by Piper Lawson
“Don’t you think that’s what I’m trying to do?” My voice rose.
“Based on what I read in this email, I don’t know, Ry.” He rubbed a hand over his neck. “But I do know one thing. We’re not taking that deal.”
Without a sound, he turned and walked out.
28
The right thing
“I think I need a drink.”
My heart lifted just seeing Sam’s face on the other side of my door. “Shit, me too.”
She followed me inside the townhouse, kicking off her Converse sneakers. She could’ve been in high school again with her stonewashed jeans and hoodie, her hair tucked up into a bun that had me itching to take it down.
“You go to the gym?” she asked.
I glanced down at my sweatpants and white t-shirt, running a hand through my wet hair.
“Just had the kind of day I needed to shower off.”
She followed me up the stairs and I went to the fridge to pour us each a glass from the half-empty bottle we’d started the night before. “You first.”
“Okay. So it felt totally weird to go apartment hunting—like I was back in college or something—but…” she sucked in a breath. “I think I found a place. I put a deposit down and everything.”
“Seriously? You move fast.”
“My dad wants me to move out, though I think it’s more for my sake than for his. Still. I’m ready to have my own space.”
I raised a brow. “For painting?”
“And other things.” Her mouth twitched and she stepped closer, pressing up on her toes to kiss me.
As I wrapped my arms around her, the feel of her body against mine through our thin clothes had my brain pulling in a dangerous direction.
I placed my hands on her shoulders and she dropped back to her feet.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
I reached for my wine, taking a long gulp before clearing my throat. “Max and I had an argument about Titan. I’ve been trying to structure this platform deal we need, but Max won’t even look at it.” I rubbed a hand over my neck. “We’ve had disagreements before but never anything serious.”
“I’m sorry. You really don’t think you can work it out?” Sam’s hands went to my forearms, and I settled for playing with the belt loops at the waistband of her jeans.
I shook my head. “I’ve been thinking about it all afternoon, and maybe it’s an opportunity in disguise. You said it yourself. I wouldn’t have picked this work if Max hadn’t made that first game.”
“Well, sure. You can do anything you want, Lee. I’m sure headhunters would be all over you if you decided you were ready to make a change.” The troubled look on her face didn’t leave.
“I don’t need a recruiter. David made me a job offer consulting on Phoenix.”
Sam straightened, blinking up at me. “David wants you to work for him?”
“In LA, for eight months. This could be my chance to try something new.” I waited a beat. “I want you to come with me. With David’s network, we could get you something too. I mean, you’d have to be willing to put your name out there,” I said, getting into it now, “but why the hell not? It’ll be Sam and Riley’s Excellent Adventure, Part II.”
The heavy breath she blew out had my gut tightening. “Riley. I need to tell you something. This art dealer called me today. He saw my work at the restaurant. He wants to feature me in his gallery this summer.” She flushed. “I told my dad about it, and he actually smiled. I think that’s the first time I’ve seen him smile about my work since I dropped out of college.”
Pride bloomed in my chest, with feelings of confusion mixed in as I studied her face. “That’s great, Sam. But is that really what you want? Painting trees and landscapes for the Jonathans of the world? I mean, you can reach your million people through Phoenix alone. Isn’t it time to do what you want to do?”
Her face flushed and she pulled her hands from mine. “It’s not that simple. I went to school for fine art. I’ve been doing this for a decade, and I need to see it through.”
“I get that you stopped doing comics because you were scared. But you don’t have to be anymore. Come to LA with me. It’s not complicated. You can fly back and see your dad whenever you want. If you put a deposit on your apartment…” I shrugged. “I’ll pay it. I want to stop entertaining all the reasons we can’t have exactly what we want.”
“Slow down, Riley,” she said, holding up a hand and taking a step backward. “It’s my life. We can’t just turn it upside down in a second.”
“Our life,” I reminded her, shifting off the counter. “We talked about this. I want you in it.” I hesitated. “I thought that’s what you wanted too.”
Emotion welled up in her eyes. “Of course it is.”
“But?”
“But a few months ago we hadn’t spoken in a decade,” she insisted, her brows shooting up. “I can’t go to LA with you on a whim. My dad needs me here—”
“Your dad’s the one asking you to move out,” I reminded her, an impatience edging into my voice. “He’s fine. He’s a FaceTime call away.”
“Riley…” she started.
The way she said it sounded as if I was asking her to take a vacation to the seventh circle of hell.
I could talk my way into or out of anything. But for once I didn’t know how to stop this, how to fix it.
I knew we’d both been burned in the past. By life, by each other.
This was supposed to be our chance. We’d gone through all our shit, come out the other side.
Stronger.
Together.
Sure, this idea seemed crazy and I’d only cooked it up in the last half a day. But it was perfect. How could she not see that? I was ready to use every connection I had, every dollar to my name, to give us the happy ending we both wanted.
