by Liv Morris
We’d decided to meet for lunch at a restaurant close to the river. I’d only been back a couple days, and we hadn’t had a chance to really catch up.
“My aunt has to be laughing in her grave.” I put the menu down and looked at Mel. “The hoops I have to jump through to inherit her estate are nuts, but I really don’t have a choice.”
“This reminds me of one of the those movies where the person has to find a spouse by the weekend or they’re written out of the rich uncle’s will.” Mel laughed, hoping to lighten my mood, but this wasn’t some Hollywood comedy. Instead it was my fucked up life.
“Yeah. I keep waiting for the Punk’d film crew to show up at any minute.” I scanned the patron’s surrounding us. “But I don’t see hide nor hair of Ashton Kutcher and he’s not easy to miss.”
“So what are all the requirements?” Mel took a sip of her diet cola. “They have to be something crazy to get you to move back here from New York City.”
“Well you know my cousin Lenny.” I paused while Mel nodded her head.
“He’s scary.” Mel shuddered and I followed with a knowing laugh.
“You have no idea. He was at the meeting today and I swear he looked like a Zombie ready for Halloween. It’s been forever since I’ve seen him. Maybe ten years and he looks like he’s about fifty with no teeth.”
“Why was he at the attorney’s?” Mel asked.
“Long story short. I have to stay here an entire year at my aunt’s house. Basically set up residency. Remove every shred of evidence that I was once a happy New Yorker. If I don’t, Lenny will inherit the estate, lock, stock, and meth pipe.”
“You’re kidding, right?” Mel scoffed and scrunched her face in a most unpleasant manner. “Is that even legal? Can she really make you do this?”
“Apparently it’s all legitimate though sadistic in a twisted way. The attorney mentioned something about Aunt Marge’s assets being held in an escrow account with specific stipulations that I have to meet.”
“Wow, I never knew your aunt had it in her.”
“I know. I think it’s more the Demi Duke side of her. Her alter ego.” I chuckled as our salads were placed in front of us. “My mother thinks she wanted me out of New York City. She lived there right out of college like me. Before she decided on pursuing her doctorate. She thought the city sucked souls from the young. Quote, unquote.”
“When she visited you there last December, did you have any clue what was coming?”
“Clueless. She did question me about my life in New York City. How the dating life was. Maybe I should’ve told her some lies instead of telling her I’d yet to meet a decent guy after three years. I complained about them all being asshole players.”
I had searched my mind since I heard the terms of my aunt’s will. Nothing from that three-day visit months ago would’ve tipped me off to what I was facing now.
The estate she left me was massive, totaling eight million dollars including the Victorian house. Aunt Marge found success as the writer Demi Duke in the Seventy’s and Eighty’s. A smart broker had her make two killer investments with her money. Nike in 1975 and Apple in 1981. The money grew each year, and she left a hefty estate to me, but it was a gift with strings that pulled me back to Marietta. Ones that dragged me back here kicking and screaming.
“Hey there’s Bailey McMasters. She’s walking our way.” Mel whispered leaning forward and moving her eyes somewhere behind me.
The thought of seeing “Beautiful Bailey” made me freeze. Bailey was the “It” girl that all boys wanted to date in high school and all the girls wanted to hate, but she was truly a super nice person. A basic nightmare. My days as Fatty Patty made me slide down into the seat.
“Hi, Mel.” Bailey greeted Mel before I could see her over my shoulder.
“Hi, Bailey.” Mel glanced at me and kicked me under the table, making me turn around and face Bailey. There was nowhere to hide now. “You remember Patricia Hopkins?”
I stared openmouthed at Bailey. Time hadn’t been kind to her. Her hair was shaggy and the bags under her eyes made her look well past thirty. The person standing in front of me looked haggard at best.
“Sure, I remember you Bailey,” I answered and relaxed my shoulders.
“Wow, Patty. You look great. I wouldn’t have recognized you in a million years.”
