by J. L. Beck
What the hell just happened?
Again, he's hot, hotter than the sun and then cold in an instant, as if something inside him snaps and he turns off that viciousness.
He wants to be kind to me. I can feel it and see it, even if he doesn't want me to. He is kind, and that's the part of him I think he's scared of most… me seeing him as more than the monster hidden in the shadows.
30
Xander
I had to walk out of that room before I did something I would regret. What I wanted to do to her would have hurt her… I wanted to strip myself bare and fuck her senseless. I’d never been one to hold myself back from something I wanted, but my timid little mouse is bringing out the good in me.
I’d planned on fingering her roughly to show her exactly who it was she was dealing with, and yet again, I somehow managed to tamp down the darkness rushing through my veins. She fell apart on my hand, and I swear it was the sexiest goddamn thing I’ve ever had the pleasure of witnessing.
Bringing the fingers that were inside her channel not so long ago to my lips, I lick them clean, sucking on them, still tasting her release on them. My cock hardens painfully, and I stop mid-step. I could turn around and make her suck me off… I clench my jaw, still feeling slightly on edge. The thought is very tempting, but I think it’s best to leave things the way they are right now, even more so since I called a meeting this morning.
I walk downstairs and into my office. My gaze lands on Damon, who’s already waiting for me. He’s early, earlier than usual, and he’s sitting in front of my desk, his feet propped up on it, looking as if I had left him waiting for hours. I don’t like the look he’s giving me, not even a fucking little.
“You can wipe that annoying look off your face before I lose it and wipe it off for you… with my fist.”
“Well, aren’t we in a great mood today.” Damon drops his feet from the desk, his gaze piercing mine. He has no idea… not even the slightest clue.
“Any update on Daddy Dearest?” Damon asks as I settle into the chair behind my desk.
All of this stuff with Mouse has had my head in the clouds. I haven’t been able to focus on anything but her for the last couple of days, but now that she’s awake, I feel like I can finally walk away from her without fear of her dying.
“Yes and no. Remember how I had asked you to keep your ear to the ground about her sister?”
Damon nodded.
“Well, she mentioned something about a flesh auction.” I smirk. “And you remember how much Father loves those. I’ll bet you anything that he is going to put some girls up. Maybe we can track him that way. Find the sister, see what she knows. Maybe she can lead us to him? It’s a long shot but it’s all we have right now.”
“And once you find him, what are you going to do? Go in there guns blazing again?”
“What else are we going to do? The man has been hiding for years without us knowing.”
The truth was my father had been hiding for a long time in the shadows. One of our guards helped him get away… I was so stupid not to make sure he was dead before having them haul his body away.
Betrayal didn’t sit well with me, and I knew the moment I found out my father was alive someone had helped him. I remembered the guard and went to interrogate him. The look on his face when I confronted him was a mixture of fear and shock.
I’m sure he expected to die for his indiscretions, and he did.
“From the looks of it, he’s been moving, never staying anywhere for too long.”
I tap my long fingers against the desk. “That’s because he knows we’re coming for him. If he’s smart, he’ll keep moving, keep hiding, because when we get our hands on him, he’ll be praying for a quick death. I’m hoping that I can find him at this auction and put an end to his disgraceful life.”
Damon’s expression mirrors my own. He wants to make certain our father dies, too. After all, he has a beautiful wife that he needs to protect.
“How is the girl?” He smirks, as if he knows the hell I’ve been through the last couple of days. I can’t share with him the kindness I have shown her. Not because I don’t want my brother to know I care about someone; he already knows I care about Q. I’d kill for him, but I didn’t care for anyone who wasn’t blood, and Mouse definitely wasn’t blood.
“Fine,” I answer, wiping my face of any emotion.
“Is she really fine?” he presses. “Because you look tired as hell, and I’m guessing it’s not from being up all night with Q.”
