by K. B. Webb
“What’s your name?” Lisa has quit watching Dora and is watching me instead.
“My name’s Lucas.”
“Oh, my name’s Lisa. Are you friends with my mommy?”
“I sure am. Who ya got there?” I point at the pink bear in her arms.
“This is Pinky. She’s my best friend. My mommy says someone really special got her for me. Wanna cuddle her?”
“I would love to cuddle her.”
Lisa hands Pinky over to me and I give her a tight hug.
Lisa crawls over, sitting in my lap. “Do you got candy?”
“Lisa!” Nikki tries to scold her and ends up laughing.
“Sorry, no candy.”
“Oh. It’s okay. You bring candy tomorrow?”
I glance at Nikki and her mom, not sure what I should say. She won’t get candy tomorrow because I won’t see her tomorrow. That breaks my heart and I know this probably wasn’t a good idea, seeing Lisa. In just a few minutes, I have fallen in love with this little girl all over again. She won’t remember who I am or that she let me cuddle her bear, but I will. And it will fuck with me for the rest of my life.
“Mommy will get you some candy tomorrow, baby. Mr. Lucas has to go home now.” Nikki doesn’t miss a beat.
“Oh. Okay, Mommy. Bye, Mr. Lucas.” She hugs me tight and kisses me on the cheek. I hold her close to me, remembering the day she was born when I held her in my arms while she cried for the first time. She was so small and perfect. I think I knew then that she wasn’t mine, but I loved her anyway.
“Bye, Lisa.” I smile at Nikki and her mom, but walk out of the room without saying goodbye to either of them. I need to get the hell out of there. Who knew a little three year old could bring me to my knees like that.
“Lucas, wait!” Nikki runs down the hall after me.
“Sorry I didn’t say bye. Tell your mom I’m sorry, too. I just needed to get out of there.” I start pacing back and forth in front of the elevator.
“It’s okay. If I would have known seeing her would upset you, I would have never brought it up.”
“It’s not that it upsets me, Nikki; it just hurts. She’s not my kid, but I want her to be, and that hurts like hell.”
“I really did think she was yours, ya know? I never lied about that. It was between you and the piece of shit who is actually her father, and I thought it was you. That’s why I told you.” She’s crying. I have never seen Nikki cry. I assumed ice queens didn’t shed tears.
“I prayed that it was you, Lucas; every night I prayed it would be you. You would be able to give her what I knew I couldn’t, a good, stable parent. But it wasn’t you, and I still hate myself every day that I ever drug you along and let you think she was yours, because I know you love her. And I know she deserved a dad like you, but instead she got stuck with a shitty mom like me.”
“Don’t say that, Nikki.”
“Why not? It’s the fucking truth. I’ve spent most of her life getting fucked up and leaving her with my parents. What kind of mother does that to her kid, Lucas?”
“One who just wasn’t ready? But what matters is you’re trying now. You can’t condemn yourself for your past mistakes, just don’t make them again.”
She laughs, “Lucas, you were always too good for me.” I don’t know what to say to that, so I just don’t say anything. “I gotta get back in there. They’ll be around soon to give her another IV dose of medicine and I have to hold her while they do it.” I nod at her and smile before stepping on the elevator.
I hear her right before the doors close, “Hey, Lucas?”
“Yeah?”
“Think you could ever change your mind about me? We could be a family again. Me, you, Lisa.”
“No, Nikki. I’m sorry, but that’ll never happen.”
Her shoulders drop slightly and I can tell she is fighting back another round of tears. “I understand. It was good to see you, Lucas.”
“You too, Nikki.”
She watches me as the doors close. What did I just do? Talking to Nikki like that, seeing Lisa, these are all things I need to talk to Dani about, but I won’t. Hell, I can’t. She would never forgive me for hiding things from her, and that is exactly what I did.
“Yo, bro?” I step off the elevator and see Logan walking toward Molly’s room with two cups of coffee in his hands.
“Hey, man, how’s Molly doing?”
