by RR Haywood
‘CUNTS…FUCKING CUNTS…I’LL GET IN THERE AND RIP YOUR FUCKING FACES OFF…I’LL FUCKING END YOU PRICKS…’
‘Dave! Get him outside now,’ Lani snaps, ‘Dave!’
‘No,’ he refuses bluntly.
‘David! Take him outside, you’re the only one he’ll listen to.’
‘No.’
‘Dave,’ Clarence growls, ‘what the hell has got into you two…boss, come on…I’m taking you outside.’
‘NO! I’m getting inside that fucking building…get out the way.’
‘Don’t touch him,’ Dave warns Clarence as the big man goes to stop me striding towards the Saxon.
‘Lads,’ Clarence holds his hands out with the palms outwards, ‘easy…take it easy…Dave, you know I’d never hurt him.
‘That’s right. You won’t.’
‘Dave…he’s losing it, he needs a time out.’
‘He’s doing what needs to be done.’
‘Dave,’ Lani appeals to him while I wrench the driver’s door open, ‘stop him…stop him before he does something stupid.’
‘Mr Howie doesn't do anything stupid,’ he replies.
‘Dave for fuck’s sake,’ Clarence starts towards the Saxon as Dave steps in front of him, ‘Dave…please…move aside.’
‘No.’
‘GET OUT THE FUCKING WAY,’ I scream, ‘MOVE OR GET RUN OVER…’
‘Dave, he’s losing it,’ Clarence pleads, ‘get him out of there.’
‘Dave,’ Blowers moves forward followed by Nick and Cookey, ‘Dave, do something.’
‘MOVE!’ I start the engine and grind gears while the rage spills out into my trembling hands, ‘I want in…I want in…I’m getting in…FUCKING GET IN REVERSE,’ screaming at the gear shift I finally get it in and slam my foot down to pull back with a crash into the back wall.
‘DAVE!’ Lani shouts, ‘He’ll hurt himself…get him out now.’
‘You are moving,’ Clarence starts forward with a grim look at Dave.
‘Nobody touches him,’ Dave draws his pistol, pulling Clarence up short with a face of intense shock.
‘Dave…Jesus Christ…put that away,’ Paula shouts.
‘Put that bow down,’ Dave aims true and straight as Roy makes a motion to take his bow off his shoulder, ‘move out the way now.’
‘Dave…what are you doing?’ Lani begs.
‘MOVE…FUCKING MOVE,’ I bellow at the top of my lungs and stamp my foot down. The Saxon roars ahead, gathering speed as I ram the front into the wall and send the team scattering in all directions and this time I keep my foot down, driving the power of the vehicle into the wall that grinds and splinters in protest. I push down harder, the engine screams in response, thick dirty fumes spewing from the exhaust as the wheels gain traction on the tiles now damaged and covered in debris. The wall starts to give so I back up and hammer it in again and keep the pressure on, turning the wheel left and right to shift the front end to rake the wall. The bars start to buckle and give, centimetres are gained. I back up, slamming the back of the Saxon into the back wall and then go for it again. Aiming for the section with the bars exposed. There’s movement outside, voices shouting, Clarence’s deep tones, Lani screaming, Dave roaring in his parade ground voice.
I want in. I’m getting in. I’m getting inside. The Saxon screeches in protest against the rods buried in the wall but those rods are either not deep enough or not strong enough as the Saxon slowly eats into them with ever increasing power and force that has them bending surely to the point they will snap and give proper. I can feel it giving, the wall is getting closer with every second I drive forward. My mind is gone. All I can visualise is getting inside and beating the shit out of every person in there who sat idly by in their fortress of bullets while everyone else watched their loved ones die.
Back I go and forward again and this time the ramming gains me valuable centimetres and the next time I draw back I can see one of the bars has snapped. One bar has snapped so the rest can snap so I got at it, back and forth and grinding into that wall. I don’t notice the thick fumes that fill up in the room, I don’t notice I’m coughing harder with every second. All I can see is Marcy, Sarah, Ted and big Chris. All I can see is the infection never ending to try and kill us and a lifetime spent killing to stay alive while everyone stares and waits for me to make decisions for them.
I want in. I want in. I want in. The words become a mantra and it’s the only thing my mind can fix on. I want in. I want in.
