Tonight they were supposed to be going to another charity dinner in Central London but she was tired and she just didn’t feel like it. She was tired of the constant barrage of attention, of the stories being written about her, of the things people were saying. She wasn’t a suitable woman for the Prime Minister, she couldn’t possibly be good for him, she was only with him because of his money and power. What the fuck did anyone really know anyway? What gave anyone the right to judge her purely because of the way she looked or what she might have done in the past?
She threw the dress she’d been “advised” to wear that night onto the bed and leaned back against the wall, pushing a hand through her hair, closing her eyes. The band were at Wembley Arena tonight, and what she wouldn’t give to be there in her torn and faded jeans with the usual roll of gaffer tape stuck in her back pocket, ready to tape those stray leads down onto the stage; making sure the sound levels were ok, the guitars were tuned, the water bottles were stocked up - making sure Mark Cassidy was ready to rock and roll in the only way he knew how. But he’d still know how. Even if she wasn’t there to check up on him.
“Tough day?”
She opened her eyes and looked at Daniel, all handsome and perfect in his dark suit, his tie loose around his neck.
“Nothing more than usual.”
He could sense something was wrong; you only had to look at her to see she was on edge and as he caught sight of the discarded dress on the bed he knew for sure something was bothering her, and he couldn’t help but feel nervous. It was no secret she was struggling to come to terms with the restrictions and rules that came with being his partner and he’d always worried that it would end up getting to her at some point. Maybe they’d reached that point now. She didn’t look as though she was relaxed and ready for an evening out, that was for sure.
“I really can’t do this, Daniel.”
He came over to her, trying to take her hand but she pulled it away, walking away from him.
“Stevie…”
She swung round, looking him right in the eyes as something suddenly snapped inside her. “You knew this was going to happen, Daniel. You knew I couldn’t carry on being the person I was once we were together; you knew I was going to have to change…”
“I didn’t…”
“I have had people around me for weeks now, telling me to wear this, change that, cover the tattoos even though the world and it’s fucking mother have seen so much more of me than my fucking tattoos!” She hadn’t meant to start on him when he was only five minutes through the door, she really hadn’t, but everything had just got to her. All the pent up frustration and loneliness and fear; the being on her own in a world she wasn’t familiar with and didn’t feel comfortable in, the constant questions and worry that everything she’d tried to keep hidden would come rising to the surface, the being made to change who she was, it had all got to her as the weeks had gone on and she’d had to get it out. Even if directing it at him wasn’t entirely fair. But then, if he wasn’t who he was and he was just some ordinary guy they wouldn’t have to be going through any of this would they? They could just be together, loving each other like she wanted. Because she didn’t want any of this.
She picked up the dress, throwing it straight back down onto the bed.
“That’s not me, Daniel, and you know it isn’t. And you didn’t fall for the person they’re trying to turn me into, don’t you see that? So, is this what you really want? Do you really want me to change?”
She looked at him, the pause he gave and the fleeting look that passed across his face telling her everything she needed to know. And she felt sick.
“You have to understand, Stevie…”
“I have to understand nothing, Daniel. I love you, I really do, how I feel about you isn’t in question. But everything else is, and I just don’t know if it’s worth it anymore.”
Now she’d said the words out loud she felt almost dizzy. Because it was the truth. She loved him like crazy, she really did, but could she really become the person she needed to be in order to stay with him? Was she willing to do that?
She sat down on the bed, a sudden feeling of calm washing over her as she looked up at him, her voice quiet as she spoke. “You lied to me, Daniel. I mean, you probably didn’t realise it at the time, but you did. You let me believe I could be the person I was and still be with you when that was never going to happen, and you knew that. Right from the start you knew that.”
He sat down beside her, taking her hand. He hadn’t wanted this but it had been inevitable and she was right. He had lied, in a way. Or maybe he’d just been naive. In his head he’d always known she could never stay the way she was if he became Prime Minister, but his heart had fallen in love with this wild and exotic woman and he hadn’t been able to tell her that might all have to change. Because he’d known he might lose her if he had.
