by Sibel Hodge
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, did you find what she was wearing? Or was she . . .’
‘We didn’t find the rucksack Chris said she was carrying. Perhaps Tom threw it away or burned her belongings. We may never know. There are a lot of things we may never know.’
I remembered Ethan saying the very same thing. Is that because he’d hidden the truth so well?
‘There were fragments of clothing that hadn’t decomposed yet, plus buttons from her shirt consistent with the one Chris saw her in.’
‘What about jewellery?’
‘We found some plastic hooped earrings.’
‘Right. What about the necklace Chris said she was wearing?’
‘No. We didn’t recover that. It could’ve got lost in some kind of struggle.’
I stared at the necklace in front of me on the island, tracing the curve of the sun. ‘Yes. Maybe.’
Maybe not.
‘Or perhaps Tom disposed of it with the rucksack,’ he said.
‘I suppose so. OK, well, thanks for your help.’
‘You’re welcome. I’ll be in touch if we find out anything else, although to be honest, I don’t think there’s anything more to find. It will probably be just a courtesy call in a few weeks to let you know we’re closing the case.’
I hung up and glanced at the clock. Would Chris have left for work yet? I phoned his mobile.
‘Hi. How are you?’ I asked.
‘Pretty shit. How are you?’ His voice was hoarse and he sounded exhausted, as if he’d been up all night.
‘Double shit.’
‘I can’t believe this about Charlotte. It’s all gone mad. Our family is cursed. She’ll survive, though, right? If it’s leukaemia? I mean, people go into remission, don’t they?’
‘The chances of remission are pretty good. We have to be strong for them all and stay hopeful about the future.’
‘Hopeful. Yeah.’ And the way he said it let me know he was anything but hopeful.
‘Are you at work?’
‘Just leaving the house. Why?’
‘Can you pop into the barn for a minute? I’ve got something I want to show you.’
‘Sure. Be there in two.’ He hung up.
I rubbed my hands over my face and took a deep breath, trying to mentally prepare myself for what was to come. True to his word, Chris was on my doorstep in two minutes. He looked like he’d aged even more since I’d last seen him on the front step. Mind you, we probably all did. His five o’clock shadow was about a week’s shadow, but it was his eyes that really got to me. Vacant and blank, as if he’d checked out weeks ago. Or maybe he was still drunk. Or stoned.
‘Chris, don’t you think you should stop drinking? It’s not going to solve anything. It’s not going to bring her or Tom back.’
He shook his head. ‘Don’t tell me what to do, Liv. Don’t tell me how I should feel or act.’
I held my hands up in mock surrender. ‘OK, OK. You’re an adult. I’m just worried about you, that’s all.’
‘It’s not me you need to be worried about.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘Nothing.’ He sighed. ‘What did you want to see me about? I’ve got a building site I need to be at soon.’
I held my hand out, the necklace resting in my palm. ‘Was this the necklace you saw Katie wearing the day she disappeared?’
He took it and held it up so the sun moved on the chain, the star swinging beneath it. ‘It looks like it, yeah. Where the hell did you get it from?’ His eyes narrowed, dark and turbulent under pale lashes.
‘I found it. I . . . I can’t say where until I know for certain what’s going on.’
A hand went to his hip and he shook his head. ‘Tell me, Liv. Where? Where did you find it? Didn’t the police take it when they .. . . ?’ He looked over my head, focusing on the air above me. ‘Wasn’t it buried with her?’
‘No, apparently not. So whoever had it must’ve killed her, mustn’t they? I mean, why would they have the necklace of a dead woman otherwise? The last thing she was seen wearing.’
‘Where, Liv?’ His voice hardened and something seemed to click in his brain. ‘Ethan said you’d picked up Dad’s things. It was in there, wasn’t it? Was it hidden in that stupid bloody magic box of his? Tell me!’
I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out.
He took a step towards me, one fist clenching at his side. ‘I told you Dad had done it. How could he? How could he kill someone I loved?’
