Spies cannot be usefully employed without a certain intuitive sagacity. This quality will be in short supply amongst the Undead, so choose carefully.
They cannot be properly managed without restraint and straightforwardness.
Without subtle ingenuity of mind (no one said this would be easy!), one cannot make certain of the truth of their reports. You WILL strain what is left of your brain. Count on it. All the more reason for the increasingly aggressive pursuit of fresh Gray Matter.
Be subtle! Be subtle! (Try!) And use your spies for every kind of business.
If a secret piece of news is divulged by a spy before the time (or the spy) is ripe, he must be devoured together with the Zombie to whom the secret was told.
Whether the object be to crush a government facility, storm a theme park, or dine on a particularly troublesome individual (elected officials, religious zealots?), it is always necessary to begin by finding out the names of the attendants, the aides-de-camp, door-keepers, and sentries of the target. Who holds a secret grudge against The Dishonorable Judge Unscrupulous? Who leaves the keys to the executive washroom where anybody—with or without fingers—can pick them up with ease? Our spies must be commissioned to address these questions.
Mortal spies who come to spy on us (let them try!) must be sought out, tempted with bribes and electronic games, led away, and comfortably housed—temporarily. Fatten them up for the inevitable. Thus they will become “converted” spies and available for our service.
It is through the information provided by the converted spy that we are able to acquire and employ local and inward spies.
It is owing to his information, again, that we can cause the doomed spy to carry false tidings (and the Virus) to the Enemy.
Last, it is by his or her information that the surviving spy can be used on appointed occasions.
The end aim of spying in all its five varieties is knowledge of the Enemy... and that can only lead to one thing: More BRRRAAAIIINNNS for all!
In conclusion, Sun Tzumbie admonishes: Of old, the rise of Julius Caesar was a result of his reanimation by the Supremely Undead Queen Cleopatra, of the notoriously Undead Ptolemies. The subsequent rise of Marc Antony, also reanimated by the queen before both were destroyed by Rome, was due to his service to Caesar. The couple was betrayed by the spies of the Living who snatched World Domination from their very Undead jaws. The fault, dear brutes, lay not in their stars, but in themselves. Learn from this sad tale. Et tu?
Men at some times are masters of their fates. It is up to us—the Undead, the Decaying, the Rotten, the corps du Corpses—to become masters of our own, and theirs also.
WE DO NOT SLEEP.
WE DO NOT REST.
WE EXIST TO FEED.
ON BRRRAAAIIINNNS!
LET THE
GAMES BEGIN.
IMAGE CREDITS
Wikimedia Commons (http://commons.wikimedia.org):
Page 23: Fresco (16th century) from the Church of St. Peter, Lancôme, France. User: MagnusManske
Page 44: Gaikotsu, Toriyama Sekien, from Konjaku Gazu Zoku Hyakki, The Illustrated One Hundred Demons from the Present and the Past (Japanese, 1779). User: Magicgarden
Page 52: Detail, Hungry Ghosts Scroll, second section (Japanese, late 12th century). Current location: Kyoto National Museum. User: Bamse
Page 59: Tenjōkudari, Toriyama Sekien, from Konjaku Gazu Zoku Hyakki, The Illustrated One Hundred Demons from the Present and the Past (Japanese, 1779). User: Magicgarden
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Pages 70–71: Detail, Hungry Ghosts Scroll, seventh section (Japanese, late 12th century). Current location: Kyoto National Museum. User: Bamse
Page 81: Buruburu, Toriyama Sekien, from Konjaku Gazu Zoku Hyakki, The Illustrated One Hundred Demons from the Present and the Past (Japanese, 1779). User: Magicgarden.
Page 87: Photograph of Terracotta Army soldiers. User: Robin Chen.
Page 101: Ōmagatoki, Toriyama Sekien, from Konjaku Gazu Zoku Hyakki, The Illustrated One Hundred Demons from the Present and the Past (Japanese, 1779). User: Magicgarden
Page 112: Detail, Hungry Ghosts Scroll, fifth section (Japanese, late 12th century). Current location: Kyoto National Museum. User: Bamse
Page 131: Wanyūdō, Toriyama Sekien, from Konjaku Gazu Zoku Hyakki, The Illustrated One Hundred Demons from the Present and the Past (Japanese, 1779). User: Magicgarden
Page 139: Hone-onna, Toriyama Sekien, from Konjaku Gazu Zoku Hyakki, The Illustrated One Hundred Demons from the Present and the Past (Japanese, 1779). User: Magicgarden
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Endsheets: splash © Emir Simsek
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Table of Contents
Publisher’s Note
Preface
Introduction
1. Laying Plans: Dead Reckoning
2. Waging War
3. Offensive Strategy
4. Tactics
5. Energy
6. Weaknesses and Strengths
7. Maneuvering
8. Variables of Engagement
9. The Horde on the March
10. Terrraaaiiin
11. The Nine Situations
12. Fire
13. Using Secret Agents
The Art of War for Zombies: Ancient Chinese Secrets of World Domination, Apocalypse Edition. Page 6
