by Emma Nichols
‘What can I get you ladies?’ Frank asked, breaking the awkwardness at the table. He cast his eyes across the three women in turn.
‘I’ll have the special please Frank,’ Rowena responded.
‘I’ll have the same, please,’ Carine followed.
Eva nodded to make it a third special, reached for the bottle of wine and poured another glass for herself and Carine.
‘And, I’m concerned about your drinking,’ Rowena said, at the point the glass rested on Eva’s lips. She took another slug in defiance, before placing the glass deliberately on the table, feeling thoroughly beaten-up after the onslaught of the last few minutes.
‘And I’m concerned about your weight mum, but I don’t give you a hard time about it!’ Eva blurted, as the rapidly rising anger met with her need to defend and protect herself. She puffed out a deep breath and fiddled with the stem of the glass, irritated that her mum was right. Though she had told herself her drinking was well within her control, deep down she knew it was a poor coping strategy. What she hadn’t quite worked out was why she felt so lousy without the effect of alcohol in her system. Even work wasn’t stimulating her, hence missing the deadlines, though she hadn’t realised the full extent of her underachievement until now.
‘I know, I know,’ Rowena responded, her tone softer and her eyes lowered towards the table. ‘I’m going on a diet,’ she said. ‘The doctor has recommended someone to help me,’ she admitted before returning her eyes to her daughter.
‘I didn’t realise you’d seen someone,’ Eva said, beginning to wonder exactly how much she had missed, and over how long.
‘Yes. I didn’t tell you because you’re in your own world darling. Carine knows everything and that’s why I’ve asked her to take control of the business. I trust her.’ She looked towards the blonde Parisian and smiled warmly. Eva felt an unpleasant sensation rise within her, and tried to swallow it down. ‘Her mum and I go back a long way,’ Rowena added, with a warm smile directed at Carine. She squeezed Carine’s arm and Carine placed her hand on Rowena’s, holding it in place with the affection of old long-lost friends reunited. Eva nearly choked on the bile rising in her throat at the histrionic gesture. ‘Anyway…’
Frank approached with three plates of food and placed them in front of the women before returning to the kitchen for a basket of sliced baguette. ‘Another bottle of wine please Frank,’ Eva said. Rowena frowned. ‘I’ll stop in my own time,’ Eva responded, as Frank returned at a pace, and placed the new bottle on the table.
‘Anyway, as I was saying, you two are going to need to work very closely together until such times as I can trust you,’ she said, pointing at Eva, ‘to take on the business by yourself. I need to make sure it’s in safe hands,’ she said.
Eva studied her mum, starting to feel a swell of sadness. Aside from the insult, which was probably justified to some extent - she didn’t feel equipped to look after the business. Something in her mum’s eyes gave her cause for concern. ‘Is everything okay? Are you okay?’ she asked tentatively, reminded of her mum’s struggle getting from the office to the bistro.
‘I’m fine darling. Who knows what the future holds of course, and we need to be prepared. I haven’t worked my arse off for this business to fold if anything happens to me,’ Rowena said, with determination.
‘Mum, you’re scaring me. Is there something you haven’t told me?’
‘No darling, of course not. I’m just securing the future of my business… your business if you want it? I want to enjoy my retirement. And I need to be sure you’re in the right place mentally to take it on,’ she said, twirling a finger at her own temple. ‘Until that time, Carine will take control, and knock you into shape… I hope,’ she said with a slight chuckle.
Eva slumped back into the chair, poured another glass of wine, and sipped at it, quietly taking in the turn of events. She hadn’t seen this one coming, and she wasn’t quite sure how to handle it, or Carine for that matter. She looked across the table from her mum to the tall, elegant, woman. Carine smiled warmly but her eyes gave away nothing.
‘See you at 9 on Monday then?’ Carine said, lifting the wine glass to her lips and sipping delicately. Her face smiled but her eyes were still distant, still judging.
‘Right,’ Eva said, lost in the pain of the attack she had sustained over lunch. She poked at her food. She had no appetite. The joy she had felt before she entered her mother’s office just a few hours earlier had disappeared, replaced by a sinking feeling and a heavy weight sitting just below her rib cage. Her heart yearned for Rosa. Rosa would make things better again, but she wouldn’t be home yet.
