by Mark Tufo
“You have got to be kidding me,” Azile said from the doorway. She had a slightly bemused expression on her face. “The savior of the free world taken down by some baby poo.”
“Baby poo my ass. Whatever this was, it was belched from the bowels of some large primordial monster. I’m surprised it didn’t eat right through the diapers.”
“Not an enemy in the world would fear you right now if they could see you.”
“There’s not an enemy in the world that would dare come in here to see me.”
“Let me finish up.” She sidled me out of the way before I could protest, not that I was going to.
I wanted to leave the crib side, the room, possibly even the house to clear my nose out, but I stayed. I stayed because these moments are fleeting. When you’re lifting a baby’s ass into the air so you can wipe it, time seems to stand still, but before you know it, they’re asking for the reins to the horse-drawn carriage and then heading off to the barn dance. Plus, well I think if I looked hard enough in a mirror I’d be able to see the large hourglass shimmering above my head, and if there were any sand remaining, it would be draining fast through an abnormally large opening.
“What the fuck?” I asked when I realized I was the only one in the room. While I was distracted by deep thoughts, Azile had taken the babies into the kitchen and had made herself some coffee. I guess preparing for the afterlife is a tiring job. I picked up the babies’ blankets and inhaled deeply, enjoying the unique scent that only a new human being can make before they are tainted by the evils of the world. I had fought hard and I’d fought long for what I had now. Why shouldn’t I get to enjoy it? Sit back and just revel? I was ready to live the life of faded glory, to look back on the good old days, gloss over the bad and magnify the good. If there were a scale for that I rated it. Didn’t I? Had I really done so much evil that I would never be free? Would Poena forever torment me? Or was this her final cruel act: to allow me to have everything back only to yield it once again? Fucking spiteful demi-gods. What gives them the right? Doesn’t she have a supervisor or something she needs to answer to? And could I get a call into him or her? I would not survive another set of calamities, another loss. I threaded the needle every day of my existence. If something were to happen to Azile or the babies I would spiral out of control; there would be no telling what I would be capable of in my never-ending grief. I was now gaining some small understanding of the things that drove Eliza to the acts she’d committed. Revenge is a mighty powerful motivator, and it doesn’t give two shits who pays its price.
“The babies are ready for a nap…and I’m just about ready, too.”
“Huh?” I was on the floor in the nursery. “They just woke up.”
“Been three hours, Mike. You’ve only moved to sit.”
I wanted to ask her if she was kidding but there was no merriment on her face. At some point, Oggie had come in and was lying down in front of me. Pretty hard to miss a hundred-plus pound dog making an entrance. It seems I was already partially traveling into alternate realms.
“What am I doing, Azile? I’m terrified and I’m not sure if I’m doing the right thing. I love you all so much; I don’t want to leave.” Fat tears rolled down my face as I hitched a sob.
“You’re right, Michael; Tommy is family. That’s always been the most important thing to you. Would you be able to live with yourself if you didn’t do this?”
I looked at her through the watery haze I had created. “If I drank enough I could probably push through.”
I walked around the entire day on self-imposed egg shells. Azile gave not one hint that she was upset with me. The contrary, if anything. I just figured that at any minute she was going to tell me it was go-time. So by the time night started closing in on the home, I had to ask. We had finished dinner and Azile had just put the babies down. I met her in the hallway.
She did something wholly unexpected. She lifted the hem of her dress, letting it ride ever so slowly up her right thigh. With her left finger pressing her bottom lip, she had a pin-up expression on her face like, “Oops…what have I done?” All thought of the underworld was pushed from my mind as all that existed was the softness hidden just up that skirt.