For a moment I felt scared, threatened, as his emotions seemed to ooze through every pore. Fury, hurt, guilt, something else I couldn’t quite put a name to.
I took a step back.
‘I’m not going to hurt you! What’s the matter with you?’
‘Nothing, I . . .’
He opened my hand and placed the necklace back in my palm. Then he turned on his heel and stomped back down the path.
I watched him get into his pick-up truck as fear and revulsion did a slow dance in my stomach.
It all made sense now. In his confusion from the Alzheimer’s, Tom had confessed to a secret he’d been keeping for twenty-five years. And when the police came to question him about the body buried under his barn, maybe Tom would’ve been able to tell the truth and give all the details of exactly what had happened. But then he’d suddenly committed suicide while out with Ethan. How convenient for Katie’s killer. Ethan had insisted on being the only one to take Tom to Durdle Door that day, and we only had his word that Tom actually threw himself off the cliff. What if he’d been pushed? Had Ethan killed Tom, too, to shut him up because he was about to spill everything?
And just look how Ethan had acted through this whole thing. He’d been defensive, angry and obstructive the whole way. I mean, I knew he was in mourning, but still, he’d gone way overboard trying to prove Tom didn’t have anything to do with it when you couldn’t deny that he must’ve known something.
I was just protecting my family. I was just doing what a parent should.
Yes, it all made perfect sense. Tom had lied to everyone and covered up Katie’s death because he’d been protecting Ethan all this time.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
I got through the morning in a kind of daze. I phoned Charlotte to wish her good luck at the consultant’s appointment later that afternoon, but there was no answer on the house phone. Both her and Nadia’s mobiles were switched off. I texted them each a message instead.
When Anna surfaced at 10 a.m., she thankfully looked like she’d slept OK and hadn’t been bothered by ghosts of Katie and nightmares.
‘Why don’t we make something nice to drop off at Nadia’s for dinner?’ I suggested to her after she’d had her promised waffles. I needed a distraction to keep me busy. Keep me from thinking. Stop me falling apart.
‘Yeah, she’s always doing that for other people. That’s a great idea, Mum. We should make lasagne. It’s Charlotte’s favourite.’
‘Let’s run to the shops and get the ingredients.’
‘Can we make cupcakes, too? Emma’s mum made some with this wicked icing and decoration stuff we could get.’
‘Absolutely.’
And that was how I did it, putting one foot in front of the other like a robot, going through the motions, talking but not really thinking, because if I had to think I’d have to admit to myself that my husband was a murderer. That he’d slept with my best friend, got her pregnant, killed her. And not only that, he’d buried her body with Tom’s help in this house. He’d walked over her grave all this time and hadn’t batted an eyelid.
He was a psychopath. Or a sociopath, even. Were Anna and I even safe from him once he knew we knew? I’d been too busy suspecting Chris to even contemplate that my own husband could be involved.
Hours later, there were per
fect-looking cupcakes cooling on the worktop waiting to be decorated; Anna had made them all by herself. She was turning out to be a better cook than I was. Now she was on her laptop with Mr Google again, researching leukaemia. I didn’t know if it was a good thing or a bad thing for her to know everything involved, but I wanted her to be aware of what might happen. Forewarned is forearmed. Knowledge is power and all that. Charlotte had a good chance of going into remission, but there was also a chance she wouldn’t survive this. There’s no easy way to prepare your kids for dealing with death. Hell knows, we’d just had the very worst of scenarios to deal with. But death was very real. It was a natural part of life. Hiding it from her didn’t make it go away. Plus, all the research was distracting Anna from her sadness and making her feel helpful and useful, and she desperately needed to cling on to that.
My phone rang and I dived for it. It was Nadia’s number that came up.
‘How did you get on?’ I blurted out straight away. No hello or anything.
‘The consultant was lovely. She did the bone marrow biopsy there and then, but we won’t get the results until tomorrow. But . . . um . . . yes, unfortunately, she’s pretty sure from looking at the blood test results and the other symptoms Charlotte’s had recently that we’re looking at acute lymphoblastic leukaemia.’
