“I don’t know. I probably tripped or something. Who keeps track? I don’t live in bubble wrap.” I really was a miserable liar.
“You know exactly where you got them.” His fingers tightened around my ankles.
The moment had soured fast. I wouldn’t sit here and be interrogated. I tugged away from him. He released his grip, but his stare was as hard as ever.
“Clearly you can’t handle a few bruises, so we should call it a night.” I found my sweater and threw it over my head, grateful for the break in eye contact.
I wasn’t an idiot. Clearly the marks turned him off. I turned him off, and I wasn’t begging anyone for anything. I didn’t wait for an answer as I located my pants and tugged them on. The only thing I wanted was to get away from him and forget how hard I’d nearly crashed and burned.
I turned my back on him and walked toward the door.
He was sitting on the couch one second and shoving me up against the wall the next, leaning his forearms on either side of my head.
Even before he spoke, I wasn’t delusional enough to think he was looking to pick up where we’d left off.
“Don’t go there again,” he demanded, proving me correct.
His words were soft but didn’t disguise the strength behind them. He was drawing a line, and there was no doubt there’d be war if I crossed it.
The heat of him pressed against me made my breathing shallow, as my body still craved something my pride refused to let me have. I’d been tossed aside too many times by this man, slighted more than my soul could take, to pick up where we’d just left off. Even if his eyes were fixed on my lips, the heat in them was taking another turn.
“Are you done? Because I am,” I said coolly, as if my heart wasn’t beating so hard that it was as if it were trying to escape. Rejecting him was the only salve available to my ego after all the damage he’d done. But even as my words put the final nail in the coffin, I realized I wanted him more than I wanted to keep the last shred of my pride intact.
He leaned back slightly, and the same pride that was burning inside of me and ruining an otherwise entertaining night had him pulling back the reins as well. Neither of us were the type to beg, or bend, for that matter. I just might have to remind myself of that a bit more often. Either way, it was done now.
Maybe it was better this way. Maybe people who were this hardened didn’t belong together, because they’d break each other into pieces instead of one molding to the form of the other. Me and Hawk? If we ever did collide, it would be an explosion, the heat scorching but leaving nothing but destruction in its wake. We’d burn like a supernova only to take out the entire system.
He dropped the arms that had been caging me in, his signal clear. Leave if I wanted. He wouldn’t chase me again.
It was another slight to an already bruised ego that was a fraction of the size it had once been.
I stepped away, refusing to look at him as I left. He reached out, wrapping his hand around my wrist at the last moment. My heart hitched back up into my throat as I wondered if maybe he was going to apologize for acting so disgusted by my bruises, say he didn’t care, and that he was sorry.
“Don’t go there again,” he said instead, in true Hawk fashion.
How silly I’d been to believe he’d rethought his actions. No. Not him. As I’d already figured out, he didn’t bend for anyone. Why would it be different for me?
His words did me one huge favor. They infused steel back into my spine where there had been nothing left but want and desire. He reminded me of exactly who I was dealing with, and it wasn’t a man to ever care for how I felt.
“Independent contractor, remember? You’re not the boss of me.” I grinned in spite of my boiling anger, just to reinforce how little his demands meant to me.
I jerked at my arm, but he didn’t relax his grip.
“I won’t bend on this,” he said with a stare that made his intent frighteningly clear.
Hawk was not a man you wanted to go up against if you didn’t have to. Lucky for me, I was too pissed to let his words frighten me out of my own stance. He wanted to do battle? Then so be it. We’d fight to the bloody end if that was the way it had to be.
“When have you ever bent for anyone?” I asked.
“Don’t push me on this.”
“Then don’t push me, because I’ve bent so much there’s no give left.” I jerked on my arm again. This time he let go.
“Then someone is going to break.” The steel in his voice let me know he didn’t plan in it being him.
“I guess that’s the way it’ll have to be.” I took a step backward as I gave him a fuck-you shrug, with palms up and a smirk that was more acid than honey.
