if it is in your own house.” He points his finger at me. “And you, where is your phone?”
“Ummm…” Where is my phone?
“You have no clue, do you?” I shake my head at him and continue drinking my wine.
He sees it on the counter and grabs it.
“You know you have like ten missed calls and twenty text messages from Lucas, right?”
“Do I really?” I guess in my drunkenness I forgot to check my phone. Oh, well, fuck him.
“I have a serious question though.” Jason and I both look at Jasmine. “Did you bring our pizza?”
With that, the drunken giggles begin. Jasmine falls on the couch and we keep laughing long after the joke quit being funny.
I don’t know how long we laugh at her pizza joke, and at the sight of Jason throwing away empty wine bottles while cursing under his breath, before there’s another knock on the door.
“Pizza!” Jasmine jumps off the couch and runs to open the door.
“Hey, you aren’t the pizza guy?”
I can’t see who is at the door, but I instantly know the voice. “Sorry, sweetheart. No pizza here.”
I look at Jason wide-eyed. “You called Lucas? What the fuck?”