He drops his head and shakes it back and forth. “I don’t know, man. How is she supposed to be doing? She just shot her kid’s dad and killed him. How the fuck does someone recover from that?”
“They don’t, man. Logan, I think you need to expect the fact that Molly may not feel the same about y’all after all this. She may need some time and space to figure out some shit. Understand what I’m saying?”
“I do, man, but I don’t agree. I think she needs me more now than ever. It may take a little while for us to get back to where we were, but I know we’ll get there eventually.”
“All right, man, just be careful, okay?”
“Aren’t I always, big brother?”
No, no you aren’t.
I spend about an hour with Molly and Logan. I can tell she’s starting to pull back from everyone, not just Logan. Ryan comes in and she just doesn’t act the way she normally does with him. She’s too quiet, and that is not like Molly at all.
I leave the hospital and drive back to Dani’s, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Two days. That’s how long it took for shit to go from bad to worse. Molly ended it with Logan, just like I knew she would, and he crumbled into a million fucking pieces, just like I knew he would.
I spent most nights over the last few weeks at my apartment with him, just making sure he didn’t lose his mind. He drinks too much and cries. God does he fucking cry.
“Is he playing that song again?” Dani walks around my living room picking up the beer cans that Logan has left everywhere. She has been amazing these last few weeks, bringing over food and even listening to Logan vent when he goes off on a drunken tangent, which is almost every day.
“Yes he is.” He has been listing to the same fucking song on repeat. “Apparently, he and Molly danced in a field to it, or some shit like that. I don’t really know. All I know is he is seriously getting on my nerves.”
“Lucas, come on, he’s your brother.”
“I know that, Red, but he has got to get it together. If he wants to get her back, he can’t fall apart like this. I know what he’s going through sucks, but he needs to quit bitching and do something about it.”
“I agree, but Molly does too. Ryan says she cries all the time, but refuses to call Logan. She says he’s better off without her.”
I raise my eyebrows at Dani insinuating I predicted this shit would happen the day after she shot Brian. “I know,” she sighs and plops down on the couch. I sit down beside her and pull her legs across my lap, resting my hand on her thigh. “I should have listened to you.”
“Red, you should always listen to me. I’m always right.”
“Sure you are, honey.” She pacifies me and rubs the side of my face where a layer of stubble has started to come in.
“We’ve got to figure out some way to get them back together. I don’t know how much longer I can stand depressing music and drunken crying. I love my brother, Red, but I refuse to watch him drink himself into a stupor over this shit.”
“So what’s your brilliant plan, Mr. Wade?”
I growl and squeeze her thigh. “You know it drives me fucking crazy when you call me that.”
She laughs, “I know, that’s why I do it. You know what Logan needs? A vacation. Maybe some time away will give him room to think, and maybe him leaving will force Molly to realize she doesn’t want to lose Logan for good.”
“That’s it!” I grab her face and kiss her mouth hard. “Red, you’re a fucking genius!” She looks confused. “Hand me my phone.” She does, but still doesn’t understand what’s going on.
I call Brett, my brother’s former neighbor when he lived in New Orleans and one of the only guys he still talks to from there.
“Hello?” Brett’s voice has a deep creole accent to it. I met him a few times when I would visit Logan in New Orleans. He always seemed like a nice enough guy.
“Hey, Brett, this is Lucas Wade, Logan’s older brother.”
“Hey, man! How ya been? I hadn’t heard from Logan in a while. Everything all right?”
I remove Dani’s legs from my lap, stand up, and pace the room, rubbing the back of my neck. “Actually, man, it’s not; that’s why I’m calling. See, Logan and his girl had a really bad breakup, and, well, he’s handling this one about as well as he handled his breakup with Lizzy.”
“Say no more, man. What can I do to help?”
“Think you could call him and convince him to come visit you for a while? A week or so? I think maybe getting out of town would help him clear his head a little.”
“Sounds like a great plan, man. I’ll give him a call now.”
“Thanks, Brett. I appreciate it, man.”