After a beautiful marathon stallion session of thirty or forty hours, I emerged from the bed, the sex god that I am. Victorious and full of swagger! Not even close to actual events– but, hey, it’s my journal. It started off tenderly enough and we were perhaps fifteen minutes in when one or both of the babies decided that we were having too much fun and needed to put the kibosh on it. We went from tender arousal to needing to fulfill an intense itch right now, if you get my meaning. If not, well, I don’t think this is the place to explain it. Anyway, by the time it was all said and done I’d rolled or been pushed out of the bed hard, landing squarely on my ass.
“Take care of that,” Azile said breathlessly pointing toward our bedroom door and the squall beyond.
“I feel so used,” I said as I got up and rubbed my ass.
“Like you care,” she replied.
I tilted my head sideways. “Yeah, you’re right—not so much.”
I was back in a minute or two. Alianna had stolen MJ’s bottle, thus giving her two to his none. “Better get used to it little buddy, that’s pretty much how it’s going to be for the rest of your days.” I smiled as I bent over and kissed them both.
I came back to Azile sitting on the edge of the bed.
“Sit.” She looked over at me.
“I didn’t do it,” was the first thing I could think to say.
She ignored my well-practiced expression of innocence. “We need to discuss what’s going to happen.”
I sat down heavily. I could have almost forgotten, lost within her warm embrace. “You’re not going to like it,” she said.
Wisely, I said nothing. I already didn’t like it; how much more unpleasant could it get? I’d no sooner let that thought run around inside my head when I wished I’d been able to pull it back.
“Sebastian will be going with you.”
I thought so little of the cat, I’d forgotten the vermin actually had a name and it took me a few seconds to reconcile the two. I stood up quickly. “No.” Pretty sure I shook with rage.
Azile smiled then started laughing.
“What the hell is so funny, woman?” I demanded.
“It’s pretty difficult to take you seriously with that…appendage flopping about from side to side,” she said as she pointed to my wilted manhood.
I suddenly got self-conscious of my nakedness, which is rare for me, but I didn’t want it to detract from my adamance. I muttered as I pulled on some bed clothes. “Unfair tactics,” I think I may have said. She was still on active smile suppression duty. “I am not taking the cat!” I made sure to exclaim, as I once again stood. “And stop looking at my damn crotch!”
Things took a hard-left turn when she reached out and rubbed where she’d been looking. I jumped into the bed faster than I’d exited and we did get that long, sweet session we’d been striving for as Alianna kept her bottle-stealing mitts to herself.
I was so spent by the time she brought the Sebastian thing back up I couldn’t even think to protest its presence. “He’s going to be important to you down there,” Azile said bolstering her argument.
“You sure he isn’t just going to turn me in at the very first opportunity?”
“Well, I can’t make any guarantees, but I strongly doubt it.”
“Wait, I was sort of just kidding. That could actually happen?”
I could hear the sheets rustle as Azile shrugged.
“Oh yeah, that makes me feel way better. My traveling companion may or may not double cross me.”
“The benefits he brings will far outweigh whatever negatives you fear.”
“So you say.”
“There’s more.”
“You sure we shouldn’t just dive into round three so you can explain all of it while I’m sleeping?”
“While that
would be preferable, it is more effective to keep you in this awake and semi-compliant state.”
“Let’s get this over with.”
“Lana, Mathieu, and Gabriel will be here soon.”
“Why?” came out of my mouth though I already knew the answer. Gabriel was the opener of doors, the bridger of worlds, so to speak. “Is he in any danger?”
“Constantly,” she replied quickly.
“Okay, is he in more danger by doing this for me?”
“I do not believe so.”
“Azile? Make me feel warm and fuzzy about this or I’m going to turn them away on our doorstep.”
“His mere existence puts him in danger; having him be part of this quest puts you at somewhat less risk.”
That wasn’t enough, not nearly enough. I would never put a child’s safety behind my own and the look I’d given her completely conveyed that message.
“Look, Michael. He is safer here than anywhere else. I swear that. You have to listen to me before you make a rash decision. I can send you alone, but without him I cannot so easily pull you back. In fact, I’m not sure that I can at all.”
