Erin looked at the piece of paper. “The first verse is from 1 Corinthians 13:13: ‘And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.’ ” She set the paper down again. “I used to read that and think the same thing the world thinks. The answer to a happy marriage is love—pure and simple.” Erin smiled and shook her head. “But God showed me it was deeper than that. The second verse is from Ecclesiastes 4:12: ‘A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.’
“I knew that verse, too, and I thought I understood what it meant. With God in our marriage, we wouldn’t fall apart. And that was true, but I wasn’t sure how that worked exactly. Did it mean twice-a-day Bible studies? or constant prayer? Did it mean regular church attendance?”
A few soft giggles sounded from Kari and Anne Decker.
“No.” Erin shook her head. “You need each of those things, but they’re not the best way to have God always a part of your marriage. I didn’t really know what the cord of three strands meant until I nearly let my marriage fall apart. Then Kari put the first two verses together with this one from 1 John 4:16, which says, ‘God is love.’ ”
Erin held up three fingers. “The only way to have God in your marriage is to have love. And the only way to have love is to have God. They cannot be separated from each other because God is love. Every time you love Luke when you don’t feel like it, every time you let love come from your words and your actions, you are letting God be part of your marriage. And believe me . . . nothing in the world can tear apart that kind of bond.”
“Thanks, Erin.” Reagan nodded, thoughtful.
A hush fell over the room, and Ashley looked at her lap. Landon had loved her that way, hadn’t he? With a God-kind of love? But still here she was, alone, afraid even to call him, afraid of how she’d react when she saw him tonight at the wedding.
It was Brooke’s turn. She crossed her arms and sat straighter in her chair. “Reagan, I’m so glad you asked us here today, asked us to share verses that mean so much to each of us. Mine is short and to the point.”
Brooke looked at Hayley, sitting a foot away. “In the past few months God has taught me the secret of being content in every situation, whether life brings tragedies—like what happened to my younger daughter, or triumphs—like you and Luke marrying today. Spending time with Hayley, I can’t help but be touched by her sweet spirit. I’m so . . . so glad she’s alive.” Brooke’s voice cracked and she paused a moment.
“I believe with all my heart the secret is in our attitude. Life’s circumstances don’t improve by being anxious or angry or upset. But God calls us to rise above our circumstances, and that starts first in our attitudes.”
Brooke pulled out a pale blue index card with dark writing. “From Philippians 4:4: ‘Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!’ ” She handed it to Reagan, who was seated beside her. “If you and Luke can figure out that point, you’ll survive whatever journey God takes you on.”
“Thank you.” Reagan looked at Hayley. “I think we’ve all wondered how you’ve held up these past few months, and now—” she looked at the Bible verse in her hand—“maybe now we know.”
“Yes.” Brooke patted Reagan’s knee. “It wouldn’t have happened any other way.”
They were finished, and Reagan held the cards and letters in her hand. “These verses will be precious to me forever, not just in my marriage to Luke but in every area of my life.”
Anne Decker stood and motioned for them to gather around Reagan. “Let’s pray for her, and then I have breakfast ready in the next room.”
They prayed for twenty minutes, asking God that Reagan and Luke would live out not only the verses shared this morning but every part of Scripture, so that their marriage would be filled with life and love and laughter. Prayers were said for Tommy and for whatever other children God might bring into their family. Finally Ashley’s mother prayed that after today they wouldn’t be just two families with something in common.
They would be one family, connected and joined together by God himself.
Chapter Twenty-Three
They were the longest three minutes of his life.
Luke stood at the front of the church and counted the seconds until Reagan would appear at the back door. In the meantime, he surveyed the fifty people gathered at the church and tried to take in the miracle happening around him.
Soft organ music played in the background, something traditional from Bach, but Luke barely noticed. His eyes moved to the front row, where his mother smiled at him. She looked beautiful, as young as Luke remembered her looking when he was a small boy.
Before the service she’d pulled him aside and kissed his cheek. “If I cry during the service, remember one thing.” Her whispered words had been upbeat. “I couldn’t be happier for you, son. Really.”
His eyes met hers and she gave him a slight nod, something none of the others would’ve noticed, but something that told him she meant what she’d said. No matter that his marrying Reagan would take him from Bloomington; it was the right decision, and his mother was nothing but glad for him.
Other faces jumped out at him from the church pews. Erin and Sam. Ryan and Kari with Jessie; Brooke and Hayley. His eyes held the image of his blonde niece a few beats longer. She was awake, looking at the lit candles that marked each aisle. It was a miracle she was here at all, but Luke wanted more.
God, heal her, please. Bring her back to us.
Luke was still praying, still begging God about his niece, when the music changed and a hush fell over the church.
The wedding party was fairly simple. Reagan had asked Ashley to be her maid of honor, and Luke’s father was his best man. Cole was the ring bearer; Maddie, the flower girl; and Reagan’s brother, Bryan, was an usher. Now the teenage boy had taken his place a few feet from Luke.
The first one down the aisle was Ashley, and from the moment she entered the church, Luke saw her eyes find his and stay there, connected.
