by Sibel Hodge
Katie was a liar. She was manipulative; a thief; maybe even toxic. But she was also a desperate, vulnerable young woman to whom fate had dealt a horrible hand. I also know she could be kind and compassionate and warm. Maybe she went about things the wrong way, but unless you’ve lived her life, how do you know you’d do things any differently?
But what Nadia did was wrong. She should’ve admitted it at the time. Confessed that it was an argument that had gone horribly wrong. An awful accident. She didn’t. Who knows what would have happened if she had? It’s too late to speculate and too late to change the past. What’s done is done. The only thing I’m thinking about now is the future.
And I have thought. Long and hard. For days I’ve tried to decide what to do. Should I keep the secret Tom made a decision to keep all those years ago? Should I let him go to his grave with people thinking he’s a murderer? Should I respect his wishes, even if people think he’s guilty of something he’d never done? Should I expose Nadia?
In the end it comes down to one thing.
Family.
Charlotte needs Nadia. She needs her family to stay together and support her through her illness. If she goes into remission it could take months of treatment, years, and she could still relapse and have to go through it all again. And if the treatment doesn’t work, well . . . Either way, how can I tear Nadia away from Charlotte when she needs her the most? None of this is Charlotte’s fault. How can I break up their family when they needed to cling on to each other tightly? Despite Lucas’s affair, which thankfully now seems to be over, he needs Nadia to be there, as well, to help him get through this. They all need each other.
Anna also needs to believe her aunt is all the things she seems: kind, compassionate, caring; the foundation that holds the Tates together. Ethan and Chris need their sister, too. Should all these people have to pay their own price if Nadia is convicted?
Tom knew what he was doing when he buried Katie. I don’t agree with it. Not any of it. But he knew. It was his choice. He lived by the code he’d always steadfastly believed in. He made that decision to cover up what Nadia did and stuck by it. It’s what he wanted. His sacrifice to his family. He’s paid the ultimate price to keep the truth from being discovered. He’s given his life so he can never reveal what really happened. Parental love is like nothing on Earth. Immeasurable in its strength. The fierce, burning need to protect. To do anything it takes to keep them safe. Tom’s love for Nadia. My love for Anna. Nadia’s love for Charlotte. The fallout from the world believing Tom was responsible is far less for us than it would be if they knew the truth. The Tates have suffered enough devastation as it is. Do we need any more?
I’m weighing up opposite ends of the scale in my hands.
Truth and lies. Justice and complicity.
It’s an impossible choice. Can I really let the truth go unpunished? Let a lie prevail?
I now believe there’s a hazy line between right and wrong. Am I walking on the right side of the wrong line, or the wrong side of the right line?
Life is messy. There is no black and white, only blurred shades that intermingle and co-exist. How can I destroy the people who mean more to me than anything in the world?
Our Range Rover pulls up at the crematorium behind the funeral car and it disappears into a tunnel marked ‘Private’.
Ethan parks and turns off the engine. He glances over at me and I’m lost in his eyes. My heart contracts with love. He isn’t just my husband. He’s my friend, my lover, my life. He means everything to me. I’d accused him of killing my childhood friend. Of killing his own father. Heinous crimes that I should’ve known he could never commit. I don’t know if I deserve his forgiveness, but I pray for it with all my heart. We have a lifetime of history. A lifetime of love and memories. You can’t just give that up. Things are far from perfect between us, but at least he’s talking to me again. At least he can bear to have me near him, and that gives me hope. I’ll work on that. Whatever it takes. Piece by piece, I’ll do anything to rebuild the trust.
I touch his hand. He pauses for a moment and lets it rest there, his eyes fluttering closed before he gets out of the car.
I exit, too. Wrap an arm around Anna and kiss the top of her head.
So, yes, I’ll do this. For my family, I’ll do anything to keep them whole. Keep them safe. Just like Tom wanted. This time I can’t go to the police.
Nadia, Charlotte and Lucas get out of Lucas’s car and greet us solemnly. Chris has refused to come. In time I hope he forgives Tom. Forgives me, too, for what I’m about to do.
Nadia’s gaze seeks out mine above Anna’s head. There’s a question in her eyes. I glance away.
‘Shall we go in?’ Ethan takes hold of Anna’s hand.
‘I’ll be there in a minute,’ I say.
I watch their retreating backs, their blackness making them look like a swarm of rooks.
Rose had made it clear to the police that she didn’t want anyone from our family to go to Katie’s service, but I still want to say my own goodbye to a friend I once loved.
I walk away from the building out into the gardens. I know which plot it is from DI Spencer, who attended her funeral. I head past engraved plaques and flowers and plastic toys and photos and balloons that people have left for their loved ones.
And there she is. Finally marked with a proper grave. A deserved resting place.
The brass plaque reads Katie Quinn. 1972 – 1990. Beloved Daughter.
I’m too busy biting back the tears to laugh at those words Rose has added. Beloved Daughter? I wonder again what Katie meant in her letter about them knowing what they did. Had Jack really sexually abused her, or had she been talking about the neglect? I suppose I will never know now. Some of the secrets Katie had have been buried with her.