“I’m fine. She is fine. I haven’t killed her yet, so I suppose that’s good news, right?” I lift a brow.
Laughter bursts out of Damon’s throat at my response. “I guess, but you can’t really fuck a dead body….” He pauses, his gaze widening. “I mean, unless you’re into that thing, and if so, you’re fucking disgusting.”
I shake my head at his nonsense. “Explain to me why I invited you here again?”
Truthfully, and I’d never tell my brother this, but I’d love having him back in the house. This place is as much his as it is mine and having him here with me reminds me of the power we'd hold over everyone if we’d work together.
“Honestly, I don't know, but I'm starting to think it’s to annoy me.” He pauses briefly, and I can tell he wants to say something. He rubs his hands down the front of his pants like he is nervous.
“Something you want to tell me?”
Damon’s face deadpans, “Not really but since you shared Q with me, I guess I should share mine with you, so… Keira is pregnant.”
I blink, then I force a smile. Men like my brother and I aren't cut out for the family life. The white picket fence and two and a half kids.
Looking at my brother’s face, all I see is worry. “We need to get rid of him soon. I need to protect Keira and the baby just like you need to protect your son. He can’t be alive much longer. We will never be safe as long as he is alive. If you’re going to this auction, I want to go with you.”
“I understand your worries, brother, but I need to think my choices through. I do want to go in guns blazing, but I know he’ll be expecting that, and that’s the last thing I want to give him. I need the element of surprise on our side. Plus, if you're so worried about Keira’s safety then maybe you should stay here for a while.”
He shakes his head. “You'd like that, wouldn't you? Having me at your beck and call.”
I roll my eyes. He’s starting to give me an attitude and, brother or not, I wouldn't deal with that shit. “No, Damon. I wouldn't like that. I would fucking love it. We would be a force to reckon with if we came together as one.”
Damon scrubs a hand down his face in frustration. “That's the difference between. You'll always be a heartless killer, while I’ve found a way to let love in. I can’t kill and bathe in the blood of my enemies knowing that I have to go home and see my child's innocent face.”
I clench my jaw hard. Every time it seemed like we were taking a step forward, Damon pulled us backward.
Shoving from my chair, I walk to the door to leave, my brother’s eyes on me with every step. “I guess we don’t have anything else to talk about then. We’ll head out for Vegas in two days’ time. For now, you're dismissed and should go home to your wife.”
I gritted my teeth. This is what I wanted, right? Damon to have a good life? This was why I took all the beatings, why I became the heartless piece of shit that I am.
“Keira isn’t home, she came with me. She didn't tell me, but I know she just wanted to come so she could see Q.”
My head snaps back in the direction of Damon, my mind immediately drifting to the other person in a room not so far down that hallway.
I’ve told the nannies to not make a sound in the hallway and keep Q’s door closed so Mouse wouldn't hear but Keira doesn’t know about that.
I exhale slowly, trying to cool my heated blood. I really hope my mouse isn’t dumb enough to leave my bedroom, even if she hears someone in the hallway. Unfortunately, I have
a feeling she's doing just that... investigating. I scurry from the room without an explanation. He's a guest in my house so I don't really need to tell him where I'm hiding Mouse or what I'm doing with her.
“What the fuck? Did you forget a pie in the oven or something? Where are you going?” Damon calls out at my departure.
Dumbass.
I run up the stairs, every step I take confirming the feeling that I’m right… Please, Mouse... please. She’s a smart girl. She wouldn't test my kindness or what very little of it that I have, would she?
I try to keep a level head. Remember, you don't want to hurt her. But I know I’ll do whatever I need to do to protect my son.
As soon as I turn the corner at the top of the stairs and look down the hallway, I see my nightmare coming to life. I lose control, my heart vibrates through me, fear for the safety of my son consumes me.
It's just two women standing in the middle of the hallway, talking like they are old friends meeting for some coffee but to me, it's a sign of betrayal… from both of them each in their own way.
