by Blake, Penny
“Then I’m glad you didn’t know, and don’t be mad at Mirabeth. I tried to get information about you many times before that, and she never gave away much at all. She was very protective of your privacy.”
“She never talked about you,” I say coolly.
“Did you ever ask?”
“Nope.”
“Really? Why not?” he asks.
I give him an even more pronounced side eye.
“Sorry,” he says. “I just wondered if you thought about me sometimes, that’s all.”
“I didn’t let myself. I needed to move on.”
“I get it, and Mirabeth did too. A number of times I asked her to tell you I said hello, and she refused. She said you needed space and time to heal. But when the ten year mark was coming up, I convinced her that enough time had passed, and asked her to invite you to the party.”
“The party celebrating your engagement to another woman? How is that appropriate?”
“You came though didn’t you? Anyway, I knew you were dating that dweeby hipster from the magazine, so I thought you’d be more likely to come if it was a couple’s event. You know, more casual.”
“Dweeby hipster? You mean Miles? I broke up with him almost a year ago.”
“Good, he sounded like a real douche, with his microbrews and his skinny jeans. You deserve better, Jess. Anyway, Mirabeth finally realized that I was sneaking into her letter drawer about a year ago and started hiding them in a better spot, so I’ve been out of the loop ever since.”
“If you wanted to know about me, why didn’t you just get in touch?”
“Because I was a fucking mess. I didn’t have anything to offer you.”
We walk down a street lined with brownstones in comfortable silence while Geno stops to sniff city trees and telephone poles.
“At least your career took off,” I said. “Does your job have any connection to Rupert Everly and Son?”
“None whatsoever. I wanted nothing to do with Raine or his company. So I managed to skate by at a third rate business school with a C average, then talk a good game while interviewing and land myself a job I was completely underqualified for. But I got the hang of it before long, and I even managed to make the company some money. All while drinking like a fish. It’s amazing how easy it is to be a functioning alcoholic in the business world, Jess. “
“I would think that after seeing what happened to our parents—not just their death but how miserable they were before they died—you’d be disgusted by drinking.”
“You would think. But after you left, I needed an escape. And I got lost in it. For a long time.”
Another silence stretches between us as we pursue our own thoughts. I don’t even pay attention to where we’re walking now. I let Geno lead the way.
“I’m sorry for the way things ended, Jess. I’m sorry I was so cruel to you, and for the role I played in causing your accident. I’ve hated myself for it every day since. It was one of the things I’ve been working on since I got sober, coming to terms with the horrible way I treated you. I was the one who lost out, you know. You’ve had this great life since we’ve been apart, and I didn’t get to be a part of it.” I nearly jump when I feel his hand reach out and hold mine. “But I want to change that. I broke it off with Lisa. I want us to be together, Jess.”
I can’t bear to look at him. I wasn’t expecting any of this, and it’s all too much. When I open my mouth to respond, my mind goes blank.
But my heart knows what to do, and I feel myself threading my fingers through his and holding on tight.
“Can I ask you something though?” he asks. “It’s one of the reasons I read your letters—it’s always killed me not to know. But what was going on with you and Raine? Mirabeth said you weren’t carrying on a relationship with him, that it was just a kiss. If she’s wrong and you were carrying on a relationship, I can try to understand that and make peace with it—we were just kids, after all. But I need to know the truth.”
“There was no relationship between us, Blaze. It was just a kiss. And that’s the thing that’s haunted me most over the years—why I was stupid enough to kiss him back that night. I guess that before I knew what I do now, I didn’t realize you can be in love with one person and still feel attraction for someone else. So I was attracted to Raine, but I didn’t expect him to kiss me, so when he did…I kissed him back without thinking. It was a stupid mistake, and I’m sorry for my part in what happened to us too. For setting off the whole miserable chain of events.”
His hand squeezes mine even tighter.
“I wouldn’t call myself miserable right now,” he says. “Would you?”
“No,” I answer honestly. “Not at all. When I’m with you, I’m happier than I’ve ever been before, and it scares the hell out of me because I know how painful it is to have it all ripped away.”
“I know, I’m scared too. But I think we’re worth the risk, Jess. Something keeps bringing us back together, and I don’t think we can be happy until we make whatever it is between us work.”
“How do we even start here? Do you move here to New York or do I move to be closer to you? Or do we date long distance and call each other every night? I don’t even know how any of this will work.”
“Well, why don’t we start here.” He hands me a blank white envelope. “Then we can make the rest up as we go.”
I open the envelope and inside are two plane tickets for Germany, and then two more for Amsterdam, and two more for Italy. I look at him in confusion.
“I know from your letters that you already visited a lot of the places we used to talk about going, but neither of us ever got to drive the Autobahn in Germany, or visit the red light district in Amsterdam. And I know you’ve already been to Italy and Paris, and I’m fine with skipping Paris. I know you went there to read all day in a café, and to be honest, I’ve never been much of a reader. But I’ve always wanted to see the Sistine Chapel. I know you’ve been there before, but would you mind going again? With me this time? I mean, we’d both have to take some time off work, but I can swing it. I have a feeling you can too.”
I’m so shocked it takes a minute for me to respond. I nod. “Yeah…okay…I can take a leave of absence.”
“And you’ll show me Italy? Even though you’ve been there before?”
“Of course I will. I’d love to go again—they have so many amazing museums I could show you. And gelato—oh Blaze, you’re going to love gelato.”
“Venice!” he says. “Can we go to Venice while we’re there? I’ve always wanted to see it, and I heard the whole city is slowly sinking. We have to go before it’s gone forever.”
“Yes, let’s do that! I’d didn’t get to see Venice when I went to Italy—we can ride a gondola together.”
“And eat pizza, of course,” he adds.
“Obviously,” I say. I lean up and kiss him, and he pulls me into his arms and kisses me back. I can hardly believe he’s really here with me. Blaze. My first kiss, my first love, my first everything.
“Or maybe we can just get ourselves a fancy hotel room, order a whole bunch of room service, and hole ourselves up for awhile, catching up.”
“I’d like that,” I say with a teasing grin. “We have a lot of catching up to do.”
He puts his hand on the small of my back, and we continue to walk through the city aimlessly, wandering our way to the future.
Look for Raine’s story next.
Coming soon.
Email Penny for updates at: [email protected]
Penny Blake is a kindergarten teacher by day and an avid romance reader and writer by night. In her spare time, she teaches yoga to the visually impaired and attempts to master her recipe for the world’s best German Chocolate cake. She lives in the country with her fiancé and rescue dog, Mino, who bears a striking resemblance to the dog in Stepbrother’s Kiss.
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