Blame it on the Onesie: A romantic comedy about work, water and wine

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Blame it on the Onesie: A romantic comedy about work, water and wine Page 22

by CJ Morrow


  ‘Tastes good,’ he said.

  ‘Yeah,’ Ella agreed.

  ‘Despite the texture,’ Nathan added. A hint of a smirk again.

  The goat treated them to a final frenzied knocking session then stopped.

  Ella jumped. ‘I’d forgotten about him.’

  ‘I’ll have a look when I’ve eaten this…what did you call it?’

  ‘Meese toast. It’s Marmite with cheese layered…’

  ‘Yeah. I understand,’ he interrupted, standing up. ‘Stay here, just in case.’

  Ella didn’t need telling, she had no intention of checking on Feral Billy. Instead she cleared the table and put the kettle on to boil water for the dishes.

  ‘He’s dead,’ Nathan said, coming back in. He walked over to the kitchen door and started to unlock it.

  ‘No,’ Ella called, her hands in soapy water. ‘Don’t let his…smell, whatever… in here.’

  Nathan stopped. Frowned. Shrugged. Pulled his phone from his jean’s pocket and checked the time.

  ‘Too early,’ he said to himself, pushing the phone back into his pocket.

  ‘Too early for what?’ Ella dried her hands.

  ‘To get help. We could do it ourselves.’

  ‘Do what?’ But Ella had a nasty feeling she knew. She really didn’t want to be hauling a goat somewhere. Where? What did you do with a dead goat?

  ‘Put Feral Billy in…’ he didn’t finish the sentence. His tone suggested Ella knew what he was talking about. ‘Only it’d be easier while he’s still…’ he stopped and thought about the word, ‘limp.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Well, he’s still quite warm, so he’s floppy, limp.’

  ‘I know what limp means; I just don’t know what you’re talking about.’

  ‘We have to get him downstairs. Sooner the better.’

  Ella shook her head. What the hell did he mean?

  ‘Is it locked? Where do you keep the key?’ Nathan glanced around the kitchen, spied Ella’s keys on the table and picked them up. He selected one and walked towards the hall. Ella heard the key in the cellar door.

  ‘What are you doing?’

  ‘Opening the cellar door. I think we can do it. You look like a strong girl.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  ‘I meant you’re a sturdy girl.’

  ‘That’s not any better. And I still don’t know what you’re talking about. Why have you unlocked my cellar?’

  Nathan stopped and frowned. He made a puzzled face, then shook his head. ‘You really don’t know?’

  ‘Know what?’

  ‘About the spring?’

  Ella shook her head slowly. She had no idea what he was talking about. He wasn’t making any sense; he must have had a very late night, probably drunk too much.

  ‘Come on.’ He grabbed her hand – his warm, hers damp and pulled her down into the cellar. ‘There,’ he said, pointing to the inscription on the hatch and reading out the words. ‘When evil visits, welcome it. When sorrow visits, repel it. Feed the Spring Of Life, respect the Spring Of Life.’

  Ella peered at the words, blinked at them, shook her head at Nathan.

  Nathan turned to Ella. ‘When evil visits, welcome it. Feed the Spring of Life. What do you think that means?’

  ‘I don’t know what it means. But I have a very nasty feeling now.’

  ‘We have to put Feral Billy in there.’

  ‘No. No. It’ll contaminate it. I get my water from there, so do some of my neighbours.’

  ‘Most of the original village houses get their water from there, mine included. That’s why we need to get him down there while we can still bend him, while he’ll still fit through the hatch in one piece.’

  ‘Ha ha. That is not funny.’ Ella shook her hand free from Nathan’s and stomped up the cellar steps and back into the kitchen. She stood with her arms folded, seething, waiting for Nathan. He thought he was so bloody funny. Just when she thought he was all right, just when she thought they could at least be friends and put the fumble in the car park and the shitty song behind them he did this. Bastard.

  When Nathan hadn’t appeared after five minutes Ella went to the top of the stairs and called for him. He came up; he was holding a large, old, leather bound book. Ella turned to close the cellar door behind him.

  ‘No,’ he said, putting his foot against it to stop her. ‘Leave it open. Let’s get this done.’