“Hey…” Keira notices me first and her eyes go wide at my appearance. Whatever she was going to say is cut off in her throat.
Looking at them, all I can fucking think about is that I need to protect my son.
She knows… she knows about him. I feel like I've somehow failed my little boy. Bringing her here was a mistake. Keeping her alive an even worse idea.
I clench my fists, my muscles tightening with anger. There is no going back now. There is only one way out for her now, and it’s not alive.
My legs start moving on their own, heading straight for my mouse… my enemy… I see red. I need to take her out, protect my family. Her big blue doe eyes go impossibly wide, and even from a few feet away I can see that she is shaking.
The smell of her fear tickles my nose and hardens my cock.
“Take Q to his room, Keira!” I order without looking at her. “Now!”
I cross the distance between us before anyone else makes a move. Mouse tries to take a step away from me but I’m much too fast. I take her upper arm into my hand and yank her toward me, making her wince.
“Why didn’t you stay in the fucking room?” I mutter more as a question to myself than to her. She doesn't answer, and maybe she doesn’t have an answer, or maybe she thought she was safe, I don’t know. But instead of talking, she just starts crying, most likely hoping that her tears will have an effect on me… and they do, they crack me wide open. But I can’t show her mercy, not on this, not when it comes to protecting my son.
My fingers dig into her soft flesh, and I know when I release her, she’ll have bruises. She starts struggling, trying to get away from me but my grip on her is unyielding.
Fight all you want, Mouse... all it does is make me want you more.
Out of the corner of my eyes, I see Keira finally moving. “You’re hurting her. Let her go!”
“Shut the fuck up and mind your own business,” I sneer.
“Hey, don’t talk to her like that.” Damon appears from the staircase, his face a mask of horror as if he cannot believe that I’d fucking talked to his wife so harshly. My head is spinning, emotions I don’t understand firing off inside of it.
“Get your wife on a fucking leash then.” I start dragging Mouse by her arm in the direction of the staircase but she digs her heels into the marble floor. I almost laugh at the pitiful excuse of a human she is. She’s weak, tiny, and she thinks that she can fight me, that she can escape my grasp?
“Please, Xander,” she begs with a shaky voice, panic written clearly on her doll-like features. Her soft pleas for me to stop are fucking with my head. Aggravated, I bend down to pick her up, throwing her over my shoulder. Her belly lands hard against my shoulder, and I hear the distinct swoosh of air leaving her lungs.
“You should have stayed in the room,” I growl and walk past Damon. His eyes meet mine briefly and I know he’s silently judging me, most likely hoping I’ll let her go but he has no idea what I have planned for my tiny mouse, not a fucking clue. I descend the stairs, Mouse’s tiny fists beating against my back.
“Damon, do something!” Keira yells in the quickly fading background.
“Stay out of it, baby.” At least my brother hasn’t completely lost his mind.
I quickly make my way down to the basement, all with Mouse crying hysterically on my shoulder, her tiny hands fisting into my shirt. I can feel the heat of her body through my t-shirt and half of me wants to put her down and fuck her against the wall, showing her who owns her body, and soul. But I don’t… even as my cock strains against my pants.
You brought this on yourself, Mouse.
Walking into the cell, I try to put her down onto the cot, but she is clinging to me, throwing her slender arms around my neck, pulling me closer.
“Please, Xander… Please, don’t leave me down here.”
“Shut up.” I don’t want to listen to her begging. I don’t want to hear the longing in her voice. I want to erase it all from my memory. I want to go back in time and be strong enough to pull the fucking trigger. I pull her off of me, peeling her limbs from my body while she desperately tries to hold onto me like I’m her life jacket and she’s seconds away from slipping into the dark deep ocean water.
When I finally peel her fingers from my back, I throw her small fragile body onto the cot and step out of the cell, closing the door behind me before she can even get up from the bed. I only catch her eyes for a second… hurt, panic, and betrayal reflect back at me.