I exited before he made a move, because he looked as if he were going to tackle me to the ground.
19
I walked upstairs to my bedroom and pulled the coin out of my pocket. If I couldn’t get to the alley, I’d try it in the building.
My fingers were firmly wrapped around it, but nothing happened. I’d suspected it wouldn’t work inside the broker building, and now I knew.
I took off my jacket and sat. I got up and stood. I sat. I paced.
Then I waited. After an hour, when I didn’t hear any more noises, I crept downstairs.
I walked into the back room and stopped short. Oscar was lying on top of Bibbi. One of her legs was wrapped around his waist, his hand grabbing her thigh like it was a thick hank of meat on Thanksgiving. I backed out of the room, but not before Oscar looked up, catching me leaving.
“What’s wrong?” Bibbi asked before she spotted me.
“Are you trying to leave?” Oscar asked, untangling himself from Bibbi.
I was being guarded. That crazy man had put Oscar on guard duty? I was speechless. What was there to even say? I walked out of the back room, and he followed me, glancing at the front door.
“I’m going back upstairs, so you can stand down now,” I said.
His expression was a cross between wanting to apologize and asking me what I thought was going to happen.
Mine was pure rage. I turned, leaving before this devolved into a fight.
I did exactly as I said I was going to, pacing in my room. I turned and found Bibbi in my door, arms crossed and clearly afraid to come in.
“I didn’t know he was watching for you,” she said, and then waited for my verdict, as if I’d charge her with the crime.
“I know you wouldn’t be a part of that.” I waved my hand in the air. We both knew who was responsible.
She took a few steps in, as if hesitant she’d get kicked out.
“I’m not blaming you,” I reassured her.
Accepting my word, she walked in and then shut the door.
“Are you okay?” She was watching my hands.
I realized I was wringing them. “I’m fine. Just aggravated.” And tense, and strung too tight.
Bibbi’s eyes kept scanning me.
“Really, I’m okay.” I forced the tension out of my limbs and unclenched my hands, trying to look calmer than I was. “Actually, I’m more interested in you. What’s going on with Oscar? It looked pretty intense downstairs.”
She leaned back and actually giggled. “It definitely feels very intense, especially that moment the other night, that’s for sure.”
I was going to have to spell this out. Should I leave it alone? No. This was Bibbi. The girl had my back at all times, every day, no matter what happened. I knew she wasn’t a virgin or anything, but someone like Oscar? I couldn’t help but think she was hanging out in the deep end.
“So are you dating?” It was an easier way to ask if this was serious or hit and run, not that she’d definitely know.
She sobered up for a few seconds, and at least seemed to be giving it some real thought. Then she waved her hand.
“I don’t have the slightest clue. He hasn’t brought it up, and I haven’t asked. I’m not sure I care, either. It’s only happened one other time, and I’m having wa
y too much fun to ruin it with talk.” She dropped onto the edge of my bed, a dreamy look on her face. “When he touches me, it feels like right before a fight, except no one is going to get hurt and everyone gets a prize at the end.”
Wow, did I envy her optimism and outlook. If she were messing around with anyone else, I’d trust it a lot more. But Oscar? He was a player. He knew how to reel them in fast, but I wasn’t sure if his release technique was so good.
I didn’t want to rain all over her parade, but if I was going to be there for her, it was time for the doom and gloom, or at least a hint of storm clouds. Someone had to knock her off her rainbow and get some sense into her.
“What if you get hurt?” I asked, treading as carefully as I could.
“How would I get hurt?” Her face scrunched up as if she couldn’t imagine why that would happen.
“What if it doesn’t lead anywhere?”
She shrugged. “Then it doesn’t, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to do it just in case nothing comes from it. I’m young, with a lot of years ahead of me. If Oscar isn’t the one, there’ll be more.” She was leaning back now, swinging her feet and not the tiniest bit fazed.
