Yet in his voice, I heard that I had failed. The sum and total of my life, the sum and total of the lives of any children I helped create, and whatever they would create; all of it would be worthless in his eyes. One of the anchor points for my life crumbled, eroding in uncertainty, cutting me adrift without a chance of recovering myself.
I was lost.
I was hopeless.
I was the ultimate failure.
I could take no more.
“Is that the best you’ve got?” The tone of the voice had enough edge to etch transparisteel and would have flensed me alive, but I knew it wasn’t directed at me. Through tear-clouded eyes I looked up and saw Mara Jade sauntering into the temple. “Babies crying and ghosts whispering lies from beyond the grave? The Dark Lord of the Sith I knew would have been ashamed to use such tactics.”
“What?” Exar Kun’s voice roared, as if in volume and intensity it could batter her down. “Who dares?”
“Who cares, more correctly.” She pointed at me. “Horn here has been worked over by the Empire’s best and never broke. Isard would have had you digitized, analyzed and discarded without a second thought, and she wasn’t even Force-sensitive. Darth Vader would have found you amusingly quaint, and the Emperor … well …” Mara Jade’s eyes flashed mercilessly. “The Emperor succeeded in destroying the Jedi, so he’d see you as the very definition of failure!”
“Yes, but your vaunted Emperor is dead!”
I found my voice again. “Something the two of you have in common, then.” I shoved myself up and balanced awkwardly on my good leg. “And something else: he didn’t know when he’d lost, either. It’s over!”
Kun regarded me anew and I felt his consciousness stab into my brain. It withdrew quickly, as if it had been stung by the thought I had nestled there. Kun laughed aloud. “A trap? You and your companions seek to trap me?”
Kun doubled his image’s volume and smiled most cruelly at us. “You think your petty plans will work against me? You thought your coming here would defeat me? Never.” He looked away toward the Great Temple, then back down at us. “This may have been a brave attempt on your part, but your friends have made a grave error. Their defense of Skywalker is only as strong as the weakest person defending him, and they have left him vulnerable again.”
Mara looked at me, clearly alarmed. “What’s he talking about?”
“Luke’s hurt.” I winced as pain shot through my belly. “Streen is guarding him.”
Exar Kun laughed again. “Yes, Streen. My Streen.” The Dark Lord’s image began to shrink back into the obsidian of his temple. “I will finish him, then come again for you. Tremble in fear. Cower in anticipation.”
His presence faded from the Temple and I tried to straighten up. I managed a half-staggered step, then went down on one knee. I guess I fell further or faster than I expected because I next found Mara kneeling next to me. “C’mon, Horn, wake up. What’s this about Streen?”
I managed a weak smile. “Bait. Kun’s heading into a trap. A big trap.”
She weighed my words. “Any chance he can get out of it?”
“Shouldn’t be able to. It really is over for him.” I coughed once and felt pain in my chest. “Gonna have to help me out of here, because I can’t make it on my own.”
“I think I can handle that.” She reached down, helped haul me to my feet, then dipped a shoulder and lifted me in a rescue-carry. “Always glad to help a friend.”
The sun had set by the time we got back to my Headhunter and the other one that had brought Mara Jade on her second trip to Yavin 4. She lugged me back to shore and eased me to the ground without complaining about what a burden I’d been. She ran to her ship and got a first aid kit.
“Sorry for the rough spots out there.”
“No problem. Beats swimming.” I coughed lightly. “Besides, a Jedi does not know pain.”
“Need to be more convincing when you say that.” Mara shook her head. “Your arm fracture is dislocated. I should set it—unless you want to do it yourself.”
I stared up at her. “Set my own arm? Only an idiot would set his own broken arm.”
“Some would say only an idiot would go after a Dark Lord of the Sith by himself.”
“Ah, that’s big idiot, thank you.” I held my arm out toward her. “Do what has to be done—which is what I was doing out here myself.”
Mara crouched beside me and grasped my wrist and elbow, “He worked you over pretty solidly. What little I saw wasn’t very pleasant.”