I know she doesn't understand why I’m doing this.
Of course, she doesn’t.
She will never understand why I do the things I do. And that is why this can never work. My sweet little mouse will only ever be an example of everything I can never have.
“I’m sorry… Xander, I’m sorry for leaving the room. I should have stayed in there. I’m sorry. I just heard someone and…”
My fingers make their way into my hair, and I tug on the long strands. Her pleas are maddening. “Stop! Just… stop… I don’t want to hurt you… I really fucking don’t, but if you don’t shut up, if you don’t stop… I will, Mouse. I’ll hurt you.” My voice is strained and when I hear the soft whimpers escape her lips, I turn on my heels and walk back up the steps and away from her. When I reach the top floor, I hope and pray that the noise inside my head calms soon.
31
Ella
I watch him disappear from my view and listen to his heavy footsteps fade away into the distance. I curl into a ball on the cold cot, wishing I was anywhere but here. Had I not been stupid enough to go searching for my sister, I wouldn’t be here right now.
My chest constricted with every breath I take. I don’t know what I did wrong but seeing Xander so angry with me hurt. It hurt like hell.
Why didn’t I just stay in the damn room? I know why... I was just so curious hearing a female voice right outside the door. I hadn’t had any interaction with anyone besides Xander, and his guards, who didn’t even look at me. So, hearing an unfamiliar voice, a female one at that, made me want to investigate… All I wanted was to talk to someone.
I bite my bottom lip to stop it from trembling.
How could I have known that I’d find that woman holding a baby? And that the baby was Xander’s son… Tears slip from my eyes and down my cheeks. Xander, the man cloaked in darkness, has a son, an innocent little boy.
The image of the way he looked at me when he saw me standing next to that woman… I can’t get it out of my mind. He looked feral, like a momma bear rescuing her cubs.
Still, the question lingered in the air. Why did he get so mad at me? Did he think I would harm his son? I had a lot of questions and no answers, and once again, I was in the cold, dark, basement. I forced myself to stop crying… swallowing down the fear that pumped through my veins.
He didn’t want to hurt me. I felt it in his touch and heard it in the pitch of his voice. I’m safe here and after our agreemen
t is done, after I’d given myself to him, I’ll walk away free. I tell myself this over and over again, because if I don’t, I’m going to break down into a sobbing mess. Xander hadn’t promised me anything, but I felt deep down in my heart that he will let me go.
He’s an evil man, but I’m starting to realize I am his kryptonite. Snuggling deeper into myself, I close my eyes, trying to force myself to go to sleep, since that seems to be the only way out of here at the moment.
I only doze off for a few minutes before the sound of approaching footsteps has me sitting straight up on the cot, my eyes open and my body on high alert.
Who is coming? Is it another one of his men? The thought makes me feel dirty.
My heart rate picks up with every step I hear echo throughout the basement until finally Xander comes into view. I take a relaxing breath the moment I see him, but that relaxation is short lived. He is still angry. I can see it in his eyes, though the fury from earlier has simmered. He’s still mad, and that’s something to watch out for.
I trust Xander, even though I shouldn’t. After all, he’s given me no real reason not to.
I watch eagerly as he pulls out a set of keys and unlocks the cell. I want to jump up and fall into his arms, but I don’t want to be too hasty. He might not even be here to get me. So, instead, I just wait motionless on the edge of the bed, waiting for him to say something.
When he doesn’t, a nervous knot starts to form in my belly. Is he going to leave me down here all night? I want to plead with him, start begging him, but I remember his words, his desire to hurt me if I didn’t shut up. Shock fills me when he strolls across the floor and bends down to pick me up, sliding one arm under my legs and the other under my shoulders.
I put my arms around him and bury my face into the crook of his neck, taking in a deep breath, letting his unique scent fill my nose. My freezing skin on his warm body drives all my coldness away and replaces it with warmth.