“I love you, Stevie, and I want you to…”
“To what? Love you back but only if I change into a perfect little politician’s Stepford-style wife?”
“No, of course not.”
“What then?” She stood up, leaning back against the wall. “Can I go back to my biker boots and t-shirts with as many tattoos as I like on show?”
He looked down at his clasped hands. This was everything he’d dreaded. The woman of his dreams didn’t like his world and he’d never wanted that. But he should have seen it coming.
“Your silence speaks volumes, Daniel.”
He stood up, walking over to her but she moved away. She’d had enough.
“I don’t want you to change, Stevie…”
“No, behind closed doors you don’t, Daniel. I’m sure you don’t. Behind closed doors you’re quite happy to have that wild, uninhibited rock chick because she can give you one hell of a great time in bed. But out there, that’s a different matter, isn’t it? Out there I can’t be her. Out there I have to turn into someone else and I don’t do that, Daniel. I’m not Samantha. And to be honest, I think, in your heart of hearts, you’d feel so much more comfortable if I was.”
“Stevie…”
“Later, Daniel. Right now I just want to get away from here, away from the restrictions because I can’t breathe. So tell the babysitters to back off, let me out of this house and let me be myself. For one fucking night.”
“Where are you going? Stevie, wait!”
“Away from this world, Daniel, that’s where I’m going. And back to somewhere a lot more familiar.”
***
Had he done the right thing? Connor didn’t know, but he’d had no choice. It was all going to come out soon enough anyway and he’d rather Luke heard it from him than read about it in the papers.
That ‘phone call from Angus Gordon still played on his mind as he switched the kettle on, the sound of Luke’s music thumping down from upstairs. It was quite obvious that the Deputy Prime Minister at least knew all about Stevie, he’d told Connor as much, and although Connor had spent many years and a large part of his life not hating her exactly, but resenting her almost for what she’d done he was older now, he knew she’d had her reasons and he understood them now, he really did. He knew why she hadn’t been able to stay, why she’d wanted to leave everything connected to her old life behind and now it was all going to be dragged up again, he had no doubt about that. And she was going to get hurt. She was undoubtedly going to get hurt, and this was going to affect Luke too but what Connor wasn’t going to do was help the inevitable to happen in any way, because that’s what Angus Gordon had wanted him to do. He’d wanted him to tell the papers all about Stevie’s past and in return Connor had been promised a substantial sum of money. Connor knew the way this worked, he was a journalist himself, a fact he was sure Angus Gordon was well aware of. So he knew exactly how this was going to play out but he couldn’t stop it, even though he would if he could. Angus Gordon didn’t think Stevie was a suitable partner for Daniel Madison so he wanted her past dragged up, her old life laid bare for the world to se
e in the hope that it would discredit her so much that the P.M. would have no choice but to end the relationship. He assumed that Connor was still so angry with her that he’d want to see her hurt too but why would Connor want that? Why would he want to see the girl he’d once loved hurt? And why would he want to put his son through something he shouldn’t have to go through?
He leaned back against the kitchen counter and closed his eyes, pushing a hand through his hair. Stevie – he still couldn’t get used to thinking of her as that, she’d always been Stefanie to him – she must have known that this was going to happen, and she must have known that this was going to affect Luke when it did all come out. Surely, despite everything, she hadn’t forgotten about her son? It was all such a mess, something Connor just hadn’t been prepared for and was having trouble dealing with. But one thing he did know for sure was that he wasn’t going to do Angus Gordon’s dirty work for him. If he wanted to go ahead and do this then he could do it without any help from him. He might be a journalist, always on the look out for a story that would rock the front page but when that story got personal and affected those around you then everything changed.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out the piece of paper with Angus Gordon’s number on it, picking up the ‘phone. He’d tell him he wanted no part of this, get that straight once and for all. Then he’d have to start working out just what he was supposed to do next.
