Francis Riley-Smith is the son of the owner of the largest estate on the Isle of Jura. Francis is good.
The Isle of Jura is a very sparsely populated island off the West Coast of Scotland. Its main industry is grouse-shooting and the production of the world-famous single malt whisky named after the island itself – Jura.
Tammy and George are Winnie’s neighbours at Victory Mansions. Tammy once had a hit singing with Utah Saints. They have two children: Tina (seven) and Richey (nine). George works for GoogleByte. He is also into conspiracy theories and the Illuminati.
The Illuminati is an organisation that conspiracy theorists think runs the world. It doesn’t.
The Justified Ancients of Mummu is a secret organisation that exists to undermine and bring down the powers of the Illuminati. The Justified Ancients of Mummu’s secret weapon is Chaos. It is not to be confused with The Justified Ancients of Mu Mu.
ZitCoins are the world-wide digital currency.
Fernando Pó is an island off the West Coast of Africa. By April 2017 it was the last nation state on Earth not owned by one of the New Big Five.
Label Free is a lifestyle brand. It is the brand of choice for those not wanting to be seen wearing a brand. It is Winnie’s brand of choice.
O’Brien is a man Winnie has had unwanted sexual fantasies about over the past few years. O’Brien once whispered in Winnie’s ear, ‘We shall meet again in the place where there is no darkness.’
Yoko Ono the Younger
Yoko Ono is not her real name. We are not too sure what her real name is. It might be Elisabeth. She is 23 years old. She was an art student. She lives in a warehouse in Hackney Wake looking out over the River Lea. Her boyfriend is John Lennon the Younger. She murders her boyfriend. She has her reasons. She only ever wears black boots, black jeans, black T-shirt and black hair. On her T-shirt the words ‘2023: WHAT THE FUUK IS GOING ON?’ are stencilled. She has also written the book Grapefruit Are Not the Only Bombs. She had an affair with one of her art school tutors when she was eighteen. She had to have an abortion when it was discovered she had endometrial cancer, as in cancer of the womb. Her womb was removed at the same time. This meant she would never have periods or children, but she was told she would still have the menopause.
John Lennon the Younger is not his real name. His real name is Paul Harrison. He is 23 years old. He was an art student. Yoko Ono the Younger was his girlfriend. He was murdered by his girlfriend. She wrapped his body up in a duvet cover and rolled him out of the window, and he landed in the River Lea. After he died he found he was no longer angry and formed a band with Killer Queen, Crow and Dead Squirrel.
Yoko & John
Yoko & John are not John & Yoko. They are the two 23-year-olds described above. They live in a warehouse squat in Hackney Wake.
Hackney Wake is a fashionable area of East London. Not to be confused with Hackney Wick, which was a fashionable area of East London in the Teens.
The Teens, as the years 2013–19 are commonly known. A period in time during which the nation states of the world began to collapse and were bought out by the New Big Five.
The New Big Five are:
GoogleByte
WikiTube
AmaZaba
FaceLife
AppleTree
The New Big Five have now solved all the world’s problems. Thus, by default, the leaders of these five companies are the five most powerful life forms on Planet Earth today. Or at least in 2023.
The Leaders
The Leaders of the New Big Five are:
Celine Hagbard@GoogleByte
Florence ‘the Princess of’ Wales@WikiTube
Jessie Bezos@AmaZaba
Marcia Zuckerberg@FaceLife
Cynthia Stevie Dobbs@AppleTree
2023: WHAT THE FUUK IS GOING ON? are the words on one hundred screen-printed posters that Yoko & John have fly-posted on walls across London. These words have also been screen-printed onto five black T-shirts.
FUUK is also the name of a genre of music and the spontaneous happenings where this genre of music is played. The young people that are into this music and go to these happenings are called the FUUK Kids. We have, as yet, not come upon this genre of music in this book, but we will do.
The Post-Digital Underground is the name of a movement John Lennon the Younger wanted to start as an attack on the digital world and the all-pervasive power of the New Big Five. Yoko Ono the Younger thought it was a rubbish name.
