by Sue Margolis
“And you use chopsticks because …” Bel said, irritation seeping from every pore.
“Oh, they force you to eat smaller amounts, so it’s so much kinder on the digestion.”
“Makes sense,” Brian said. “Maybe we’d all be healthier if we ate with chopsticks.”
At that point Rebecca announced that she just happened to have a spare set. She handed them to Brian. Looking more than a tad awkward, he took them and dutifully attempted to finish his Spanish casserole. Unable to cut into his chicken breast, he stabbed the thing and tried to eat it as it hung off a single chopstick. In the end, his T-shirt covered in gravy, he apologized and went back to his knife and fork.
Toward the end of the meal, Sam finally raised the Bean Machine issue with Brian and said how bad he felt about it. Brian said that these things happen and that he shouldn’t give it a second thought. “Plus, we’ve had a stay of execution because the builders are still trying to get money out of Bean Machine.”
Sam said that he knew about this and that they seemed no closer to resolving it. “The word on the street is that Bean Machine is in financial difficulty, but the company is denying it.”
This cheered Brian up no end. From then on, the two of them started to hit it off. They both got to chatting with Ulf about his job, and Brian said how he’d watched this operation to cure Parkinson’s disease. “Ah, it isn’t actually a cure, but it can really help the symptoms,” Ulf singsonged. Twenty minutes later he was still regaling everybody with the minutiae of the procedure. Once he had finished, there was silence. It seemed that nobody wanted to ask him any questions in case this set him off again.
In the end Bel broke the tension—only to create more.
“So, Rebecca, Brian tells me you’re a born-again virgin.”
Brian glared at her. For a second time Amy was aware of his foot lashing out in Bel’s direction.
“Ouch!”
Ulf asked her if she was all right.
“Fine,” she said, looking daggers at Brian.
If Rebecca was angry with Brian for revealing that she had reclaimed her virginity, she wasn’t about to show it, at least not in public.
“Yes,” she said, “that’s true. Last year I took a vow of chastity.”
Bel asked her why.
“Don’t you find that you’ve indulged in far too many meaningless sex acts in your life?”
Bel grimaced, clearly assuming this was a barb aimed at her, but she let it go.
“Yeah, but as meaningless sex acts go, some of them were pretty amazing.”
“Well, when I find the man I want to marry, I want the love-making to be really special. I decided the only way to make that happen was to give up on sex until I get married.”
“So you’ve had the hymenoplasty operation, then?” Ulf inquired.
“Excuse me?” Sam said, eyes wide.
“Yes, I’ve had my hymen restored,” she said as if she were discussing her new highlights.
“I’ve read about the procedure,” Ulf said. “The surgeon takes the residual tissues of the hymen and stitches them back together. It’s very successful, apparently.”
“That’s right,” Rebecca said. “In fact, some wives do it every year as a present to their husbands. That really appeals to me. It’s sort of an annual cleansing and rededication, if you will.”
“Actually, I won’t if you don’t mind,” Bel said, reaching for the wine bottle.
They were having mint tea or coffee—or in Rebecca’s case, white tea that she carried with her in a tiny Chinese enamel tin—when Bel’s mobile went. After a couple of seconds, the color drained from her face. “Okay, I’ll be there in a few minutes.” She flipped the lid on her phone. “I gotta go. That was my next-door neighbor. She found my back door swinging open. I’ve been burgled.”
It turned out that Ulf couldn’t take Bel home because he was getting the sleeper to Edinburgh, where he was speaking at a conference the next day. They’d already planned for her to take a cab home.
“I’ve got my car,” Brian said to Bel. “I’ll take you. No arguments.”
“But what about Rebecca?”
Rebecca said she could call a cab, but Sam said he would drop her home. He and Amy had agreed earlier on that Charlie-wise it was far too soon for him to spend the night.