I want to tell her something. Say a big speech that expresses everything I’m feeling, but I don’t know how to say it all. And words are sorely inadequate. In the end, I crouch down in front of the plaque, touch my fingertips to my lips and then press them against the cool metal.
Goodbye, Katie. I’m sorry. So, so sorry.
I rise and go inside. There are no friends of Tom’s sitting in the pews. He’d lost touch with some when the Alzheimer’s began, and the few who were left have either died or probably want to distance themselves from what he’s done. There are some employees of Tate Construction here, and I nod to them as they look at me with sympathy.
Anna starts crying. I hold her close to me, stroking her hair.
Ethan sits rigid on the other side of Anna. Nadia is on the opposite end of the pew. Tears stream silently down her face. One of Lucas’s arms is around her, one protectively round Charlotte who is dry-eyed but pale. I wonder how long it will be before her hair begins falling out. Nadia has already bought her a selection of wigs.
I don’t even hear the vicar’s words as he speaks about Tom. I’m too busy wondering if I’m going to regret my decision. When I hear him call my name to give one of Tom’s eulogies, I jump with a start.
I look at Ethan over the top of Anna’s head. He looks back, eyes glistening. Finally, he gives me an encouraging half smile. I stand up and walk towards the lectern at the front of the room. I have it all written down on a folded-up piece of paper in my pocket, but in the end I don’t need it. I’ve been over this so many times in my head that I know off by heart what I have to say.
I take a calming breath, trying to release the flutters in my chest. Then I begin.
‘Tom was an amazing man. He would do anything for anybody. Nothing was ever too much trouble. Even if he was rushed off his feet, he’d make time for you. He was compassionate and kind-hearted and lived to see us all happy and contented. He was loyal to a fault. If you told him a secret, it would never be repeated.’ My gaze strays to Nadia. She fidgets with the neck of her black dress. ‘He single-handedly raised his family with dedication and devotion. He
was driven and focused but still knew how to have fun. Family meant everything to Tom. Like any parent, he would always do what was necessary to protect them from harm.’
Anna sniffs loudly. Ethan hands her a tissue.
‘If he had to make a choice, he would even die for his own family.’
Nadia wipes her eyes with a soggy, balled-up tissue.
‘Today we say goodbye to a loving, generous and kind man. A man who is probably looking down on us now and making sure we’re taking care of each other. A man who takes his secrets to his grave.’ I look up and meet Nadia’s eyes. The message to her is clear.
Her lips curve slightly in a strained, grateful smile as her hand flutters towards her mouth.
‘Goodbye, Tom. We love you, and you’ll always be in our hearts.’ I step down and take my place next to Anna and Ethan.
I will keep the secret Tom desperately wanted to hang on to. The one he thought would protect his family forever, until the Alzheimer’s made it impossible to stay hidden. It’s my final gift to him. My goodbye. I will hide the truth to save Nadia, and in turn save all of us. Some mistakes you just can’t take back.
I have no idea if it’s right or wrong. Tom’s plan was flawed, just like all of us. I’ve learned that some people should have second chances and some secrets should be kept. I’ve also learned that I’m something I never wanted to be − a liar and a hypocrite.
But how far would you go to protect the ones you love?
Author’s Note
Firstly, I’d like to say a huge thanks to my readers. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for buying my books, and I hope you enjoy them!
A massive thanks to my husband Brad for supporting me, being my chief beta reader, and fleshing out ideas with me. Also for giving me the premise for Where the Memories Lie from a dream he had about a guy with Alzheimer’s who confessed to killing somebody. I love working with characters who are unreliable, and I knew immediately there were so many places to go with that idea. Without you, this book would never have been written!
Big hugs and thanks to my fabulous nieces Chantelle and Annice for all their advice on school lesson plans and inspiration for the character of Anna. It’s been a long time since I was twelve, so your input was fantastic!
Thanks so much to D. P. Lyle, MD, for his advice and information on DNA in skeletal remains.
And finally, a huge thanks to Jenny Parrott for all her invaluable editing suggestions. And also to Emilie Marneur for her ongoing support and belief in me, along with all the rest of the Thomas & Mercer team.
About the Author
Sibel Hodge is the author of the #1 bestseller Look Behind You. Her Amber Fox Mysteries and romantic comedies, Fourteen Days Later and The Baby Trap, are international bestsellers on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and iBooks. She writes in an eclectic mix of genres, and she’s a passionate human and animal rights advocate.
Her work has been nominated and shortlisted for numerous prizes, including the Harry Bowling Prize, the Yeovil Literary Prize, the Chapter One Promotions Novel Competition, The Romance Reviews’ prize for Best Novel with Romantic Elements, and Indie Book Bargains’ Best Indie Books of 2012. She was the winner of Best Children’s Book by eFestival of Words 2013, and winner of Crime, Thrillers & Mystery | Book from a Series in the SpaSpa Book Awards 2013. Her novella Trafficked: The Diary of a Sex Slave has been listed as one of the top 40 books about human rights by Accredited Online Colleges.
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