In her heart, Elena knew that she was letting herself go, but she didn't look at herself critically in the mirror. Who was there to care anyway, she thought.
§
It was at the end of the second week, as Elena let herself into the flat after work, that she knew the waiting was finally over. Josh's guitar was propped against the end of the sofa once more and she could hear him singing in the bathroom.
“Hello!” she shouted. “I'm here.”
Josh came out of the bathroom, smelling of her best shower gel. He looked tidy and well-cared for, and Elena threw her arms around him and gave him a tight hug.
“I know I've been an idiot, but can we start again?” he asked apprehensively.
Elena nodded. She was just pleased to have him here. She didn't want to start nagging him about his behaviour. But even so, she was curious to know where he’d been living and, more immediately, she wanted to hear about Guy and what he’d done to solve the problem.
“Just tell me how things worked out,” she said.
Josh settled himself on the sofa and she sat next to him, listening intently.
“You know that I was picked up from the squat by a mini cab? Well, I was taken to a small house somewhere south of the river. Your Guy was there and he put me through the third degree. He’s really scary. He wanted all the details, nothing left out, where I gambled, how I got the loan, how much for – everything. He said he’d only help if I absolutely came clean with him and he wanted to know even more, too. Was I on dope? Did I have any other debts? Had anyone else been threatening me? I told him everything.”
Elena nodded. She could imagine Guy's intense questioning: he would dig right down to the truth, and if he was going to help he wouldn't want any problems emerging in the future.
She recalled the incident in that restaurant near Covent Garden. Guy knew how to handle difficult situations, and had hinted then that he also knew some dangerous characters in the city and how they operated.
“Then he arranged for me to be taken to Exeter!”
“Why there?”
“Because of the university. I had a room on campus. I don't know how he arranged it, but I was given a bit of cash and an identity card with another name, and told to stay there on the campus. I could go to the student bar, the library, anywhere as long as I behaved like a student. Apparently it’s the best way to hide anyone; put them where they don't stand out. I even went to some gigs, ate in the cafeteria ... It was like a holiday. Your friend certainly knows how to fix things.”
“He isn't my friend anymore,” Elena replied.
Josh looked crestfallen. “Not because of me? Have I spoiled it all for you?”
“Don’t worry,” Elena explained, “it's not you. It was all over before this happened, but he was the only one I could turn to.”
“I was wrong about him, Elena,” Josh said. “He came to collect me himself from Exeter and we had a long chat in the car. I must admit he still scares me a bit, but he said if I make an effort myself, he’ll try and find me a job. He has contacts in the music industry, and it would only be at the bottom of the ladder, but he’ll ask around, and if I get something then I would be earning a bit and could try to pay him back, a bit at a time. And I could still do the band in my spare time.”
Elena felt choked up. Guy had really gone out of his way to help Josh, and even after he knew his faults he was still willing to give him a second chance and try and help him into work.
What a fool I’ve been, she thought. I've totally misjudged him. If I could turn back the clock, I wouldn't have turned him away. I should have held on to him, tried to come to an understanding about Chiara. Surely there would’ve been some way to fix things. But it’s all too late ...
“Do you think there might be a chance of getting back with him?” Josh asked.
“I'm afraid not. It’s definitely over, so I'm just trying to make the best of it now.”
Elena was grateful that Josh didn't ask her any more questions about with Guy. She would have found it hard to admit to her younger brother that she was still in love with him, but had made a hasty decision to end it.
They had a take away that night and Josh settled in. Whatever Guy had said to him seemed to have hit home; Josh appeared quiet and thoughtful. He’d certainly had a hard lesson in life. Elena tried to imagine the two of them talking in the car on the drive back from Exeter, and wished she’d been there, invisible in the back seat, to hear what was said.
While all the difficulties with Josh had been going on, Elena had been distracted and so had hardly noticed that the summer had arrived in force.
The days were long and warm now, and as July passed into August Elena found it hard to believe that only three months ago she’d been relaxing on that luxury yacht, sailing down the coast of Italy.
People at work were taking their summer holidays to Majorca, Ibiza, and the Greek Islands, not to mention other exotic locations even further afield, but she only took a polite interest. There could never be a holiday which would compare with that magical time with Guy.
Some evenings Elena went to bed early and lay remembering those lazy summer days that would never come again. And as the grass in the parks became parched by the sun and the flowers bloomed in window boxes, Elena began to feel listless. Although she had early nights, she always seemed to feel tired, and she stopped her comfort eating; all that chocolate and all those cream cakes no longer held any pleasure for her.
Josh, meanwhile, had started working at a small music studio and was in his element. He had obviously had some sort of contact with Guy, but didn't tell her about it. Perhaps he was finally learning some tact. She noticed him growing in confidence, at last beginning to mature, and she knew that she had Guy to thank for that.