Another rod snaps with a thunk and suddenly the vehicle shoots forward another few inches and my eyes go wide with fervent glee. I want in. I want in. I want in.
I back up and ignore the waving figures in the reception so desperate for my attention, forward again and another foot is gained. A whole foot in one go and another rod pings as it breaks. I want in. I want in. I’m getting in. I’m getting in. My lips twitch as the words are formed and spill from my mouth to be lost in the outrageous sound all about me and of which I am oblivious.
Got to find Marcy. Got to get ammunition. Got to get in here. Got to find Marcy. Got to get ammunition. Got to get inside here. Got to find Sarah. Got to get ammunition. Got to get in. Got to find my sister. Got to find her. Sarah.
Tears are streaming down my face. The diesel fumes choke my throat but I refuse to yield. This wall is the infection. This wall was put by those people inside. They put all the walls up. I only ever wanted to find Sarah and get to fort. I didn’t ask for this. I should have stayed with her and kept her safe. If I had been there they wouldn’t have taken her. I’m Howie and they fear me but I left and she died only to be reborn and die again and now she’s with Paco and their baby.
Oh god. I’m losing it. I’m deep inside myself staring in horror at the beast that screams in hysteria as he drives the poor Saxon into the wall so desperate to get at the people within. Dave fights and threatens with his almighty misplaced sense of loyalty to me. He’d kill the lot of them without hesitation if he thought they threatened me. I’ve got to stop. Stop now. But I’ve got to find Marcy and get ammunition so I must get in. I want in. That’s it. That’s what I have to do. I have to get in and get the bullets.
One last reverse. On last surge forward and I know this will be it. This one will punch me through but those fucking rods hold strong, snagging and bending and breaking but too slowly. I pull back again but I can see a gap. A gap big enough to get through.
I’m out of the Saxon and running across the floor. The machine stalls in my haste and in the silence I can see Lani sobbing with tears running down her face as she screams my name. Clarence roars at Dave to back down, Cookey cries while Nick and Blowers plead for Dave to move out the way. Roy and Paula are shocked to the core but I can get through that gap. I want in and I can get in.
At the wall I start to push my head through, then my shoulders that snag and get cut from the metal rods and sharp bits of concrete and plaster that graze every bit of exposed skin. I can do it. I can get through here.
‘Howie stop,’ Lani screams at me, ‘don’t Howie…’
‘Mr Howie,’ Cookey yells. Other voices are shouting my name to and I glance back to see Dave right on my heels nodding at me. I grin at him and my mouth is wet so I wipe it with the back of my hand which comes away bloodied.
‘Stop,’ another voice this time, a voice from inside, the same voice from the intercom, ‘please…stop…we’re unarmed…’
‘FUCK YOU,’ I rage and twist and buck as Dave pushes and shoves me to get through.
‘Please…we’re not armed…please take the bullets, you can have what you want but please…’
‘I’M COMING…MR FUCKING HOWIE IS COMING…’
Women and children scream, men shout and someone appears at the gap. A big man tries pushing me back through the hole so I lash out with spittle and rage tearing through my body. He reels back from a hard punch to the face and other men rush to pull him away. Lots of them, women crying and sobbing, men holding sticks and knives but no gun
s. I don’t care. I want in. I’m almost in.
With a final howling heave I wrench my torn body through the gap and fall down the other side to flare upright and scream in victory. Huge chunks fall out with me, leaving a big enough gap for the rest of the tea to get through. Blood drips from the cuts on my arms, hands and face. There they are. They stayed in here safe while we fought and died. They hid with all the bullets while my sister died. They did it. They killed Sarah. I am Howie, son of Howard and I bring vengeance upon you.
I charge forward with hell in my eyes. The men push the women and children to run and scatter, but in their haste they run towards me, round me, near me and I attack anything I can reach. The braver ones try to block my path and intercept me but the first one goes down with a broken nose from the headbutt I smash into him.
