by Sally John
She blew through her lips. “Pff. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out it was 99 percent for sure him. I figured I was conceived around Christmastime, when you might have been home from college, Mom. I heard the stories about what a bad dude Cody was. Baker did some research and found out he’d been arrested and went to jail about the time I was born, just like you said my dad was. The way you didn’t want to tell me when we were in Cedar Pointe was a red flag. Then there was the awesome way I connected with Nora. And—” she gave them a funny smile—“you saw her earlobes.”
Teal sighed. “Maiya, I’m the one who needs to apologize. I’m sorry you had to go through all this by yourself. And from the bottom of my heart I’m sorry that I lied about Cody not wanting anything to do with us when in fact he did not even know you existed.”
“But he was eighteen and totally screwed up.” She sniffed, on the verge of crying now, her smart-aleck demeanor melting away at the reality of who Cody was. “He wouldn’t have cared about us.”
“He probably wouldn’t have been capable of even trying, but that’s moot at this point. I just apologize for everything, honey.”
Tears streamed down Maiya’s face. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not, but I hope you can forgive me.”
“Mom, it’s okay. Really.” She brushed away the tears. “Yeah, I’ve been seriously ticked at you, but I never thought about forgiving you. You’re my mom. Why would I have to think about that?”
Because I hurt you deeply. So deeply her daughter would not even see the fallout until much later in her life. Something would happen. Perhaps she’d be unable to trust Teal in some way. Perhaps shame would strike out of the blue because of how she was conceived and she would react, thinking herself worthless, engaging in self-destructive behavior.
Cody’s accusation echoed through her. Kind of picky about what parts of the truth you reveal.
“Maiya, Cody and I were not boyfriend and girlfriend.”
“Yeah, I got that. So?”
“So our intimacy was without affection.”
“I get it, Mom. You’ve taught me all about that. How some girls who don’t have good dads have sex with guys just to fill up some emptiness. You had Dutch and Owen to deal with. Yucko!” Her eyes widened. “Whoa. Is that why you went totally berserk about Jake?”
Teal shrugged. “Honey, don’t excuse me for how I let you down. For your own well-being, I hope you can let me off the hook.”
Maiya cocked her head.
Teal’s breath caught at the mirror image of herself.
“Mom, you did what you thought you had to do to protect me. But it all turned out fine. Right? I got to meet Cody. He’s not Riv, but he’s cool. And okay, I admit I fantasized about him being a prince, but no worries.” She leaned over and kissed her cheek. “I love you. You are not on the hook.”
“All right then. I accept that.”
“Good. Are we done?”
Teal exchanged a smile with River. “Yes, we’re done.”
Maiya bounded off the bed and ran through the doorway, calling out, “Don’t go away.”
River mouthed at Teal, It’s okay. She took a deep breath.
Maiya popped back into the room holding a bag from Disneyland and slid up onto the bed again. “I have gifts!” She pulled out two small boxes and handed one to each of them. “Happy day.”
Teal exchanged a curious smile with River and opened her gift. She pulled out a tiny riverboat Christmas tree ornament and laughed. “Thank you, hon.”
River was grinning and inspecting a miniature train. “Thunder Mountain? Thanks.”
“Yep. I gave Space Mountain to Uncle Will because he liked that best. Aunt Lace loved her Tinker Bell mug.”
River reached over and opened a dresser drawer. “As long as we’re exchanging gifts.”
Teal said, “Good grief. What was I doing while you two were shopping?”
River winked and gave a shirt-size box to Maiya. While she opened it, he put his mouth to Teal’s ear and whispered, “Upchucking.”
“Oh yeah.”
He smiled. His eyes were sparkling again.
Evidently throwing up was preferable to whining. She’d have to keep that in mind.
“Riv!” Maiya held up a red nightshirt. Minnie Mouse filled the front with her smiling face, pink bow, and pink dress with white polka dots. “Sweet! Thank you!”
“You’re welcome, Minnie McMouse.”