§
Yvonne found Elena in the cloakroom one morning when she was early for work.
“You look so pale,” she said, concerned. “I know we've kept off the subject, but are you still pining for Guy?”
“You make me sound like some faithful hound, waiting for its master to come home!” Elena had tried to make light of it, but when she saw herself in the cloakroom mirror, she had to admit that Yvonne was right: she did look washed out.
“I just feel like life is hard at the moment,” she explained. “I feel tired all the time, and restless too, like I don't know what to do with myself.”
She felt on the verge of tears as she spoke, but tried to pull herself together. No more whining. She must try to be positive and move on.
Yvonne moved away from the washbasin and glanced thoughtfully at Elena.
“You're in work early these days. Do you have breakfast before you come?” she asked gently.
“No, I don't feel like eating first thing. In fact my appetite is all over the place,” said Elena.
Yvonne began to dry her hands and, without looking directly at Elena, she said, “Remind me again. How long ago was your holiday on the boat?”
“Nearly three months,” Elena replied. “From the end of May into June. Why?”
Yvonne turned so that she was gazing directly at Elena.
“Well, if I was you, I’d pick up a pregnancy kit on the way home and do the test first thing in the morning.”
Elena was shocked into silence, completely unable to speak. Surely this was nonsense. She couldn't be pregnant.
“When was your last period? And did you use contraception? Sorry to intrude, but I just think you need to be clear about this.”
“I'm never that regular,” Elena replied. “But I did take the pill when we were away ...”
But even as she spoke, Elena remembered the amount of champagne they’d drunk, and all that lovemaking on secluded beaches, and lying on the deck, star gazing, which of course had led to even more steamy, sexy nights ...
Could she really be sure that she’d taken the pill every day? She looked with concern at Yvonne.
“Don't put it off, Elena,” Yvonne warned. “Find out one way or the other.
This isn't something you can ignore ...”
Chapter Twenty
It was Saturday morning, and Elena and Yvonne had met in Starbucks, away from the office or the flat, settled into a secluded corner where they could talk openly.
“Well,” Yvonne asked, “what have you decided to do?”
It was the question that Elena had been struggling with for days, backwards and forwards in her mind and it came as a relief to be able to discuss it with her closest friend.
“I've decided I’m going to keep the baby,” she said. “I'll work as long as possible, then take maternity leave. I’ll have to break the news to my parents, which I'm dreading, because I want to move back with them for the birth if they’ll agree.”
“And what about the father?”
Only Yvonne could get straight to the heart of a discussion without sounding interfering or abrupt. She just had a natural instinct about how to solve problems, not to mention heaps of common sense. Elena knew she could rely on her friend and was grateful once more to be able to talk over her decision.
“Oh God, I don’t know,” she said. “I'm still all mixed up. I mean, I do want to see him and tell him, but at the same time I don't want to seem as though I’m only getting in touch because I'm pregnant. It might seem as though I’m after money, some sort of financial support or something. I don't know what to do,” she confessed.
“You’ve got to tell him about the baby.”
“But how can I face him, after I told him it was over between us?”
Yvonne stirred her coffee and took a sip, then leaned forward across the table looking directly at Elena, fixing her in her big brown eyes.
“He has a right to know. It's his baby as well as yours. Don't forget how he was treated by his ex-wife, when she aborted their child. You can't hide this from him, Elena, it would just be cruel. Give him a chance. Speak to him in person. At least then you’ll know where you stand.”
It was sensible advice and really the only way forward, but still Elena remained apprehensive. She’d have to psych herself up to face the situation when she felt ready.
§
The street was quiet, early on Sunday morning, the sun already glancing across the front of the elegant houses as people woke to the lazy weekend morning.
This time around there was no doubt in Elena's mind which house she was looking for, with its familiar navy door. Was it really only five months ago, she thought, when I came running out of that park gate, crossed the road, stumbled and finished up on those marble steps?
Five months in which her mundane life had been torn apart completely: pregnant and in love with a gorgeous, wealthy man, a man who was about to be confronted with the shock of his life ...
Half of her hoped that he wouldn't be in, that he was on the other side of the world somewhere, making millions in a business deal. But the other half knew that if she didn't do this now, she’d probably never dare face the challenge again.
She timidly lifted the heavy brass door knocker and let it fall, the loud noise echoing all through the house. No-one came and Elena hovered on the top step, ready to take flight. Once again she tried, and then turned to retreat down the steps.
“Elena!”
She knew the voice at once and turned back to face him.
Guy looked startled to see her and she noticed that he was dressed in casual weekend clothes; obviously he’d taken the day off from the office.
“Sorry to disturb your Sunday morning," she began, “but I need to speak to you about something ...”
“Not for the first time.”