“Thanks,” I replied, and bit my lip so I wouldn’t make some mean girl comment about not recognizing her in a million years either.
“No seriously. You look like a model. All polished.” Bailey continued to gush over the changes in me since I moved away.
“Why don’t you join us?” Mel asked while pushing out the empty chair at the table. “We can catch up.”
“Do you mind? My mother has the twins for the afternoon and I so need some girl time.” Bailey had settled in the seat before she finished her sentence. “I heard you were back in town, Patty.”
I cringed when I heard that old name again. It was time to put Patty six feet under.
“I decided to reinvent myself when I left here and I go by Trish now. If you don’t mind.”
“That’s right,” Bailey exclaimed. I was puzzled how Bailey knew I changed my name. “Your brother told me about it, Mel.”
“My brother?” Mel volleyed her eyes back and forth between Bailey and me. “I think I’m missing something here.”
I hung my head before I answered. “I might have run into your brother last week.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Mel asked, appearing shocked that I didn’t mention it.
“I forgot. I’m sorry. It’s been one thing after another, since I walked into my aunt’s house.”
“Well believe me, you made quite an impression on Thomas.” Bailey waggled her brows and added a wink. “He couldn’t stop talking about you.”
“You guys are close?” I had to know more, so I pried.
“My husband and Thomas are on the force together. He’s over at our house a lot, helping us finish our basement.” Bailey beamed while telling the background to knowing Thomas. “He’s intense, but a super sweet guy.”
“He’s intense alright.” Mel quipped and all eyes were on her now. “He’s bossy sometimes is all I’m saying.
I remembered how Thomas had ordered me around and I instinctively obeyed without even a thought. He didn’t seem too demanding just in charge. An alpha-type guy who was looking out for me. Yeah, he could boss me around anytime, preferably in the bedroom.
Buzz, buzz, buzz.
Bailey picked her phone up off the table and answered an incoming call. Her eyes went wide as she listened to the caller. She nodded her head over and over again.
“Okay, I’ll be right there. Memorial right?” Bailey slumped in her seat and lowered the phone. “Looks like one of the twins needs stitches. I swear it’s always something with them. Last week one of them had peas stuck up their nose.”
“God, I hope they’re okay.” Mel’s voice was full of worry.
“My mother said it’s not even bleeding now. But Jack is asking for me, so I better run along.” Bailey packed her phone away and stood up from her chair. “Great to see you, Trish.”
“Great seeing you too. Wish you could’ve stayed longer. Sounds like you need a break.” I smiled warmly at Bailey, sad that she had to leave.
“You have no idea,” Bailey huffed and turned to leave, but stopped to face Mel. “Oh Mel, I think I’ve talked Thomas into doing that Peckers thing of yours. Now that my hubby has signed up, he seems persuaded.”
I raised a bitch brow at Mel as Bailey walked away.
“Peckers? What the hell is that?”
Chapter 6
“How long do you have for lunch?” Mel asked with a tease. “It may take a little while to explain.”
“I have literally all day.”
I wasn’t kidding either. One bonus about my aunt’s stipulations, I didn’t have to work during the year I’m in limbo. She did encourage me to write though. Wonder if Demi Duche
ss is available as a pen name?
“So back to this Peckers thing. I’m assuming that Peckers is code for a guy’s junk, right?”
“Yes,” Mel said with a blush. “I need to share the backstory first.”
“I’m all ears for this one.” I stuffed the last bite of my chicken salad into my mouth.
“You know I work as a nurse with breast cancer patients, right?” Mel asked, and I nodded back at her.
“Well, every October around Halloween the nurses in our unit put together a fundraiser for breast cancer awareness. We had no clue what do this year? Our creative juices weren’t flowing, and we wanted something fun and different.”
“I remember you doing these in the past.” I stopped our server as she walked by our table. “Can we have two coffees, please?”
“And a couple of those mega size chocolate chip cookies?” Skinny Minnie Mel added. I cringed knowing that I had to be careful with what I ate. I sure as hell didn’t want to drudge up the long buried Fatty Patty.