“Aren’t you afraid?”
She laughed and shook her head. “The only thing that scares me is not having every possible experience in life. When I die, I want to be so thoroughly used up and exhausted that I can’t wait to go because there’s not a single thing left to do, and even if there is, I’m too wiped out from all the fun I had to care. I want to wring every ounce of excitement I can out of this go-around. I want my tombstone to read, ‘She did it all.’
“So does messing around with Oscar scare me? Not in the least. I’m thrilled he’s interested enough to give me a whirl, and I can add ‘banged a really hot player’ to my biography. Had sex in every place, in every position, and did it every way imaginable. And if I fall in love, all the better. If I get my heart broken, well then, I got that experience too. At least I felt something deep and lived life to the fullest.”
This wasn’t an act. She was completely okay with however things turned out.
I sat speechless on the bed, looking at her, wondering why I thought I knew better, that I had to step up and save her from some peril. At this moment, I was an absolute idiot. Actually, I was an idiot in a lot of moments, but this one really hit home. All I’d wanted to do since I got here was sleep with Hawk, and the only thing I’d done was run from him like a big chicken.
“You know, you’re absolutely amazing. You’re fearless.” I’d never been so impressed with someone in my entire life.
“Thanks. I might not be the strongest witch, but I’ve still got it going on.” She buffed her nails on her shirt before getting up and making her way to the door.
She paused before she left.
“Tip?”
“Yeah?”
“I know you’re probably furious with Hawk right now, but I think he means well.
“Bibbi, I—”
She held up her hand. “I know. I’d be mad too. But he’s doing it because he cares. I don’t know how Oscar feels about me, but Hawk’s feelings about you are as clear as the blue sky on a sunny day. You’re it for him. When he sees you, everyone else ceases to exist. There are some gorgeous witches that come into the office, and he doesn’t spare them a glance. There’s something special there. Don’t let fear blind you to it.”
I nodded, because it was easier than going into a lengthy spiel about exactly how I was feeling about Hawk at this moment. He was literally holding me hostage in the building, and she thought I was going to think nicely of him?
Luckily, she left before I cracked. Without an audience, I went back to my pacing.
20
The day crawled by. Every time I got up, everyone watched me, as if on high alert I’d make a break for the door. I didn’t just have one guard today, but multiple. I couldn’t even walk into the back room for tea without an escort showing up.
By midday, I canceled my appointments, claiming illness. It wasn’t that far from the truth. I was getting shakier by the minute, my body felt tense, and my skin felt like it was crawling. It was because I was backing out on my end of the deal. I was supposed to be at the hill, and I wasn’t. He was stopping me.
I won’t bend on this. That had been Hawk’s words about me going back there. Well, neither would I. He had enough people he could dictate to, and I was not among the crowd. I’d always found my own way and always would.
By dinnertime, Bibbi was knocking on my door. I told her I was sleeping, and then I counted the hours, hoping they’d all have given up and gone to sleep. I hadn’t seen Hawk once today, and without him here driving them, they might not be as diligent.
Once the building grew quiet, and the moon was overhead, I walked downstairs with the token in my hand and made my way to the back room. I’d only taken a few steps inside when I froze. Hawk was sitting on the couch, watching me like I was a kid about to sneak out after curfew. My heart was hitting my ribcage like it was a coked-up drummer in an eighties rock band.
“What are you doing up?” I asked, as if I didn’t currently hate him, it was any old night, and I’d just happened upon him.
“Nothing. What about you?” His eyes roamed over my figure, pausing at the boots, then the jacket. Luckily, my hat was still shoved in my pocket, although it was like plucking the cherry off ice cream, but leaving the whipped cream and syrup. Cherry or not, you still knew you were looking at a damned sundae.
