by Mia Madison
“Just more behind all that, if you still want to hear.”
She looks at me. “Just tell me. Did you break up because you cheated on your wife?”
“No, I never cheated.”
“Okay, then. Call me.”
CHAPTER 9
Tia
How did I not know about his little girl? But then, when would I have heard? There’s no one to gossip with about Logan at the station. It’s not like he goes around with Daddy on a lapel badge or stewed carrots in his hair.
But of course Logan’s right, and Dad, with his role at the station, knows all about Logan being a single dad. As soon as we drop Margo and the kids off, Dad starts, ammunition at the ready. “I don’t want you getting involved with Logan. He’s too old for you, far too old, and he has more baggage than British Airways.”
“I’m not ‘involved with Logan,’ as you put it.”
Dad raises his eyebrows. “It didn’t look like that to me, even from the little I saw.”
Oh god. What did he see? I may as well come clean. “I promised I’ll meet him tomorrow to hear him out. If I don’t like what he has to say, that will be it.”
“I’d rather you didn’t see him at all.”
“Dad, you have to trust me to make my own judgements. I’m not a little girl anymore. I can’t just do what you want all the time.”
He humphs. “You mean, none of the time. Just be careful. That’s all I’m saying. Guys like Logan will say anything to get you on their side.”
“Do you have any real reason why I shouldn’t believe what he says? Or would you say the same about any guy?”
“To be fair, Logan’s a great guy, one of the best at the station. I’m not against him. Not really.”
“It doesn’t sound like it to me.” This is so like Dad. I know he means well, but I wish he’d let me make my own mistakes.
“It’s just his situation I don’t like. His age. I was pleased I recruited him. Don’t give me a reason to change my mind about that.”
“You’re not seriously threatening his job because of me?”
“What do you take me for? Of course not. But you’re quite a prize. Maybe he’ll say anything if he thinks it’s what you want to hear.”
“It’s only you who thinks I’m such a great prize.” It’s good having Dad in my corner, but sometimes he’s too much. “I don’t think Logan is the type of guy who’s going to deliberately pull the wool over my eyes, but I’ll be careful.”
“Why can’t you just go out with someone your own age?”
“Simon was my own age, and look how that turned out.”
“True.” He sighs. “It’s not easy being a parent, you know. As you’ll find out all too soon if you take on his daughter.”
“Dad, I’m going on one date, to find out about his situation, not taking on a lifetime commitment.”
“You can’t blame me for thinking it’s more than that. I saw the way you were looking at each other.”
I feel my cheeks color. Luckily, it’s dark in the car. It’s just as well Dad can’t tell how much more than kissing I have been doing with Logan in my mind for weeks.
CHAPTER 10
Logan
The party feels completely flat once Tia leaves. Though a few of guys look like they’re there for a long drinking session, I order a cab as soon as I wave her off. Emma can get back to her own place early. She does enough for me already.
“Good time?” she asks.
“Usual fire station type party.”
“And? What are you not telling me?” My older sister can always tell when something is afoot.
“I’m going to meet up with Tia again tomorrow. The chief’s daughter. He kept appearing at the wrong moment tonight. Can you hang onto Alice a bit longer tomorrow evening so I can see Tia for half an hour after work?”
“No problem. I can do that, but is your boss okay with you seeing his daughter?”
“I get the impression he’s not happy about it.”
“Why not?” I can practically hear her thoughts: how dare anyone not approve of her brother. I love how loyal my sister is now. Changed days from our teens when we fought like cats and dogs.
“Oh, I don’t know,” I tease. “Best part of a twenty-year age gap, my divorce, kid in tow. Just the fact that I’m a guy who wants to go out with his daughter. Take your pick. The thing is, I’m not sure Tia is happy with everything I have going on either. So it might be doomed from the start.”
“But you like her? Otherwise you wouldn’t even mention it.”
“I like her.”
Emma shrugs. “She’ll overlook all that if she can tell a good thing when she sees one.”
“I don’t know about that. But thanks, sis. How’s Alice, anyway?”
“Fast asleep, so don’t go waking her up saying goodnight. If she knows you’re there…”
I laugh. “I won’t.” My daughter seems to have a sixth sense about me being in the room. And if she wakes up, she’ll want to play. Maybe for hours.
So when Emma leaves, I have a shower and go to bed.
But I can’t get thoughts of Tia out of my head. Part of me is walking on air, thinking about those kisses, how much I wanted her and how much she seemed to be into me. The other part is all, “Don’t get carried away. Nothing can come of this. She’s too young to be the kind of girl you need right now.”
Yet, whatever my cautious side warns me about, my cock has other ideas. Screw being sensible. I want Tia.
CHAPTER 11
Tia
Dad asks me where I’m going next day after dinner, and I tell him I’m going to meet Logan after his shift, to hear him out. I try not to get impatient when Dad warns me against being taken in too easily again. He’s always been like this. I guess because it’s just him and me, and he worries about me. But it’s still annoying.
Logan is waiting at the old bridge when I get there. He kisses me on the cheek and asks me if I want to go for a walk or a drink.
“Walk, I think.”