A woman screams but they are the screams of the undead who killed Sarah so I grab her hair and launch her flying off to one side as a man tries to swipe at me with a long wooden handle from a shovel. I take the blow on my arm and the fact that I don’t flicker nor flinch terrifies him to the spot. I wrench the weapon from his hands and use it to beat him down onto the ground but the weapon is too cold, too impersonal and I want to use my hands. I break away from the poor man cowering and bleeding on the floor and launch at two more men coming to attack me. They go straight for a full on charge, clearly hoping to use their combined body weight to take me down except I jump into them and so doing, disrupt their momentum. I quickly set about whacking hard fists into faces and heads. I break noses, jaws and hear the satisfying crack of an arm fracturing at the elbow as I ram my knee into the back of a joint while pulling backwards on the wrist. Men. Women. Children. I attack without care for I have to be ruthless and driven, as ruthless and driven as the infection for these people are the infection. They caused it. They made it. They killed Sarah and all the people I loved.
The faces of the screaming innocents become the drawn faces of the hissing undead. Eyes that weep real tears become red and bloodshot. All I see are the undead and so I hurt them.
Lani watched as Howie turned from angry, to furious, to filled with a wild and demented rage. His normally soft eyes grew darker and hooded. The reason within him, that reason that kept him apart from all others…that reason was gone. Howie was gone, eaten away by a growing desperation that swept his rationale aside. She saw this. She watched all day as he struggled with his impatience and made them fight, run and flee. She cursed herself inwardly at the bitterly jealous words that spilled from her mouth when he talked about Marcy. She is in his team and loyal beyond question, but she is also in love with the man and to see him act like that, to say things like that, invoked a response that she could barely control. As the day wore on she watched him closely, always vigilant and constantly exchanging silent messages with Clarence and the lads. Even Paula and Roy could see the change so they all stayed close, ready to react, ready to do what was needed.
But this, seeing Howie become this, was extraordinary and far worse than they could ever imagine. They urged him to stop, pleaded, shouted, demanded, cried but nothing would get through to him. Then Dave stepped in and they knew Dave would kill them without hesitation if they so much as tried to touch Howie.
Dave is Howie’s sentinel, the ever present bodyguard that feels no fear, no remorse and is blinded by his utter devotion to his leader.
Lani tried, Clarence tried, Blowers, Cookey, Nick…they all tried but Dave showed them what would happen. The face he presents to his targets was now presented to them. The eyes, so quick and watchful, the fluidity of his movements, the way his head cocked as he tracked and calculated showed how deadly serious he was about hurting them.
Lani is the first one through the gap, pausing only to stare aghast at the terrible sight within. Unarmed men, women and children were being attacked by two men with deadly skills. Dave watched Howie, watched how he punched kicked and lashed out so he did the same, brawling rather than killing and for that, Lani offered a quick thanks to the Gods.
She rushes through the gap into the melee, desperately trying to disarm those who have taken up hand weapons, desperately trying to protect Howie while also trying to stop him. The others get through and one by one they rush in to do the same. Fist fighting, brawling, shouting and screaming.
Someone grabs me from the side, then an arm round my neck. Hands go for my pistol on my belt while they shout and plead for me to stop but I can’t, I can’t stop, I’ll never stop. So I thrash and buck and punch and kick while I dig my chin under the arm round my throat and dig my teeth into the soft flesh. Howls of pain, screams of agony and I break free.
Someone punches me hard to the side of head, so hard it sends me flying off. Dave is out and rushing in, Lani behind him, Nick and Blowers, Cookey too. They’re all here to punch and fight with me and give vengeance to these bastards that stayed in here and killed my sister. Another punch, then another and my lips split. I hit out and keep punching, lashing out with hard fists that connect and break bones. I bite and screech, kick and smash into anything and anyone that comes near me.
More of their side rush in and a big man comes at me only to be taken out by Blowers charging forward with a dive at his legs. Cookey fends two off with wild punches, more men pile in from their side and women too. Everyone is screaming and shouting, people crying, sobbing stop…please stop…take what you want…stop him…stop Howie…stop Howie…get Howie…
‘Dave! They’re trying to kill us Dave! Fight Dave…fight Dave…’ He turns to glance at me, his face looks different now, ‘Dave…they killed Sarah…kill ‘em Dave…kill ‘em all…’ He doesn't move but stares with wide eyes, ‘Dave…with me…you’re with me, Dave…kill ‘em…’
He turns his body to face me and his face is a mask of pure pain. I see hurt in his eyes, deep hurt and a tear spills from his eye to roll down his cheek. He looks round as though seeing things differently.
