And so June had been a lovely month, filled with trips to the community pool and the whole family helping out with a week of Vacation Bible School and early morning walks with her older girls — who were getting more into fitness. Erin had loved those times especially — before Sam left for work, at an hour when he could watch the younger girls. On their morning walks, the girls’ hearts were wide open, and conversation came easily. They talked about school and mission work and the beauty of adoption and the plans God had for them.
Erin smiled as she sorted through the dark and light tops in the laundry bin. The music from downstairs still filled the room, and it provided a movie soundtrack-type background for memories of yesterday’s walk.
Clarissa had started the conversation. “There’s no boys in our neighborhood. Anyone ever notice that?”
“Just little boys. Like Heidi Jo and Amy’s age.” Chloe shared a disappointed look with her sister. “Like how are we supposed to find friends to hang out with?”
Erin let them talk, but after a minute their concerns seemed to need a resolution. “You have your homeschool friends.”
“True.” Clarissa was always more chatty than Chloe. “But we just got back to Texas a year ago. Everyone’s been friends for a long time. Like, their summer groups are already set.”
“In the movies there’s always like a summer love, the boy across the street or the high school lifeguard at the local pool.” Chloe’s expression turned dreamy. “That would make summer so much fun.”
“But first you have to meet guys.” Clarissa managed a defeated laugh. “Doesn’t look like that’s going to happen.”
Erin kept up the pace, walking shoulder to shoulder with her girls. “I remember feeling like that.”
“Really?”
“Yes.” Erin was breathless in a good way. “Guys didn’t notice me until I was in my twenties.” She shrugged. “Your dad was really the first guy.”
Chloe made a face. “Didn’t you wish you’d dated more?”
“No.” Erin smiled. They had headed up a hilly section of the neighborhood and all of them pushed hard. “I just wish I’d met him sooner.”
At the top of the hill Clarissa turned uncertain eyes in her direction. “How do we know that guy’s out there? Like, the guy God has for us.”
Erin had waited a few seconds, letting Clarissa’s question simmer. “Well … if God has a plan for you to get married someday, then I’m certain he’s out there somewhere. He probably won’t be sixteen years younger than you.”
Clarissa and Chloe laughed out loud at that. “I never saw it that way.” Clarissa looked up at the sky as they kept walking. “So he could be looking at this very same sky.”
“Exactly.” Erin appreciated their sweetness, their innocence. “You could even keep journals. Write to him. Someday your letters could mean a great deal.”
“Hmmm.” Chloe looked more thoughtful than usual. “What if we don’t get married, Mom? What then? Like, God can still have great plans for us even if we’re single?”
“Of course.” Erin had been proud of Chloe for asking such a question. So many girls grew up believing the only way to be happy or in God’s will was to be married.
After that they talked about several girls who had been in the news lately for their commitment to mission work overseas or for single-handedly running an orphanage or working in nursing. All of them never married.
“The purpose of life isn’t to get married. It’s to live for Jesus … telling people about Him and sharing His love.” Erin was grateful for the conversation. “Yes, marriage is wonderful. Raising children is wonderful.” She grinned at each of her girls. “But our purpose is to serve and love others and to shine brightly for God. No matter what.”
The girls became quiet for a while. As they hit their turning point in the walk, Clarissa looked at her. “I like that, Mom. It takes the pressure off. Whatever God has ahead for us everything’s going to be okay.”
“Because He loves us.” Chloe held up her hands and made a darling face. “And we love Him.”
“Right.” Erin figured she would remember the conversation between the girls forever. “We can trust Him with the plans He has for our lives.”
And now, a day later and despite all she had to do with packing up the car and finishing the laundry, she wasn’t surprised that the conversation was still fresh. It wasn’t easy raising girls in today’s culture. So much was expected of them at such a young age. All around them the culture celebrated girls wearing revealing clothing and rebelling against authority. Pop stars sang about every sort of wild lifestyle and yet somehow they needed to raise their daughters to be pure and honoring to God.