I exhaled a lungful of air. I’d been expecting it but it still didn’t make it any easier. ‘Oh, no. I’m so sorry, Nadia.’
She was silent for a moment and I thought she was going to burst into tears down the phone, but that wasn’t her usual style. Instead, she acted true to form: calm, in control, dealing with what needed to be done.
‘Well, we’re just going to take this one day at a time. I’ve been reading up on it. So have Charlotte and Lucas. We’re going to beat this. It’s as simple as that. Charlotte dying isn’t an option,’ she said briskly.
‘No, you’re absolutely right. Is she up to visitors?’
‘Maybe tomorrow. She’s a bit sore after the needles, and she didn’t get much sleep last night worrying.’
‘OK, well, Anna and I have made you dinner. And cupcakes. So you don’t need to think about that. I’ll drop it off soon. Don’t worry, though, we won’t stay.’
‘Thanks, Liv. That’s really kind.’
‘It’s nothing you wouldn’t do for me. What are families for?’
I waited until Anna was in bed. Our bed again, actually. Except it wouldn’t be our bed anymore. Not after this. No marriage could survive . . . this.
I don’t know how I managed to ignore the rising horror and choking panic and act normally until Ethan and I were alone, but somehow I did.
Ethan was on the sofa watching the news, a bottle of beer in his hand, shirt undone at the collar. He patted the seat next to him and smiled.
I stood where I was and held up the necklace by its clasp. It swung gently in my fingertips. ‘Do you recognise this?’
His eyebrows rose slightly at my tone. He glanced at it briefly then back to me. ‘Should I?’
‘It was Katie’s.’
‘Katie’s?’
‘Yes. You know, my best friend who everybody thought had run away but it turns out was murdered.’
‘Yes, I know who she is. What are you doing with it? How did you get it?’
‘Actually, that should be my question.’
‘What?’ He put the bottle of beer on the tiled floor and leaned forward.
‘I found this in your toolbox in the garage. Katie was wearing it the day she disappeared. How did you end up with it?’ My voice sounded surprisingly calm, as if someone else was talking and I was just moving my mouth in time, lip-syncing with them.
He looked at it again. ‘I’ve got no idea. I told you I’ve never seen it before.’
‘Oh, how convenient. You’ve never seen it before! Well, how did it get in your toolbox, then? By magic?’
‘How do you know it’s even hers?’ He reached out his hand to take it.
I snatched it away so he couldn’t. ‘I just know, OK? She was wearing it when Chris last saw her but she wasn’t wearing it when she was buried under the garage. Then suddenly, years later, I find it in your toolbox.’
‘What the .. . . ?’ He stood up. ‘You think I had something to do with her death?’ He pointed a finger at the centre of his chest.
‘Well, how do you explain it, otherwise?’
‘I can’t explain it! How can I explain it when I’ve never even seen that necklace before in my life?’
Every part of me seemed to shake with anger, my hand holding the necklace vibrating so the silver shimmered in the ceiling light as if it was alive. ‘Don’t give me that! You killed her, Ethan. You slept with her behind my back and killed her to shut her up. What, was she threatening to tell everyone about the baby? Your baby? Was she blackmailing you to keep quiet? Did you tell Tom and he helped you bury her afterwards? Or was he with you when you fractured her skull? Did you do it together?’
‘You’ve got no idea w—’
‘And then, when Tom was going to expose what you’d done, what he’d covered up for you all this time, you killed him, too! How did it feel to push your Dad off the cliff? Was it as good as killing a pregnant woman? Anything to keep your secret hidden, though, eh?’
He stared at me. ‘I can’t believe what you’re coming out with. I . . . how can you accuse me of something like this?’
‘Um . . . let me see . . . because no one knows where you were when Katie disappeared. Because you’ve tried to stall any investigation since it started. Because the one person who could tell the truth died when he was with you. Because you have a necklace belonging to my DEAD FRIEND. Maybe that’s got something to do with it.’
‘It wasn’t me. I didn’t have anything to do with her death. I had no clue. This was all as much of a surprise to me as it was to you when Dad started coming out with it.’
