“And your father?” Parker pressed, his eyes sharp and penetrating on Jake’s guarded face. “Who’s he?”
Jake took so long to answer that she thought he wouldn’t. In the end he simply said. “I never knew my father.”
That wasn’t exactly an answer, she thought, and then jumped when Neil nudged her.
“Still ninety-four degrees,” Neil said softly of Angela’s temperature. . “So it hasn’t gone up, but it hasn’t gone down either.”
Nina stared at the thermometer, unable to separate her mind from Ange and what was unfolding two feet away from her between Jake and Parker. She swallowed. “That’s good,” she whispered to Neil, and placed a hand atop Angela’s still lukewarm forehead. “That’s good.”
“You mean that your father – me – never got a chance to know you,” Parker said heatedly. “I’m your father, aren’t I?” His voice shook. “Please be honest with me.”
“Oh my God,” Justin breathed when Jake didn’t answer. His eyes were just as wide with shock as the rest of theirs. “I don’t believe this I just don’t bloody well believe this.”
“Oh my word,” Neil breathed softly.
That was one way of putting it, Nina thought in amazement. She had suspected it. Her instincts rarely failed her.
“Justin–” Parker began, but Justin only shook his head, stepping back out of the reach of Parker’s imploring hand.
Jake’s expression was tight, his silence saying more than any words could’ve done. “Why didn’t you say anything?” Parker repeated, his voice wooden.
Still not seeming able to answer, Jake reached out and snatched the photo from Justin, stuffing it into his back pocket. “You haven’t told me what you were doing snooping through my stuff?” he finally said instead to Parker.
“I wasn’t snooping,” Parker responded tightly. “I found it when I was looking for the thermometer.”
“Does any of that matter now?” Justin asked, his voice low and flat. He looked at Jake, then at Parker. “You have a son. A real, biological one.”
Chapter 13
––––––––
Parker immediately turned to him. “Justin. For goodness sake.”
“Well it’s true isn’t it?”
Parker took a deep breath and turned back to Jake. “Where you ever going to say anything?” he demanded.
Jake had been feeling his face stiffen, vein by vein. But his anger was more directed at himself than at Drayton. He was furious that he had been completely unprepared by this happening. He had had the horrible feeling, as soon as his boss had told him to take this flight job that this truth could come out. From the moment he had taken his seat in the captain seat of the small jet things hadn’t gone his way. Being stuck in a confined space, knowing that the man he was stuck with was actually his father had tested him in more ways than one.
All his life he had not known the man who had divorced his pregnant wife and never contacted his child. The man who had walked out on his mother and him without a backward glance. Why Drayton was acting like he actually cared about knowing that he was his father didn’t make sense to him. Was the man only concerned now because the boys who he had raised – Justin and Hugh – looked like they were turning their backs on him? Anger, hot as boiling acid, began to rise up inside Jake at the thought of that, and his eyes were flinty as they met Drayton’s.
“Why would I have said anything?”
Parker threw up his right arm in disbelief. “How can you say that? We’ve been here for days and you’ve said nothing. The whole time you’ve known that I’m your father and you’ve said nothing. Why would you carry a picture of you and my ex-wife around and not say anything?”
“She was my mother,” Jake retorted. “That photo is one of the few I have left of her. I go everywhere with it. It has nothing to do with you.” You left, he thought bitterly. Left and didn’t look back.
Parker’s eyes narrowed. “Was?” His eyes bored into Jake’s. “What do you mean was? ”
Jake’s fists clenched at his side. “Don’t pretend you don’t know.”
Parker’s gaze didn’t waver. “I wouldn’t ask if I did.”
Jake paused, eyeing him. “She...died...ten years ago.”
Parker sucked in a deep breath and lowered his eyes. “I’m sorry.”
Jake’s mouth twisted. “Sure you are.”
“I am,” Parker insisted, looking pained. “Though we divorced I always cared for her.” His eyes were dark and haunted. “And I would’ve cared for you too, fought for you if I had known about you.”