He takes my hand, and I don’t pull mine away. Is that the reason I chose to go for a walk, hoping he would do that? Because we’re likely to be alone on our walk? Because he might kiss me again?
We start off along the river bank where the last patches of snow are melting and creating a slushy mess.
“You want to know about my marriage?” he says, nudging a pile of slush sideways with his foot.
“Dad said that you might just tell me what you think I want to hear.”
He looks up. “I don’t know you well enough to even guess what that might be. I don’t like talking about it, but I also don’t have anything to hide, if that’s what you think.”
I shiver. My breath makes clouds in the air.
“Hey, you’re better dressed for the weather tonight, but it’s still cold. Are you sure you want to walk?”
“I’m sure.” I want to be alone with him, even though I don’t know how I’m going to feel once he tells me what he has to say.
And in any case, if it’s bad, I don’t want to sit in a bar surrounded by sparkly Christmas decorations and people who are out enjoying a good time.
“We can’t be too long. I only said half an hour to my sister who looks after Alice. Sometimes I think my daughter doesn’t see enough of me and will think I stopped wanting to be her daddy. And while it would be easier sometimes not to be a dad, I’ll never wish that.”
“How come you ended up looking after her?”
“My ex hated, no—hates—being a mother.”
“What? I thought you might say she was ill or something.”
“Not ill. Well, probably not in the sense you mean. She has other priorities.” Whatever he means by priorities, it sounds like Alice is not one of them. Poor kid.
“Doesn’t she have Alice stay over sometimes? A few of my friends at school used to flit from parent to parent. I used to envy them occasionally because it has always just been me and Dad as long as I remember.”
�
��What happened to your mother?”
“She died when I was a baby.”
“I’m sorry.” He gives me a hug, and I have to resist the temptation just to stay in his arms, to hold him close and not let him go on with his story.
“It’s as if Alice’s mother has died, too.” He releases me and takes my hand again. We trudge through the patches of snow and slush. “She hasn’t asked to see Alice for over a year and in any case, there’s no way I can send Alice to stay in the squalid places Philippa lives. I’ve gone to get my ex out of some tricky situations in the past.”
He stops walking and pulls my fingers up to his lips and kisses them. “I’ve tried to help her with her addictions, but she just treats me with contempt, denies she has a problem or blames me for driving her to drink. I don’t even know if it’s just drink anymore. The places she stays are real hellholes.”
I squeeze his hand, still warm despite the cold night. But he looks crushed, as if even talking about his ex-wife is painful. “How did it get so bad? She couldn’t have been like that when you got together with her.”
“We got married when I was in the military. All the time we were engaged, it was great. She was always pleased to see me when I came home on leave, and those times were special. I looked forward to seeing her more than anyone else in civilian life, along with my parents. Happy times. Great getting away from the action in Afghanistan, too.” He looks down as he tells his story. It’s as if those homecoming memories were spoiled by what came later.
“What happened when you got married, then?”
“She changed. She started to get annoyed that I was away so much. I thought leaving the army and training to be a firefighter would make her happy, and I wanted to get back home too. I saw friends killed out there, maimed. I’d had enough. But once I was out of the army, she started picking on everything I did. Whatever I did for her wasn’t good enough.” He picks up a pebble from the path and lobs it into the river.
“Maybe she just wanted an excuse, because by that time, she had started drinking. A lot. In the end, I never wanted to finish my shift at work because I didn’t know what state I’d find her in. Then I came home one day and found her in bed with one of my friends. That was the final straw for me. The end of my marriage.”
“Oh, god. I’m sorry.”
He hugs me as if hiding from it all. But I realize he hasn’t finished. Of course there’s more. He hasn’t told me where Alice comes into all this.
He takes my hand again, his thumb running back and forth over my palm, and we walk farther along the river bank. “My ex was two months pregnant when all this happened. She only mentioned it when the whole thing blew up. I had to ask her if the baby was mine. She wouldn’t say.”
I’ve never met the woman, but I already hate her for the anguish she’s caused. And he hasn’t even finished telling me everything.
“I still wasn’t sure who the father was until Alice was born, but I stuck by Philippa because what guy leaves his pregnant wife in the lurch no matter what she’s done? And I was terrified the baby would be damaged by her drinking and whatever else she was doing. But Alice is healthy and looks so like pictures of my sister and me as babies that I know she’s mine.”
He pulls a picture out of his wallet and shows me his daughter.
She’s a cutie. “She still looks like you.”
“I know.” He smiles. “Philippa seemed to hate Alice from the start. Maybe because of that. Maybe she wanted to hurt me by having another man’s child. I’ll never know. But she started staying out all night when I was working, leaving Alice on her own. I was beside myself. So dangerous. If fire broke out, how would a baby get out?”
I gasp, horrified a mother could leave a child to go out drinking. Dad always had babysitters for me. Always. He never left me alone.
“So I fought her for custody. In the end, it wasn’t much of a fight. She never wanted a child or anything to do with me. She just wants money to feed her habit.”