“Mom, what did you get?”
Teal wiggled the lid off a small box. She wasn’t into Disney junk. Why would River . . . ? “Earrings!” She lifted out a pair of beautiful dangly earrings with crystals and not a hint of mouse ears. “River! Thank you.”
He grinned. “I had to remember our special day with something special.” He leaned over and kissed her.
Evidently too long for Maiya’s comfort. She cleared her throat twice. “Okay, I’ll be seeing you two.”
They laughed. River sat up. “Oh, sit back down for a minute.”
She sank onto the bed, a wary expression on her face.
Teal smiled. “I’m happy you have siblings now.”
“Yeah?” She sounded puzzled. “Me too. I guess, anyway. I mean, they don’t sound like brats.”
“You’ve always wanted one, and now you’ve got three and another on the way. That makes four. Imagine that. All in one day.”
Maiya stared blankly.
Teal saw River’s goofy grin and knew hers was the same. They waited, giggling.
At last Maiya squealed. “You’re pregnant! You’re pregnant?”
Teal leaned forward to receive Maiya’s hug. “I’m pretty sure.”
“Oh, wow! Oh, wow! Unbelievable!”
River wrapped them both in his arms and they laughed.
Teal breathed a prayer of thanksgiving. Amazing how many over-the-top emotions could be packed into one day.
Teal awoke with a start. The covers were pulled up to her chin. Sunlight rimmed the curtains. River wasn’t in bed. She could hear voices faintly from elsewhere in the house.
Why was she still in bed? How had she slept so soundly, not even hearing River get up?
Ohhh, yes. She might be pregnant.
A sense of great joy tickled inside her skin, from the top of her head to the tips of her toes.
As if on cue to prove her thought was indeed true, nausea chased off the tickle and she groaned. With Maiya, it had been the same. Those first months had been gruesome, finishing her final undergrad semester, graduating, packing, all the while nauseated beyond belief. Worse, she had never felt so lonely in her life.
The door opened and River walked in, smiling, carrying a mug and a small plate.
She wasn’t alone this time. Thank You, God. “Morning.”
“Good morning.” He set the things on the nightstand and sat. “Peppermint tea and saltines. Lacey’s prescription for morning sickness.”
“Sounds good. But we don’t have either of those things.”
“We do now. Those coffee shop people sure do get going early. Want to sit up?”
“Not yet. Want to lie down?”
He went to the other side of the bed and lay on it, fully clothed for work. “How are you?”
She moved slowly onto her side to face him and giggled. “Either I’m pregnant or my mind has tricked my body into thinking I am.”
River kissed her. “I vote for number one.”
“Me too. Is it time for you to go?”
“Not yet. What did you want to tell me?”
“Did I say I wanted to tell you something?”
“You didn’t have to.”
“You’re pretty good, Mr. Adams.”
“Not really.” He grinned. “You had a private talk with Cody. I figured you’d clue me in.”
“Why? You think you’re someone special?”
“Mm-hmm. I know I’m someone special to you.”
Her smile faded. She touched his cheek.
River said, “He d
oesn’t want to give up his parental rights.”
“He doesn’t.”
They gazed at each other for a long moment, passing between them a heaviness. As they shared it, back and forth, back and forth, its weight began to lighten.
Teal relayed her conversation with Cody to River.
When she had finished, he sighed. “Not to worry. It’s in God’s hands. Whatever is best for Maiya is best for all of us. In two years she’ll legally be an adult and this won’t be an issue.”
“I’m sorry I waited so long to tell him.” She really was tired of apologizing.
“Like Maiya said, I love you, and you’re not on the hook.”
“Can you say that again? It’s not sinking in.”
“Hormones.” He chuckled. “I love you, and you’re not on the hook.” He smiled with a hint of sadness. “Maiya and I could not have been any closer than we’ve been these past four years. Five and a half if we count from the time we met. She always had that need to know Bio Dad. Adoption would not have taken it away. And Cody’s right about loyalty. If he signs off, that’s got abandonment written all over it. We don’t want that for her.”