Jake took a cautious step back even as his fists remained clenched at his sides. “Don’t pretend you didn’t know about me. Don’t pretend you cared.”
“Can we have some privacy please?” Parker suddenly said, his voice tight.
Jake looked around. He had completely forgotten that they had an audience with Nina, Neil and Justin. All three of them standing there staring and listening
Nina nodded immediately. “Yes of course, sorry.” Then she frowned and looked around the room. “Ah...you’re in our room, Parker.”
Parker flushed with embarrassment. “Sorry, you’re right.” He looked back at Jake. “Shall we go outside and carry this on?”
Jake felt his facial muscles tighten with resentment. “I don’t have anything else to say to you.”
Parker swallowed. “I know what you must think of me, but you have it all wrong. Please. Please give me a chance to explain.”
They moved into the corridor, leaving Nina and Neil with Angela. Justin moved into the corridor with him, his eyes dark and thoughtful.
“I thought you knew she died.” Jake frowned. “Grandad told me he’d written to you, told you–”
“He didn’t,” Parker bit out as fury invaded every bone in his already aching body. “I received no news from him. He lied.” His eyes had hardened with hate. “I shouldn’t be shocked by my ex-wife’s family. Her parents gave me ample examples of how vindictive they could be.”
Could he believe him? Jake stared into Parker’s haunted eyes. The man sounded and looked sincere, but Jake didn’t know. He wanted to believe him, it was easier than thinking that your father knew about you but just didn’t care to get to know you. His mother had never said what had happened between her and his father. She had only ever said that it hadn’t worked out between them. Discussing it had always upset her, and so he had often asked his grandparents instead. They had rarely had a good word to say of the man who had deserted their pregnant daughter, but could Parker be telling the truth that he had never known about the pregnancy? A trickle of unease slithered up his back. It was no secret that though he had had a good relationship with his grandparents, particularly his grandfather, like any family they had argued about things. His grandfather had been one to once he wanted to believe something, did so irrespective of the evidence presented to him. And when Jake had pointed out that evidence, Jake remembered now with both fondness and exasperation, his grandfather would say: ‘Jacob, you are being just like your father. Argumentative.” But to his grandfather, anyone who didn’t agree was labelled ‘argumentative.’ Even still, he didn’t want to think that his grandparents had lied to him, and he wouldn’t’. His mother’s parents had always been good to him.
“I never heard about her dying,” Parker was saying now. His face had tightened with regret and sorry. “All these years...” His voice trailed off weakly. He stared at Jake. “What did she die of?” he whispered.
Jake looked away. He didn’t want to talk about it, not here, not anywhere. And he didn’t want to unearth the memory of emotional turmoil in seeing the life sucked from his mother like a balloon. “Breast cancer,” he finally managed.
Parker sucked in a pained breath. “I’m sorry. I had...I had no idea. Where...where is she buried?”
Jake’s head began to spin. “Bordeaux,” He answered reluctantly. He watched Parker’s tormented face. “That’s where we lived.”
Justin
, still standing with them, had his hands thrust into his pockets. Jake had noticed Justin alternating shaking his head in disbelief and switching his gaze between he and Parker.
“Bordeaux,” Parker repeated bitterly. “Where her parents convinced her to live before the ink had even dried on our divorce papers.”
Not knowing what to say to that, Jake remained silent. He felt uncomfortable discussing this in front of Justin, but it seemed he had little choice.
“You don’t have a French accent,” Justin said curiously.
Jake shrugged. “My grandfather got me elocution lessons when I was younger, but I also speak fluent French.”
Parker held out his hand. “Can I see the photo again please?”
After a brief hesitation, fully aware of Justin’s eyes on him, Jake pulled out the photo from his pocket and handed it to Parker.
Parker ran his thumb over the photo before turning it over to read the neat handwritten scrawl again: Me and Euan, 1983, Kew Gardens. Parker lifted his eyes to Jake. “You must have been about what? Three years old here?”
