by Alyson Noel
If only I’d followed my heart instead of my head.
One thing made abundantly, blindingly clear—while it’s true that Jude’s always been there, always been kind and giving and loving toward me—Damen’s my one and only true soul mate.
I open my mouth, desperate to shout out his name, desperate for the feel of it on my lips, my tongue, hoping to reach him in some way.
But nothing comes.
And even if it did, there’s no one to hear me.
This is it.
My eternity.
Disconnected.
Dark.
Repeatedly tormented by a past I can’t change.
Aware that Drina is out there somewhere. Roman too. Each of us trapped in our own version of hell with no way to reach each other, with no end in sight.
So I do the only thing that I can—I close my eyes and surrender. Thinking that if nothing else, at least now I know.
At least I found the answer I sought for so long.
Soundlessly whispering into the void, my lips moving quickly, silently, without ceasing. Calling his name, calling him to me.
Even though there’s no use.
Even though it’s futile.
Even though it’s way past too late.
twenty-seven
The sound of his voice floats over me, through me, all around me. Like a vague and distant hum that crosses oceans, continents, and galaxies to reach me.
But I can’t reply, can’t respond in any way. It’s useless. Unreal.
A trick of the mind.
A Shadowland jeer.
No one can reach me now that I’m here.
My name a plea on his lips when he says, “Ever, baby, open your eyes and look at me—please.” Words so familiar, I’m sure I’ve heard them before.
And just like before, I struggle to meet them. Slowly lifting my lids to find him gazing at me. Brow slanted with relief as those deep dark eyes bore anxiously into mine.
But it’s not real. It’s a game of some kind. Shadowland is a cruel and lonely place and I can’t afford to buy into this.
His arms slide around me, surrounding me, cradling me, and I allow myself to accept it, to sink into their depths, because while it may not be real, it’s just too good to resist.
I try once again, struggling to call out his name, but he presses his finger to my lips, pushing softly. He whispers, “Don’t speak. It’s okay. You’re okay. It’s all over now.”
I start to pull away, still gazing at him, not entirely convinced. My fingers seeking my throat, searching for evidence, exploring the exact same space where Haven’s fist plowed into me.
Ended me.
Remembering exactly how it felt to die for the second time in this life.
Remembering how it was nothing at all like the first time.
My eyes grazing his face, seeing the concern that plays at his brow, the relief that creeps into his gaze, eager for him to comprehend what really, truly happened here. “She killed me,” I tell him. “Despite all of my practice and training, in the end, I was no match for her.”
“She didn’t kill you,” he whispers. “Honestly, you’re still here.”
I struggle to sit, but he just holds me that much closer. So I gaze around the shop, taking in the piles of broken glass, the knocked-over bookshelves—like a scene from the most over-the-top disaster flick, featuring earthquakes, tornadoes, a full-on assault.
“But I went to the Shadowland—I saw—”
I close my eyes and swallow past the lump in my throat, pausing long enough for him to say, “I know. I could feel your despair. But even though it probably felt like a long time to you, or at least I know it did for me, it wasn’t nearly long enough for the silver cord to break and detach your body from your soul. Which is why I was able to coax you right back.”
But even though he speaks with such confidence, even though he nods and meets my gaze with complete and total assurance, I know better. Despite my cord staying attached, I know for sure that I died. And there’s only one reason I’m back.
I rose above my weak chakra.
The moment I realized the truth—about me—about us—the moment I made the right choice—I was somehow restored.
“She hit me right in my weak spot—my fifth chakra—and then—I saw everything.” I gaze up at him, wanting him to know, wanting him to really hear me. “I saw every single thing, every single moment from all of our lives. Including the stuff you tried so hard to keep hidden from me.”
He takes a deep breath, his gaze full of questions, one in particular that looms large between us.
And I waste no time in answering, circling my arms around his neck and bringing him to me, vaguely aware of the energy veil that dances between his lips and mine, as my mind streams into his. Informing him of all that I saw and what I now understand.
That I’ve accepted the one real truth.
That I will never doubt him again.
We stay like that, our bodies pressed together, intensely aware of the miracle that just occurred.
I’m more than just reborn—I’m truly, newly awakened.
Pulling away a moment later, my gaze posing a question he immediately answers when he says, “I sensed your distress. I got here as soon as I could, only to find the shop destroyed, and you…essentially…dead. But it wasn’t long before you came back—though I’m sure it felt like an eternity to you. That’s how the Shadowland works.”
“And Jude?” My heart sinks to my stomach as my eyes scan the room, unable to find him, no matter how hard I look.
Then plummeting even further when Damen’s voice drops as he says, “Jude’s no longer here.”
twenty-eight
The first thing I see when we arrive is pretty much the last thing I expected:
The twins.
Romy and Rayne standing side by side, with Romy in head-to-toe pink and Rayne in head-to-toe black, their jaws dropping in unison the moment they see me.