Eva stood. ‘I need to get going,’ she said, and walked briskly out of the bistro and into the street. She stood on the pavement momentarily, sucked in the cold air, and braced herself against her stinging eyes. She turned swiftly and walked quickly down the street. She couldn’t get away quickly enough. She turned up an alleyway and dived into the first bar she came to. It was dark, and empty. Perfect. She picked the tall wooden-topped stool and sat at the bar. Despite its dingy appearance, the surface of the bar was clean.
‘Whiskey please,’ she said to the approaching barman. He stopped, nodded, poured, and returned with the drink. She swilled the liquid in the glass, allowing her thoughts to torment her. Was she really that bad? She couldn’t answer herself honestly, and pinched at the bridge of her nose to quell the rising tide of sadness that was pressing at the back of her eyes. Only the burning of the amber fluid hitting the back of her throat jolted her out of her reverie and bathed her in a comforting shield. She asked for another.
2.
‘Urrgh,’ Dee groaned, as her body sank heavily into the soft cushioned chair in Rosa’s office. She leaned back, taking full advantage of the much-needed respite from being on her feet all day. She watched her friend intently, as she busied herself behind her desk. ‘I’m starving,’ she said. Rosa looked up. ‘Fancy anything from the canteen?’ she asked.
‘Sure.’ Rosa’s tone was flat, her eyes returning immediately to the paperwork in front of her.
Dee pulled herself out of the brief comfort and encroached on Rosa’s space, forcing her to look up again. ‘Come on, what’s up?’ Rosa’s eyes had lost their natural shine over the past couple of weeks, and in Dee’s mind there was only one person who could be responsible for that, but she needed to hear it from her friend directly. Dee held Rosa’s gaze.
‘Let’s go and eat,’ Rosa said, hoping Dee could be a sounding board for the thoughts that had cast a shadow over her.
‘I’m not going to let you get away with it,’ Dee said, teasingly, but with a certainty that Rosa understood.
‘I know, let’s grab some food and chat.’
Dee breathed out deeply. At last, she thought, as she followed Rosa into the corridor. They took the short journey to the canteen in relative silence, simply acknowledging colleagues who addressed them as they walked past.
Rosa scanned the fridge counter and picked out a cheese baguette. She wasn’t feeling very hungry, in spite of not having eaten since 8.30 that morning, after the first surgery. It was now 4.45 and although their clinical day finished a while ago, Rosa had insisted she needed to catch up on paperwork before leaving. Dee could read an excuse to not go home when she saw one, and had decided to gate crash Rosa’s office until she acquiesced to the late lunch. Dee grabbed a steak sandwich, slice of apple tart, and a can of coke.
Rosa picked up a cup and placed it in the slot, pressed the coffee button and waited. ‘Hungry?’ Rosa asked, with a wry smile, a ray of lightness passing through her, as she watched her friend with fondness.
‘Starving. And I’ve got a sparing session at 6.30,’ Dee said.
Having paid, they made their way to a free table, avoiding the obvious patient visitors, and sat facing each other. Rosa breathed deeply and picked at the plastic wrapping housing the baguette, her attention clearly not on the task of actually eating the food.
‘So?’ Dee
asked, biting into the steak sandwich, and devouring it in four good-sized pieces. She wiped at her mouth, pulled open the can and took a slug of the fizzy pop, belching quietly to herself as the bubbles decided to retrace their journey to her mouth. ‘Hey,’ she said softly, as it dawned on her that Rosa’s eyes were welling up.
‘I’m okay, honestly. It’s just…’ she faltered, and Dee kept quiet. ‘I’m worried I’m going to lose her,’ Rosa said with sadness, looking up to gauge Dee’s response. The frown on her friend’s face told her all she needed to know. ‘Look, I know you don’t trust her, but I do. She’s not like you think. She’s…’ Rosa couldn’t find the words. ‘I think I’m in love with her,’ she said, ‘But I’m scared she’s…’
‘Not in love with you?’ Dee finished, her tone more severe than she had intended. It was no secret that she hadn’t warmed to Rosa’s girlfriend, even though she had to admit that Eva had put the biggest smile on Rosa’s face that she had ever seen. Today was not one of those days though, and today Dee would be happy to see the back of the woman she considered to be unreliable and immature.