‘Dave…why aren’t you killing…KILL ‘EM DAVE….KILL…KILL…THEY KILLED SARAH…’
‘Dave for the love of god,’ Lani screams…his head snaps round to stare at her as she fights against a man armed with a stick, deftly turning as he swipes to pluck it from his hands and throw it aside, ‘Dave, listen to me…if you love Howie…if you love him…stop him…stop him now…’
Dave nods as the tears spill down faster and harder. He turns to look at me.
‘TRAITOR….DAVE YOU TRAITOR…KILL THEM…I’M HOWIE AND…’ fuck this, they’re all against me, they all want to kill me and they all killed Sarah. I’ll shoot the lot of them. I go for my pistol but even at my fastest I can’t hope to be quick enough to stop Dave crossing that ground. As I tug it free he is on me, sweeping my legs out and plucking the pistol from my grip.
‘CUNT…YOU FUCKING CUNT…DAVE NO…’
‘Hold him,’ Clarence bellows, ‘everyone stop…stop…’
‘Dave, keep him down…’
‘DAVE…GET OFF ME…THEY KILLED SARAH…THEY…THEY KILLED HER…DAVE…They killed Sarah…she’s dead, Dave…my sister is dead…they….they killed her…’
‘They didn’t, Mr Howie,’ he mutters softly, ‘they didn’t.’
‘They did…Dave…my sister is dead.’
‘She is,’ he nods and the tears from his eyes fall on my face to join mine that roll fat and fast down my cheeks.
I reach up, gripping his shoulders, ‘Sarah is dead…my sister…I’ll never…I’ll never see her again…’
‘I know, Mr Howie,’ his red eyes fill with fresh tears. Lani rushes in, free from whatever fight she was in.
‘It’s okay,’ she’s in my ear, soft words from a soft voice, ‘it’s okay, Howie.’
‘Sarah…my sister…’
‘It’s okay…’
‘I can’t…I can’t do it anymore…Lani…Dave…I can’t…I want her back…’
‘Oh Howie,’ she cries as I weep and I pull them both into me, burying my head in their bodies where I want to suffocate in their warmth and love.
Someone presses in behind me, a deep voice and two huge arms that envelop us all, ‘easy, boss…easy now.’
‘She’s gone…they’re all gone…oh god…I can’t go on…I can’t…it’s too much now, too much…please…’
‘Easy, boss, come on, it’s okay.’
‘Howie, we’re here…we’re all here,’ Lani so close to my ear.
‘I’m sorry,’ Dave cries and his voice breaks.
‘Mr Howie,’ Cookey is there, his own voice breaking with emotion and he cries and weeps as I do, ‘don’t cry, Mr Howie.’
‘Form a line in front,’ Blowers snaps at the rest of the team, ‘Jagger, Mo Mo…in front of the boss now, Nick…get them disarmed.’
‘Everyone stay calm,’ Nick’s voice, strong and confident, ‘ drop your weapons and move back. We’re good people and will take care of this but drop your weapons now…please…please everyone stay calm now…no one will get hurt…’
‘It’s okay,’ Paula joins him, ‘he’s our leader…’
‘Please,’ Nick repeats, ‘he kept us alive since it started…please…just stay calm…we’ll take care of this I promise.’
‘Give us space,’ Paula commands, ‘let us take care of this, please…nothing bad will happen…’
‘We’re good people,’ Nick urges them, ‘we do things the right way and this…this is not our way, this is not Mr Howie’s way…he’s a good man, the best man you could ever meet…let us take care of our own…we won’t hurt anyone or do anything I promise you…’
‘Sort him out,’ A rough voice shouts, ‘fucking lunatic.’
‘YOU WILL MOVE BACK,’ Nick orders as the remaining team turn as one to fix on the now brave man shouting his thoughts from the back, ‘we’ve been out there fighting for two weeks and we will take care of this but one more word like that and…’
‘Okay,’ a female voice calls out, ‘okay…just…just please keep him down.’
‘We will,’ Nick replies.
Noises of people murmuring but they recede and drift away, children crying, men sounding angry but I don’t care. As night falls and the darkness arrives, all I can do is weep.