It was difficult to detect whether Guy was annoyed at his peaceful Sunday being invaded, or if he was just surprised by her appearance on his doorstep. Either way, he stepped back and held the door wide open.
“Come in.”
Elena followed him into the small kitchen-cum-study at the rear of the house, the room he’d taken her into last time, and Guy pulled out a kitchen chair, then took another opposite her.
She tried desperately to keep calm, to breathe deeply and keep some control over her emotions.
“Well?” he asked, his eyes searching for hers, his gaze so piercing and direct. “You have to tell me what you came for at some point, Elena, otherwise we could sit here all morning.”
“I'm pregnant, and I thought it was only right you should know.”
If she’d told him that the world was coming to an end or that she’d just seen a spaceship land in the park, he couldn’t have looked more astonished.
For once, he seemed completely at a loss to know what to say or how to handle the situation. And Elena realised she must carry on, now that things were out in the open.
“It must’ve been when we were away on the boat,” she said. “And believe me, I'm just as shocked as you are. But I’ve decided I’m keeping the baby.”
Guy reached across the kitchen table and took her hand in both of his. Then, very gently, he raised it to his lips and kissed it.
“You're definitely keeping it ... and you came to me.” There was a depth of emotion in his voice that Elena had never heard before and she began to feel confused and overwhelmed. This wasn’t at all how she’d imagined the meeting would go.
“You’re the father, Guy, and whatever might have gone wrong between us ...” she paused. “Well, I want you to have the chance to know our child.” It had all come out now, almost everything she had wanted to say, all except the one important truth.
“Do you feel anything for me still, Elena?” he asked quietly, his handsome face so expectant. “After all, you were the one who wanted to end it all ...”
“I love you, Guy,” she said, “but I know I’ve messed it all up.”
There. She’d confessed everything. There was no turning back.
“Come with me,” he said, rising from his chair. “I want to show you something.”
So Elena followed as he led her into the spacious hall, then up the impressive staircase. She could hardly take in her surroundings, but soon found herself in a bedroom.
She realised that it must be Guy’s room, just as he turned her round slowly to face the wall opposite the bed ...
And there, she was amazed to see a huge portrait of herself. It showed her on the boat, leaning against the rail, topless, with just a wisp of delicate sarong tied around her waist, the evening sun setting behind her. Her hair was tumbling in the breeze and she was smiling, radiating happiness.
“What on earth ...” she gasped.
“I had it done from a photo I took,” Guy explained. “You look so happy and confident. You’re beautiful, Elena. But you have such a problem with your body, you’ll never believe it. You wouldn't let yourself think that I might be falling in love with you, too.”
“I didn't realise,” she stammered. “When did you begin to feel like that?” She found it hard to fully grasp everything Guy was telling her.
“I think it started when you made me go to Pizza Hut,” he smiled, shaking his head at the memory. “It was such a great, normal thing to do. And later, when I wanted to get you away, just the two of us on our own, I thought the boat would be the perfect place to try and break down some of your barriers.”
Elena sank down on the huge bed. Her knees had begun to weaken and she felt as if she might make a complete fool of herself.
“Oh Guy,” she said, shaking her head. “What a muddle.”
He sat down on the edge of the bed next to her and put his strong arms tenderly around her, holding her tightly, and she felt herself melt beneath his touch, her heart beating hard, hammering away in her chest.
“I know there are still issues between us,” he said tenderly, “but perhaps we can solve them ... together.”
“And Chiara?” Elena whispered.
“I'm still going to support her business. She helped me through a difficult time and I'm not going to abandon her. But we’re only friends from now on.”
“And Josh? He still owes you money, and I never thanked you for h
elping him.”
“Don’t worry,” he smiled. “He’s paying me back a small each month now that he’s working. And if he keeps it up for a year, I’ll write the rest of it off. He's probably learned his lesson by now.”
Elena laid her head gently on Guy's shoulder. She felt safe there, like a boat finding a harbour after the storm. She wondered if they’d covered all the old difficulties. And what about the future? Could she really believe that he loved her?
“Here's what we’re going to do,” Guy said decisively, taking charge once again. “You have very little trust in yourself, and I have trouble trusting other people ... We obviously make quite a good pair. It seems as though we might be made for each other. Well, I was thinking that you could move in here, we could get used to each other, and when the baby’s born, we could think about making some sort of permanent arrangement ... marriage or living together, whatever works for both of us. What do you say, Elena? Are you willing to give it a go?”
It wasn't the most romantic declaration, she had to admit. There was no going down on one knee to propose, no hearts and flowers or extravagant promises. But that was Guy, and what could she say? What would she always say to this man who had captured her fragile heart?
“Yes, Guy … Oh yes.”
A Fragile Heart (BBW Billionaire Light Romance) Page 10