‘No, it’s not that.’ Rosa sighed, fiddling with the wrapper. She stopped, picked up her coffee, and took a sip. She scanned the room and locked onto the horizon beyond the plain glass window. This was one of the few areas of the building with an aspect that didn’t have a building of some sort obscuring the view. Not that her attention was on the park, or the rain that was beginning to fall. ‘I’m scared she’ll leave me. I’m sure she loves me, but I think she’s scared to commit. She’s been having nightmares. She won’t talk about them. I’ve no idea what they’re about and she doesn’t seem to remember anything in the morning. There’s nothing I can do, and I just feel a distance growing between us.’ The words streamed as her fear made its case.
Dee nodded, turning the can in her hand, and rubbed her thumb along the condensation that had formed on the outside. ‘What makes you think she won’t commit?’ she asked.
‘I don’t know.’ Rosa sighed, sipped at her hot drink, and held her friend’s eyes. ‘It’s just a feeling, and maybe I’m completely wrong. I mean… we’re great together. It’s probably all my shit,’ she added with a shrug of her shoulders.
‘Rosa, I’ve known you for the best part of how long now? You don’t have any shit… at least not this sort of shit,’ she added.
‘Maybe I’ve never been in love before,’ Rosa stated, trying to raise a smile, and failing. Her eyes betrayed the seriousness behind her words, causing Dee’s heart to fracture and her mouth to parch.
‘Is there anything I can do to help?’ Dee asked. Her mind warring between the compassion she felt for her friend and the contempt she felt towards Eva. Dee reached out and squeezed Rosa’s hand. Hands that were normally so confident, capable, and nimble, when she carried out her work, seemed vulnerable and insecure in Dee’s strong grasp.
‘Just being here,’ Rosa said, returning the squeeze unconvincingly. Dee held her friend’s eyes with tenderness, allowing Rosa to process her thoughts. Rosa’s sigh weighed heavily, though she felt a little lighter for sharing her concerns.
‘Right, you gonna eat that thing or dance with it?’ Dee asked, with her eyes fully focused on the half-unpacked snack that Rosa was still fiddling with.
‘No, do you want it?’
Dee grabbed the packet, whipped the baguette out and munched into it, nodding her head in thanks. ‘Fancy going out later in the week?’ she asked with her mouth half-full. ‘We can all go,’ she added, hoping to shift the energy.
Rosa straightened her posture. ‘Maybe,’ she said, in as chirpy a tone as she could muster. Perhaps a night out on the town would do both her and Eva good, she thought. She hadn’t been out socially with Dee and Angie for a while and maybe the change of scene would help. She and Eva had done a bit of a u-haul, and spent the last few months cooped up in her town house, making home together. Although Eva had moved a lot of her things across, she hadn’t wanted to sell or rent out her own place. Maybe that was part of the problem. Eva always seemed to leave one door slightly open, as if she might need to bolt at the last minute. It left Rosa feeling slightly unnerved. She knew they were right together and felt frustrated by her own doubts, and unable to fully enjoy the time that they spent together. She smiled across the table and handed the paper napkin to Dee, pointing at the spot on her face that needed attending to.
‘Thanks.’ Dee took the paper and swiped it across her chin. ‘So, Friday night then?’ she said, tucking into her apple tart.
‘Great.’ Rosa smiled and finished her coffee, feeling slightly happier with her decision to go home and cook a surprise supper for Eva - and to talk to her.
*
‘Great, Sunday 28th of Feb, 2 til 4, here at the barn. Got it, thanks.’ Anna ended the call, a big grin lighting up her face. ‘She can do it,’ she said. Lauren’s eyes smiled as she pulled Anna towards her.
‘I love you,’ Lauren said, closing the space between them with her own beaming smile and determined look.
‘We’d best get the invitations out to…’ Anna started to say, but Lauren’s intensity caused her breath to hitch and her knees to buckle.
Lauren silenced her with hungry lips, her searing dark eyes causing a buzz in the centre of Anna that was of a very different quality to that elicited by the phone call. Lauren’s breath was sweet, her touch tender. Anna crumbled at the vibrations building low in her womb, as their tongues played, seduced, and teased.