Erin pulled a load of hot jeans from the dryer. As she did, Amy Elizabeth darted down the hall singing much the same way Clarissa and Chloe were singing downstairs. Up here the volume wasn’t quite so loud, and Amy stopped short when she saw Erin. “Mom, do you think I should bring my pink shorts and my blue ones?”
“Good question.” Erin lowered a pair of jeans. “It’s supposed to be warm, and we’ll be there a whole week.”
“But I’m bringing four other pairs already — the ones with the flowers and the white ones, and the two we bought last week.”
Erin gave the dilemma the proper amount of thought. “I’d say if you want to bring the pink pair and the blue pair, you should. They’re small and there’s room in the suitcase.”
Amy clapped her hands and her face lit up. “Yay! That’s what I hoped you’d say.” With that she resumed singing at the top of her lungs and skipped down the hallway toward the room she shared with Heidi Jo. Erin laughed quietly. The little girls were so sweet, so happy. It took very little to make their day.
As she finished the laundry she thought again about the situation with Candy, and her last conversation with Naomi. “We can delay this, but it won’t go away,” the social worker had told her. “The visits will have to happen.”
God, if I’m right about Candy Burns, please show me … I can’t imagine letting the girls spend time with her. Please … help us. She had to remember what she’d told her girls on their walk yesterday. God was in control. Certainly if it came to scheduling visits, they’d take place at a county facility with supervision. Even then she didn’t want anything to change the happy natures of her girls. They were so easygoing, so comfortable with themselves and their lives. Erin and Sam wanted to be honest with them, so already they knew about the possibility of having to see their birth mother, and none of them wanted to go. Clarissa and Chloe had even pulled the age card.
“No one can make us see her, right, Mom?” Clarissa had spoken for the two of them yesterday night at dinner. “We decided we’re too old. We don’t want to see her.”
The vacation to Bloomington would be good for many reasons, but certainly one was the fact that they could postpone dealing with the issue of Candy. Erin liked the idea of talking to Luke. They would figure out a plan and deal with the situation when they got back. In the meantime the girls wouldn’t have to worry about it, at least for another week.
Erin did another load of laundry, transferring the whites into the dryer and starting the final load of shirts and shorts. For a time she had thought she’d try to get a job when they returned to Texas, but when she and Sam looked at it more closely the idea never made much sense. The girls would have to enroll at the local public school — and even though Erin had heard great things about the school system in Austin, she truly enjoyed homeschooling them. They all enjoyed it. That and the time it took to run the house would’ve made even a part-time job all but impossible.
Another hour passed, and Sam came through the door. He looked tired, but his eyes told her he was excited. Erin met him and hugged him for a long time. “So late, darling.”
“I know.” Sam sighed and set his briefcase down. “The entire IT department worked overtime. The new system is nothing but trouble.”
“I’m sorry.” She rubbed her thumbs into the muscles at th
e base of his neck, doing her best to ease the tension there. “And now in ten hours we’re hitting the road.”
“Mmm.” He lowered his head, enjoying the impromptu back rub. “That feels wonderful.”
Erin continued the massage, but she wanted to know if he was still up to the drive. “We’re still leaving at eight, right?”
“We are.” He took a long breath and straightened a little. “I’m going to brush my teeth and hit the bed.” Before he headed upstairs, he kissed her. “It’s going to be a great visit. I really think so.”
A light feeling lifted Erin’s heart. Sam had no siblings and his parents were gone. Of course he was looking forward to the reunion. “That makes me happy.”
Sam chuckled and patted her shoulder. As he started toward the stairs he stopped short. “Are the girls asleep?”
“Not yet.” She allowed a bit of laughter. The music was off now, but the memory of it lingered. “We had a little Mandisa concert until just a few minutes ago.”
“Sounds like fun.” He hesitated, his eyes warm. “Sorry I missed it.”
“It was.” She grinned. “I’m sure they’ll bring her CD for the ride.”
