by Amy Reece
It was my turn to put my finger against his lips. “Shh, Jack. I’m trying to process and not react. Give me a minute, okay?” He obediently sat back and gave me time. I sensed that this was an important moment for our relationship and I didn’t want to screw it up. This was not the time for a big scene. “All right, Jack. I have a couple of questions. First, though,” and I leaned over to kiss him. “Thank you for telling me.”
He pulled me back for another, better kiss. “Always. This is the messy part of a relationship. The part where we talk and hash stuff out.”
I sank back into his kiss for a few more incredible moments. Now, back to business. “All right. Let’s get back to those questions.” I sat back, separating myself from him so I could concentrate. I tended to lose the ability for rational thought when his lips were near mine. “First, you found out that you could graduate early, right?”
“Well, technically, it’s a year late for me. I’ll still be 19 when I graduate. But that’s better than 20. Makes me a little bit less of a loser.” He looked so vulnerable in that moment. I decided right then and there that I would be good with this, no matter how much it hurt, no matter how hard it was for me.
“You are definitely not a loser, Jack. Now,” I said gently. “Tell me more about this ROTC thing.”
“Well, if I get accepted, they pay either my tuition or my room and board. With the lottery scholarship, I could probably manage to live in the dorms or get an apartment. They also provide a monthly stipend. I would really like to not have to rely on Manny and Trina while I’m in college. They’ve done enough for me. I would take some ROTC-type classes along with my regular classes and I would have one weekend a month of training. I have to find out if my past criminal record will keep me out if it, though. I hope I can get a waiver.”
“That doesn’t sound so bad. I think I could deal with that. I thought your juvenile record was sealed.”
He took my hands between his again. “That doesn’t matter to the federal government. I would also have to go for basic training this summer. It’s eight weeks.”
“I’m not loving that part, to be totally honest,” I said.
“Yeah, and I’ll owe them a few years of active duty after college.”
“That’s a long way off, Jack. Let’s worry about the immediate future for now. Why do you want to do this? What is it about this ROTC thing that attracts you?” I was trying so hard to be understanding and not freak out.
“Ally, you are really being so—I don’t know—great about this.” He leaned over and kissed me again. “Thank you. I really, really love you.” He kissed me yet again. I will never, ever get tired of that. “I guess I want to do it because, I don’t know…it seems like the right thing for me. It will help out with my college expenses, so I don’t have to take out a bunch of student loans or take any money from Manny and Trina.”
My heart melted a little more. “Jack, are you doing this because of the money? I don’t think that’s a good enough reason.”
“No,” he interrupted me. “It’s not just that. It’s part of it, sure. An important part, but it’s also about the experience. I…I think I’d be good at it, you know? And I would have a guaranteed job right out of college. That’s not a reality these days. A lot of people graduate college and then can’t find a job. It’s about some security in my life, I guess. I need to know if it’s something you could deal with.”
I was floored. What was he implying? “Jack, it’s your future. I don’t really have a say in it.”
He took my face in his callused, work-roughened hands. “Ally, cards on the table, okay? You are my future. I know it’s crazy; we’ve only been together for, like a month, but you are it for me. This is real, and I want you to be a part of my decisions about my future because I want you to be in my future. When I get assigned somewhere for active duty, I want you to go with me, if possible. Or if it’s somewhere like Afghanistan or Iraq, I want you to be the one at home waiting for me. And I know we’re way too young to be having this conversation, I mean, Jesus, you’re only 16—I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m sorry. You don’t need to hear all this. I’ll just…” He let go of me and sat back in his seat, running his hands through his hair, shaking his head.
I bit my bottom lip and looked into his handsome, worried face. He had apparently lost his nerve. Admittedly, he was throwing some pretty heavy stuff at me and people would say we were crazy, that we were too young, but that didn’t bother me. The truth is, we weren’t your typical teenagers with raging hormones. He had been through so much in his life already and was working a man’s job, making a man’s decisions. And I was dealing with some pretty freaky supernatural stuff of my own and doing a fairly decent job of it. And I felt the exact same way he did. It was time to take action because I knew he was dying a slow death in his seat. I climbed over the center console and straddled his lap. It was a tight fit, but I’m small, and when he moved his seat back all the way, we made it work. We needed to be face to face with nothing between us for the next part of this conversation.