‘Emilie…’ Anna tried to speak, gasping for breath.
Lauren ignored her plea, deepening the kiss, forcing a guttural groan as her hands found their way under Anna’s skirt, riding up the outside of both her legs. Lauren groaned, reaching between the thin, silky underwear and opening Anna with ease, enjoying the sensation of the soft flesh, the wet heat pulsing through her fingers.
Anna wrapped her arms around Lauren’s neck in a near strangle hold, unable to get enough of her. The urgency in the clashing kiss being fuelled by the erotic sensations now filling her. She lifted her leg and wrapped it around Lauren’s waist, allowing Lauren to penetrate her with depth. ‘Ahhh!’ she screamed as the rhythmical movements caused her insides to contract, burn, and explode, sending a spiral of fire through every cell in her body.
Lauren remained inside her until the shuddering ceased, kissing her face tenderly, savouring every part of her. ‘I love you,’ she said, repeating the words from a moment ago.
‘I love you.’ Anna’s words were vulnerable, but the intensity in her eyes carried such certainty. Leaving no room for doubt, she released Lauren with a satisfied grin.
The boiling of the kettle brought Anna back to earth. She stepped across the kitchen and poured the water carefully into the two waiting cups. She handed the steaming mug to Lauren and placed an arm around her waist, just as a snuffle turned into a more vocal expression of need through the baby monitor. Both women looked at each other and laughed, recognising that just moments earlier that noise would have been an unwelcome intrusion. Now, they stood in each other’s arms and watched as Emilie began to kick, her small limbs moving to turn her over.
Lauren placed her mug on the kitchen surface. ‘I’ll get her,’ she said. She washed her hands, gave Anna a warm smile and kissed her on the cheek as she passed, and headed up the stairs two at a time. Anna sighed, feeling the warmth of affection flood her body. She watched Lauren through the monitor, hearing her soft voice coaxing Emilie as she approached the baby and pulling her up into a confident hold. She could see Emilie’s arms and legs hook onto Lauren, trusting this woman unconditionally, to take good care of her, which of course, she always did. Lauren had a natural maternal side to her. Anna sipped at her tea as the screen went blank, replaced by the footsteps descending the stairs.
‘Who’s this?’ Lauren was saying as she entered the kitchen, met by Anna, whose eyes were on a happy looking, blurry-eyed Emilie.
‘Hello sweet-cheeks,’ Anna said, grinning from ear to ear, gaining h
er daughter’s attention instantly. It always delighted her that Emilie’s face lit up at the sound and sight of her. Emilie’s arms reached out towards her birth mother. Lauren handed her over and Anna placed a kiss on the baby’s cheek. She had instantly nicknamed Emilie sweet-cheeks when she first held her in her arms, her chubby red cheeks sticking out on her otherwise pixie-like features. The term of endearment had stuck firmly, with Emilie smiling and giggling in response. ‘Are you ready for some lunch?’ she asked, not expecting a response. Emilie looked around as if to give one though. They had just started weaning her, introducing her to baby porridge, and Emilie had taken to it like a duck to water.
Lauren had already embarked on preparing the small meal. Like a well-oiled machine and with unspoken rules, they worked together seamlessly. Anna cooed to keep Emilie entertained, and within a few moments a cooling porridge mixture appeared at the table. Anna placed a bib around her fidgeting daughter and sat her in the highchair. She was beginning to grumble with impatience. ‘Here we go, sweetheart.’ Lauren blew on the food, and presented the spoon to a hungry Emilie, whose tiny mouth grappled with the implement, and its contents, most of which seemed to end up around her face and on her bib.
‘Guess what?’ Lauren said to Emilie as she continued to feed her. ‘You’re going to have a spiritual christening,’ she said, in a higher pitched, singsong voice, as if that would ensure the words were more easily processed. ‘Yes, we are,’ she continued, sporting a big grin as she spoke.
Emilie grinned back, the soft food oozing out from between her gums and dropping from her tiny lips. Spying the wet messy substance, landing on the highchair’s table, her quizzical hands reached out and started to pat enthusiastically.