“Between that and Starbucks I’ll definitely need some guy time when we get to Bloomington.” He laughed again and peered down the hallway. “Let’s pray with the girls, get them settled down.”
“Perfect.” Erin moved to the base of the stairs. “Clarissa, Chloe, we’re going to pray.”
From the distance, she heard Clarissa respond. “Coming!”
They gathered in the younger girls’ room, the way they often did for nighttime prayers. Sam sat on the edge of Heidi Jo’s bed with Clarissa beside him, holding tight to his arm. Across from them Erin and Amy and Chloe cuddled together, their heads bowed.
Sam led the prayer. “Father, we come to You grateful. Thankful for our family and the love we share, and so glad for the trip we’re about to take. Lord, You know all things, and You know the plans You have for us. Please use us as a light to others this week, and help us keep You at the center of all we do.” He hesitated, his voice more serious than usual. “Please let Clarissa and Chloe and Heidi Jo and Amy Elizabeth know how much we love them, and let them know how special they are. In all the world, there could never be four more precious daughters. We love You, Lord. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
A chorus of amens followed, and Erin and Sam gave the girls hugs and kisses. When they reached Amy Elizabeth, their littlest daughter had tears in her eyes. Happy tears. “That was the sweetest thing, what you prayed, Daddy.”
“Well, thank you little miss.” He swept her into his arms and swung her around. “It’s just the truth. That’s all.” He set her down and they talked for a few minutes about what the girls had packed.
“All right, lights out.” Sam and Erin and the older girls headed for the door. “Try to get some sleep.”
He said it in a way that made Heidi Jo and Amy start giggling. As if the idea of even trying to sleep when they were so excited was almost certainly out of the question. They left the younger girls’ bedroom with Clarissa and Chloe, and the older girls headed for their bedroom. Chloe — always a sunbeam — stopped and turned back to them, her face lit up. “You know why we’re the best daughters?” She grinned bigger. “‘Cause you are the best parents.” Her smile softened. “I can’t imagine my life without you.”
Clarissa nodded and put her arm around her sister’s neck. “It’s true.”
The girls said good night once more and when they were in their room Erin eased her arms around Sam’s waist. “Ever feel like we couldn’t possibly be more blessed?”
He met her eyes and looked at her, straight to the depths of her heart. “All the time.” He kissed her forehead. “See you in bed.”
“Okay. I won’t be up much longer. Just have to answer a few emails.” She didn’t say that one of them was — yet again — from Naomi Boggs. This time asking whether they would prefer the visits with the girls and their biological family to take place at a park or at the social services facility. Erin had ignored it. They’d been given permission to wait until after the trip to Bloomington. She would answer it then.
Erin felt the tension in her shoulders. With all her heart she wished they lived in Bloomington. Not only because she was finally feeling close to her sisters, but because it would put a thousand miles between them and Candy Burns. For now, though, she’d done what she could do. Begging the social worker for help so they could somehow avoid even one single visit with the girls’ birth mother. Erin drew a deep breath and tried to move past the matter. She would enjoy her time with her family and believe God would work out the rest. It was like she told her girls.
They could trust the love of God — even in this.
Six
LUKE STEPPED ON A PLANE IN NEW YORK CITY’S LA GUARDIA Airport just after lunch and not until he was buckled into his first-class seat did he remember again Ashley’s message. He and his wife Reagan had spent the last few days visiting her family in Manhattan. Reagan had already returned home to Indiana with their kids, but Luke had work in the city. He was returning on a red-eye late Thursday night because of his dad’s birthday party. Not for the world would he and his family have missed seeing his father’s reaction when he walked into Ashley’s house on Saturday. Luke had no idea how his dad could be seventy, but he agreed with Ashley. His father deserved a letter. Luke just wasn’t sure where to begin.
He leaned back and stretched out his legs. He was six foot three, about the same as Dayne, his older brother. The brother he hadn’t known about until ten years ago. Dayne had been the Brandon Paul of his day, the most popular young actor around. Today Brandon was Luke’s client, but more than a decade ago Luke had only connected with Dayne because of the law firm.
