“Not bad,” I said.
“Thanks. It’s nothing like what you’ve got cooking,” she replied, squinting as she continued to feel the pulse of mine for another few seconds before finally letting go. “That’s pretty intense.”
“Yeah, tell me about it.” If she thought it felt overwhelming secondhand, she should feel it boiling around inside, not knowing if it was good or bad.
I eyed up Mertie, realizing if anyone might be able to tell, I was standing right beside them.
“Not to bring up the subject again, but when you worked in hell, how did you decide who belonged there? Could you just tell they were evil?” I asked, reaching for the tea kettle as I waited to see what she’d say, trying to pretend I was as interested in the answer as I was which brew I’d select.
“I don’t know. It’s just a thing. You just know.” She was back to snapping and giving me weird looks. “You’re not going to start asking me questions about hell and good and evil, right? Because I’ve gotten that my entire life, and I’m so over it.”
That had been the plan, but not anymore.
“Why did you leave hell?” Bibbi asked, walking in halfway through Mertie’s tirade.
Mertie put her tea down, sloshing it as she did. “Why does everyone ask me about that place?”
Bibbi jerked her head back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think you’d be so sensitive about it.”
“I’m not sensitive and I’m not nice,” Mertie said.
“No, you’re definitely not,” I said in a soothing tone, reaching out to pat her arm. I stopped short, knowing she’d hate it.
“I’m not,” Mertie agreed.
Bibbi got one of her dog with a bone looks. There was no stopping her from pursuing whatever she’d caught scent of. “Is that what happened? Did you leave because the other demons thought you were too nice?”
Mertie glared her way for a few seconds before she cracked. “If you have to know, I was fired. They said I didn’t have it in me to be a good demon.
“Then I went to work at the factory because Marvin thought an ex-demon would be a great employee, but he started catching on. I caught him staring at me when I wasn’t mean enough. It was too much. I can’t do all the bad things. It shouldn’t be on me.” Mertie bent forward, putting her face in her hands.
Bibbi shot me a wide-eyed stare, jerking her head in Mertie’s direction.
I shrugged and threw my hands up.
Bibbi shook her head and then pointed at Mertie’s bent form.
Shit. When did I become the soother? When did I become the least awkward person in the room? This was not the role I should be playing. This could only happen in Xest, where things were upside down. Still, I had a Mertie in meltdown mode, and someone had to do something.
“Mertie, I’m sure you did plenty of bad things if you just think about it.” It wasn’t exactly going out on a limb. It was a guarantee she’d messed up at least a few lives here and there.
She lifted her head and let out a wail that could make your ears bleed.
Musso stuck his head in the back, looked about, and then literally ran. I’d known Musso for a while now and never seen him move quicker than a casual stroll.
Mertie kept on wailing.
“Mertie, I’m sure you did a…really…” Bibbi’s voice was barely audible under the wailing.
“Mertie!” I screamed, finally dragging her attention back to me.
She stopped wailing to snap, “What?”
“I’ve come to know you, and I can say, from the bottom of my heart, that I would trust you to torture someone quite sufficiently.”
“I don’t believe you,” she said, and then continued to watch me, waiting for me to make her believe.
This was Mertie. Selling her on how horrible she could be wasn’t that hard.
“Okay, well, how about this? When I first started at the factory, I thought you were the most horrid person I’d ever encountered.”
She swallowed. “Why did you say when you first started? Was I only horrid in the beginning and then you realized I wasn’t?”
“Definitely not. In fact, one of the reasons I agreed to let you come here was you were so horrible you would drive out Gillian, or at least make her miserable.” Not an outright lie. I had relished in that small victory. “And I love sending you over for cocoa. Highlight of my day.” Again, true.
“I do annoy her, don’t I?” Her lips tipped up slightly as she fought the urge to smile.
“You’re amazing at it.”
The smile faltered. “But what about now? You’re still letting me stay, and Gillian’s gone.”
“You’ve become a fixture in this place, like a bad wart you adjusted to.” Again, a thread of truth.
Mertie jerked her head to Bibbi. “What about you?”
Bibbi shrugged. “I would’ve kicked you out ages ago, but I don’t get a say.”
That was definitely the truth.
“Okay, that helped,” Mertie said.
34
The office was dark as I laid a hand on Helen’s beautiful machinery, knowing it was just the bells and whistles that covered the mystic origins of what she truly was.
“I’m so confused, Helen. I thought getting my magic back would save him. There wouldn’t be a reason to go after Lou anymore. Now Lou is dead, and I took all the magic. The situation is worse than ever. I feel like every move I make lately is wrong.”
Her machinery began to churn, but instead of the grinding wheels and whirly humming that seemed like the sound of machinery for so long, it all made sense. That wasn’t just humming. It was her language, and I could suddenly understand.
Some things are destined to play out, she said.
It was like hearing someone speak Latin and understanding it. This wasn’t just a hunch of what I’d thought she’d said. I could understand her.
I looked for a slip, but there wasn’t one. She knew I knew.
“What’s happening to me?” I asked, not expecting an answer.
She gave me one anyway.