“Ever!” Romy cries, running up to hug me, her skinny body barreling right into mine, practically knocking me over from the force, as she wraps her scrawny arms around me and holds tight.
“We thought for sure you were stuck in the Shadowland,” Rayne says, shaking her head as she blinks back her grief. Coming forward to stand quietly beside her sister, who’s still attached to me. And just when I’m sure she’s going to chase it with some kind of sarcastic crack, some derisive dig about how disappointed she is that I made it out in one piece, she looks right at me and says, “I’m so glad we were wrong.” And her voice warbles so badly, she can barely eke out the words.
Recognizing a peace offering when I see one, I slide my arm around her, amazed by the way she lets me, the way she leans into me. Not just returning the hug but holding it for much longer that I ever would’ve expected. Pulling away a few moments later, she clears her throat, combs her fingers through her razor-slashed bangs, and wipes her nose with her long cotton sleeve.
And even though I’m dying to know how they got here, for now, it’ll have to wait. There are far more pressing concerns.
But I don’t even have a chance to voice them, before they nod their heads solemnly and say, “He’s here.” They turn and point toward the Great Halls of Learning just behind them. “He’s with Ava. It’s all good.”
“So…he’s healed then?” My voice catches, cracks, hoping that’s what they meant, and instantly flooded with relief when they confirm it. “And you? Do you guys live here again?”
They look at each other, eyes meeting, faces still wearing the same somber expression, though it’s quickly replaced with shaking shoulders and great peals of laughter. The two of them falling all over each other, enjoying some kind of private joke, before Rayne can calm down enough to say, “Do you want us to live here again?” She quirks her brow and looks me over, right back to being her normal self, well, for the most part, anyway.
“I just want you to be happy,” I tell them, not wasting a single second in answeri
ng. “Wherever that takes place for you.”
Romy grins, lifting her shoulders when she says, “We’re sticking with Ava. Now that we know how to come here and visit whenever we want, well, we don’t really feel like we need to live here again. Besides, we really like school.”
“Yeah, and school likes us back.” Rayne flashes a rare and brief smile that makes her eyes dance. “I’ve been voted class president.”
I nod, not the least bit surprised by that.
“And Romy made cheerleader,” she adds, rolling her eyes.
“I think all that practicing with Riley, you know, back when she lived here and used to hang out with us, well, I think it must’ve really helped.” Romy shrugs modestly.
“Riley helped you with cheerleading?” I squint, more than a little surprised to hear that, though I’m not sure why.
Seeing Romy nod when she says, “She wanted to be just like you, you know that, right? She memorized every single cheer you ever did, and then she taught them to us.”
I press my lips together and lean against Damen, enjoying the shelter of his strong solid warmth, of his hand squeezing mine. Knowing for sure, now more than ever before, that I can have this anytime I want, anytime I need it. He will always be there for me.
Focusing on the twins again when I say, “And speaking of missing people—”
They peer first at each other, then me.
“I know someone who’d really like to see you again.”
Picturing the old British man I ran across the time I stumbled upon the cottage where they both used to live. Back when I first discovered the truth about their connection to both my sister and Ava, and telepathically sending the image to them.
“Though he seems to be more than a little confused. Somehow he’s gotten it into his head that Romy’s the stubborn one, while Rayne’s the easygoing one, but I think we all know that’s not true…”
They look from me to Damen, then burst into a whole new fit of giggles. Leaving Damen and me to just stand there, having no idea what they’re carrying on about, but quickly pushing it aside to focus on each other.
And that’s how Ava and Jude find us when they exit the Halls and make their way down the steep marble steps.
The twins giggling.
Damen and me communing—my head on his shoulder, our hands clasped tightly together.
And that’s all Jude needs to see to know that the choice has been made.
To know that it’s Damen and I who are meant to be together.
That whatever happened between us was long over before it could ever get started.
He stops, pauses right there on the very last step, allowing Ava to move past him as his gaze locks on mine. Holding it for what feels like a very long time, though no words are exchanged, no telepathic thoughts of any kind.
Though words aren’t really necessary when the message is clear.
Then he takes a deep breath, takes a moment to collect himself, before nodding his acknowledgment. Both of us knowing this is it, my decision is made, and that it won’t be up for consideration ever again.
Switching his focus to Ava and the twins, he decides to join them on their journey to revisit all their old haunts, if for no other reason than to distract himself from what he thinks he just lost.
And they’re just about to head off when I turn toward the twins and say, “Hey—how’d you guys do it? How’d you get back here?”
Seeing the way Ava beams proudly, as the twins glance first at each other, then me, with Romy choosing to take the lead. “We took the focus off ourselves and put it on someone else for a change.”
I squint, not quite understanding what they’re getting at.
“We were with Damen when he found you,” Rayne explains. “And when we saw Jude and the condition he was in, well, we knew there was only one way to save him, and that was to get him here, to Summerland.”
“Which meant that our whole focus on getting here was no longer about us, it was about him. Our only goal was to help him.” Romy smiles. “And it worked.”
