After I broke the news of moving up to LA to Barb, she got up and moved out of our apartment even though I wouldn’t be leaving for 2 more months. I guess she thought she was sticking it to me, but in fact, It gave me and Cupkake a base to start a new gaggle of girls. One of the girls was Leslie, who was fresh out of high school at the time. Leslie was into Guns N Roses as well, so I took her to the concert and she became my de facto girlfriend even after I moved to LA.
Barbara was not into Guns N Roses, as a matter of fact, she used to taunt me when I played “Sweet Child o’ Mine” by rubbing her eyes and pouting like she was crying. But I guess she knew I’d be at the Guns N Roses show, so she went anyway. I don’t know what she was expecting to find, but there I was with Leslie. Leslie was wearing a mini-skirt and a very sheer white spaghetti-strap white top which really wasn’t much more than a bra. Well Barb was only 22, but Leslie was only 18 so you can imagine the dirty looks I got. Before you think I was being a dick, you have to understand that Barb had her own mischief in the past, so no, I did not feel guilty. Guns N Roses was about an hour late, but once they came on they kicked ass and we were about 10 feet away from the stage at a Guns N Roses concert! For some reason half way through the show, Cupkake decides to chuck a half pack of Marlboro’s up on the stage. We died laughing while Duff and Izzy scrambled around fighting each other for the smokes during the song. I’d say about six months later they never had to scrounge for smokes again!
Back to reality - Cupkake
After we were all done with our United States Ultra Pop tour, it was time to get back to reality and find a job around town until the next tour. I hit the streets and began to look for work on foot. The nice thing about Hollywood, you could walk everywhere and get a lot done. I looked at fast food places, toy stores, curio shops, clothing shops, but nothing looked attractive. I was on Sunset Blvd. looking at all of the shops in the area when I approached the Guitar Center Hollywood store. I went in to apply for a job. After all, who would be more qualified then me to sell music equipment? Immediately upon my entrance, I had forgot how annoying it can get inside the Guitar Center. Noise, noise, and more noise! Every bad guitar player is sitting down at the largest amplifier tuning the guitar or playing a riff from Black Sabbath. Instant headache. I applied anyway. I thought it would beat flipping burgers at the local fast food joint.
Right next door to the Guitar Center was the famous Sunset Grill. Don Henley sang about this little grill in his famous song “Down At The Sunset Grill” song. The way Don sang about this place you would think it is some bad ass place. At that time, it was the local greasy spoon. Just a little dumpy food shack in the middle of Hollywood. Great place for breakfast, but don’t expect some lavish place to sit down and dine. There were lots of days that you could see a bum taking a crap on the sidewalk right outside the restaurant. I would imagine that lots of people have been let down when they arrived at the grill. I was use to the scenery, so I sat down to have a bite to eat. As I was finishing my coffee, I looked west and noticed a music store named Freedom Guitar. Funny, because I had never noticed the place before. It looked like a little mom and pop store that would cater to the locals. I finished my breakfast and made my way over to Freedom Guitar to apply for a job. I entered the store and met a the manager named Larry.
Larry was an old soul that was very easy to get along with the minute you started the conversation. I asked Larry if the business was hiring. Larry paused, told me to wait a minute while he went to the back to speak with the owner. Larry re-appeared approximately five minutes later and asked when I could start. I told him right away. Larry said I could start tomorrow and to be there by 10:00 A.M. That was the strangest hiring process I had ever experienced. I did not even fill out a job application... ever! I was hired in five minutes. That was a record for me.
During my 18 months of work at Freedom Guitar, I was a witness to all walks of life and many of really cool situations, and a handful of bad ones. On several occasions, I had sold guitars to very famous rock musicians. I felt like a jackass during one sale to a musician I should have known the second he walked in. I was writing up the paperwork on a major guitar sale when my small talk kicked in. I asked the guitar player; “So do you play locally with any band?” He replied; “Yeah for awhile now.” I asked, “What band?” He replied, “The Cult” I was shocked. After all, The Cult was one of my favorite bands at the time and little did I know, I was selling a guitar to the great Billy Duffy! Billy laughed when I told him I was a big fan. I guess that was funny seeing as how I did not recognize him, and yet, I was still claiming to be a huge fan. After that, I sold at least six other guitars to Billy that he plays to this day.