***
Stevie walked around the backstage area of a buzzing Wembley Arena and that feeling of coming home almost overwhelmed her. The whole atmosphere, the noise, the people, it made her feel instantly comfortable. She’d been talking to Colin, and he’d told her how much they all missed having her around and she’d felt a pang of longing for something that she hadn’t felt in what seemed like an eternity. Or was that someone.
She looked around as she waited for Johnny, taking everything in, soaking it up. She’d called and told him she was coming and the excitement she felt at seeing him again was indescribable. She’d spoken to him loads on the ‘phone over the past few months but she hadn’t actually seen him in so long and she’d missed him. She’d really missed him. She’d missed this.
“Hey, baby, there you are!” Johnny smiled, suddenly appearing from a side entrance and she ran over to him, throwing herself into his arms, jumping up and wrapping her legs round his waist. “Pleased to see me, huh?”
She smiled too. “You know I am.” And she was. She was unbelievably pleased to see him.
“So, what’s the deal then?”
She jumped down from his arms and let go of him, looking up at him, sticking her hands in her pockets. “What do you mean?”
He sat down on an empty equipment box and she sat next to him, curling her legs up underneath her.
“Is life with the most important man in Britain suddenly not all it’s cracked up to be?”
She started fiddling with the leather bands round her wrist, not meeting his eyes.
“It’s tough, Johnny.” She looked at him. “And I’m finding it so hard, I really am. In the beginning it was good, y’know, it was different, and I needed that. I needed different. But ever since it’s all gone public…”
She looked down at her hands again and Johnny reached out, taking one of them in his, squeezing it tight.
“It’s changed?”
She looked up at him again, nodding. “Yeah. It’s changed.” She sighed heavily, part of her feeling guilty for walking out on Daniel like that and part of her still relieved that she had. Things would only have got worse if she’d stayed. Some time apart might be good for them.
“I needed some space, Johnny. It’s the most claustrophobic atmosphere sometimes, being with him, even though I love him. I just don’t love what comes with him. I don’t get it, I can’t do it. I had to get out and get back to where I feel free and alive, because his world is trying to batter me down and take everything away from me that makes me me. Am I making any sense here?”
Johnny squeezed her hand again, nodding. “Yeah. You’re making sense.”
“It’s not just that though. I was stupid, we should never have gone public with this because now…”
She trailed off and Johnny watched as she stared into space, her hand fiddling with the frayed hem of her jeans.
“Because, what?”
She snapped back to reality, pulling her hand away and jumping off the box, tightening the knot in the bandana round her head. “Nothing. It doesn’t matter. Where’s everyone else?”
He knew she meant Mark; she couldn’t really care less where Billy and Jack were.
“Back there, I imagine. We done then are we?”
She smiled, leaning forward to kiss him quickly. “For now, yeah. Later, ok?”
He watched her run off in the direction of the dressing rooms, stopping to say the occasional hello to people she knew. This was where she belonged; she had no business being with Daniel Madison. He was no good for her, that whole world was no good for her. And she wouldn’t want to leave this world again now she’d come back. Of that, Johnny was certain.
***
She turned the corner, walking with her head down as she checked her watch, not really taking any notice of anything going on around her so when she heard his voice she wasn’t really ready. She was still preparing herself to see him again, still trying to work out what she would say, so when she looked up and came face to face with him for the first time in months, it took her by surprise.
All of a sudden he was there in front of her, all ready to take to the stage in a black t-shirt, jeans and heavy army boots, his dark hair all messed-up. Still the same devastatingly handsome Mark Cassidy. The habit she thought she’d managed to kick when she’d really only ever been kidding herself. The feeling in the pit of her stomach told her that. She’d thought that when she’d fallen in love with Daniel she’d be able to put Mark to the back of her mind but she’d never been able to forget this man. Not really. She’d never be able to forget him.