The image of the boy’s face surfaced in my mind again, “If I never go through that again, I’ll be happy.” I looked up at her. “Thanks for intervening. If you hadn’t have come in then …”
“You’d have just broken your other hand.” She shrugged her shoulders, then summoned the Force, pulled on my wrist and twisted the bone into place before I even knew what was happening. “There.”
I slumped down on my back, determined not to scream. “Sithspawn! Don’t ever go into medicine.”
“You’re welcome, Horn.” Mara tucked a strand of red-gold hair behind her right ear. “I found some stuff out about Mirax, which is why I came back here. Details are on a datacard you can review while you’re recovering. Anyway, when I entered the atmosphere I could feel you and Kun tangling. The Force was boiling.”
“And you came anyway?”
“I owed you. We’re even now.”
I leaned my head back and uttered as much of a laugh as I could muster. “If that’s how you repay debts, I’ll catch remote bolts for you any day.”
“But not today.” She reached out and took my left hand. “I’ll slave your ship to mine and we’ll go back to the Great Temple.”
“Right, see if Luke is okay.”
Mara paused for a moment, then nodded. “He is, and they know you’re incoming wounded.”
I rolled myself forward and stood with her help. “They succeeded?”
“They did. Exar Kun is no more.” Mara smiled unguardedly. “The Jedi academy, it seems, has gotten rid of a Dark Lord, and produced itself a crop of Jedi.”
TWENTY-SIX
Exar Kun’s attacks had messed me up more than I knew. My left leg and right arm were broken, as well as my right hand. I’d cracked a half-dozen ribs and had bruises and lacerations on my liver and kidneys. My blood chemistry was all off and the Two-Onebee that looked me over thought I’d ejected from a crashing fighter and never had my parasail open.
In reality I wished I actually felt half that good.
Upon my return I got immediately dunked in the bacta tank that Tycho had shipped out with the medical team for Luke barely a week and a half earlier. I’d been in bacta tanks more than I cared to think about in my life, but this was the first time in one of the emergency ones. Most tanks are vertical tubes, but this one was a horizontal box. I got to lie there being very still because there was no place to go, and the treatment was broken up into six hour stints because the bacta had to be drained, filtered and replaced.
Luke visited me a couple of times, and I read Mara’s datacard while not doing a bacta-soak, but I was pretty well out of it in the beginning. As I started to come around, Kyp Durron was returned to Yavin after Han Solo had gotten him so Luke Skywalker could judge him for his crimes. I was back in the tank when that took place and by the time I got back out, Luke, Kyp and Cilghal had departed Yavin to destroy the Sun Crusher and heal Mon Mothma of a mysterious malady. Tionne did her best to keep me company after that, and fill me in on details of the academy life, but I wasn’t really fit to be around.
The physical damage Exar Kun had done to me had healed on schedule—had I had access to and used Jedi healing techniques I might have been fitter faster, but that really didn’t matter. The battering my mind had taken shook me badly. I knew Kun had only plucked my fears from my mind and displayed them for me in all their ugly glory, but I still had to deal with the fact that they were my fears, generated by me and mine alone to conquer.
After Mas
ter Skywalker returned with Kyp from destroying the Sun Crusher, and after Kyp had healed up from his injuries, I asked to speak to Luke alone. We met in the simple room where he lived. He looked a bit weary, but buoyant nonetheless. “What is it, Keiran?”
I leaned against the doorjamb with my right shoulder, taking pressure off my left leg. “I can’t stay here any longer.”
Looking up from the bed where he sat, Luke stared through me for a moment. “Not you, too.”
I wasn’t certain what he meant by that remark. I suspected it might have had something to do with Mara Jade and her quick departure after delivering me back to the Great Temple. Tionne had said that Mara looked in on Luke while he slept, but left without speaking to him. Luke had clearly assumed that she had come to Yavin when she heard he had fallen ill, and his discovering that was not the case seemed to cause him some discomfort.