Thank yous and goodbyes were hurried, and in less than five minutes everybody was gone. Afterward Amy did the dishes and tidied up. It was funny that since Victoria’s marathon clean she was experiencing a newly acquired urge to keep the place tidy. She fell into bed around midnight, wondering if she ought to phone Bel. She imagined she would still be up waiting for the police. She dialed her number. It rang out for a few seconds and then went to voice mail. Amy decided that the police—with uncustomary efficiency—had come and gone and that Bel had hit the sack.
Just after nine the next morning, the phone rang.
“Hi, its me.”
It was Bel.
“Hon, is everything okay?” Amy said. “Was much taken?”
“Oh, you know, the usual: laptop, the Nikon Jurassic Mark bought me. Of course the police weren’t remotely interested. Oh, and by the way, I slept with Brian.”
“What?”
“I know. I can still hardly believe it. He insisted on staying over because the burglars had broken the lock on the back door and the place wasn’t secure. Anyway, then we had this huge fight.”
“What about?”
“He had a go at me for bringing up the chastity thing at dinner and said I only did it because I wanted to get him in trouble with Rebecca and split them up. I said if I wanted to split them up it was only because I thought Rebecca was a self-obsessed princess and totally wrong for him. He said that was none of my business and I had no right sticking my nose into his relationships, which I guess is true. Anyway, then he accused Ulf of being a bore and said he’d had more interesting conversations with his coffee blender. I started shouting, defending Ulf. He shouted back, swearing and calling me names, and before we knew what was happening, we were tearing each other’s clothes off.”
“About blinkin’ time! How long have I been saying that the two of you were meant for each other? So have you finished it with Ulf?”
“Whoa. Hang on. Brian and I slept together. That does not make us an item.”
“What are you saying? Of course it does. You and Brian are like Bacall and Bogie, Ben and Jerry. You’re made for each other.”
“No. The way I see it, I was upset and vulnerable. There were masses of sexual tension in the air because neither of us is getting laid—Okay, I’m getting laid, but not satisfactorily. I think that in a sense we just used each other.”
“‘Used each other’? I can’t believe I’m hearing this.”
“Amy, I’ve told you before, I can’t be in a relationship with somebody who presses my buttons all the time. Can you imagine how wearing that would be? The constant sniping and fighting would get us both down.”
“So what are you going to do about Ulf?”
“I really don’t want to hurt him, but I guess I’ll have to end it. Sleeping with Brian made me realize that I can’t be in a relationship where the sex is lousy.”
“So apart from the sex, you’ve got no feelings at all for Brian?”
“Even if I did, they’re irrelevant. He’s crazy about Rebecca.”
“Oh, yeah—so crazy that he slept with you.”
“Amy, I’m telling you, this was a one-off. It was a stupid mistake, and it won’t happen again. Now let it go.”
FIVE MINUTES later Brian was on the phone to say he had slept with Bel.
“It was truly amazing, but the thing is, I can’t work out if I did it because I have feelings for Bel or because I’m so sexually frustrated. To be honest, if I’d been at Miss Piggy’s house last night, I would have come on to her.”
“God, you two are impossible. Bel said almost the same.”
“What, that she would have slept with Miss Piggy?”
> “No. She said you used each other.”
“She’s right.”
“I don’t get it … How can two people be so blind? Brian, listen to me. Of course you have feelings for Bel, the same way that she does for you. If the pair of you weren’t so insecure and would just stop competing for five minutes, you’d be able to see it.”
“But all we ever do is compete with each other. Isn’t that the point?”
“All I know is that I saw how jealous you were when Bel started going out with Ulf. You’re mad about her.”
“No, I got over that. It’s Rebecca I’m mad about now.”
“But the woman refuses to sleep with you!”
“Okay, I don’t deny that the point may come when we split up over that, but it doesn’t alter the fact that what Bel and I did was a huge mistake. We both know that. I think the best thing is for me to call her and suggest we just put it behind us and move on.”
“Perfect,” Amy said. “Just perfect.”