Not gonna lie—that was cause for concern. I mean no one really wants to take a one-way ride to hell. I mean that would have been like going to Miami in July. Or Alaska in February, or Detroit in, well, any time of the year. “Keep going,” I said.
“I can shove you through that opening, but it seals once you are in. Gabriel has the ability to keep the gate open. I can’t even begin to understand how, but that is the way of it. And as long as it is open, I can bring you back, Michael, all of you. And if I don’t have a way to bring you back, I won’t send you through. I don’t care that it’s Tommy. I love the boy, maybe as much as you do, maybe more. We spent many a long year together while you rotted away in your brother’s basement. But I will not lose you in a doomed attempt to save even him.”
I paused. In my own selfishness, I’d never really stopped to think about their relationship. They’d been friends for decades upon decades, relics from the previous world, while I languished in my own personal prison. They’d had countless more time together than I’d had with either of them. I was struggling so desperately with my own grief I couldn’t even conceive that someone else was hurting as badly; the fact that she was so very near and dear made me feel even worse. I had been so self-absorbed that I couldn’t even see it.
“Can you forgive me for how pig-headed I’ve been?” I asked as I pulled her into a hug.
She seemed confused. “Wait…for which time?” she asked.
“Can I maybe go with a blanket coverage on that?”
“Pretty big blanket. More like a tarp—a stadium tarp, even.”
“You done? I meant in terms of Tommy. I guess I always thought you two were like acquaintances that met occasionally for tea and to talk about me or something.”
“We were friends, Michael. For a while, he even lived here. We had so many shared experiences, and he was someone from somewhat of my own era; it made him easy to talk to. This may come as a bit of a shock to you, but I had few friends when I was growing up, and have even fewer now.”
“What?” I asked incredulously. “Someone nicknamed the Red Witch doesn’t have a throng of followers and friends tripping over themselves to be with her? How shocking. And this, ummm, Tommy thing…it wasn’t a ‘friend with benefits’ type of arrangement, was it?”
The pillow that launched itself from the bed nearly crushed my nose.
“It amazes me that you have somehow not fallen into that large disconnect between your brain and your mouth.”
“I’ll take that as a no,” I said as I vigorously rubbed my face.
Chapter 3
MIKE JOURNAL ENTRY 3
That morning as Azile fed the babies, I made a grand breakfast of eggs, pancakes, bacon, and hash browns. I noticed many a sidelong glance from MJ as he watched me eating bacon.
“Trade you,” I told him, holding the bacon out to his tiny nose. Azile laughed and pushed my hand away, the baby firmly attached to her nipple. When we were finished eating and cleaning up, Azile bundled the kids up and escorted me to the porch where we sat, each holding a little one. They were so wrapped up from the cold I wasn’t even sure which one I held. I also wasn’t so sure why we were sitting out there. It was a beautiful day, and the scenery was breathtaking as we looked out over a small lake and some rolling hills and all that, but I’d done enough sitting and staring for an eternity. I was okay with not revisiting that time of waiting. I should have known there was a real reason we sat there in relative silence. Not more than ten minutes later we heard the echoing of horses neighing, then the lively chatter of a toddler. As if I needed more clues, I was given the singsong laugh of Lana the Ninja. I stood. While I was happy to see Gabriel and even Lana, the thought of Mathieu being here lifted my spirits immeasurably.
“Hello, you blood sucking sprite!” he yelled from his mount.
“It is good to see you as well you miserable cur!” I told him. “Lana!” I smiled, helping her and her growing belly dismount. “Have you got his flea problem under control yet?” I whispered loudly as I kissed her cheek.
“I may perhaps harbor a few pests, oh ancient one, but you, sir, are an infestation,” he said as he grunted to get off his horse. I would have helped him, but he would have seen this as a show of weakness, and I don’t care what age it is, that isn’t allowed. He put all his weight down on his prosthetic leg. He must have been getting a lot of practice because he looked pretty stable in the maneuver. Lana had helped Gabriel from his pony. The boy was a bundle of smiles. Hard to believe what he was capable of; such devastating potential hidden in such a small, vulnerable package.