I didn’t want to turn down Epic. But I couldn’t walk away from her.
“Sam,” I murmured. “Come on.”
“I’m not going with you,” she said quietly.
I felt the crack in my chest. Denial rose up inside me and I sucked in a ragged breath. Held it. “So you want me to stay.”
“No!” she exclaimed. “Lee, you’re good at looking after people. So good, in fact. In high school, you tried to do the right thing for me. And I love that you did, but all it caused both of us was heartache.” She took a breath. “I want you to do the right thing for you for once.”
I still remember how it felt when I’d sent her the texts, the calls, the letters all those years ago. It was like picking at a wound, every single day.
This? This was like getting stabbed in the gut. Knowing there was no way to heal it, watching yourself bleed out.
Over the years, I’ve gotten good at faking it. I put on a smile even when I don’t feel it.
In this moment, it took everything in me just to breathe.
I could argue. I could fight and twist her words and do everything in my power to change this.
But…
I didn’t want to. I wanted her to want this.
“What are you thinking?” she asked finally.
I took a long breath. “I’m thinking…” I rubbed a hand through my hair. “I’m thinking you should go.”
I brushed past her, taking the stairs two at a time toward the foyer.
“What?” Her voice rose behind me.
“I need to decide what to do. And I can’t think with you here, Sam.” I reached for the door handle and jerked it open.
Hurt flashed through her eyes, and for a moment some dark part of me was glad.
But she left, dragging my heart behind her.
Like she always had.
29
What love is
I spent the night on the hardwood floor of my spare bedroom, staring at the ceiling. The cold, harsh wood made my back and neck hurt.
By morning I came to a decision.
The universe had handed me an opportunity. And even if I couldn’t find one ounce of exci
tement in my entire being, I’d be a fool to pass it up.
Putting my life on hold in Boston was easier than I’d expected. My cleaning service agreed to keep an eye on my house. I organized my emails for Titan so Max—or anyone—could access them and find what they needed. I made notes in files, and scrawled Post-Its detailing the most urgent problems.
Staring into my closet, I vowed that not a single suit would come with me.
Everything about the bumper-to-bumper LA traffic, the way the palm trees swayed in the breeze, the well-dressed people talking on their watches sent the same message.
You want to succeed and get a tan doing it? You’ve come to the right place.
The hotel I’d stayed at with Sam had long-term rates, and as I signed on the line for the month, the man on the other side of the desk reminded me it’d be available for as long as I needed.
The phone rang as I was unpacking. “Hello?”
“I heard you imploded.”
“I did not implode,” I told my younger sister Annie, unable to muster even the faintest comeback. “Mom worried?”
“Yes.”
“Tell her I’m fine.”
“How long are you gone for?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Long enough for me to throw a party at your townhouse?”
She was goading me. But as I took clothes from my suitcase and hung them up in the closet, I couldn’t rise to the bait. “If you want.”
Silence came down the line. “You’re not fine, are you?”
I remembered the times I’d taken care of my little sister. My instinct was to brush it under the table, to give her the same assurances I’d given Jimmy, and anyone else who asked how things were.
“I will be,” I said instead.
A text came through soon after I hung up.
* * *
David: First day on set is tomorrow. We’re shooting on this lot.
* * *
Dull electricity buzzed through my body as I read the address of where I would be going to meet him.
It wasn’t a good feeling, but it was better than the numbness that took me over on the plane when I’d tossed back an energy drink and vodka that did zero for my mood.
I’d called David this morning to say I was on my way. I told him I was taking a leave from Titan but would be supporting Max and the team until they hired someone to help in my absence.
And that I’d be coming alone.
My brain tried to suck me into thinking about the people I’d left in Boston. Max, Titan, Sam.
I rejected all of it.
The movie still needed to happen and this was one place I could contribute. Maybe I could find what I’d always wanted here. There were no rules anymore. No cash flow problems to worry about. No arguments over strategy.
This was a place where everyone came when they wanted more. Bigger. Brighter.
Zero apologies.
I arrived at the set at nine o’clock the next morning. David’s assistant, who looked ready to step in front of the camera himself, met me at the gate. I got an ID and an introduction to the security team before following him to the sound stage.
The building itself was nondescript from the outside.
Inside was a city. A labyrinth of hallways and rooms filled with costumes, props, and people with headsets rushing like they were all thirty minutes late.
“This is where it happens,” David said, gesturing to the indoor set that looked like the inside of an old building. “We have green screens down the hall.”
“All of this is for Phoenix?”
“There’s another film in the building too. We’ve got a shooting schedule that says who goes where.”
“What can I do?”
“Watch. Listen. Learn.” He must’ve seen the skepticism in my expression. “Hey, this is your first day. You’ll figure this place out in no time. We’re going to do great things together.”
I don’t know what I’d expected—that I’d show up and have a million things to do?