“You look amazing,” he said, looking her up and down in a way that made her stomach flip over a hundred times and she had to look away.
Mark had known she was coming, Johnny had told him as much, but he guessed he just hadn’t been prepared to remember how beautiful she still was, and how that still made him feel. He should never have let her walk away from him so easily and he was determined she wouldn’t do that again. Mark Cassidy wanted his rock chick back, and he was going to get her. No matter what it took.
“I shouldn’t have come here,” she whispered, turning to go but he grabbed her arm, swinging her back round.
“You came because the second you heard I was back in the country you couldn’t stop yourself, Stevie. Could you?”
“Still so fucking full of yourself, Cassidy.”
“It’s the truth though, isn’t it?”
She looked at him, right into those deep, dark eyes. It was starting again. They’d come full circle and they were right back where they’d always been. Some things were just never meant to change.
She pulled her arm away from his grip but she didn’t answer him, and she didn’t break the stare. Then he laughed, a sound that made her stomach flip over again and she kept looking at him, her eyes never leaving his as he backed her up against the wall and she knew what was coming, she’d felt it the second she’d looked at him and she should have stopped it, she should have walked away but she couldn’t, because she wanted it. That’s why she’d come here after all, wasn’t it? That’s why she’d really come here. She could have avoided it if she’d really wanted to but she hadn’t, so Mark was right. She’d come here for one reason only and from the second she’d set foot inside this arena there was only ever going to be one outcome.
So, when his mouth touched hers, gently at first before the kiss got harder and deeper, she didn’t push him away or make him stop because she’d come home. Stevie Stone was home. In the arms of Mark Cassidy. Rock star. Game over.
***
Angus put down the ‘phone and sat forward in his chair, clasping his hands together in front of him on his huge mahogany desk. So, Connor Franklin wasn’t willing to give up any information to the press. The lure of money wasn’t enough to make him betray the woman who’d left him and their two year old son behind to pursue a life on the road with rock stars. It wasn’t that simple, of course, there was much more to it than that and Angus had hoped that Connor was going to be the one to break the story. He could have written it himself, after all, but it seemed the man was a tabloid journalist with morals. So it looked as though Angus was going to have to be the one to leak the story. He wasn’t left with many more options now. But Daniel obviously wasn’t going to find out who the real Stevie Stone was all by himself and it seemed she had no intention of telling him, so the time to make it obvious had arrived. Angus had waited long enough. Do it now, get it out of the way, and although a hell of a lot of damage limitation was inevitable they’d weather the storm, he was confident of that. He wasn’t the best spin doctor in town for nothing.
Sitting back in his chair he picked up the ‘phone and punched in the number of one of his closest media contacts. Time was up for Stevie Stone. Tomorrow the truth would be out.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
She hadn’t come home and Daniel had woken up with a feeling of emptiness and dread, a fear that she’d never come back, that he’d lost her because of his inability to accept her as the person she was instead of the person he felt she should be. But Stevie Stone shouldn’t be anyone else; to make her do that, to make her change would take away everything he’d ever fallen in love with in the first place, he knew that now. But he also knew she’d never be accepted in this world if she stayed the way she was. He was the Prime Minister. He needed to have a partner that would be as much a part of this leadership as he was and as much as it killed him inside to realise it, Stevie Stone could never be that. And it wasn’t that she couldn’t do it because he had every faith that she could. No, she wouldn’t do it, and that was the difference. Because it just wasn’t her. He loved her with every inch of his being, he ached for her now she wasn’t here but what could he do? Part of him hoped she loved him enough to compromise and she’d come back home and they could work this out, but another part of him knew that was just wishful thinking. She was head-strong, independent, she had her own identity, and nothing would change that. Not even him. And while that was the one thing he loved about her, it was also the thing that was driving them apart, and it hurt.
See You at the Show Page 24