Cynthia is Yoko Ono the Younger’s best friend. Yoko Ono the Younger suspects she and John have been shagging. They have.
The Justified Ancients of Mu Mu are Yoko & John. Or at least that is what Yoko Ono the Younger thinks they should be called. The day after John is murdered by Yoko, she replaces him with Winnie.
The Hockney Award used to be called the Turner Prize, but when David Hockney died they renamed the prize in his honour. BANKSY, Ms Emin, the Chapman Brother and Grayson Larry are the selection committee for 2023. Yoko & John are in the running to be the winners of the 2023 Hockney Award. Yoko & John have no idea about this.
Grapefruit Are Not the Only Bombs is a book based on Grapefruit by Yoko Ono the Elder. It contains a list of one hundred instructions. Yoko Ono the Younger has mailed copies of Grapefruit Are Not the Only Bombs to the 23 people in the world who she thinks most deserve a copy.
Yoko Ono the Elder is a frail old lady who used to be married to John Lennon the Elder. She lives in an apartment in New York. She is considered by many to be the world’s greatest living artist. She has recently done a deal with the coffee-shop chain Starbucks. ‘WAR IS OVER’ is Starbucks’ new strap-line. They also use the line ‘ABOVE US ONLY SKY’ in their aerial advertising. A minimalist caricature of Yoko Ono the Elder’s face is used in the Starbucks logo. The one that is a mermaid.
Starbucks is the most successful coffee-shop chain in the world. They have bought out all of their major rivals. They make the best coffee that has ever been made.
Cauty & Drummond
These are a pair of undertakers. Their strap-line is ‘The Undertakers to the Underworld’. They are also the two men depicted in the background of Edvard Munch’s painting The Scream.
Gimpo was a nurse on HMS Uganda in the Falklands War. There is a lot more to Gimpo than this.
Gimpo
There is also another character in this book called Gimpo.
1984 is the year in which this book is being written.
Jimmy Cauty turned twenty-eight years old in 1984. He was born on Merseyside and grew up in Totnes, Devon. At the age of fourteen he drew a picture based on a scene in the book Titus Groan. This was then used for the cover of an album by the band Led Zephyr. It became world famous. He is a friend of Francis Riley-Smith. He rides motorcycles. He also plays guitar.
Alan Moore turned thirty-one years old in 1984. He grew up in Northampton, England, where he still lives. In 1970, at the age of seventeen, he watched a band called Titus Groan play in Northampton Guildhall. He writes stories for DC Comics. In 1983, at the age of thirty, he reinvented Swamp Thing. This reinvention of Swamp Thing is brilliant. Will Sergeant, the guitarist with Echo & His Bunnymen, lent his copy of Swamp Thing to the band’s manager, Bill Drummond, while the band were touring the Outer and Inner Hebrides. Alan Moore also plays the drums. Alan Moore is also working on a new dystopian story. It is set on an island off the coast of Scotland where the 23 last surviving human beings on Planet Earth live. There are twenty males and only three females. He thinks this story might make the basis of Extreme Noise Terror’s comeback album – a concept album.
Bill Drummond was thirty-one years old in 1984. He has lived in several places. In 1970, at the age of seventeen, he watched a band called Titus Groan play in Northampton Guildhall. In 1974, at the age of twenty-one, he worked as a nursing assistant in Saint Crispin’s lunatic asylum, Northampton. His job was to watch people die and then lay them out. He has done other jobs. He also plays the bass.
Extreme Noise Terror
are a grindcore band from Northampton. The line-up was, is and will always be:
Alan Moore – drums and vocals
Jimmy Cauty – guitar
Bill Drummond – bass
Their first album was called Burn Wicker Man Burn. No one bought this record. After they had been invited to perform with The American Medical Association at the 1992 Brit Awards they recorded their second album, Never Mind. It sold millions. It defined rock music in the ’90s. Extreme Noise Terror were occasionally joined on stage by the singer Dene Jones, who had been the singer with The Clash.
They never released their album The Black Room before the beginning of their Twenty-Three-Year Moratorium.