  ‘No. I want you to go now. Just get out. You’re just making fun of me. Yet again.’

  ‘Ella. I’ve never made fun of you. You need to trust me on this.’

  ‘Just get out. Just go. You’re a psycho.’ Ella felt the tears welling up in her eyes but she was absolutely not going to cry in front of bastard Nathan.

  ‘I’ll get help,’ he said, ‘if you don’t want to do it. This is yours. You need to read it.’ He thrust the book into her arms, it was heavy and she felt weighed down by it.

  ‘What’s this? Where did it come from?’

  ‘Cupboard in the cellar.’ He pulled his phone out of his pocket, flicked through his contacts, rang someone and waited. ‘Voicemail,’ he said to himself. ‘Still too early.’

  ‘Just get out,’ Ella said, dropping the book onto the dresser and making the china clink.

  ‘Careful,’ Nathan said.

  ‘I told you to go. Now go.’

  ‘Perhaps I could help with that.’ Hal’s mellifluous tones filled the room. Ella and Nathan spun round.

  ‘Hal,’ Ella said. ‘I’m glad you’re here. Nathan’s leaving.’

  ‘I should have locked the front door,’ Nathan said, pushing past Hal, who stood holding the most enormous bouquet of flowers Ella had ever seen. ‘I’ll be back with help,’ Nathan called over his shoulder.

  ‘No. Don’t bother,’ Ella shouted back.

  ‘Lovers’ tiff?’ Hal sneered.

  ‘Never in a million years.’ She took a deep breath then turned to Hal smiling. ‘Are those for me?’

  ‘A house warming gift.’ He held out the flowers. ‘Do you have a suitable vase?’

  Ella made a face. ‘Probably not, but there’s a bucket under the sink. You’re here very early.’

  ‘I was going to take you out for a decent breakfast. I thought you’d probably be in need of one after your first night camping out here. But I can see I needn’t have worried.’ Hal glanced over at the cereal packet and milk bottle still on the table in the dining room.

  ‘Maybe some other time. I woke up early. Had a bit of a drama.’

  ‘With Nathan Jessop.’

  ‘No. Not really. I had to ring him with a problem.’

  ‘This morning?’ Hal said and his voice lightened a little.

  ‘You didn’t think…no. Never. He’s just a handyman.’

  Hal smiled. He seemed satisfied. ‘I see you’re wearing the frog outfit again.’

  ‘It’s warm. I was cold.’ She didn’t like to tell him she’d not even had a shower, wasn’t dressed properly beneath it. As usual Hal was male model fresh.

  ‘Maybe I could take you for lunch, since you won’t want another breakfast. Sunday lunch, roast beef and all the trimmings.’

  ‘That would be nice,’ Ella said. In her head she was running through what she wanted to do today. ‘I need to go back to the bedsit and clean it, so maybe I could meet you there, about one.’ She could take a change of clothes and have a shower too.

  ‘Sounds good to me. Until one.’ He leaned over and kissed her briefly on the mouth, then pulled away making a face, frowning.

  ‘Sorry. Meese toast. You don’t like Marmite, do you?’

  He didn’t answer her question, just gave her a quick smile. ‘I’ll see you later, and wear something nice. We’ll go to my restaurant again.’

  Ella watched him get into his car, heard it roar up the lane, then she dumped the flowers in the bucket and raced upstairs to pull on her dirty jeans from yesterday, grabbed a change of clothes and headed back to the bedsit. She completely forgot about Feral Bi
lly who was slowly stiffening on her kitchen doorstep.

  The bedsit didn’t take much cleaning, a quick wipe of the few cupboards, clean the bathroom out and flash through with the mini-vacuum. It looked far better than it had the day she’d moved in. Ella took the cleaning materials out to her car; she was on her way back in when she bumped into Phoebe, who looked stunning, as per usual. Well, she was Hal’s sister so it was only to be expected.

  ‘Morning,’ Ella smiled.

  ‘Hi.’ But Phoebe didn’t even bother looking in Ella’s direction.

  Ella went back in for her shower. She washed her hair then piled it up on top in what she hoped was a sexy, just got out of bed look. Her hairdryer was at the cottage now, so her hair would have to stay wet. At least it was clean.