‘Yeah, right! Everything has just been a lie, hasn’t it? From the very beginning of our relationship. You betrayed me with Katie. Got her pregnant and killed her. How did you get Tom to cover it up and keep your secret? What did you say to him? “Oh, hi, Dad, I know you’ve had a busy day at work, but I’ve got a bit of a problem I need burying. Can you give me a hand?”’ I impersonated Ethan’s voice.
He threw his hands in the air. ‘There was no secret! I didn’t kill her!’
‘Where were you when she disappeared then, huh?’
‘I don’t know. I can’t remember what happened that day. It was years ago.’
‘She was last seen walking towards the barn. Had you already arranged to meet her here that day? Did she want money before she left, or something else?’
He flinched as if my words were a physical slap. ‘You’re crazy. This is insane.’
‘No, you’re insane! What’s insane is what you did! Come on, tell me. How did Tom find out what happened? Did you panic and tell him? Then you both decided to bury her where you thought no one would ever find her? Is that how it went?’ My jaw clenched. ‘I don’t want you here in the house. Not with Anna. How do I know you won’t do it again?’
‘I didn’t do anything!’ He held his palms up to me in a ‘calm down’ gesture. But I didn’t want to calm down. I needed to get it out there where it belonged.
‘You killed her,’ I said. ‘And you’re too cowardly to admit it.’
‘I can’t believe you’d think that. Can’t believe you think I would be capable of something like this. I thought you knew me better than that.’ His words were edged with steel, his once beautiful eyes flashing now with something in their depths that looked dark and dangerous. ‘You don’t know anything.’
‘I obviously don’t know you at all.’
‘After everything we’ve been through . . . How can you not trust me?’
I held up the necklace. ‘Because this speaks louder than words, Ethan. Who els
e would put this in your toolbox?’
‘We never keep that garage door locked. Anyone could’ve put it there.’ His chest rose and fell, a muscle in his jaw pulsing. ‘Maybe Dad put it there when he was living with us. Did you ever think of that? He was always leaving things in weird places. This really is all down to him. His confession was the truth. He was the person who actually killed her and he acted alone.’ He emphasised the last word. ‘You’re just looking for something that’s not there. Putting two and two together and coming up with nine!’ He yelled, the tendons in his neck pulsing angrily against his skin.
‘Oh, that’s good, isn’t it? That’s very convenient again. You’ve been trying to convince me all this time that Tom couldn’t possibly have killed her, and now suddenly you’re saying he did it just to get yourself off the hook.’ My heart beat so hard it threatened to explode out of my chest. My shoulders were taut, rigid bands of muscle.
He stared at me for a long time in silence. Finally, he said, ‘I don’t know you, either.’ And he stormed out of the room.
I heard his heavy footsteps on the stairs. I chewed on my fingernail, wondering what to do, trying to take some deep, calming breaths. Should I go up there and make sure he wasn’t hurting Anna? But then, why would he? He’d always been the perfect father.
Yeah, but he’s always been the perfect husband and look how that’s turning out!
No, he wouldn’t hurt her. This wasn’t about Anna. It was about sex and lies and betrayal and blackmail.
But what if Tom had put the necklace there?
A thread of doubt unravelled from the tight ball of anxiety curled in my chest. Why hadn’t I even considered that? Why did I always shoot my mouth off prematurely? When Tom was living with us before he went into Mountain View, he could’ve been confused and easily put it in Ethan’s toolbox by accident, just like he’d done with the remote control. With many things.
Had I made a mistake? Had I jumped to the wrong conclusion?
An image of Chris popped into my head. When I’d found him on the front step had he actually been here planting the necklace? Was he the one Tom had really been protecting all these years? When I’d shown it to him, he’d seemed genuinely surprised, but was he just a good liar, like Tom? We only had Chris’s word that she was even wearing the necklace that day, and he’d been very descriptive about it after all this time. Had he really remembered it that well or had he lied about it so he could plant incriminating evidence to frame Tom or Ethan?