“I can’t stay because there are things here that just are not working.” I glanced down and added in a smaller voice. “For me, they’re not working.”
“Things have not been perfect by any means, but that’s no reason for you to leave.” Luke frowned at me. “There could be adjustments. We can fix things.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think you can.”
“Give me an example.”
I stepped into the room and found both of my hands balled into fists. “It’s a lot of things. Just the way you run this place. If it weren’t for the bugs, the monsters and the Dark Lords of the Sith, this place would be a holiday resort. I’ve had more challenges learning how to eat Twi’lek food.”
Luke’s jaw dropped open. “How can you say that?”
I tapped my breastbone with my right hand. “I’ve been through a training academy, remember? I recall having my life radically altered. A training camp breaks you down and rebuilds you into the person the organization wants you to be.”
The Jedi Master’s face darkened. “I don’t want to be turning out Jedi clones.”
“You’re missing the point. Training academies don’t turn out clones. They don’t erase the personality of the people they’re dealing with, they merely make sure that individual is prepared to handle all of the challenges their new job will thrust at them.” I spread my arms wide. “While we did manage to deal with Exar Kun, we could have done things more efficiently and more effectively had we been a team before that, not becoming one because of it.”
Luke closed his eyes for a second, then nodded. “I understand what you are telling me. There certainly is room for change. I can look at the CorSec Academy and see if there are things we need to adapt. You can help me do that.”
“You can get New Republic Armed Forces drill instructors to do that sort of stuff.” I hesitated for a moment, then glanced down at the floor. “The fact is, I can’t remain here with Kyp.”
“He’s changed, Keiran, changed a lot.”
“I don’t doubt it. Murdering billions will do that to a fellow.” My eyes narrowed as I looked up. “I know the New Republic turned him over to you for judgment and he passed some sort of test.…”
“Yes. I took him to Exar Kun’s temple.…”
“You what?” My mouth hung open. “You took him back to that Sith stronghold?”
Luke nodded calmly. “In that domain of evil he was able to come to grips with his dark side. He has been able to lay his past behind him.”
“And that’s it?!”
“No, he further atoned by helping to destroy the Sun Crusher.” Luke’s face sharpened. “He almost died doing that.”
I pulled a chair out from Luke’s desk and dropped myself down in it. “I’m sure it was harrowing for him, but I have a hard time with someone who destroyed star systems being made a Jedi Knight and held up as an example to the people of the New Republic.”
Luke stiffened. “Don’t you believe he could be redeemed? Don’t you believe it is possible for people to learn their lessons and refrain from evil in the future?”
“Sure. I believed that of many of the criminals I arrested with CorSec, but that doesn’t mean I think they should be released from Kessel before their sentences are up.”
“Compassion is a Jedi’s strength.”
“And how compassionate is it to the friends and relatives of Kyp’s victims to see him free and exalted?”
The Jedi Master regarded me warily. “The blood of millions is on my hands, too. The crew of the Death Star. The people slain while I served the Emperor reborn.”
I sat forward, resting my elbows on my knees. “The Death Star was a military installation and self-defense, pure and simple. While you served the Emperor, yes, people did die—but you sabotaged the Imperial effort, saving the lives of many more than you killed. In a time when all choices are evil, choosing the least of the evils is a virtue.”
I paused for a moment. “Punishment for a crime serves a multitude of purposes. It proves there is a consequence for violating the social contract that binds us all. It serves as a deterrent to others who contemplate committing such acts. Lastly, and most important here, is that the infliction of just punishment establishes and sustains the moral authority of a group. In trying to reestablish the Jedi Knights, this is important.”
Luke shook his head. “And I think it is just as important to show that evil can be forgiven, amends can be made. I think you also need to remember Kyp was under Exar Kun’s control when he committed his crimes.”
I shook my head. “I don’t believe it. Under his influence, perhaps, but not under his control.”
“How can you say that?”
“It’s simple.” I looked at him openly. “If Kyp had been under Exar Kun’s control, you’d be dead.”
“What?”