“Coming right up.” The server wrote on her pad. “I’ll make sure those cookies are nice and warm too.”
“Great,” I whined. “I need to start up at a gym.”
“You should go where my brother does. It seems to have kept him in good shape.” I side eyed Mel, because her face had “matchmaker” written all over it.
“Okay, I’ll lay off the Thomas stuff, but I think he’s got the hots for you. Bailey sure seemed to think so.”
“You know I’ve always crushed on your brother and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I’m excited to hear he was talking about me. But enough about him for right now, you need to tell me your Peckers’ story.”
“You know he’s single right?” A sly smile slid across Mel’s face.
“I don’t know anything about him now.” Well that’s a lie. I know he looks fucking hot in his police uniform and I’d willingly volunteer for a full body search. Plus he can also sing like Frank Sinatra. “Well he can sure sing.”
“You heard him sing?” Mel said while deadpanning me.
“He might have crooned a line or two the other night.” I trailed off.
“I need details on what the ‘other night’ means. Nothing spared.”
“After you tell me about your Peckers.” We looked at each other and giggled. Our conversation was as scattered as my hair was the night I met Thomas, basically all over the place.
“Okay.” Mel took a deep breath. “The nurses and I went out for drinks after a shift to plan. We started talking about all the local places that cater to men looking at woman’s boobs. A new place just opened up called Twin Peaks.”
“You know what men say about those places. They go there for the wings.” I scoffed knowing that was a lie to cover their pervy asses.
“And you know what’s attached to wings?”
“Breasts.” We chimed in a little too loudly. The tables around us went silent as we buried our heads and snickered.
“Back to the story,” Mel took a sip of our just arrived coffee. “I said that we needed to have a place where we could go to ogle men. Have them take our Cosmopolitan and Cobb Salad orders while we checked out their packages.”
“I like this idea.” I grabbed off a morsel of the cookie in front of me and let the melted chocolate spread over my tongue. “These are crack.”
“Why do you think I ordered them?” Mel quipped.
“So you were at the ogling men part.” I twirled my hand signaling her to go on as I began morseling my way through the cookie. I felt less guilty tearing it off in little pieces than inhaling it.
“I thought we should think of a cutesy name for the male version of booby sports bars, and voilà Peckers was born or hatched.” She sat back and straightened her shoulders.
“I think it’s brilliant. So you have the name, now what?”
“We are taking over Mickey’s Bar tomorrow night. It will be called Peckers for the evening. A local company even donated money for us to buy a neon sign for outside. Also, it’s Friday and Halloween Eve. We’re hoping to find dates for Halloween amongst the half-clothed wait staff,” Mel said with a wink.
“Half-clothed?” I asked, realizing Thomas was going to be at the event. I found myself getting rather squirmy in my seat.
“Yes, we’ve asked men from all professions to come help us with the fundraiser. They will be serving drinks and food with the assistance of some of the regular employees. All the men will be shirtless. It’s the one requirement.” I liked where Mel was taking this.
“The doctors will have stethoscopes around their necks. Lawyers and businessmen will have ties. Firemen will have a small hose.” Mel stopped and wiggled her brow. “Those who do manual labor will wear their tool belts. I think I’m forgetting one.”
“You sure as hell are. What about the policemen?” I had no shame at this point. I wanted to know about Thomas’ Peckers getup.
“Of course. Your boy Thomas will be sporting a gun holster over his bare chest.”
I gulped at the thought of seeing what was under that shiny badge. “Okay, when does this start tomorrow? And how can I help?”
“I have most of the bases covered right now, but I could use help after the event with clean up. I want you to come and have fun. You just got into town and I know there will be a lot of familiar faces. Including my brothers.”
“I’m in.” Mel plopped down a flyer in front of me, and I began to read it over.
“All the details are there. It’s a thirty-dollar donation per person, which includes one signature event drink. Peckers Passion. Some wild vodka and pineapple concoction.”