“I’ll be 17 in a couple of weeks. I’m not that young.” I took his mouth with my lips, savoring the way he tasted of coffee and his own special essence.
He pulled back slightly. “And I’ll be 19 a couple weeks after that. Two years is a lot right now. It wouldn’t be so bad if I were like 28 and you were 26. I don’t know why your mom and grandma don’t want to kill me.”
“Okay, old man. Calm down. They love you. Let’s get back to the important stuff. You were saying some really good things a few minutes ago. Like the part where you said I was your future.” I leaned in for another deep kiss. “Let’s focus on that. Because I happen to completely agree with you. I’m really going to miss you at school next year, and those eight weeks this summer are going to be the longest of my life, but I want you to do this. I want you to graduate early and get into this ROTC program. And I will help you in any way I can. Now kiss me for God’s sake.”
“God, Ally. I don’t deserve you,” he said against my lips before he invaded my mouth with his tongue, stealing any further thought from me. I ran my hands through his black curls and he smoothed his hands over my back, daring to run them under my shirt. When he pulled away long minutes later, we were both panting. I rested my forehead against his and smiled at him. He reached up to rub his thumb along my cheek. “You are so beautiful, inside and out. I am such a lucky guy. I have had a thing for you since the first day you walked into our physics class, did you know that?”
I laughed a little. “What? You never even talked to me! I thought you were completely uninterested in me.”
“No way. And when you decided to sit right in front of me in English, I thought I’d died and gone to heaven. But it was also hell, baby.”
“Why? Was I that scary?”
“That’s not it. You were so beautiful and sweet. I wasn’t going to ruin that. I felt like I was nothing but trouble when I got here. I was planning to keep to myself and get through the rest of high school with as little interaction as possible. If you hadn’t had that vision that day, I probably never would have talked to you.”
“Well, thank goodness for that vision. Think what we would have missed out on.” I moved back to his lips, and then moved on to kiss his jaw, feeling his rough, late afternoon whiskers against my lips. I kissed my way to his ear and took his earlobe between my teeth, biting gently, and then soothing it with my tongue. His hands continued caressing along my back, but then found their way to my bottom. I kissed my way back to his mouth and he gripped me tightly, pulling me against him.
“It’s time to stop, sweetheart.” He was breathless against my lips.
“I know.” I reluctantly moved back to my seat. “Probably past time, but I couldn’t help myself. You’re so damn sexy, Jack.”
He laughed, as I had intended him to, lightening the heavy mood of our previous conversation. He took my hand and kissed the backs of my fingers. “Let’s get you home.”
***
Saturday came and I waited impatiently for Jack to pick me up for my birthday celebration. He had refused to tell me where we were going or what we were doing. When I asked him what I should wear, he looked at me blankly and said that I always looked good. Yikes. When pressed further, he relented enough to say ‘wear something warm.’ I chose a sweater tunic and tights combo that I felt could go in several different directions. Tara had taken the opportunity recently to help me update my wardrobe even more, sensing my vulnerability and openness to better dressing and Grams’ recent loose interpretation of the purpose for my emergency credit card.
He picked me up and drove east toward the mountains. He wouldn’t say where we were going, but it soon became apparent that we were heading toward the base of the tram that runs up the Sandia Mountains. ‘Sandia’ is Spanish for watermelon and many believe the mountains were so named because of the way the setting sun turns them a beautiful pink color, which deepened as we drove closer to them. He bought our tram tickets and we rode the 2.7 miles up to High Finance, a really nice restaurant with amazing views of the city. Before we went into the restaurant, he pulled me to a bench overlooking the city lights with the sun sinking down behind the West Mesa, turning the sky a gorgeous orange-pink, and pulled a small jeweler’s box out of his pocket. “Happy birthday, Ally,” he said with a soft kiss. I opened it to find a beautiful charm bracelet with one charm: a small silver compass rose.