You’re part of Xest now, just as I am.
Oh shit. What did that mean, though? I should ask, but for the first time in a while, I was afraid of what she’d say. That she was saying anything at all. What she did say was terrifying. I was part of Xest? I didn’t think she meant as part of the community, either.
I grabbed my jacket and headed out, afraid to say anything else.
See you later, Helen said.
I waved in her direction as I hurried out, hoping she’d stop talking so I could try to absorb what was wrong with me.
The streets were empty, which was all the better. Company was the last thing I needed tonight. The wind blew past me, and I tugged up my collar, wishing it would stop.
The wind stopped. The trees were still moving. Snow drifts were gusting around.
Bring it back.
Wind hit me in the face, and I was grateful for the burn. Maybe this walk hadn’t been such a good idea. I went to turn around but froze, sensing a presence behind me.
Keeping my breathing even, I didn’t need to reach out and feel what was there. I didn’t worry that it was going to attack. If it wanted me dead, I’d already be lying on the ground. The power was that immense. I’d thought what I possessed was overwhelming, but it was nothing but a drop in the ocean compared to the energy swirling around me. Even now, it was pulsating, sensing me, tasting my own power. And it wasn’t just one. There were several entities behind me. They also hadn’t killed me. Did that mean they were harmless? I’d never make the mistake of underestimating a possible enemy again.
I turned, knowing they were waiting.
On an outstretched branch, a blackbird was angling its head, staring back at me. Beside it, a small mouse was standing on its hind legs, sniffing the air. As implausible as it might seem, this was where the power was flowing from, these two small creatures. They were both looking at me and then at each other.
“What do you want?” I asked, splitting my
attention between the two.
Neither moved, but I felt them continue to poke at me. As impossible as it seemed, if this was them, I might not get another chance of pleading my case. This was it. And worst case, and it wasn’t them, what harm would trying do? No one was around to even see me acting crazy.
Did I say something about Hawk killing Lou? No. If by some miracle they didn’t know it was him, or they didn’t care, bringing it up might make things much worse. I’d stick to my issues.
“I didn’t mean to take it.” That wasn’t exactly true. Not a great way to start off. “Well, I did mean to take some, but only because I thought it would fix things. Then I was going to give it back. If you’re who I think you might be, you might know all of this.
“I’ll give it back right now if you want.” I held out my hands, and the two continued to stare. “I don’t know what to do with all of it stuck inside of me anyway. I really don’t want to keep it. I don’t even feel like me anymore. I feel weird in my skin, if that makes any sense.”
Nothing but stares. It wasn’t like I expected them to talk, but couldn’t they give me something?
“Look, if you’re who I think you are, you know why I did what I did. I would think you would do it too in my position.”
Nothing. I couldn’t even get a ruffled feather or nose twitch.
I would’ve kept rattling on, but things were getting weird with no response. I might’ve been making a worse case for myself. “Look, I don’t want a big life. It’s not what I’ve ever wanted. Please believe me when I tell you that even though I botched things, this was not what I was after.”
The bird and the mouse might’ve been the toughest audience I’d ever had. I dropped my head into my hand, wondering if I was losing my mind completely. Maybe Helen hadn’t even talked to me tonight. What if this was just a rodent and a crow?
When I looked up, they were both gone. The power I’d sensed was gone with them. Maybe they’d never been there at all. Maybe the magic bubbling up inside of me was twisting my mind.
I headed back to the broker building, but only to make a quick pit stop. I’d never be able to get any sleep until I tried.
“Are you sure this is a good idea? After all, you aren’t in the best situation right now to be losing power. Are you sure you should try to give it back? Just because you think a mouse talked to you?” Bibbi asked as she stood beside me.
“Don’t forget the bird,” Mertie mumbled.
“I told you, they didn’t talk,” I said. I should’ve hiked up here. Then I wouldn’t be dealing with this right now. But no, I wanted to get the token and make my life easier.
“I think you should listen to her. She’s making a lot of sense, and you really aren’t,” said Mertie, who’d happened upon us in the alley just as I was pulling out the token.
Now I had both of them, agreeing.
“Look, I didn’t need you two to come with me, but if you’re here, can you try not to distract me?” I asked, leaning over with my hands on the ground.
Mertie walked closer, as if I hadn’t said a thing. “This doesn’t make sense. Why take it and then give it back?”
I sat back on my heels. “Because I didn’t mean to take it all, and now I’m afraid it’s leading to worse problems. If I give it back, maybe they’ll be so happy they leave things alone.”
“The bird and the mouse, you mean?” Mertie said. “Oh, yeah, that’ll work.”
Mertie looked at Bibbi and rolled her eyes. Bibbi responded with a shrug.
“Can one of you just get a stick in case I get stuck?” I said, wanting them to have something else to do other than hover over me.
“Fine. I’ll get a stick,” Bibbi said, turning around and looking.
“I’ll get a stick as well,” Mertie said.
Bibbi stopped. “You don’t need a stick. I can handle hitting her off the spot if needed.”
“What if you don’t hit hard enough?” Mertie said, putting her hands on her hips.