THAT AFTERNOON Sam came over. Amy found an old car rug, which they took into the garden and spread out over the balding lawn. They sat in the sun drinking tea while Charlie played in the tent he had made by covering his climbing frame with old sheets.
“I just can’t believe how complicated some people’s lives get,” Amy said, plucking at some grass. “My dad’s trying to rescue poor Joyce. My mum’s seeing a man who is sweet and kind but can’t see beyond his own narrow world. Bel loves Brian and Brian loves Bel, but for some reason they’re both too scared to admit it. Oh, and then there’s Victoria and Simon, but at least they’re trying to sort themselves out. It’s exhausting just thinking about it all.”
“We don’t realize how lucky we are,” Sam said.
“I know. Our relationship may have gotten off to a rocky start, but now it feels so easy and straightforward.”
He nodded and smiled, but at the same time she got the sense that something was bothering him. She was about to remark on it, but he got in first.
“You know, Amy, I’m really falling for you in a big way.”
“Ditto,” she said.
He stroked the end of her nose with a buttercup. Then he kissed her.
Chapter 13
“HEY, AMES,” BRIAN said as she walked into the café on Monday morning. “You still on the lookout for possible newspaper stories?”
“You bet.”
“Well, I may have a something. It’s nothing huge, but I thought it might make a piece for one of the newspaper food and drink pages. CremCo, the company that produces Crema Crema Crema, has developed this fancy new espresso machine. I don’t know much about it, but it’s meant to be pretty revolutionary. The launch party is on Wednesday night, and I’ve been invited. Apparently I am one of their ‘valued customers.’ The ticket admits two, so I thought you might fancy coming along. Only problem is, it’s in bloody Luton. They have their roasting plant there and want to show it off.”
Amy wrinkled her nose. “I dunno. All the newspaper and magazine food journalists will have been invited. I’m not sure there’ll be anything in it for me.”
“When I phoned to RSVP, they did mention there would be some pretty fancy freebies. Free bags of Crema Crema Crema, plus a fifteen percent discount on new orders, which is why I’m going.”
“Bearing in mind I don’t like coffee, you’re not selling it to me so far.”
“Oh, and the name Prada did come up. They’ve something to do with the design of the coffee machine. We could be talking handbags, especially when they’ve dragged the media thirty miles out of London.”
“Seriously? Wow. I have to say I’m tempted, but I’m not sure I can justify it. I’ve been leaving Charlie quite a lot lately. It’s not fair to abandon him again just so’s I can pick up a Prada bag. Why don’t you bring it back for me?”
“Amy, you’re not abandoning Charlie. You’d be leaving him with a baby-sitter. You’re always saying how much he loves Lilly. Please come. It’s a schlep up there. The do is bound to be deadly dull. I’d really appreciate the company.”
“Why don’t you ask Rebecca? Or Bel?”
“Rebecca’s working, and I can’t ask Bel.”
“Why?”
“It’ll look like I’m asking her on a date.”
“What’s wrong with that? You just slept with her.”
“Yes, but we’ve agreed that was a huge mistake and that the best thing is to pretend it never happened. If I start asking her out, it’ll look like I’ve got a thing for her.”
“Which you have.”
“No, I haven’t.”
“Have.”
“Amy, can we please get back to Wednesday? You’re right, the food journalists will all be there to cover the espresso machine story, but you never know, you might get chatting to somebody and stumble across something else.”
“It’s not very likely, but I suppose I shouldn’t be turning down opportunities.”
“So you’ll come?”
“Okay, so long as I can get a baby-sitter.”
“Great.” He paused. “By the way, what happened between me and Bel can never get back to Rebecca, right?”
“Oh, come on. What do you take me for?”
“If she finds out, she’ll never forgive me. She’s already furious with me for telling everybody about her reclaiming her virginity.”
Amy said she wasn’t surprised.
“I’m going to have to make it up to her in some way. God knows how.”
“I guess you could always take her out to dinner. Oh, no, I forgot, she doesn’t eat anything.” Amy immediately regretted the comment, but she felt frustrated that Brian had let Bel go.