CHAPTER 12
Logan
I hate having to admit all this. I feel ashamed things got so bad, that I didn’t read the situation right. That my ability to pick a life partner was so skewed. And why would Tia want to get mixed up with a guy who has a past like mine with a kid already? It feels like any moment, she’s going to mumble an excuse, turn tail and get the hell out of here. Away from me. I know it.
But far from running, she puts her arms around me and just holds me. She’s not showing any signs of wanting to leave me standing by the river to regret everything all over again. I hug her right back, burying my face in her hair, surrounding myself in the soft apple scent of it, the only sound the gurgling of the river and our breathing.
I sense I could fall hard for this girl, that I have already. Can I even let her get involved with me? Is it fair? On me? On her? We need such different things. It’s not just me to consider now. There’s Alice. And Tia is just out of a relationship and probably not ready for another. No good can come of us getting together right now. I have to be the responsible one here, no matter how difficult. I shouldn’t have even taken things this far.
“Thank you for listening. It means a lot to me that you heard me out and didn’t run right home. But I don’t expect you to stick around. You’re young. You don’t need someone with all this hanging over them.” There. I said it.
“Your story makes me sad for you, your daughter, even for your wife. She’s missing out on so much, but it doesn’t make me want to run. You told me yesterday you didn’t cheat on her, but I had to know for sure. I know how that feels. After Simon and that girl.”
“You’ve been through a rough time, too. I’ll be honest with you. I’m no angel. I can’t say the idea of someone else didn’t cross my mind. I was lonely when it was clear my marriage wasn’t working, but I couldn’t. Not with all that going on.”
“And since? I’m sure you haven’t been alone since then.”
“No, not exactly without female company, but no one special.”
“I’m glad.” And I see her blushing even in the dark. “I mean, I’m not glad you were lonely or anything, but glad you, well, haven’t found anyone special…”
“Maybe that’s about to change. You’re pretty special.”
She smiles at me, and we grin like two idiots. And then I come to my senses and kiss her. It’s just as good, no, better than yesterday, because now everything is out in the open. No secrets. She’s not scared off by my past or my situation. She’s more serious than I thought.
I hear her breathing ragged as our mouths meet, and a soft moan escapes her lips, the kiss affecting her as much as it is me. I’m hard with need against her, so hard I could lie down with her here, snow or no snow, but now is not the time.
She doesn’t pull back. Though she must sense how much I want her, she’s not hesitant or scared. If anything, she answers me with her body as well as her mouth. She wants me too. I love that. I’m just sorry I can’t do anything about it right now.
“Did you walk here?” I ask her when we finally pull apart.
She nods, her eyes shining. I’m not sure either of us knows what we started here.
“I have to get back, so I’ll take you home. I’d like to see you again.”
“Yes.” She smiles, a big wide smile.
And I can’t help smiling back.
But sometimes, I’m my own worst enemy. I have to go and get serious again. Why do I have to be so fucking responsible all the time?
It just comes out. “Listen, Tia. You’ve had a lot to take in, and I want to give you the chance to think it over. But if you’re definitely okay with it, I’d like you come over and meet Alice. Maybe my next day off, Tuesday?”
“I don’t need to think. I’d love to meet her.”
“Think it over, anyway. Be sure you’re not just saying that on the spur of the moment.”
“Okay. I’ll do that.”
“I’ve never had her meet anyone else.” I hope she knows that means I want
her in my life. But I don’t say it.
CHAPTER 13
Tia
Dad isn’t home when I get back. I’m pleased about that. I know he’d be on my case about Logan, and I want to run through the whole conversation we had by myself. I already know I can’t give him up, that I want to have him feel good again, make him happy. And I want to relive that kiss over and over. And the one we had when he dropped me off at my house.
I can’t wait until Tuesday, but I’ll let him know in a couple of days. I don’t want him to think I’m not taking what he told me seriously, because I am. I wish he didn’t have a past like that, not least because it must have hurt him so much when all that happened. But no matter what, I want him.
A little later, I call Cassie. I need to cancel going clubbing with her tomorrow. We can go to the movies or something, but I don’t feel like going out on the town on one of her usual drinking and dancing manhunts. I’m not sure I ever liked it that much. I hope Cassie is not too disappointed.
But she says she’s happy to change plans. “There were all those creeps the last time we went out. I was ready to call it a day after that, but I was just trying to get you to go out more. So no worries. Besides, I’m going out with Ben again tonight, the guy from work I told you about.”
“Oh, you like him, don’t you?”
“I do. But you,” she says. “You sound besotted.”
“I think I have been for a while. I like everything about Logan.”
“Except his past. Be careful. Is he still hurting?”
“Yes. I think so. But I hope I can make him forget.”
“You know what helping him forget leads to?”
I laugh. “I’m all for that, but I’m meeting his daughter next time. So I think we’ll be remembering his past quite a bit more than forgetting it.”
*
I’m nervous as anything meeting Alice. Should I take her a gift? Would that be trying too hard to make her like me? In the end, I get a little toy dog I hope she’ll like and wrap it up in Christmas paper, given it’s less than a week before the big day. It’s nothing too extravagant. Just something to take. I hope she’ll like it.
