“How about next week?”
“I don’t understand,” Lisa said, nuzzling her head against Jade’s. “Why do you want to take me out?”
“You’re an attractive woman and I feel I’d like to get to know you.”
“I’m forty-two years old.”
“I’m forty-five. What’s our ages got to do with lunch or dinner?”
“Shouldn’t you want to have lunch or dinner with a twenty-something? It’s about that time, isn’t it?”
“All men don’t chase women half their age,” he said, sounding a little perturbed at her attack on his age and sex.
“You’re sure about that?”
“I can really only speak for myself. I would like to take you to dinner.”
“I’m sorry. I can’t.” She stood up.
“Why? Are you looking for a twenty-something?”
Lisa laughed. “I’m not looking for anyone,” she told him.
Jade woke from her nap and started to make those wondrous baby sounds that Lisa loved.
“Rhys it was good talking to you, but I have to go now.”
“What about next week?”
“Lunch?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Why don’t you take my number? In case you change your mind.”
A picture of the handsome judge went through Lisa’s mind as he gave his phone number. He was very persistent, Lisa thought as Rhys Baldwin repeated it several times. If Lisa told herself the truth, she’d love to have dinner with him. Jade stirred again. She looked at the child who smiled and reached for her face.
“I won’t be changing my mind,” she said.
“Give it some time,” he said. “Lunch, next Wednesday.”
With that he rang off. Lisa repeated the phone number silently. She knew she wouldn’t use it. Now or next week.
***
Lisa had no sooner put the phone receiver back in its cradle when it rang again. She was sure it was Rhys again. She smiled and lifted the receiver.
“Hello,” she said as if she didn’t expect his voice.
No one replied and Lisa gripped the phone tighter. “Hello,” she said again. After a brief pause there was still no reply.
“I know someone is there,” Lisa said. She could hear a faint noise in the background, but it was muffled as if someone had a hand over the mouthpiece.
“Julianna?” she said tentatively. Her voice was almost a whisper, breaking her daughter’s name at odd intervals.
Immediately, the person hung up. The click in her ear was final. Had it been her? Was that Julianna on the other end?
Pulling the phone back, she again replaced it in the cradle. Lisa got these calls on an irregular basis. Often they came around the Christmas holidays. She was sure it was Julianna. The calls always depressed her.
She looked down at Jade and smiled through a midst of tears.
***
She was off the cash register. Her legs and feet appreciated it, but Julianna’s back hurt from bending and lifting things to put on the shelves. This morning she’d been in the lighting department. She’d opened boxes and cleaned the lamps of any packing materials in the stock room, then walked them out to the floor and placed them in their proper place. Wal-Mart didn’t have boxes on the floor. And since this store was opened 24-hours a day, there was always stocking to be done.
Now Julianna was in electronics sorting and filing CD’s in their correct slots. She looked at the titles and artists only to determine the correct place to put them. Even with her discount she couldn’t afford to buy any luxuries. Luxury to her was a soft drink from the machine in the employees lounge or a buying a cup cake. She spent most of her money just to live.
Going back into the stock area, Julianna picked up a group of CD’s. She looked down to see what area of the alphabet she needed to go to. Mariah Carey smiled up at her, long hair flowing behind her as she ran through a through a field of flowers, her face to the camera. Julianna smiled too. Her mother loved Mariah Carey. The singer’s voice was the one thing the two of them had in common. While Usher, L.L. Cool J, Jaz-Z and other artists never grew on her mom, both of them liked Mariah.
Julianna adjusted the stack and headed for the door. Looking at the spine of the pile, she saw names she now recognized from working in this department. Gladys Knight, Andy Williams, George Straight, who were these people? She knew they sold. The store was continuously getting in boxes of CD’s by artists she’d never heard of, but they moved off the shelves. Someone was buying them. Maybe one day, when they went on sale, she’d borrow a CD player and listen to one or two of them.
Pulling the door open, she took a step out and stopped short. Without thinking she stepped back, just as the door was closing. It hit her in the behind and she nearly dropped the collection of CD’s she was holding. Her heart jumped to her throat and pounded like an insistent knocker.
She heard the voice first. Not really a voice, it was a laugh. Her laugh. Her mother’s laugh as distinctive as a fingerprint. There she was, in the same department where Julianna was working. Julianna strained to see her face, while still hiding in the shadows of the stockroom. She was with another woman, Julianna couldn’t see. The two were talking and laughing as they rifled through the inventory. Julianna’s heart dropped. Had her mother forgotten her?
What they were doing here, Julianna didn’t know. This Wal-Mart wasn’t anywhere near the better than well-to-do neighborhood of The Woodland’s.
Why were they here? Were they looking for her? Julianna’s hand came up to still her wildly beating heart. But nothing stopped it. She watched the two women, recognizing her mother’s friend Susan Madigan. Her mother’s back was still to her and Susan was in profile. If either of them looked her way, they would see her. Frozen in place, Julianna couldn’t move. She wanted to. She told her brain to push back and let the door close in front of her, but her feet remained in place. She remained immobile.