There were other famous musicians that were very obvious to me, that would frequent the store. Bands such as Aerosmith, The Cult, Night Ranger, The Eagles, The Knack, Zakk Wylde (Ozzy Osbornes guitar player) John Mayall and the Blues Breakers, Spinal Tap, Beach Boys, and many others! The visits from all of the famous rock bands led to side work as a roadie. I had the pleasure to be the guitar technician (guitar tuner and equipment mover) for Night Ranger and The Knack, numerous times in the early 90’s.
Larry, the manager of Freedom Guitar, was quite a character. He was a jack of all trades and always working on some “new deal” or “the next best thing.” Funny thing about Larry he did teach me one thing. Put your self out there, make a lot of noise and you will climb the success ladder faster than anyone else.
Do I want to be a robot? - Cupkake
I learned that Larry was the person inside the famous Robby the Robot from the sci-fi movie Forbidden Planet. I went with Larry after work to all of these really weird conventions with a bunch of Sci-Fi wack-jobs that loved the appearances by Robby the Robot. During these appearances, I met the actual owner of Robby the Robot, his name is Bill Malone. It was really cool meeting Bill. He explained how he bought the robot from a Japanese designer named Robert Kenoshita that worked on Forbidden Planet for a sum of $50,000 dollars. I thought the robot was a rip off for $50,000 dollars, but little did I know that Bill would make thousands of dollars each week for robot appearances. The robot required a human to get inside the shell to operate all of the gadgets inside to make it work and appear to be an actual robot. This robot was huge, approximately 7 feet tall and must have weighed a few hundred pounds. Larry had a bad back, so he was getting to old to operate the robot. Well, guess who was offered the job to get inside this robot and operate it for appearances around town? You guessed it! Me!
Somehow, I was now recruited to get inside the robot and operate the thing for a few hours for all the onlookers to enjoy. Bill would pay me $150.00 for three hours to work the robot. Man, I was so excited to do this job! Good for a little extra money on the side. I wondered why he asked me to do the job? People must be lining up to be inside the Robby the Robot, right? Well I learned really quick why this job sucked worse than most jobs around town! I should have been smarter.
The first gig I would have to operate Robby the Robot was in a strip-mall on Hollywood Blvd., east of La Brea Avenue. Right smack in the middle of a hot summer day, I would be putting the robot suit on. Oh, I would guess the outside temperature was approximately 95 degrees without one cloud in the sky. I started putting the robot suit on and quickly realized how heavy and hot this suit was going to be. I finally made it into the bottom half of the suit, but the worst was yet to come. I needed to get the top of the robot suit over my head and snap it onto the bottom of the suit to complete the robot. Bill helped me snug the top of the robot head and I swear the second I heard the robot snap together, I had to pee. Ok, peeing was out of the question at this point. It is all in my mind... besides, how bad could this be? The temperature inside the suit soon raised to a sweltering 110 degrees. Crap! Ok, so of course, this was the first time putting on the robot suit, no practice runs whatsoever! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Here is was, inside this oven called a robot, I had to pee! It was fifteen minutes before the big Robby the Robot appearance for a group o
f freaks that if this appearance does not happen, there would be a geek squad riot.
Bill obviously did not think of instructing me prior to this appearance how to actually operate the robot. It was much more complicated than “just get in and work it.” Bill was frustrated, and was lecturing me by trying to tell me how to operate the robot by yelling through the face plate of the robot. I could not clearly understand any of his instructions, and at this point I was ready to quit this stupid job before I even started. Here I was, sweating profusely, and I was becoming very claustrophobic as I was jammed into this electronic nightmare. After Bill lectured me for a solid five minutes, trying to give operating instructions, and telling me to turn on the voice microphone and lighting equipment for the robot, I had finally located the power switch.