“Jack, it’s beautiful. Now we both have one.”
“That’s what I was thinking.” He turned it over and showed me the inscription: Never stop seeking. “It helps me stay on the right path. Maybe it’ll help you too.”
“I absolutely love it, Jack. It’s perfect. Thank you.”
I let him fasten it on my wrist and then put my arms around his neck and gave him the deepest, best thank you kiss I could produce. At length, he groaned and reluctantly pulled away.
“We better get inside or we’ll lose our reservation.” He put his hands against my cheeks to warm them. “And you’re freezing. It’s too cold at this altitude to stand around.”
We had a beautiful, romantic dinner. It felt like we were so much older than high school juniors; I felt grown up being with him like that. After dinner, I thought he would drive me home, but he surprised me by driving to the auto body shop instead.
“What are we doing here? Did you forget something?” I asked.
“No, I wanted to show you something. Come on. Close your eyes.” I gamely closed them as he led me back to the garage area. He stopped several times to make sure I wasn’t peeking. “All right, open them.”
I opened my eyes to see a shiny, sea green classic VW bug. “Oh, Jack. How cute! Did you make it?”
He laughed. “I didn’t make it. I painted it and did the body work. It was a wreck when it came in.” He took my hand and led me closer to the car. “Merry Christmas, Ally.”
I was flabbergasted. “What? You mean…? But you can’t…I can’t. Is this for me? Did you get me a car?”
“Yeah. I did.”
“Oh my God, Jack. You can’t give me a car! You already gave me a beautiful present. I can’t accept. My mom and Grams would have a fit. I’ll have a fit!”
“Shh, Ally. Of course you can accept. I already asked them. They actually paid for most of the parts and have helped me keep it a secret for over a month. Even Mat helped me work on it. So, it’s kind of from all of us. Your mom and grandmother really managed to keep the secret.”
“But you already got me a present.”
“That was a birthday present. This is a Christmas present. Hey, it’s not your fault you were born on Christmas. As long as I’m around there will always be separate presents.” Wow. I was completely floored. The whole combo present thing had always been a pet peeve of mine.
“This year is going to be hard act to follow,” I said, looking up into his dark eyes.
He laughed and kissed me hard. “I’m sure I’ll manage. Come on. Let me show you your new car.”
I stopped in my tracks. “Jack, you know I don’t drive.”
He turned back and took my hands in his. “Driving lessons included. I promise I can help you get your confidence back. I’m a really good teacher. I’m also going to have to teach you to drive stick.”
“Stick? I don’t even know what that means.” I looked at him uncertainly. He looked right back at me, a knowing and confident smile on his face. Finally, I smiled back at him. I couldn’t bear to disappoint him after all the trouble he’d gone to. “Fine. I believe you. I’ll try. Thank you for my car. I love it. Now show me all the details. Then we definitely need to make out in it.” I really could not believe he had done this for me. How had he done all the work in so little time? No wonder he was tired all the time! I had no idea what I had ever done to deserve such a wonderful guy. Sometimes I wondered what he could possibly be getting out of this relationship since it seemed like I was reaping all the benefits.
We got in and he started it up, sputtering and coughing. The car, not Jack. VW Bugs are noisy and smell kind of funny. Jack turned on the heater to show me how fast it heats up. “In a spirit of complete disclosure, I need to tell you the bad news.” Jack looked at me with a serious look on his face.
“What? It sounds bad.”
He reached past me to open the little triangular window in the passenger door. “The bad news is that this,” he gestured to the two vent windows, “is your flow-through air conditioning.”
We both laughed, and since he was leaning past me to open the window, I decided it was time to get on with the fun part of why we were sitting in the car. Can I say that making out in a 1973 VW Beetle is not easy? That stick shift really gets in the way. Oh, calm down. Nothing much happened. Unfortunately.