He couldn’t imagine one of his kids not knowing about the others until they were adults. He and Reagan’s three were very close — the way Dayne would’ve been with all of them if only they’d had the chance to grow up together.
Luke looked out the window of the plane. That year Tommy was eleven and Malin was seven. Little Johnny was three and getting into everything. The kids kept Reagan busy, but even so she was the most amazing mom, the woman he would love till the day he died. It was hard to believe there was ever a time when they had toyed with the idea of ending things.
His thoughts swirled and the letter loomed. He was almost out of time if he was going to take Ashley’s advice and write it. He smiled at the thought of his spunky sister. Of all his siblings, Luke had been closest to Ashley. She’d been the one who had figured out about Dayne before any of the others. And when Luke walked away from everyone he loved, she was the one who rolled up her sleeves and came after him.
But not without the worn-out knees of his father, who had prayed night and day, crying out to God that Luke would return. He stared out the window and for a minute he watched the bag handlers, watched them grab hold of what must have been a fifty-pound suitcase and heave it from a cart into the belly of the plane. There was a sameness about their lives that sometimes made Luke envious. They could punch a clock and get the job done, leave it at the end of a shift and not think about bags again until the next morning.
Not so with legal work. People’s lives rested on the cases he did and didn’t win.
He pulled a pad of paper and a pen from his backpack. He had time on this flight. The bottom line was this: He wouldn’t be who or what he was today if it hadn’t been for his dad. The man was turning seventy. There could be no time like now to let him know for sure, in writing, how he felt.
Dear Dad, Luke let his pen fly over the paper. This letter might be hard to write because in order to tell you everything I need to say, I have to go back. And that’s a trip that has never been easy for me. But I’m about to hang suspended in the air between New York City and Indianapolis, and I’ve always had the clearest thoughts at thirty thousand feet.
He paused and thought about the early years, how close he and his da
d had been. If anything, Luke had lived with an unrealistic view of what it was to be a Christian man. He saw his father as perfect, and so he had expected perfection of himself and everyone else. Luke didn’t notice takeoff or whether there was turbulence on the way up to their cruising altitude. His pen found smooth air regardless. I guess I thought I was a pretty good kid. Like I had it all figured out. I knew I wouldn’t make the big mistakes and in no time I’d have a life just like you. The easy Christian life. I smile now, thinking about how little I knew.
The first cracks in Luke’s idyllic life came when Ashley left high school and moved to Paris. Luke was outraged that his sister would do such a thing and he spoke harshly about her whenever her name came up. “What if she gets in trouble?” His tone was always gruff back then. “I have a feeling she will because lately she’s — “
“Luke.” His father had called him out on his attitude. “That’s enough. We love Ashley, which means we need to be kind. If you’re worried, pray for her.”
Luke’s pen moved across the page with ease. I thought you were crazy. Like you should’ve been mad at her the way I was. And when she came back from Paris pregnant, I knew I was right. Which was really the beginning of the end for me. Something else you knew long before I did.
His dad had warned him a number of times that his pride would hurt him in the end. “There’re no perfect people, Luke,” he would tell him. “Be careful.”
Instead, Luke harbored a grudge against Ashley. He blamed her for tainting their family’s image and reputation and he avoided her — especially when she came around looking for babysitting from his parents. About that time Luke fell hard for Reagan, a tall blonde athlete at Indiana University, a girl whose strong faith and clean living attracted him.
From the beginning they agreed that they shouldn’t spend time alone. Neither of them had ever dated seriously, and after a few weeks when Luke kissed her good night it was a first for both of them. Back then he thought staying pure was a matter of will, something he could simply decide to do. But on September 10, 2001, everything he thought to be true and good about himself changed forever. On a night he would never forget, he and Reagan started off watching the Giants on Monday Night Football and ended up breaking every promise about purity they’d ever made.
Coming Home: A Story of Undying Hope Page 6