  Hal knocked promptly at one.

  ‘Smells very fresh and clean in here,’ he said, stepping inside.

  ‘Yes. Cleaner than when I moved in. That’s it now, I no longer live here.’

  ‘So I’ll be getting a new neighbour soon.’ Hal helped Ella on with her coat.

  ‘Not for another month or so. I’m still paying rent until then.’

  ‘But you’re not living here.’

  ‘Yes, but I’m paying rent and they won’t let me off it, even though they have another tenant lined up and wanting to move in immediately, so I’m not giving the keys back until my contract expires.’ Ella felt irritated just talking about it.

  ‘But you won’t be using the place?’

  ‘No? I’ve got my cottage now. And the rules say I have to live there.’

  ‘Good that you don’t actually need the money,’ Hal said, closing the door behind Ella and guiding her down the stairs.

  ‘That’s not really the point. You’d think they’d be happy to let me off the last month’s rent in view of the fact that they’ve got another tenant waiting. I just hope I get my full deposit back, but I can’t see why I shouldn’t.’

  ‘Well, it’s just good you’re not destitute.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Are you hungry?’

  ‘I am now,’ Ella laughed, ‘after all that cleaning.’

  The roast beef was excellent; the smell alone reminded Ella of home cooking, of her mum’s Sunday dinners.

  ‘You’re miles away again,’ Hal said, ordering a sparkling, low alcohol wine to celebrate Ella’s new home.

  ‘Just thinking about my mum.’ Ella shook her head; she really didn’t want to talk about her mum too much – the memory was still too raw.

  ‘So what’s next on your plan?’ Hal waved the waitress over to bring more gravy. They were sitting at the same table in the conservatory as last time, and like last time, the place was full.

  ‘Building work. Not looking forward to that.’

  ‘Have you chosen your builder?’

  ‘Well until this morning it was going to be Nathan.’

  ‘Jessop? What about my guys?’

  ‘One was too busy, one decided it was too big a job and the other never rang back.’

  Hal shook his head. ‘I’ve used all three. Do you want me to have a word with them?’

  Ella nodded slowly and smiled. Hal seemed pleased.

  ‘What was all that about this morning.’

  ‘Oh, it was just some local business. Nothing really.’ How the hell could she tell Hal about the goat and Nathan’s insistence that it should be thrown into the spring.

  ‘Yes, you have to watch people in those little villages, Tommy Two-head and all that.’ He laughed.

  ‘What?’

  He leaned forward and whispered. ‘Inbred.’

  Ella half laughed and shook her head. She didn’t think they were inbred but the business with the goat was very worrying.

  ‘So do you and Nathan actually know each other?’

  ‘Let’s say our paths have crossed. Are you having a pudding? I can recommend the apple pie.’

  ‘So what happened? Between you and Nathan.’

  Hal looked up to the ceiling slowly, then took in a deep breath. ‘He was Phoebe’s boyfriend.’

  ‘Your sister? Oh.’ Ella wasn’t at all sure how she felt about this. Leggy Phoebe with her semi-casual, semi-glamorous jobs didn’t seem Nathan’s type at all.

  ‘Quite. He was a bastard and he broke her heart. Don’t ever mention him in front of her.’

  ‘No,’ Ella said, wondering when that opportunity might arise. Never. She was intrigued but it wasn’t any of her business.

  ‘So, that’s why I say keep away from him. Don’t be fooled by his apparent pleasantness. There’s nothing pleasant about him. He even took a swing at me.’ Hal shook his head.

  ‘You had a fight? Over Phoebe.’ Hal the hero looking after his sister’s honour.

  ‘Not really a fight. He was drunk. It was in one of those awful pubs he plays in.’

  Ella nodded. She didn’t tell Hal that she’d spent many evenings watching Nathan play and Charlie sing in those awful pubs.

  ‘I’m a bit busy this afternoon,’ Hal said, changing the subject. ‘Bit of business I have to attend to, but are you free this evening?’

  ‘Um. Yes. I suppose so. But I can’t be too late, I’m working tomorrow.’

  Hal frowned. ‘I thought you didn’t need to work now.’

  ‘It’s just a handover, they pretty much begged me.’