“But still . . .”
“But still nothing. Who knows? Maybe down the road a piece, she’ll opt to change her name. Maiya Marie Morgan-Adams-Janski.”
“Lots of hyphens.”
“Then I suppose she might add a husband’s name. I don’t like this growing-up business.”
“Me neither, but on a mercenary note, there might be some veteran’s benefits to help pay for her college.”
“I hadn’t thought of that.”
“That’s because you’re not the mercenary in this family.”
He kissed her. “I have to go.”
“Okay.”
“See you tonight.” He rose and left the room.
The heaviness crept back into her heart. The damage she had inflicted on River was too much to bear.
If she had addressed things years ago with Cody, when he was in jail, he probably would have given up his rights in a heartbeat. River could have adopted Maiya when he married Teal. Maiya would not have had to track down Bio Dad by herself. Lacey would have loved Teal like she always had and forgiven her. She could have enjoyed aunthood ages ago. After Cody had gotten his life in order, he and Maiya could have e-mailed each other, not really bothering with much else because he had not been a big secret for her entire life.
The bedroom door reopened and River came back inside. He sat on the edge of the bed. “I love you, Xena, and you’re not on the hook.”
She smiled.
“God told me to tell you He feels the same way and that you might want to let yourself off the hook too.” River kissed her cheek and left again.
This time the heaviness dissipated.
Epilogue
THIRTEEN MONTHS LATER
Teal glanced around her living room. Currier and Ives would have been proud. The flames in the fireplace danced around fake logs and the tree was artificial, but the ambience worked.
Colorful lights twinkled on the Christmas tree, decorated with garlands of popcorn and cranberry, Maiya’s crafts since preschool, the Disneyland additions from last year, and painted wooden ornaments River’s sister had sent from Switzerland. Some gifts, opened a few days before on Christmas Day, still sat under the tree. A picture frame, a book, a sweater.
The fireplace glowed. Pine-scented candles and a single lamp added soft light. Music played in the background, instrumental versions of carols.
The tree held several new ornaments, most of them colorful balls with sparkly blue letters spelling out things like Baby’s First Christmas. The luscious scent of baking cookies filled the air, compliments of Maiya, who liked spending more time at home than not. Teal’s own waistline was an addition of extra pounds, thanks to the best addition of all, now playing on the floor with his daddy.
Bryson Charles Adams cooed and giggled, lying on his abdomen and flailing his arms and legs about like a turtle under water. River cooed and giggled and swam like a bigger turtle.
The baby already had a head full of nut-brown wavy hair. Named after River’s father and the neighbor Charlie, the four-and-a-half-month-old provided them all endless hours of entertainment. Teal thought it was amazingly fitting that he’d been born on August 10, the one-year anniversary of the large quake, the event that had set everything in motion to upset their lives. She flipped through the stack of mail on her lap. Four days after Christmas and the cards kept coming. She had sent her own out early, eager to share the newest Adams family photo with sweet little Bryson front and center.
An Iowa return address caught her attention and she laughed. “The Swansons!” She pulled out a photo and a letter and wondered whether the earthquake had set them on a winding side road of life as it had her. Did the aftershocks take them places they had not wanted to go?
Maiya came into the room, plopped beside her on the couch, and handed her a long wooden spoon. “Taste.”
She eyed the lump of buttercream frosting and moaned. “Maybe you could get into recipes that include vegetables.”
“After New Year’s. Taste it. Is there enough vanilla?”
“Mmm.” The butter and sugar and vanilla melted in her mouth. “Mm-hmm. Perfect.”
“It’s Erica’s. It’s going on her three-layer red velvet cake.” Maiya took the mail from her lap. “What have we today?”
Teal caught River’s wink. She winked back. It had taken some getting used to, but the blended family was what it was. Several Fridays during the past year, River had left school early and driven Maiya to meet Cody somewhere along the I-5, about forty-five minutes one way for each of them when traffic cooperated. Maiya loved spending weekends with the Janskis, and they loved having her.