A wave of homesickness as strong as a tornado ripped through her, threatening to push her off balance. The urge to rush out of the door and run to her mother reminded her of the need to push when she’d given birth to her daughter. Julianna looked past the two women. Where was Brittany? She wanted to see her. Tears sprang to her eyes, but Julianna juggled the CD’s and wiped them away.
“What is the name of this song again?” Susan asked.
“Yesterday, by Mary, Mary,” her mother answered. Julianna didn’t think the sensations going through her could be produced by the simple answer to an innocuous question. But she felt her knees grow weak. Putting the CD’s down on the floor, she peered through a crack only wide enough to see her mom and Susan.
“What a strange name for a singer,” Susan said.
“It’s not one singer. There are two of them.”
“Both named Mary?”
“Apparently.”
Julianna knew the CD. She’d learned the names of many artists she would never have come in contact with if she hadn’t been stocking the music area for the past few weeks. Gladys Knight and the Pips, Johnny Mathis, Phil Collins, the Beach Boys. Who listened to that kind of music? But Mary Mary was a group Julianna knew. Their music had a religious edge to it, but it was subtle and told a story. Julianna liked the way the two women put their heart and sold into the song delivery.
“What are you doing?”
Julianna jumped at the voice behind her. The door snapped closed and her foot toppled the CD’s.
“You scared me.” She turned and saw Maia, the other female that worked in the music area. Maia was a second generation East Indian. It was the way she billed herself, going on to explain that her parents were born in the United States and she was the second generation of American born East Indians.
“Why are you peeping through the door like that?” She moved to open the door, put Julianna stood in front of it and blocked her way. “Who’s out there you don’t want to see?”
Maia was the closest thing to a fri
end she had at the store. Julianna had shared some of her situation with Maia, mainly her current living arrangement, yet she hadn’t told her of her runaway status or that her mother lived only 40 miles away.
“I can’t tell you,” she whispered as if the door wasn’t thick enough to muffle the sound of her voice.
“Why?”
“I just can’t.”
“Well, you can’t stay in here. You know Larry will be looking for you soon.”
Larry was the supervisor. He was often underfoot or close by making sure everything was being done to his satisfaction.
“Maia, cover for me. Take these out and file them. When she leaves, I’ll come out and I promise I’ll cover for you one day.”
“Who is she?”
“I’ll tell you later.” Julianna reached down and scooped the CD’s up, thrusting them in the arms of her friend.
Maia gave her a skeptical look and walked out the door. Julianna peered from her hiding place. The women had moved, but were still in the music section. It didn’t take Maia long to determine the woman Julianna didn’t want to see. There were few older women perusing the music section. And only one who was African American. And only one who wore a slightly older face than the one Julianna wore. Maia was not stupid. She’d know the moment she returned to the stockroom who the woman was. And since she’d filed the CD’s she had in her hands, that was going to be immediately.
Julianna’s breath caught as Maia stopped in front of her mother and Susan and asked them a question. The two started talking. What was she doing? What was she saying? Julianna strained, but from this distance it was impossible to hear anything. She closed her eyes and willed Maia to come back, leave her mother before she said something that would have the woman coming toward the cracked door.
But Maia kept talking. An eternity later she was still talking. Every now and then she glanced at the stockroom door. Julianna gestured for her to come back, but she kept talking.
Julianna’s hands and feet went cold with fear. Her breath came in pants. She was ready to kill Maia. Finally her friend, maybe former friend, started toward her. Julianna kept her eyes on her mother. It was so good to see her. Better than just hearing her voice on the answering machine or listening her say “hello” three times before she hung up the phone when Julianna called and said nothing.
As Maia reached the door, Julianna reached out and yanked her into the room. “What were you saying?” she demanded.
“I was trying to help them.”
“Help them what?”
“Who is she? I mean, she looks just like you. Is she your mother, older sister, aunt? She’s obviously related to you.”
“She my mother.”
Maia’s mouth dropped open as if she hadn’t been expected that response.
“Why were you hiding from her?”
“It’s a long story and I don’t have time for it right now.”
Both of them spotted Larry at the same time. Bumping into each other as they moved, both grabbed more CD’s and rushed through the door. Julianna checked to see that Susan and her mother were gone. She couldn’t see the front door from the music department. Heading toward it, she was careful to conceal herself. Susan Madigan and Elizabeth Russell carried small bags as they went through the huge doors. The greeter said good bye to them and bought smiled and nodded as they walked into the bright afternoon light.
Maia grabbed her arm. “You should go after her.”
Julianna turned around. “She doesn’t want to see me.”
“How do you know?”
“She seemed happy.” Julianna hoped her voice didn’t sound as despairing as she felt. “She’s probably forgotten about me.”
“I think it’s time we had a long talk,” Maia said. “After work tonight. Dinner at my house.”
“I have to get home,” Julianna said. It was payday and her landlady would have her hand out the moment she walked through the door.
“There isn’t anyone there you like or even want to see. And I have a proposition that may get you out of that situation. So are we on?”
“Excuse me, but the music department is back there.”