  ‘Don’t let them take advantage of you. Anyway, it won’t be a late night. I have some tickets for a little avant-garde play in a little theatre I know. Should be interesting.’ He smiled at her. ‘If you’re interested, I could pick you up and drop you off.’

  Why not, Ella thought. It could be fun and spending time with Hal would definitely be fun.

  ‘Wear something nice. Something,’ he looked her up and down, ‘dressier.’

  When Ella pulled up outside Spring Cottage the first emotion she felt was joy; it was such a gorgeous house in a lovely village. She was actually falling in love with it. That was quickly followed by relief when she saw that Feral Billy was no longer on her path. Thank God for that.

  She carried the mini-vacuum and the rest of the cleaning gear indoors and dumped them in the hallway. She needed to find a proper home for these things – there wasn’t much cupboard space in Spring Cottage. Maybe the cellar. She glanced at the cellar door. It was closed. She couldn’t remember closing it, but then emotions had been running high and Hal had arrived with the flowers in the middle of the goat argument with Nathan.

  In the kitchen she filled the kettle and put it on. While it boiled she attempted to arrange Hal’s flowers in the bucket – not really ideal. There were vases in the cellar but they were being used. Maybe there was a vase in the dresser. There wasn’t, but the big leather book was still sitting on it. Ella picked it up, it was heavy, she took it through to the dining room and left it on the table. A few minutes later she returned with her mug of tea and sat down.

  The book was old, it smelled musty and the pages were yellowed and brittle. It was a history of the house written by the various owners over the centuries. She knew the house was old, that much was obvious but it seemed that the first building, the part she thought was her kitchen now, was built in the seventeenth century, just like Nathan has said. The early entries were sparse and almost illegible, faded with age and the writing poor.

  She went through the book, slowly turning the pages but not attempting to read everything – there would be plenty of time for that if she really wanted to. She found the rules; the list of conditions that she was now sticking to. This must have been where her great uncle had copied them from. They were much more detailed than her version, although essentially the same. There were crossings out and little amendments marked with tiny initials.

  She turned the page: The Spring of Life – instructions for care.

  She laughed to herself, it sounded like washing instructions, something you’d see on a dress label. The writing here was faded too, many of the words made no sense.

  A knock on the kitchen door made
her jump. Feral Billy. Of course it wasn’t.

  The door opened and Walt’s cheery smile greeted her.

  ‘Hello young Ella.’

  ‘I must have left that door unlocked,’ she said, puzzled, then remembered that Nathan had unlocked it to bring the dead goat in before she’d stopped him.

  ‘We thought we’d work on the garden tomorrow, since we can’t really do anymore in the house.’

  ‘Garden?’ Ella echoed.

  ‘If that’s all right with you? Unless you have other plans.’ He leaned over and patted her on the shoulder. Up close Walt’s skin looked really good, smooth and pink.

  ‘I’m working tomorrow.’

  ‘We can get on without you. There’s a tap in the garden. Now’s the time to get planting.’

  ‘You don’t have to start when I’m not here. I mean, I’m really grateful, but don’t feel you have to.’

  ‘We want to. Everyone is keen. Everyone is so happy you’re finally here. It’s all looking very bright and cosy with your furniture in.’

  ‘This is about it,’ Ella laughed. ‘I need to get more but not much point ‘til the building work is done.’

  ‘When does Nathan start?’

  ‘I don’t know. It might not be Nathan.’

  Walt raised an eyebrow but didn’t question further. ‘Ah, I see you’ve found the book. I wondered when that might turn up. Where was it?’

  ‘In the cellar, apparently. I didn’t find it, Nathan did.’

  ‘Oh, he never mentioned it earlier.’ Walt sat down and started flicking through it. ‘I’ve never had a good look. Do you mind?’

  ‘Feel free. What do you mean Nathan never mentioned it earlier?’

  ‘When I helped him move Feral Billy. Heavy, that goat was. Very heavy.’

  Ella felt sudden alarm. ‘Where did you move him to?’ But she already knew the answer.

  ‘Into the spring, of course. We had to move him when he was still limp; he fitted through the hatch then. Better than chopping him up.’ Walt turned a page in the book, he was engrossed.

  ‘No. Stop,’ Ella shouted.

 

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