He didn’t need words to hear what she wanted to tell him.
She had been his big sister, the one he’d played with and laughed with and loved the most while he was growing up. Now, minutes before his big moment, it was only right that she have this chance to let him know what she felt about his decision. That it was good and right and wonderful. Even if she could only tell him through eye contact.
He felt a smile tug at the corners of his mouth. I hear you, Ashley . . . I hear you.
Her eyes told him one more thing then. No matter how quickly the years went by after this or how infrequent their visits might become, she would never forget the endless yesterdays of the idyllic childhood they’d shared. He winked at her and knew that she understood.
He wouldn’t forget either.
Cole and Maddie were next—Cole decked out in a blue suit, his grin wide and mischievous; and Maddie in a fluffy white dress, her blonde hair hanging in ringlets around her face. Cole was a bit older, but no question Maddie, her chin held high, was the responsible one. Four times Cole spotted someone he knew, and each time he veered toward the edge of the aisle, waving and pointing, and each time Maddie pulled him close so they kept moving, walking together at an even pace.
The antics earned the children muffled bits of laughter from the crowd, but Luke cocked his head, touched. Wasn’t that just like family? One walking the straight and narrow, the other veering off the path? And just like family, one kept the other in line so that somehow they’d finish the walk together.
That had certainly been the case for him in the year after the terrorist attacks.
Cole and Maddie found their places beside Ashley, and again the music changed. This time the traditional wedding march sounded throughout the church and everyone rose and faced the back door. Luke’s heart beat hard against his chest.
The door opened and Reagan appeared, her arm looped through his father’s. The picture they made was enough to drop Luke to his knees, but he remained tall and strong, waiting for his bride.
For the first few steps, Reagan whispered something to his father and the two of them chuckled. Then they looked straight ahead.
Luke studied the man he admired most. How was it possible that only a year ago he’d been ready to walk away from his father forever? And how close had he come to throwing away the faith and future God had planned for him? The answers caused him a slight shudder, but it was gone almost as soon as it hit him. Those days were in the past; God had returned him home and restored everything about their relationship.
And now his father was walking Reagan down the aisle.
Luke’s eyes shifted to her. She was stunning, every detail of her dress and bouquet. But it wasn’t until they stopped a few feet from him and his father lifted the lacy veil from around her face, that Luke could see her eyes, see the way she was looking past his father, to him alone.
He had expected to see a twinge of sadness in her face, the reminder that her father wasn’t here to see this day, to walk her down the aisle. She felt those things, because she’d told him so the night before at the rehearsal. But now that their wedding had finally arrived, her expression held no sadness whatsoever.
It held a look he’d never seen before. A sheer, unabashed devotion, a trust that from now until the end of time she would stay by him, honor him, believe in him. Defining love with every passing day, every hour.
Every single breath.
Landon crept into the church just after Ashley headed down the aisle. He hadn’t wanted her to see him until after the ceremony, hadn’t wanted anything to take away from the fact that her baby brother was getting married. No question Ashley didn’t want him interfering with the moment. In fact, he’d almost chosen not to come.
He’d talked to Luke a few weeks earlier and found out the family’s itinerary. The Baxters had been in New York City since Saturday, and Ashley hadn’t called once.
He slipped into a pew near the back and peeled off his black wool jacket. Beneath it he wore a dress shirt and tie, not that he expected to stay long. He’d simply watch the ceremony and spend a few minutes at the reception. That way he could congratulate Luke and Reagan, and be on his way.
By the time he got situated in the pew, the wedding march was playing, and with every note Landon felt the air being sucked from his chest. He was supposed to look at the bride, the way everyone else in the church was doing. But he would never hear that song without thinking of Ashley, without remembering the excitement he’d felt in the days before giving her the ring, before asking her to marry him.
And now, helpless to stop himself, he shifted his gaze from the bride to the maid of honor at the front of the church. What he saw made his heart skip a beat. Ashley wasn’t watching the bride either.
She was watching him.
Their eyes found each other and held, Ashley’s glistening as she studied him, searching his heart. No question it was a look of love, the kind that long ago he’d only dreamed of seeing in Ashley Baxter’s eyes. But here, in light of all they’d decided about their future, her expression ripped at his understanding.
What is it about her, God? And why can it never work?
His question filled his senses and blocked out even the music, everything but the pair of eyes staring at him from the church front. The connection between them was so strong it was almost physical. Regardless of the wedding procession or the guests gathered to witness the ceremony, Landon had to summon all his strength to keep from striding to the front of the church and taking Ashley in his arms.
After Luke and Reagan stepped before the altar, even after the minister greeted the audience, Landon held Ashley’s eyes. But then the cold slap of reality hit him in the face. She hadn’t called, hadn’t wanted to see him; all that they’d shared was over. Torturing each other now would do nothing but make tomorrow more painful. He shifted his eyes toward the wedding couple, but his heart refused to follow.