“Yeah.” Jake shifted. “You were never meant to see the photo.” He always kept it inside his bag; it accompanied him wherever he went; his way of keeping his mother nearby. “I’m sorry if it upset you.”
“Upset me?” Parker almost laughed at the lukewarm description of the tumult of emotions ricocheting through him. “Upset doesn’t even begin to cover it, Euan.”
Jake felt himself stiffen immediately at the name he hadn’t used since childhood. “I go by Jake.”
“But Euan’s your birth name. Your mother gave it to you for a reason. She would’ve known that it was your grandfather’s name, my father’s name.”
“Maybe so, but I prefer Jake.” What did this man want from him?
“And you use Rush, your mother’s maiden name as your surname, not mine, not Drayton.” Parker was staring at him.
Jake tugged at his earlobe. For the first time in his life he felt guilty for his own surname.
“I didn’t make the connection with your surname,” Parker murmured, and grimaced in self-disgust. “Rush,” he repeated. “Can’t remember if Gwynne gave it to me or not when we were discussing the flight here.” He studied Jake’s solid build, noting Jake’s eyes – gray – were the same as his own.
Justin cleared his throat then, drawing both men’s gazes to him. “I’m going to head back; you two obviously have things to discuss.”
Parker frowned immediately. “This involves all of us, Justin.”
Justin slanted a look at Jake. “I don’t see how.”
“He’s your brother for a start.”
Jake’s gaze locked with Justin’s. They looked at each other for a moment, both of them clearly unsettled with that thought.
“I’m not your biological son,” Justin returned his gaze to Parker. “Neither Hugh nor I are, remember? But he is.” He jerked his head in Jake’s direction.
This, right here, Jake thought as a weight pressed down on his chest, was another of the reasons why he had not revealed to Parker that he was his father. Maybe he shouldn’t care how Justin felt, but he did.
“Justin–” Parker began.
“There isn’t a blood connection with you, Hugh, and I,” Justin’s tone was flat, and he inclined his head toward Jake. “Talk to him. Get to the truth.”
A pulse began to beat at the corner of Parker’s tense mouth. “Family isn’t necessarily about blood connections,” he explained and arched a brow at Jake. “Would you agree?”
Why the heck hadn’t he gone to fetch the thermometer himself? Jake asked silently. “Yes.” He met Justin’s guarded expression. “He’s right. Family is about who loves you. Really loves you.”
“Nonetheless.” Justin took another step back.
“Justin–” Parker began again, and swore under his breath when Justin only turned and strode away.
“That was one of the reasons why I didn’t say anything.”
Parker turned, locked angry eyes with Jake. “That’s not a reason.”
“It was for me, and I honestly didn’t even think you’d care.” How could he have? Jake thought. The man had disappeared.
Hurt swam across Parker’s weary face. “Is that what you’ve thought all these years? That I didn’t care?”
Jake just shrugged in an attempt to display an emotional distance he was far from feeling. “What else would I think? It’s been over thirty years and we’ve never met. ”
“I never knew you existed, Euan,” Parker insisted.
So he kept saying, Jake thought, but that would mean that the grandparents who had raised him had lied to him when telling him that his father had been selfish and had only cared for himself, abandoning his mother when she had needed him the most. That was what they had always told him growing up. He didn’t want to face the reality that it had all been lies. He didn’t want to think that his grandparents who had always shown him nothing but love had lied to him. “It still leads to the same thing: you weren’t around.” Jake let his gaze drift towards the room Parker had been sharing with Justin and Hugh. “That appears to be a pattern of yours doesn’t it? Absenteeism.”
Parker’s eyes narrowed to slits. “The situation with your mother and I is completely different from the one with Justin and Hugh’s.”
Jake knew that, and felt ashamed for the low blow. Overwhelmed with different emotions, he rubbed his hands over his face. “I can’t discuss this, Parker. I’m sorry.”