I hang up with Brett. Now, to activate the second part of my plan.
“Who the hell are you calling now?”
“Ryan.”
“Why are you calling Ryan?”
“Give me a few minutes, Red, and then I’ll explain everything.”
She just rolls her eyes at me and stands up to finish cleaning my apartment. She needs a maid’s outfit. The kind that is backless so I can stare at her ass while she cleans.
“What’s going on, Lucas?” Ryan answers and sounds out of breath.
“Hey, man, did I catch you at a bad time?”
“Naw, not at all. I just got through working out. What’s up?”
“Well, I have a plan that I think might bring Logan and Molly back together. You in?”
“Fuck yes, dude. Anything to help end this shit. Molly has been a hot mess the last few weeks.”
“Logan too. I feel your pain.”
“So, what’s the plan?”
“Well, I called Logan’s best friend from New Orleans and he should be calling Logan right about now to invite him to come stay in New Orleans for a week or so.”
“Okay, what do you need from me?”
“Well, I need you to tell Molly that Logan left for New Orleans and you have no clue if, or when, he’s coming back. Make her think that he left for good. I think realizing she really lost him will make her quit being a dipshit.”
“Nice plan, dude. Did you come up with that all by yourself?”
“Of course I did.”
“You’re lying; Dani thought of it, didn’t she?”
“Well, she might have suggested it, but that’s not the point! The point is, I need you to put the worm in Molly’s ear about Logan, all right?”
“Works for me. Just text me when he leaves for New Orleans and I’ll let her know.”
“Thanks. I’ll be in touch soon.”
I hang up with Ryan and see Dani standing by my front door, purse over her shoulder, and keys in her hand. “Nice plan, Mr. Wade.” I grab my bag with extra clothes in it off the floor by the door and slap her ass before I follow her out. “Why thank you, Red. My girlfriend is pretty smart.”
We both climb in her jeep. “Where to?” She slides her sunglasses on and turns her head toward me.
I place my hand on her bare thigh and run my finger up the edge of her short, blue jean shorts.
“Your apartment. I need to properly thank you for coming up with that ingenious plan.”
Lucas has had a tough week. It’s the beginning of November and he says the closer it gets to Christmas, the busier he is at work. He also is stressing about Logan, so he’s been on edge. He’s been staying with me every night, but the last few days it seems like his mind has been somewhere else. He hasn’t been to Ricky’s all week and he’s usually asleep by the time I come home. Tomorrow is Saturday and he’s headed to New Orleans to see Logan. He’s going to stay the night at a hotel tomorrow, and then see Logan on Sunday.
The plan is for Molly to meet them where they are eating lunch at and convince Logan to come back to Monroe, since she is under the impression he doesn’t plan to come back at all. That’s not true, but she walked into the plan perfectly. She has been an even hotter mess than usual all week, stressing about where Logan is and what he’s doing. She finally admitted that even though she worries she will hurt him, she loves him and needs him back and will do whatever it takes. From my understanding, that involves a guitar and a Justin Timberlake song. I think it’s cute. Lucas told me that if I ever played guitar for him in public, he would act like he didn’t know me. To each his own, I guess.
Most girls cook dinner for their boyfriends when they’ve had a bad day, but I’m not most girls and Lucas is not most boyfriends. Instead of dinner, I’m giving him what I know he really wants.
For the first Friday since what went down with Molly and Brian, I’m off work. And I have big plans for Lucas tonight.
I’m sliding on my shoes when Jasmine walks in. She never knocks anymore, just walks right in, which is okay with me. Except for the time she walked in on Lucas eating me out on the couch. She took it like a champ though. She laughed her ass off, apologized, and left. She still won’t sit on my couch though.
She plops down in the recliner while I look for my keys and phone. “So, what is it you need again?”
“Um, handcuffs, a pair of spiked stilettos, a blindfold, and a corset. Yeah, I think that’s about it.”
“Dude, you’re the best girlfriend ever.”
I laugh and shrug my shoulders. “What can I say, I try.”