“I can hit plenty hard. Want to see?” Bibbi asked, holding up her fist.
“In about two seconds, I’m going to hit both of you. Now go get sticks.”
I settled my hands on the ground, digging them into the snow until I could feel the solid surface beneath them, ignoring the sting of the cold. If I could connect, they’d warm up fast enough.
“Is she stuck?” Mertie asked softly.
“Does she look stuck?” Bibbi asked.
“Who can tell?” Mertie said.
“Look at her face. She doesn’t look stuck,” Bibbi said.
They were gripping their sticks, as if both wanted to be the one to get me off the hill first. I wanted to rip into them for their constant chatter, but in my gut, I knew that wasn’t the problem. The hill didn’t want to take the magic back.
I’d been here for an hour and nothing was happening. I pulled my hands out of the holes I’d made in the snow and tucked them under my arms as I stared down at the spot. It was different. Flat, almost. Before, it had always felt like I was connecting to something alive, pulsating beneath me. This place felt like any other hill now. Nothing special.
If the bird and the mouse had been something different, something more than my imagination or a remnant of a dream, they either hadn’t cared to take the magic back or had made their decision to kill me already. I didn’t know.
“It’s gone.” Bautere’s voice rang out from a short distance away. I wasn’t startled, as I’d felt him approaching. Seemed I could feel everything around me now.
He walked closer, closing in on our small circle. “It’s been gone since you took it, and I’m not sure you can put it back in, if that’s what you’re attempting.”
“Do you know why?” If I could take it, logic dictated that I could put it back.
“It no longer exists. It’s inside of you now.”
“But I need to return it,” I said.
He shook his head. “It’s like every other thing in Xest. Once the magic is fully gone, it ceases to exist. Whatever was here was so fully drained or transferred that it no longer exists in the form it had. You can’t un-kill something.” He paused and tilted his head. “Well, sometimes you can, but not if it disappears due to lack of magic. Nothing exists in Xest without some magic to keep it alive.”
I straightened to my full height. “You’re saying I killed the hill?”
“You absorbed its magic,” Bautere offered, not in the least rattled, though I was about to utterly lose my mind.
Mertie leaned closer. “He’s trying to be nice, but what he means is you killed it,” she said softly.
No—this hill was taking back some of this magic. I didn’t need this much, and I wasn’t keeping it.
I slammed my hands down on the ground again.
He squatted beside me. “You can beat the ground all day and night for a year. It’s not going to work.”
I dropped down onto my ass in the snow, not caring about a wet, cold butt.
“Perhaps you were meant to have it? And that’s why you can’t put it back?” Bibbi said.
“I’m not meant for this. It’s too much. This, what I have going on, it’s too big for who I am. I’m not supposed to have this.” I shook my head, wondering if Bautere was right. Was there really no way to put it back?
“Why do you say that?” Bautere asked, his eyes lit with curiosity.
Didn’t he get it? It was so obvious.
“Because I know me. I’m Tippi.”
He grunted. “I’m not sure you know you. I think you have an image of who you were, but that is no longer who you are.”
“People don’t change. I’m not cut out to have this much power. I’ll mess it up.” If I lived that long. Mertie and Bibbi could think I was crazy, but it wasn’t a mouse and a bird. It was them, and they knew it too. I was a fraud. A swindler. I’d stolen all the magic, it wasn’t mine to have, and I’d pay for the crime, along with those I loved.
“The people who don’t want power are the only ones
that are worthy of having it. It’s those who thirst for it that should never get it. I think the magic is right where it’s supposed to be,” Bautere said.
I didn’t bother arguing with him. He thought he was right. Mertie and Bibbi thought I was crazy. I was the only one who knew the truth.
“Would you care to come have some bark tea and warm up?” Bautere asked after a few minutes.
I got off my butt so I could resume a kneeling position. “Thanks, but I’m going to give it a few more tries.”
“Suit yourself. You know how to get to my place if you change your mind,” he said.
Bibbi and Mertie went back to gripping their sticks for dear life, angling for the best position.
I kept trying for another hour, until Hawk walked up between Mertie and Bibbi. He knelt beside me. He took in my position, my bent head and slumped shoulders.
“Are you ready to come home yet?” he asked.
“Yeah. I guess.”
35
I was sitting in the back room when Hawk walked in.
“Mertie said Zurdoch is on his way over here.”
I glanced at the counter. The vial with the potion I’d made had been sitting there for days, waiting to be claimed.
“I wasn’t sure he’d be willing to come back after the last one.”
Hawk picked up the vial, tilting it and examining the fluid. “From the looks of this one, he’ll be happy he did.”
He walked over, putting the vial on the table in between the couches as he took a seat.
“How did you know I couldn’t put the magic back yesterday?” I asked. If he’d known there was a chance I could, he would’ve been at the hill much earlier. That should’ve been my first hint I was doomed to failure.
“A hunch.” He stretched out his legs.
Did the man not have a single nerve in his body? He’d killed an angel. He should be wrapped as tight as a… The only comparison that I could think of was me. He should be as tense as I was.
Witch of All Witches: Tales of Xest #4 Page 20