Parker threw up his hand again in exasperation. “What do you mean? You’ve just been reunited with your father and you want to do what? Sleep? ”
“I’m exhausted,” Jake snapped. But he knew that wasn’t the real reason for his reluctance. His real reason was feeling completely out of his depth. He didn’t relish the feeling.
“We all are,” Parker pointed out. “But this can’t wait.”
“I’ve been without family since my grandparents died seven years ago.” Though it still hurt to think of it, Jake kept his tone carefully neutral. “I’ve grown used to it. Used to being alone. I’m fine.”
Parker searched his son’s closed face. “I can’t imagine how anyone can be content being alone.”
Jake looked away. “I never knew you.”
“Because you never had a chance to,” Parker pointed out.
“Sometimes you don’t have a choice.”
“You do now.”
With a deep sigh, Jake sank down and rested against the wall once more.
Parker did the same, sitting down opposite, carefully maneuvering with his one good arm.
“After what I heard you tell Nina yesterday...” Jake began hesitantly. “I realized there are a few things I’d gotten wrong about you all these years.”
“You’ve thought about me?” Caught between pleasure and anxiety, Parker smiled tentatively. “Really?”
“Children tend to think about their absent parents.”
Parker’s smile vanished. “Did you enjoy living in France with your mother and grandparents?”
He could say no, Jake thought as he looked back into his father’s eyes. He could say he’d been miserable, but it would be a lie. A lie to himself and to his mother’s memory. Despite the pain of rejection, he’d never been able to shake off his father’s absence. But he’d loved growing up in France. “No, I had a great childhood.”
“That’s good.” Parker smiled with genuine relief. “And you got on well with your grandfather.”
“Yeah, but for the most part we had our differences. Once he got an idea about something he wouldn’t let it go, even if it’s plain that it doesn’t make sense or isn’t right.”
“Yeah I remember,” Parker’s voice was tight. “He was often more comfortable believing lies.”
Jake winced inwardly. He couldn’t disagree because it was true. There were things that he and his grandfather had argued about because his grandfather had refused to see certain truth that sat right before his eyes. But still, he
had loved the old man, even if that old man had drove him crazy at times. He tactfully didn’t tell Parker about how his grandfather would often accuse him of being just like Parker whenever they disagreed. He couldn’t see Parker taking that well. It troubled Jake to think that his grandfather would have lied about the reason why he had grown up without Parker, but he would have to think about that later.
“You’ve chosen to work in London,” Parker pointed out now. “You came back to the place where you were born.”
“So to speak.” Jake shifted, uncomfortable under Parker’s scrutiny.
“Did your mother ever...talk about me? She and I were married for three years.”
Jake studied his boots. “On occasion, but only when grandma and granddad weren’t around.”
“Of course,” Parker said bitterly.
Now Jake studied him. “What made you and my mother divorce?”
Parker looked surprised at the question. “Did your mother never tell you? Your mother was always a talker.”
“She did, but as we’re now discussing it, I’d like to hear your side.”
“Well.” Parker blew out a breath. “We were married for three years.” His eyes clouded. “They were the best and worst three years of my life. We met when we were holidaying in Prague with our friends. She had gone with three of her friends, and I’d gone with two of mine.”
Jake nodded. The story always begun with a soft smile for his mother, he remembered, but as the story progressed, the smile had turned to a confused frown, as if, after all this time she still couldn’t understand why she had asked Parker for a divorce. Jake had always secretly believed it had been his mother’s deepest regret.
Parker continued. “We met the second day of my trip. I was watching a high stakes card game at a casino with some friends and so was she. The game had attracted quite a crowed.” He smiled. “We started talking. It turned out we both lived in London. We spent the rest of our holidays together, but our friends didn’t really mind. My friends and I back to London just a day before she did. We continued our relationship for a year before getting engaged. Her parents had since moved to Bordeaux. When we got engaged we travelled there to meet them.” His voice had cooled with the mention of the grandparents, Jake noted.
Spiral and Torn Books 1 and 2 of The Salzburg Saga Trilogy Page 23