“You know what they say about pineapples as it relates to Peckers.” I quizzed while looking over the costume requirements for us gals.
“So I’ve heard.”
“We’re supposed to dress up as our favorite reality show person? You’ve got to be kidding me.” I reread the paper to make sure I had it right.
“Nope, pick anyone. If you stick with one of the Housewives all you need to do is tease your hair, put on a sleazy dress, and wear a resting Botox face,” Mel remarked.
“What are you going as?” I asked Mel.
“Kim Kardashian. I’m padding my ass and whining.” Mel shook her head and rolled her eyes while I laughed at how spot on she was.
“I’ll go as Gretchen Rossi. The blonde on Orange County. I saw her one time in New York at a bar with the guy she’s engaged to. She was sweet and he was creepy. It’s either that or Honey Boo Boo.” I took the flyer, folded it, and stuffed it inside my purse. I had one day to find the perfect outfit, schedule a root touch up along with one of those flowing curl blowouts.
“Now, before we leave. I want to hear about you and my bro.” Mel reached for the last bite of her cookie and settled into her chair.
I began at the tap on my window.
Chapter 7
After spilling every last detail to Mel and answering a hundred probing questions, she decided I was going to marry her brother. She even asked if I preferred ivory or white for a dress. I told her not to pick out the linens or china yet. Wait until we at least rounded first base.
I prayed that would happen and soon. I thought back to the simple touch of Thomas’ fingers on my cheek the other night as he gently wiped away my tears. God, he was so sweet and strong at the same time. I wanted to know each side of him… both in and out of bed.
I drove back to my aunt’s house and pulled onto the driveway. The fall leaves were covering the yard and I couldn’t see a blade of grass showing. The time had arrived for some manual labor. I found a rake and bags in her gardening shed behind the old Victorian and set out to clean the place up.
I considered hiring someone to help with the upkeep around the one hundred plus year old house, but my funds were limited. The attorneys gave me a monthly allowance of five thousand dollars. Half of the amount went into a savings account for taxes, the rest was mine to spend for living day to day. If there were major repairs around
the place, I could get help with them.
The weather for October was unseasonably hot so I wore a pair of workout shorts and a tank. I started raking and making piles in the front yard. I wanted the yard looking good for the trick-or-treaters descending in two days. The last thing I needed were the neighbors complaining that I let my aunt’s house run into the ground.
After an hour of raking, bending, and bagging, a car honked close by and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I put the rake down and saw a group of young guys getting out of a car. They were waving as they walked toward me. They looked to be high school age and perhaps the offensive line of the football team.
“Hey,” a tall blond called to me.
I scanned the area unsure if I was safe. Luckily I saw the neighbor two doors down on his front porch watching the unfolding scenario.
“Hi,” I responded with a bit of hesitancy.
“We were just driving by and saw you raking. Thought we might help you out. Pretty lady like you shouldn’t be doing a man’s job.” The blond puffed out his expansive chest. It was a very nice chest.
“Oh, I don’t mind.”
“Well we do.” All three of the hotties stood in front me in a line. One of them picked up my discarded rake.
“Really, you all don’t have to do this.” I tried to protest.
“We want to. Guess we should introduce ourselves. I’m Ben,” said the blond.
“I’m Marcus,” said another.
“I’m Sly,” said the last one. From the looks of him, all side swept bangs and dazzling smile, it appeared he was named appropriately.
“I’m Trish. Trish Hopkins.” I held my hand to my throat realizing I was one sweaty mess at the touch.
“We’ve not seen you around here before,” said Ben. “Believe me we would’ve remembered.”
I blushed at the inference and tried to hide a smile. Do I thank him for that compliment? I had no clue and didn’t want to ratchet up the flirting with high school boys.
“Well, I am new to town. Not really new. More like newly returned. I was raised here.” I took a breath and watched them smiling and checking me out. I suddenly felt underdressed.