“Couldn’t sleep. I figured I’d have a tea and maybe read for a bit.” I made my way to the counter, ignoring his fixation on my every move. I reached for the kettle and then angled my body so he couldn’t see how bad my hands were shaking. There was always a chill in this part of the back room, but Hawk would say it was something more sinister, looking for any excuse to claim my trips to the hill were bad. He didn’t get it. It was a good thing, but he couldn’t see that.
“You always wear your jacket for tea?”
“Didn’t think the fire would be going.” I shrugged, my back still to him.
I poured my tea, wrapping both hands around the cup, glancing around and wondering how I could stall for time. The last thing I wanted to do was go and sit on the couch, Hawk staring at me the entire time I drank like I was a criminal. Lying wouldn’t get me anywhere. He saw through good liars, let alone mediocre ones, such as myself. I needed to brush up on those skills, but by my calculations, I’d probably need a decade past my death to pull off lying as well as I’d need to convince him of anything.
Forget this. I’d go over and have my tea, and if I was caught, that was fine, because even if I wasn’t a good liar, it didn’t matter. I was excellent at standing my ground, and I’d done nothing wrong. He might think I needed his approval to breathe, but that didn’t make it true. He could think my trips to the hill were bad, but again, it didn’t matter.
I settled on the couch. I’d drink my tea, and when I was done, I was going out.
“Were you planning on doing some reading as well?” I asked, meeting his gaze without so much as a blink or flutter of a lid. I was galvanized steel, hardened in combat and re-forged many times since. Nothing would shake me.
“No.” He smiled.
I smiled back, taking sips of my tea.
“Not going to read?” he asked, rubbing his jaw.
“Changed my mind.” I took another couple of sips, realizing how few there were in a cup. Maybe I needed another?
No. I was steel. Steel didn’t drink cup after cup of tea to avoid confrontation. And there might not be any. He might suspect my motives, but he didn’t know for sure. I wasn’t a prisoner here, and if I was, I’d find somewhere else to live. I didn’t know why I’d stayed so long anyway. All the people here stared at me like I was up to no good, and for no reason. I was beginning to hate them all.
That was it. I was making my move. “I’m going to go stretch my legs a bit. I’ll see you later if you’re still up.”
Hawk stood.
So this was how it was going to go down? Fine. If he wanted a war, we’d have it. Then I’d go upstairs, pack my bags, and get out of this hellhole.
I took a step to the side, and he matched me.
“Get out of my way.”
“Not a chance in hell.” He held out his hand. “Give me the token.”
How did he know I had one? Must’ve been Zab. He was too Team Hawk to trust with that knowledge, especially lately. He seemed to have the idea that being on Hawk’s team was beneficial to me somehow. Wrong. Wrong in so many ways there needed to be a new and worse word for wrong.
“I don’t know what—”
“You’re not getting up there and back that quick without a token. Give it to me or I’ll take it.”
“I don’t have to give you anything. It’s my token.” I walked around him, and he followed me. Would he stop me from leaving? That might be the stupidest question I’d ever thought of. Of course he would. He was Hawk. He did whatever he wanted, anyone else’s opinion be damned.
Better question was, could I make it to the door in time? Probably not. Could I fight him off? It hadn’t worked in the past but I’d had softer feelings that had interfered back then. Now, I didn’t care. I was getting out of here. I went to open the door, and he slammed it shut, planting a hand on it near my head.
I tried to conjure up some sort of magic. It bubbled up but felt like wet wood, all smoke and no fire. It was probably because I needed to get to the hill. I was too anxious to think.
Footsteps sounded in the room.
“Everything okay? We thought we heard…” Oscar trailed off as Hawk looked over my head, his gaze on them hard.
I turned and saw Oscar and Bibbi standing there.
Bibbi took a step toward me.
“Not now,” Hawk said to them.
Oscar reached out and grabbed Bibbi’s arm, tugging her back. When she resisted, he wrapped an arm around her waist, picked her up, and walked out of the room.
Witch of All Witches: Tales of Xest #4 Page 12