Ahhhhh shitttt!!!! I was immediately shocked in the mouth as soon as the power came on. Ok, fine...at least the power was on. I could see tons of lights flashing through the faceplate every single time I spoke into the microphone. My voice that projected out the faceplate was altered to a “robot” voice when I spoke into the microphone. How exciting! This is so... OUCH! I was shocked several times in the lips as I attempted to speak into the microphone. This went on and on for the full three hours as I pretended to be a robot, getting shocked in the mouth as I spoke and sweating so much, I no longer needed to pee. I was surrounded by weird people staring at me, commenting, not knowing I was inside of the robot suit. The geeks were commenting to each other how the robot works, getting into arguments over how the robot thinks and what type of power moves it around. I felt like calling them all idiots as they drooled over the robot. No more robot jobs! Bill could pay some other sucker to do this horrible job!
Working in Freedom Guitar could be very cool at times and other days it could suck as bad as the Robby The Robot job. Larry was the type of guy that loved a good practical joke. I was usually in the middle of some type sales pitch with an unsuspecting customer, when Larry would come over and silently rip the grosses farts while he stood so seriously beside me. I would not realize what Larry was doing until it was too late. Just as the putrid smell would rise to the customers nose, Larry would already have made his way to the other side of the store while he looked in my direction with a smirk, holding his nose and fanning his face as if something smelled bad. Larry would do this relentlessly on a weekly basis the entire 18 months I worked at this music store. Larry could be very disgusting. I lost a lot of sales due to Larry’s stinky ass.
Freedom Guitar was owned by a crazy boss named Ed. Ed was extremely religious and probably the meanest person I had ever met in my entire life. Ed would hide his evil soul behind being a born again Christian. Ed was completely out of his mind, and as I would learn in my 18 months of working there, also dangerous.
Ed could not stand anyone that was not a Born Again Christian. According to Ed, everyone else would be riding on a hot lava bed to hell, and burn for eternity that did not pray once each hour of every day. Ed was funny to watch with customers. Ed was not a people person, but ever once in a while he would crawl out of his hole (his office located in the rear of the store) and come out to the sales floor and ruin someone’s day. He would verbally attack any Jewish person that entered his store. He would spot them from a mile away, especially if they were wearing their yamika known to Ed as their “little-circular-Jesus-hating-hat.” Ed would chase them around the store calling them satan lovers or Jesus killers. Ed would berate them until the Jewish patron would run out of the store like Ed was Hitler trying to chuck them into a blazing oven.
Ed would get really bored and at times make his way out from his back office to make my life miserable. He would waltz out with a frown on his face, and count the money in the cash register. He usually did this when business was slow. Every now and again, Ed would focus his hatred toward myself and question me regarding a few nickels missing from the register. A few nickels? You have got to be kidding me! This guy is crazy! Ed would go on and on for hours ranting about three nickels missing from the “till”, also known as the cash register. The guy was looney! That should have been my cue to quit and find another job. The nickel conversation would ensue as follows;
Ed: “What’s going on out here Chris? The till seems to be missing a few nickels! God bless, God bless! In the Lords name, God bless.”
Chris: “What are you taking about Ed?”
Ed: “Nickels, where are all the nickels? Nickels... nickels.... where are the nickels? Have you guys seen the three nickels that are missing? Hey did you realize that we are missing nickels? We need to locate the nickels. You don’t have them do you?”
Chris: “Ed, if I were going to take any money from the register, why would it be nickels when there are large bills in the register?”
That comment always fired Ed up to no end. He would pace the area and look around for the missing nickels. This “nickel” hunt would go on for hours. I would usually place a nickel or two in a really odd spot so during Ed’s nickel hunt, he would actually find some. Screwing with Ed made my life complete.