Resisting the fact that her definition of family had been turned inside out was pointless. They’d been invaded. Maiya had a stepmom, a dad, a stepdad, a mom, three half siblings at Camp Pendleton and one at home, an uncle, and two sets of grandparents. Bryson had a mom, a dad, and a half sister. The two of them shared Aunt Jenny and Half-Aunt Lacey, Gran Randi, and cousin Jason by adoption.
Lacey had called earlier to tell Teal all about the party they were having today to celebrate the one-year anniversary of Jason’s adoption. Teal could not get enough of her sister’s baby news and how much fun all of them—even Randi—were having. Lacey and Will had moved little Jason and his grandmother, Ellen, up to Cedar Pointe soon after Thanksgiving last year. To say that the four of them clicked was an understatement. They had been like a family waiting to happen.
Yes, the family tree got complicated. That wasn’t even counting Nora and William, who already treated Bryson like a grandchild. They might as well throw in the Yoshidas next door, who thought they were Maiya’s surrogate grandparents and were totally gaga over the baby.
Maiya muttered under her breath.
“What’s wrong, hon?” Teal asked.
Maiya slapped the mail down and looked up, surprised. “What?”
“You just said a word that I really don’t want your brother picking up on.”
Maiya usually laughed at that. Instead, she shrugged and shifted around. “Well, the thing is . . . um . . . Okay. Riv, you listening? I guess I should confess something ’cause it’s really bugging me.”
Teal bit back a sigh. They’d been through enough teenage confessions. The Jake Ford and Cody things were the biggest. They’d been through a few minor incidents in the past year. There was a date that wasn’t really a date with someone she’d met at Camp Pendleton. There was the party at Baker’s fraternity house. There was the scrape on the car bumper.
The girl was seventeen, a senior in high school. Weren’t they about finished?
River said, “What’s up?”
Maiya grimaced. “I sent Dutch Morgan our Christmas card.”
“Hm.”
Teal couldn’t even get out an oh.
Maiya said, “I just thought, you know, if he sees w
hat a fun-looking family we are and finds out he’s got a little grandson now, he might write back. At least send a card. Say hey.”
Teal cleared her throat but her voice still came out in a whisper. “Did you send him the letter too?”
“No. I thought that might upset you.” She shrugged again. “The picture says it all. We’re here. We’re real. We’re cool. We’re related. We should keep in touch.”
“Oh, Mai.” Teal wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “It’s okay to give it up.”
“But, Mom. I am so happy I know my dad. I just want you to have that too.”
“I appreciate that, hon, but it’s his choice, and we can’t change him.” She kissed her forehead. “Maybe you could change Bryson’s diaper, though?”
Maiya grinned. “I guess that would be easier.” She slid off the couch and scooped up the baby. “Hey, baby Bry. Say Mai. M-m-mai.”
His eyes locked on his big sister’s and his face grew serious. He pressed his lips tightly together. “Mmm.”
“Yeah! Thatta boy. M-m-mai.” They disappeared down the hall, squeals of delight trailing behind.
River moved up and sat on the couch. “They’re both corkers.” He put his arms around her.
She settled against him.
“Does it still hurt?” His tone was subdued.
“Yeah. He’s not coming back.” She looked up at him. “Like Krissy and Sammy.”
River sighed and held her more tightly. “The hurts make us who we are, Xena. And I do so love you the way you are.”
“And I so love you, just the way you are.”
“Even when I procrastinate about changing a diaper?”
She laughed. “Even then.”
A Note from the Author
Dear reader friend,
The older I get, the more I grasp the significance of what is written in our hearts. Our beings echo with our experiences, with voices of other people, with our perspectives. We live out of all of these, whether they are truth or lies. Sometimes we can’t tell the difference.
And so Teal was born, a woman whose unhealthy childhood flowed into unhealthy choices that set the course for a life of hiding and running . . . until an earthquake shook things up.