“Just like Ava always told us it would,” Rayne says, gazing up at her with admiration. “It’s like she always says—” She stops and motions toward Ava. “Well, you should probably say it, since it’s your phrase and all.”
Ava laughs, taking a moment to ruffle Rayne’s hair, before she pulls her close to one side and Romy to the other, her gaze locked on mine when she says, “It all comes down to your intention. When you put all of your focus on a problem, you just get more of the problem. But if you put your focus on being of help, then your energy is directed toward the help instead of the problem. So before, when the twins were unable to return to Summerland, it was because they were too focused on themselves and their problem of getting here. But this time, their only concern was for Jude, and they got there in an instant. So basically, whenever you’re looking for a solution, you are feeling positive emotion—and whenever you’re looking at a problem, you’re feeling negative emotion, which, as you know, never gets us anywhere. But once you take the focus off yourself and your wants, and instead turn it toward how getting what you want might also benefit someone else, well then, you can’t help but succeed,” she says, voice soft and sweet. “That’s the key behind any success.”
Rayne shrugs, smiling and shaking her head. “Who would’ve thought?” she says.
Yeah, who would’ve thought? I smile, briefly catching Ava’s eye, watching as she glances between Damen and me and instinctively knowing she approves of my choice, then switching my focus to Jude, who, thanks to the wonderful healing magick of Summerland, is back to being as strong and cute and sexy as ever.
Looking as though Haven hadn’t just broken his body.
As though I hadn’t just broken his heart.
The kind of guy any girl would be lucky to get.
The kind of guy I’ve been lucky to know for as long as I have.
Then I close my eyes and manifest my very own night star, hanging it high in the Summerland sky, just over his head. Knowing that wishes don’t always come about in the way that we think, but if you believe and keep your mind open, there’s a really good chance they will manifest in some way. Because even though I didn’t realize it at the time, that’s exactly what my night star did for me.
By sending me to the Shadowland, I was able to find the answer I needed.
And before they move on, before my star can fade, I take a deep breath and make a wish for Jude.
Wishing for him to remain open and hopeful and willing to believe that there’s someone out there who’s far better suited for him than I ever could be.
Wishing for him to find the one and only person who’ll love him as equally as he will love them.
Wishing for him to find what I’ve found with Damen.
And I leave him with that wish. Leave my star shining high in the sky for as long as it lasts. Watching as they go off in one direction, while Damen and I take another, the two of us strolling hand in hand, quiet and content, as I lead him toward the pavilion.
“Are you sure?” he says, standing just outside of it, clearly conflicted about trying this again.
But I just nod and pull him inside. I’m more than sure. In fact, I can’t wait to get started.
There’s so much about that Southern life we’ve yet to explore, and from what I saw in the Shadowland, there were definitely some really nice parts I’d love to revisit.
I hand him the remote as I stand before the screen, smiling at him as I say, “Just fast-forward to the good part, after you’ve secured my freedom and trust and you whisked me away to Europe…”
twenty-nine
By the time we get out of there I have no idea how much time has passed.
Since Summerland exists in a perpetual mode of hazy daylight where everything happens in an eternal state of now, it’s impossible to tell.
All I know for sure is that my lips are tender and swollen, and my cheeks pink and slightly abraded from the swath of stubble t
hat lines Damen’s jaw—a condition that should disappear in just a matter of seconds.
Far quicker than Sabine’s outrage over my extended absence back home on the earth plane.
Far quicker than Haven’s triumphant glee over thinking she succeeded in killing me.
Still, even though I know I need to get home and face both of those things, I’m reluctant to leave, reluctant to give up the magick so quickly. And since Damen’s clearly reluctant too, he manifests a single white stallion for us to ride. Allowing the horse to meander of its own free will as we enjoy the passing scenery.
I rest my chin on Damen’s shoulder and wrap my arms loosely around his waist as we ride beside swiftly moving streams, down empty cobblestone lanes, through large sprawling meadows filled with chirping birds and deliciously fragrant blooms, alongside the shore of a beautiful beach made of white sand and turquoise waters, up a steep and winding trail that leads to a mountainous peak with a wondrous view, then back down its other side before wading through a barren desert’s sands.
We even ride through the streets of all our former lives, as Damen manifests replicas of Paris, New England, London, Amsterdam, and, yes, even the antebellum South. Going so far as to give me a glimpse of his early life in Florence, Italy. Pointing out the tiny home where he lived, his father’s workshop off the alleyway, the favored stalls where his mother frequently shopped.
He makes fleeting images of his parents, soulless forms that waver in and out of focus before us. Knowing I’ve seen them before, back when I spied on his life in the Great Halls of Learning but still wanting me to see them as he sees them. Eager to share every last trace of his life, of our shared lives, until there are no secrets between us—until all of it comes neatly together—until the entire story of our lives is complete.
And because I feel closer to him than ever before, because I’m completely secure in the knowledge that we’re in this together for better or worse, I decide to show him something I’d previously kept from him.