Ed hated animals, and especially disliked birds. A few pigeons made their way into the guitar store and began nesting above the front door, next to the air conditioner. Ed absolutely lost his mind when he learned that pigeons had made a home inside his store. As soon as Ed discovered the birds, he began to rant and rave that pigeons are “The flying devils rats that would eat our brains and take over your thought process.” I wondered every time I witnessed the psycho antics of Ed, “Why I had I not quit this job yet?” Crazy Ed was always hovering around making insane comments. That makes me a little crazy for sticking around working with nut job of a boss.
The pigeons eventually drove Ed to his wits end. Ed wondered into the store one busy Saturday waving a pellet riffle in the air like a psycho ready to rob a bank. This could not have been at any worse time. The store was full of people and Ed had that scary “someone is going to pay” gleam in his eyes. Ed began to mumble under his breath that “The flying devils will have to exit his kingdom and meet their doom.” Ed’s eyeballs were wide as I had ever seen any persons eyes, with the look of a person that lost all reason and respect for life. Ed raised the gun toward the birds nest and began to shoot a the pigeons as fast as he could cock the gun. Patrons that were shopping in the store were franticly running out the door as wounded pigeons fell on the floor and flailed in their broken feathers and spotty pools of blood.
Ed continued his shouting at the helpless birds, yelling verses from the Bible as he ruthlessly killed the pigeons. I was completely dumbfounded at what I was witnessing. I thought that Ed would go even further over the edge and start shooting people with his pellet gun. He was that crazed. Ed’s attention was focused completely on the dying birds that were suffering on the carpet and they attempted escape from the madman. He hung over the birds that were dying at his feet and he calmly scolded the birds saying, “That is what you get you flying devil rats!” Since Ed’s focus was was on the birds and nothing else, I scooted my way over to the front door trying not to create any movement that would cause Ed to notice I was ready to exit the building. As soon as I could get out the door, I ran out of the store at full speed, and never looked back. That was the day I quit Freedom Guitar. I would never return to the store again. That was the day I grew up and realized that the world is full of crazy people and you have to watch your back with everyone you come in contact with. I think Ed still owes me my last paycheck!
Carrie - Vinnie Vegas
Being in Hollywood in the 80’s meant that you’d see a lot of people come and go. It was rare to see any girl long enough to actually develop a répétiteur with. But there was one girl who caught my eye on the strip because of her cuteness and originality. Her name was Carrie
Carrie was a girl who waitressed at both the Whisky and the Roxy. She looked like a young Margot Kidder and had the same crazy eyes! She had a body to kill for, and always wore the tightest pants. Back in the 80’s nobody ever heard of piercings... peri
od! Much less, navel piercings. But Carrie had one and always wore cut-off shirts so you could see it. Nowadays, it’s so overdone that it’s just as passé as lesbianism, but back then, it really intrigued me as well as turned me on. She was the type of girl who talked about auras and carried crystals around, oh yeah, THAT type of girl! Boy was she sexy, so I really wanted to date her.
One night at the Hooligan pad, we were having a New Year’s Eve party, and later that night around 3 am, Carrie showed up. She had worked that night, and came straight over from the strip. She had on a thin white tank top with no bra, and the tightest set of black leather pants you ever saw. She hadn’t really paid much attention to me up until then, but that night something was different. We started talking, and soon were deep into conversation. If you’re a guy, then you know what I’m talking about. If you talk to a girl, there’s a good chance that she’ll engage in conversation with you for awhile, but then she’ll jot off somewhere else. This was the opposite situation where her eyes got wider when she talked, and she wasn’t distracted by anything else in the room. She would lean in to me as she talked and constantly reached out to touch my arm every so often. Any guy knows that these are the signs you are looking for. I couldn’t believe my luck, I knew for sure that I’d end up with her tonight and I couldn’t wait. Of course, this would have to wait until everyone left, but I was patient. All at once her eyes got big and she asked “Hey, do you want to go back to my place?” Well blow me down! Do I want to get out of here and be alone with you? Hellllllll yeah! In hindsight, it was New Years’ and 4 in the
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