What was it about her? Ashley had her mind made up; he would not be a part of her future or Cole’s. Landon had known that long before coming here today. It was why he was training for the captain position, why he was willing to marry his future to the FDNY rather than wait a lifetime for Ashley to get past the fear of her HIV diagnosis.
He could feel her eyes on him still, but Landon kept his attention on the young couple. The minister was wrapping up, explaining that Reagan and Luke’s special Scripture was from Jeremiah, that God knew the plans he had for each of them, and how this wedding was part of God’s plan.
It was time for the vows, and Luke went first. He spoke of the simplicity of love, how it was the most basic and necessary element in a marriage and how, when it was right, it was more beautiful and rare than any diamond. Then he promised Reagan a lifetime of simple love, shared moments walking through the park or laughing over a game of tennis, the journey of parenting and growing old and believing that through every phase in life, the best was yet to be.
Reagan went next. She talked about the love each of their parents had shared, and how they were fortunate to be surrounded by the best mentors of all. Then she promised to be Luke’s best friend and lover, the one besides God whom Luke could turn to for everything, the one who would hold his hand through the journey of life.
Tears shone in Reagan’s eyes as she finished. “Life is uncertain.” She sniffed and looked at her mother for a moment. “We know that better now. But if our life together lasts one day or twenty thousand, it will all have been worth it because all we have for sure is today, this minute. And I’ll cherish every minute with you, Luke. As long as God gives us today.”
Landon leaned forward in the pew and looked to the floor. He had heard everything Reagan said, but one part was running over in his mind again and again: “If our life together lasts one day or twenty thousand, it will all have been worth it.”
Reagan and Luke were exchanging rings, but Landon wasn’t listening. The simple profound truth spoken in Reagan’s vows caused him to look once more at Ashley, to see that yes, she was still watching him.
Had she heard it? Had it clicked, what Reagan had said?
From the back of the church, he couldn’t read her expression completely, but fear seemed to be one of the emotions calling out to him.
“Come on, Ashley,” he whispered. No one was sitting near him, so the sound of his words faded before anyone else heard them. “We could have today, couldn’t we?”
She knit her brow and gave a slight shake of her head, as if to say she couldn’t understand him, couldn’t try to understand him while the ceremony was still going on. She shifted her attention back to Reagan and Luke.
Landon willed her to understand.
They could be together, couldn’t they? Okay, so she thought it was unfair to sentence him to an uncertain future with her, but so what? All of life was uncertain, right? Wasn’t that what Reagan had said a minute ago? If he could marry Ashley and live a day with her, a week, the minutes would be the best of his life, something he wouldn’t trade for a lifetime of mediocrity.
Wasn’t that what he’d been trying to tell Ashley since she’d found out about her blood test? Life was too short to borrow tomorrow’s pain for today. If Reagan’s mother had known that her husband would die a young, tragic death, she still would’ve married him. Because love doesn’t care when it dies.
Only that it had a chance to live.
Chapter Twenty-Four
The reception was in full swing, but so far—other than a quick wave—Ashley had avoided Landon.
She’d seen him, of course. Seen him the moment he walked into the church. And despite her determination to make their time together at this wedding nothing more than a passing hello, her eyes had betrayed her.
No one needed to hand her a mirror for her to know that much.
The love that passed from her eyes to his in those first moments was something she had no control over. He looked amazing, dressed in the same blue shirt and black slacks he’d worn the day he’d proposed to her. And as their eyes held during the ceremony, sh
e wondered a hundred questions. Whether he’d worn the suit on purpose, and whether he’d known that by coming in at the last minute she would have no choice but to see him, feel his presence like a tangible force in the room.
But then, midway through Reagan’s and Luke’s vows, Landon had mouthed something, spoken something meant for her eyes alone, and in an instant she realized what was happening. By letting herself get lost in his eyes, she had given him too much of the truth, too clear a picture of how much she still loved him.
And though she couldn’t read his words, she didn’t have to. No matter that he’d made a commitment to the fire department, the things he would’ve said to her in that moment were no different than what he’d said to her the last time they were together.
They could work it out; they could find a way; they could be together.
Everything she wanted him to say, everything she wanted to believe.
But it wasn’t going to happen, because Ashley wasn’t going to let it. Rehashing the reasons would do nothing but make her sad and frustrated, and that wasn’t how she wanted to spend her time tonight. It was Christmas Eve, after all. Her brother was married to Reagan, and before time pulled them from the moment and propelled them into the new year and all its uncertainty, Ashley wanted to celebrate.
From the moment she entered the decorated reception hall, she made herself busy. Reagan’s mother had hired a caterer to serve dinner, and each table was bedecked in Christmas red and white, with a pinecone centerpiece. At one end of the room was a dance floor and a deejay, who was, at the moment, playing something soft and instrumental.
Ashley found Anne Decker talking to one of the caterers. She came up beside her and tapped her shoulder. “Can I help?”
“Everything’s done.” Reagan’s mother smiled. “But I’d like you to meet my friends.” She led Ashley to a table of women, most of whom attended her church. Ashley went gladly. Anything to delay coming face-to-face with Landon.
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