Later that night, as he dropped me off—he had driven us home in the VW so I could see how it drove—I pulled him close and kissed his cold lips. “Thank you for the best early birthday/Christmas I have ever had.” I kissed him again. “Oh, and the presents were really nice, too.”
***
He took me driving on Sunday afternoon. We drove around this really big church parking lot so I wouldn’t freak out too much and so I could begin to get the hang of a manual transmission. I lost count of how many times I stalled out, jerking to a halt. He was incredibly patient with me, never making me feel like a complete dumbass, even when I flooded the engine. This getting back into driving thing had a steep learning curve for me. I finally began to get the hang of it, but I was nowhere near ready to take to the city streets. Since I was leaving in a week, he asked if we could leave the car at the auto body shop so that he could continue to work on it while I was in Ireland.
“I have some adjustments to make, now that it’s been driven some. I think I need to put a new starter in it. You shouldn’t have any trouble starting it or flooding the engine once I do that.”
“You know, Jack,” I said as we drove home with him now driving. “You are a pretty handy guy to have around. What are you not good at?”
“Oh, I think I should let you figure that out for yourself. No need to advertise my faults.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
“Seeking what is true is not seeking what is desirable.”
–Albert Camus
Our last week before winter break was mostly review for finals and then the final exams on Thursday and Friday. Tuesday afternoon, after cheerleading practice, I was in the main building hanging posters advertising a Christmas bake sale the cheerleaders were having during lunch on Friday. I had volunteered to hang them because I was taking the bus to meet Jack at the shop and he didn’t get off work for a while. It took longer than I expected and I was actually running late for the bus I was hoping to catch, when I realized that I still had to go back to the gym and retrieve my jacket out of the locker room. I contemplated leaving it, but the temperature had dropped significantly during the afternoon; a big storm was preparing to roll in later in the week. I sighed and texted Jack to let him know I would
be late.
I was closing my locker when I was hit with a violent vision that literally brought me to my knees.
Veronica, bleeding and battered, being hit repeatedly by the same hands I had seen before.
I sat down hard on the bench, head in my hands. I felt sick to my stomach with the suddenness and violence of it. I somehow knew, absolutely and without a doubt, that this was happening now, just like I had known at Veronica’s party. I had to find her. I had to stop this. Then I did a really stupid thing for which I have no rational defense—I headed off to find her and stop her from being hurt. Why didn’t I call 911 or my mom or Jack? I have no idea. It was like something took over my brain and all my good sense, and I headed off to look for her. I could tell that she was somewhere in the vicinity of the gym, because there was athletic-type stuff surrounding her. The vision kept playing on the fringes of my conscious mind. That’s the only reason I can think of, now, for my irresponsible, careless behavior. Find her, help her, find her. It kept repeating over and over, blocking out everything else.
I ran to the gym and stood in the middle of the empty floor, listening, trying to control my heaving breaths so I could hear. The lights were off; the only visibility came from the weak, stormy winter light streaming through the skylights. The gym echoed with emptiness, with that sense that nobody else was around. I ran to the various doors that led to classrooms, offices, and closets. Most were locked; those that weren’t were empty. I was in the back hall leading from the auxiliary gym to the main gym when I finally heard it: a faint, weak cry. I followed the sound, willing it to repeat. I had to stand perfectly still and hold my breath to hear it again. The weight room. I had never been inside the weight room; it was the realm of football players and wrestlers. It was completely dark in the room and I had to grope my way toward a sliver of light coming from under a door on the far wall. I banged my shins hard on some piece of equipment and struggled to keep in a curse. Something was niggling at the fringes of my consciousness, some sense of familiarity, but I pushed it away impatiently. I could hear garbled voices coming through the heavy fire door. As I crept closer I could make out a female crying and screaming with a deeper voice yelling some of the foulest words I have ever heard in my life. I stood listening for a heartbeat before I heaved it open, hoping to gain an element of surprise.