Julianna cringed at the sound of Larry’s voice. Both she and Maia turned and started toward it.
“I’ll meet you in the locker room right after work,” Maia said.
Julianna smiled. She hated Leona Mason. The woman had taken Julianna in when she had nowhere to go, but Julianna felt she had ulterior motives for that action. Since she began living there, she had to pay for everything. She felt she was single-handedly supporting that household. Yet she didn’t really make enough money to support herself alone.
What could Maia possibly propose that would get her out of that situation? After all Maia lived at home with her parents and sisters in a small apartment. It wasn’t like Julianna could go live with them. So what was her proposal? Julianna had to find out.
And making Leona wait for her money gave Julianna a sadistic pleasure.
Chapter 6
Manic Monday. That was the song playing on the radio when Lisa woke up. Her life seemed to revolve around song titles or lyrics these days. And today was certainly for maniacs. Twenty percent of the sales force was downsized that morning. Most of the staff had clustered into groups, nervously discussing those who were now unemployed and the possibility of their own future situation.
Lisa tried to keep her mind off the same subject. When sales went, marketing wasn’t far behind. She thought about Susan and the strange clerk in the Wal-Mart last weekend.
“So what was the real reason we drove all the way to this part of town to buy a CD?” Susan had asked her when the two of them left Wal-Mart and pulled onto the highway.
“It’s Saturday and I needed some air,” she teased.
“I didn’t see anyone who looked like her. Did you?”
Lisa didn’t pretend she didn’t understand the question. She shook her head. She’d driven through the streets of the West Cedar Section, as was becoming her habit, staring at the girls on the streets, hoping one of them would be her daughter. When they weren’t she pulled into the parking lot of the Wal-Mart. It was a place everyone went. She wasn’t expecting to find Julianna there, but it afforded her the opportunity to get out of the car and look around without having to keep her mind on the traffic.
The idea to buy the CD came to her as she remembered the name of the song that had awakened her that morning. The young lady that helped her was about the same age as Julianna. She asked a lot of questions about the kind of music Lisa liked. As if she was buying the CD for herself or as a present for a daughter.
“It’s for me,” she’d told her.
“I can suggest some popular music,” the young lady ran on.
“Thank you, this is the only CD I’m interested in.”
“We do have a large selection of other types of music.” She indicated the several rows of CD’s in a variety of categories.
“Thank you, but I’m all right with this one.”
With that she smiled and they said she’d be willing to help them find anything else they needed. Lisa thought she must be an enthusiastic salesperson trying to singlehandedly sell as much product as the store had. But Susan and Lisa begged off and she left them.
Lisa thought of her. She was oriental, but had no accent so she was probably born and educated here in the United States. Physically, she looked nothing like Julianna, but she reminded Lisa a lot of her daughter, young, pretty, and smiling.
Had she been a bad mother? Was that the reason Julianna left and had not returned? How could she not call or want to see Jade? What could she have done better or different? She’d only tried to protect her child. The twins weren’t the same. They’d all gone through the hate-mother routine of teenagers, but Julianna had taken it several steps beyond what all the courses and books on understanding teenagers said.
Other mothers had told her their children had done the same thing and that eventually the hormones settled down
and they became normal people. Lisa clung to the hope that that was true. Although it seemed those same friends’ children had taken a lot less time to return to normal. Julianna had been gone two years. Even when Jade was taken from her, she had returned with the child.
Lisa turned toward the windows. She blinked several times to clear her vision. She had plenty to do, but hanging over her head also was the sword of the conversations that now filtered into her office. In addition to the situation with her daughter, would she have a job by the end of the week? She no longer thought of it in terms of the end of the year. With the sales force being downsized, she could very well cluster with the secretaries and managers in the hall wondering when it would be her turn.
“Lisa.” Her secretary called her name in such a low tone Lisa nearly didn’t hear her. She turned around and looked at the young woman. Her voice was grave.
“What is it?” There was a catch to her voice. She was sure her secretary interpreted it wrongly.
“Byron Collier announced he was retiring today. He’s asked to see you.”
Lisa stood up. She hadn’t heard that Byron was retiring, but she knew what it meant. Just as the grapevine knew everything before it happened, there was a code, a drumbeat of buzz words that telegraphed the truth of the situation. If Byron announced his retirement, it meant he’d accepted a package to leave. It wasn’t like there was a choice. It was accept the package or go without one.
“Where is he?”
“In his office.”
Lisa squeezed her secretary’s shoulder as she went through the door. She had nothing in her hands, no papers or folder, not even a pen. She didn’t need any of those things. She knew what was coming.
After all, it was just another manic Monday.
***
It had taken Julianna a week to move, sneaking her clothes out of the apartment a few at a time. She didn’t have that many, but leaving all at once, she would have needed a large garbage bag and a conversation. And after coming home late the last time she got paid, Leona had launched into a tirade that went on for two days. Julianna had no wish to repeat it. She represented a paycheck to Leona, nothing more. Julianna planned to give her no more regard than the numberless face of someone losing a job.
Holding Up the World Page 8