“Think about it, Master Skywalker. Kun uses Kyp to force you out of your body, then spends the next ten days trying to get someone else to kill you? He uses ancient monsters and poor old Streen to get the job done, when all he needed to do was have Kyp strap your body to the Sun Crusher and fly on out into space. Or, to make it simpler, though messier, Kyp just parks the Sun Crusher on your unconscious form. Why didn’t that happen? Because Kyp didn’t want to kill you. You weren’t his enemy, only Exar Kun’s enemy. Kyp wouldn’t have attacked you except that you would have stopped him from taking the Sun Crusher out and killing Imps.”
“No, that’s not possible.” Luke stood and began pacing beside his bed, then glanced over at me. “I think your time with CorSec has made you too suspicious. You think too much about this stuff.”
“Oh?” My head came up and I felt anger beginning to rise in me. “I think, sometimes, you don’t think enough, Master Skywalker.”
That stopped him. “Really?” His blue eyes became as icy as the tone of his voice. “Would you care to enlighten me?”
I sat back and held my hands up. “You don’t want me to do this.”
Luke nodded and opened his hands toward me. “No, please.”
“You’re the Jedi Master. You know better than I what you’re doing.”
Luke’s expression hardened. “Tell me what you think, tell me where you think I am going wrong.”
“Okay.” Gathering my courage, I kept my face impassive and my voice even. “Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda both knew your father had been Anakin Skywalker, and had become Darth Vader. You and your sister were separated at birth and hidden away from him to keep you safe, correct?”
Luke nodded.
“Then how is it that you were brought to live on Tatooine? Wasn’t that Obi-Wan Kenobi’s homeworld? You were allowed to live under the name Skywalker. Did they expect Vader’s people would overlook such a reference? And weren’t you trying to get into the Imperial Academy at Carida? Wouldn’t Vader’s people notice that name on your application?”
Luke focused distantly. “Are you trying to say they were using me as bait to lure Vader into a trap where Obi-Wan could confront him?”
“I don’t know, but from a certain point of view, that could appear to be the truth, couldn’t it? Or it could be
something as benign as wanting you to grow up with the Skywalker name to provide you with greater motivation to want to redeem it. And they could have had you on Tatooine so there was a logical reason why traces of Obi-Wan’s presence would be detected there—where he once lived—in case your guardian’s attempts to keep himself hidden failed somehow.” I watched him carefully. “I do think, however, your education has channeled your thinking into certain pathways, just as you suspect my training has done with mine.”
“Such as?”
“You see everything in black and white—cleanly defined absolutes. I think, whatever they had intended at first, Obi-Wan and Yoda decided they needed to shape you into a weapon they could use against Vader and the Emperor. Why didn’t they tell you Vader was your father? They knew, as an orphan, you wanted to know who your father was. They didn’t let you see him that way so you would not be vulnerable. When he told you who he was, he blunted their strategy, but he didn’t count on your strength. You saw his admission to you as a covert cry for help, a bid for salvation. From what you’ve said, your mentors doubted it, as did the Emperor. You fooled them all and succeeded. Now you’ve turned that success into a validation of everything you were taught, even though what you were taught doesn’t support the results you got.”
Luke stared hard at me. “You do not think there is only light and dark? If you leave here with that thought in your mind, you will be vulnerable to the dark side. You will be seduced by it.”
I shook my head slowly. “I’ve nothing to fear from the dark side.”
Luke’s voice became cold. “You’re as good as lost to it, then. You know nothing of its power, its draw. You know nothing of its temptations.”
I stood abruptly, tipping my chair over backward and I poked a finger toward his chest. “No, Master Skywalker, you know nothing of what I have been through in my life. I’ve been eyeball to eyeball with the dark side more than you will ever know. You stand back and see good and evil on a grand and cosmic scale, but I’ve been right down there, right at the point where light meets dark. I know that border intimately and while I’ve toed the terminator line, I’ve not strayed as much as a micron over it.”
Star Wars: I, Jedi Page 25