We laughed and enjoyed our meeting, as friends should do. It was only after the sun went down and the kids went to bed that the conversation turned serious.
“No, Michael,” was all Mathieu said as Lana sat down next to him.
“Yet, you came with Gabriel. Your actions speak much louder than your words,” I said.
He looked over to Lana and nodded his head. “My beloved feels differently than I do.”
I reached over and put my hand on his shoulder. “If it were me trapped in another realm would you come to help?”
“Neither Heaven nor Hell could hold me back.”
I nodded as he said those words.
“And this man means as much to you as you do to me?” he asked.
“He doesn’t brew beer, but he does mean a lot to me, Mathieu. I would do the same for anyone in this room. Except Sebastian.”
The cat hissed as it jumped up into Azile’s lap. “You should be more kind to the one that will guide you on the path.” Azile stroked the large cat’s back.
Oggie came and pressed his body up against my legs. He seemed to know something was up as he stayed close for as long as he could, even whining at the door when Azile and I wanted some alone time. Maybe not so much with Oggie, but that damned cat knows what’s going on and I for one am not into an audience. That’s just some freaky shit that people with peculiar discernment go for. Used to think I had some exotic tastes, once upon a time, then I discovered the internet and it turns out I was about as straight-laced as they come. People are a strange animal. I mean, I once saw this thing with two male midgets, an Amazonian woman, a twelve-foot rubber snake, six or seven…oh, forget it. No sense in me giving that imagery away; I’ve been trying to forget it for over a hundred and fifty years and it’s still stuck there like a malignant tumor.
“How are you even going to know what to do?” Lana asked.
Azile couldn’t help herself as a small laugh-slash-snort erupted from her mouth. “You mean like a plan?” she asked. “Sorry.” She was looking at me.
I sighed. She was right to laugh. Last time I had a plan, I think I was four and I was figuring out how to get at my sister’s brand-new box of crayons. It’s worth noting that she caught me and tickled me to the point I almost wet myself. Funny thing about being
tickled; sure, you’re laughing your ass off, but it’s more of a panicked, manic thing. Someone literally has to hold you down as they tickle you, otherwise you’d run as far away as possible. Hardly seems like something benign. I got my revenge a week later. I showed our dog where they were and he tore the box to pieces and ate the crayons. My mother was not a happy camper with all the brightly colored shits he took for the next couple of days; obviously these had to be collected from the yard because they looked like melted chocolate Easter eggs. My sister couldn’t prove anything, but she had her suspicions.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” I said in all honesty. “I don’t even know how I’ll find Tommy or what I’ll be able to do if and when we do meet. I’m going under the assumption he’ll somehow find me. Is that reasonable?” I asked Azile.
“He found you here; he should be able to find you there.” She said the words but I didn’t hear any assurance behind them. “There’s more, Mike. I know this won’t dissuade you, but you should know. Your destination will be so foreign to your base of reality that your mind is going to attempt to fill in what it perceives as gaps. It may even overlay what is actually there in front of you with things and situations you can more readily understand.”
“What does that even mean?” Mathieu seemed more distressed than I; maybe because I had the attention span of a horsefly at a stable: “Woo Hoo! Just look at all those asses to bite!”
“Michael, are you listening?”
“Yeah. Something about horses.” I stood up. “The raven is back.” I had goosebumps up and down my arms and all along my spine.
Azile spread her hands, they were roughly as high as her head as she spoke an incantation. Lana looked to her sword which sat across the room, though I didn’t think that steel would do much good right now. Everybody’s head turned to the stairs as we heard a tapping on the window.
“What is this evil?” Mathieu stood, he was on the verge of changing over.