“You don’t like Rebecca, do you?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be bitchy. I’m sure when I get to know her …”
“Well, just for the record, I really like Sam.”
“Yeah, the two of you seemed to be getting along really well. I’m glad. I would have hated for there to be any ill feeling between you.”
“There’s none. Believe me.”
They were interrupted by Zelma bustling in, humming “I Feel Pretty.”
“You’ve got a spring in your step,” Amy said.
She winked. “I got some action yesterday.”
“No kidding? Good for you, Zelma.”
“Yes, all that dreadful bloating has gone, and I didn’t need to take any fiber today.”
AMY WAS in the middle of eating lunch—a slice of tarte provençale—when Bel rang, full of excitement.
“You’ll never guess what.”
“What?”
“No, you have to guess.”
“But you just said I’d never guess.”
“Okay, get this: They’re making a new Bond film … and I am up for a part.”
“Bel, you are kidding! That is amazing. So what’s the part?”
“The voice of the Aston Martin’s satnav.”
“Wow … that’s amazing,” Amy said, trying not to sound too underwhelmed.
“No, you don’t get it. If I was to get the part, my voice would become really famous and the likelihood is that one of the satnav companies would use me. And other big stuff would be bound to follow. I could be the voice of TomTom. Kerching!”
“Okay, now I’m with you. That really is fantastic news.”
“I know. I’m so excited. The audition is in a few days. I’m going for purring, sexy dominatrix. What do you think?”
“Purrfect!”
Amy asked her if the police had been back in touch re the burglary.
“Some hopes. Once they know all the stuff’s insured, they’re not bothered. Hey, I’m really sorry I broke up the party on Friday, particularly after all that effort you went to. And I meant to say how fabulous Sam is. He’s great-looking, intelligent, funny. Do you think he could be, you know … a contender?”
Amy laughed. “It’s early days yet, but just between you and me, I think he could. And it really helps that he and Charlie like each o
ther.”
“You know, he really looks like Charlie.”
“It’s funny, Victoria said that. I guess they do both have the same coloring.”
“No, it’s more than that. They have the same eyes.”
“She said that, too.”
“I can’t believe you haven’t noticed. Take a look the next time they’re together.”
Amy said she would. “So, are you okay with the whole Brian thing?”
“Fine. The other night was just something that happened. It’s all forgotten.”
Amy let out a sigh of frustration.
“Sweetie, I don’t know how to put this,” Bel said, “but has it occurred to you that maybe it’s you who has the problem with this?”
THAT EVENING she had only just gotten Charlie to bed when Sam turned up unannounced. “I thought I’d surprise you,” he said, kissing her.
“I’m glad you did. Come into the kitchen. I’ll make tea.”
“I’d rather go into the living room and make out.”
“No way.” She giggled. “Charlie’s barely asleep. I’ve got cake, though.”
“Ah, even better.”
Sam sat at the kitchen table, and she filled the kettle. “You know, it’s the weirdest thing: People keep telling me that you and Charlie look alike. I was looking at him tonight as I put him to bed, and I think they’re right.”
Sam shrugged. “Really? Not sure I’ve noticed, but I’m not very good at seeing resemblances. Maybe it’s a bloke thing.”
“Well, Bel and Victoria can see it. Don’t you think it’s odd?” she persisted. “I mean, you look alike, you’re both talented artists.”
He was laughing. “Amy, you are joking, right? I’m sterile, and even if I weren’t, I donated sperm fifteen years ago.”
“I know that. I just think it’s a strange coincidence, that’s all.”
WEDNESDAY NIGHT’S Crema Crema Crema launch was due to start at seven. Brian said that since they would be driving in the rush hour, they should allow extra time. They got changed at the café and set off exactly at half past five. They were walking to Brian’s car when his cell started ringing. “Yes … okay … I see … I’ll phone and make another appointment. Thank you for letting me know.”