Just fucking enjoy it, I chastised myself as he motioned with his head for me to follow, pulling up a chair for me to watch. “The director doesn’t believe in rehearsals. Just throws everyone in and figures it out on the fly.”
I studied the scene they were discussing. “Wait. This is the final scene.”
“Yeah. We shoot in whatever order the director wants.” His phone vibrated and he shifted out of his chair to take the call.
I watched the action, which did nothing for the sense of wrongness that seemed to have set into my soul.
I rose, deciding to go in search of a Red Bull.
The catering table was stocked with every food and beverage imaginable…
Except for that one.
“First day on set?” a melodic voice asked.
I glanced up from the table. Jane Casey was every bit as stunning now as she had been at the Ninja premier.
“Yeah, it is.”
I started to introduce myself but she cut me off. “Mr. McKay. I remember you.”
“I’m surprised you get your own coffee.”
She laughed. “My assistant’s pregnant and has to pee every five minutes.” She reached for a cup and set it under the coffee maker, hitting a button for the hot black liquid to stream out. “Thank you for recommending this film to me. I read the script and decided to take a chance on it. I think you were right. It’s a movie about regret, and loyalty. But mostly it’s about love.”
I swallowed the bitterness that rose up in my throat. “I’m glad you see it that way.”
She caught me looking at the director setting up the first takes with the crew. “It’s disorienting, isn’t it. Filming scenes out of order.” She stopped the coffee maker and took the cup. “First lesson. Making a movie is nothing like watching one. But by the end, how you got there falls away. And it’s totally worth it.”
She shot me a smile as she lifted the coffee to her lips before turning and crossing back to the director and film crew.
By the end of my first full week I’d learned a few things.
First, Hollywood never sleeps. It’s like twenty-four-hour action on-set, with grips running around at all hours of the day and night. Shooting started by eight in the morning, and often went until after ten at night. That didn’t include re-writes to the scenes, reviewing of the day’s footage, which the director and assistant director did after hours, or re-writes, which the writing team did overnight.
Second, there was a whole other language I didn’t know. Blocking, call sheets, dailies, steadicam. It was like living in a foreign country where they still drank Starbucks and green juice.
Third, although everyone put up with me, there wasn’t a natural place for me to fit in. Everyone had a job except for me.
(To be clear, I was getting paid. For what, I had no idea.)
The fifth day of shooting, the director was frustrated by one scene. I wandered into the writers’ room after hours, which was where the biggest coffee pot on set was after eleven at night.
I offered a suggestion they grudgingly took, bringing the grand total of my contributions after a work week to one line in the script.
When Payton video called one morning the second week, I couldn’t hide my surprise. “Hey. How’s Tristan?”
“Good. He’s been healthy since his last check-up.” She hesitated. “I heard you and Max had a fight.”
“I would call it a disagreement.”
“A disagreement you two settle over a console. It doesn’t leave you two thousand miles apart.”
She had a point.
“Hold on a sec.”
Rustling in the background had me suspicious.
“Hey Wonderboy,” Charlie’s tell-tale drawl came over the line before her face appeared next to Payton’s in the frame.
“What is this, an intervention?”
“We’re auditioning daycare centers.”
That explained the blue sky in the background. They were walking. “Ah. So
you’re going back to Alliance.”
“Which I can’t begin to understand, because it’s all pricks and dicks,” Charlie griped.
“One of which is your boyfriend,” Payton reminded her.
I shook my head, carrying my phone out to the patio. My West-facing view gave me the ocean in the morning.
“But seriously. It’s not the same without you, Ry,” Payton said.
I’d told Max and the team where they could find me if they needed anything. So far I hadn’t had a single call, which didn’t do much for making me feel needed.
“What does Rocky think about your trip?” Charlie asked.
I grunted. “I don’t know, Charlie. I thought Sam and I were going somewhere, but apparently not. I offered her a chance to come with me to LA but she turned me down.”
I lifted the ashtray from the patio table in my fingers. Why do they even put these out? No one here smokes anyway.
“Of course she did,” Charlie said flatly. “Did she not tell you about the show she landed for the summer?”
“Yeah.” I pulled out a chair and sank into it.
“Clayton’s placed exhibits in the MOMA,” Charlie declared with pride. “He has galleries up and down the East Coast, and he loved her style.”
I stilled. “So the guy’s a big deal in the art world.”
“Biggest deal. Ry, you still there?”
“Yeah. I didn’t realize.” I frowned at the skyline, feeling my shirt stuck to my neck from the shower. “Still. Sam didn’t act like she wanted to figure this out. She could’ve explained that to me. Hell, I would’ve stayed if she’d asked me.”
Two sets of alarmed eyes greeted me.
“Honey, tell me you’re not that dumb.” Charlie shook her head.
“What?”
Payton put on the face I was pretty sure she used with the densest guys at work. “I don’t know Sam, and I don’t know where her head is at. But if you told her you got a big opportunity, and you were excited about it, there’s no way she’s going to ask you to turn it down.”