We head off to the sex store to get everything I need. Lucas is the kind of man who likes to dominate, it’s in his personality, but tonight I plan to turn the tables on him. Tonight is all about me taking care of him, me dominating him, and I know he will love it.
I buy everything I need, including a pair of sheer black panties to match my new corset.
Once we’re back at my apartment, I start to set up everything in my room. I pull out the silk, black restraints that Lucas has used on me so many times, and tie them to the corners of my bed so they’re ready for later.
“Y’all are into some kinky shit!” Jasmine keeps petting the fur on the handcuffs and rubbing her hands across the silk of the blindfold.
“I wouldn’t say kinky. Just, different. Good different though.”
“Oh, I’ve heard you screaming from down the hall; I know it’s good different.”
I throw a pillow from my bed at her. Smartass.
My laptop rings with a Skype call from my mom and Jasmine answers, “Hey, Gail!”
“Hey, Jasmine, what are you girls doing today?” Once I told my mom about Jasmine, she started Skyping me every time she knew Jasmine would be here. I think my mom is trying to adopt her in some way.
“Oh, ya know,” Jasmine takes a drink of her wine at the same time my mother fills her glass with whisky; they’re pretty much soul mates, “Helping you daughter set up a sex room for her boyfriend. Usual Friday stuff.”
“Damn it, Jasmine. Don’t tell her things like that!”
“What?” She holds up the computer so my mom gets a clear shot of me tying restraints to my bed and can see all the other kinky shit I’ve bought today lying on my bed.”
“Are those handcuffs?”
“They sure are, Gail. Fuzzy handcuffs!”
I steal my laptop away from Jasmine and turn it away from my bed so my mother can’t see anything else. “Sorry, Mom, Jasmine started day-drinking a little too early.” Out of the corner of my eye, I see Jasmine sticking her tongue out at me before chugging the glass of wine she has in her hand.
“Oh, sweetie, don’t apologize. And you know how I feel about day-drinkin’; it’s never too early to start.”
“Good Lord, woman, how many have you had?”
“Enough to have a buzz so I’m not disturbed by seeing my only child tie sex r
estraints to her bed.”
“Ugh, Mom. Please, can we not talk about that? Let’s just act like you never saw that. For my sanity, please.”
“All right, all right. How’s Lucas holding up?”
“He’s okay I guess. He’s busy at work and must be stressed about Logan still because he’s been a little edgy over the last few days. I’m hoping tonight will help chill him out some before he drives down to New Orleans.”
“I hope so too, dear. Are you going with him to New Orleans?”
“Nope, I have to work. He should be back Sunday though, if everything goes according to plan.”
“Well, good. Hey, your dad has to go out of town in two weeks for a business trip. I was thinking about coming to stay with you for a few days.”
“That sounds great, Mom! I would love to see you!”
Jasmine runs into my room holding a bottle of wine and a wine opener in her hands. “Gail’s coming?”
“Yeah, she is, in two weeks.”
She jumps up and down. “Yay! Day-drinking all day long!”
“I can’t wait, Jasmine! Hey, Dani, how are your classes going?”
“Oh, my classes, they’re, uh, going.” Yes, my classes are going, but I’m not. I loved them at first, then the tests came, and I just couldn’t bring myself to study. Some may say that’s just laziness, but it really wasn’t. I figured out I’m just not a college person. I don’t know what I want to do with my life, but college sure isn’t it.
“You dropped out, didn’t you?” She always knows when I’m lying.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Mom! I just didn’t want you and Dad to be disappointed in me. College just isn’t for me.”
“Baby, I’m not disappointed in you. I’m a little pissed you didn’t tell me sooner, but not disappointed. You’re a grown woman; you can make your own decisions.”
“Thanks, Mom, I was worried.”
I look at the clock and realize Lucas will be getting off work about now. That gives me about an hour until he gets here since he goes home to shower and grab some clothes first.
“Hey, Mom, I gotta go. I’ll call you tomorrow though. Love you!” I hate rushing her, but I have things to do.