The American Medical Association (The AMA) are a band from the late ’80s and early ’90s. They are the biggest-selling singles band of the era, produced by Jonathan King. The AMA are a sister-and-brother band. Their names are Eve and Adam. They had a suicide pact. After performing at the 1992 Brit Awards, they shot each other on the red carpet of the aftershow party using a pair of pearl-handled duelling pistols. After this public suicide, their final album, The White Room, became the biggest-selling album in the history of recorded music.
Jonathan King has been many things. He wrote and sang and recorded a song called ‘Everyone’s Gone to the Moon’. It was a hit in 1965, while Jonathan King was an undergraduate at Cambridge University. In 1987 he produced the first records by The American Medical Association. He is considered by those who know these things as the most visionary record producer of all time.
Tangerine NiteMare are a band. Their line-up is:
Killer Queen
Crow
Dead Squirrel
John Lennon the Younger
The manager of the band is Mister Fox.
Dead Perch does their social media.
They recorded an album called Far Out.
Tangerine NiteMare are like no other band: they exist in a parallel dimension to the one most bands exist in. John Lennon the Younger only joined them once he was dead.
Killer Queen is a transgender killer whale who lives in the waters around the Inner Hebrides.
Crow is a crow. He can often be seen flying across the skies of London, where he mainly lives. He may also be the father of the One.
Dead Squirrel is a dead grey squirrel that got run over and killed in Gillett Square, Dalston.
Mister Fox should not be confused with the fictional character of the same name in a children’s book by Roald Dahl. He is, in fact, just an urban fox living in London. But, more importantly, he is the manager of Tangerine NiteMare. He may also be the father of the One.
Dead Perch is a fish that got caught and left on the bank to die. There will be more information on Dead Perch.
The Maelstrom is off the northern tip of the Isle of Jura. It is where Killer Queen likes to hang out and listen to music.
The Weyward Sisters, sometimes known as The Three Sirens, mistakenly known as The Three Witches, but correctly known as The Weyward Sisters. They are currently and collectively Michelle Obama, Yoko Ono the Older and M’Lady GaGa. They are going to lead the final charge for feminism. They know where the One is to be born.
M’Lady GaGa
M’Lady GaGa is a popular singer whose star has been fading. She is managed by Aloysius Parker.
Aloysius Parker is M’Lady GaGa’s manager. He used to be Lady Penelope’s chauffeur. Before that he was an East End gangster.
Sam & Dave are a pair of hard-working paramedics in New York City. They used to be soul singers. Their most famous hit was ‘Hold On, We’re Coming’.
Lord Saatchi owns art – nearly all of it. He also owns Battersea Power Station, which he has had converted into a museum to house his collection.
Candy Hate has many qualities, but a generation of ageing men blame her for the downfall of Extreme Noise Terror while they were still in their prime. They are wrong; they achieved this themselves.
The Twenty-Three-Year Moratorium: Extreme Noise Terror placed a 23-year moratorium on themselves to stop working as a group. This was to give the rest of the world time to catch up and them enough time to work out why. The moratorium came to an end in 2017, by which time everybody had forgotten who they were.
Yoko Ono the Younger’s Mother left her father on the day she was born. She also left her five-year-old daughter Winifred on the same day. Each of the daughters had different fathers – that was the problem. Her baby daughter’s name was Elisabeth.
Winifred’s Father brought Winifred up himself. Winifred never saw her Mother or baby sister again. He died of cancer when Winifred was twelve.
The Brick is just a brick, but it symbolises so much more. What it actually symbolises evolves and changes depending on who is looking at it, throwing it or being hit by it.
King Francisco Malabo Beosá XXIII, or just plain Malabo to his family, is the King of Fernando Pó. He has been sticking bamboo needles into the five straw dolls in the knowledge that by doing so he will be ending the lives of the five women who lead The New Big Five, the five women who run the world.
Siobhán Harrison is the mother of Paul Harrison, whom we also know as John Lennon the Younger. She is concerned she has not heard from her son for over forty-eight hours.
Moses Tabick is a young trainee Rabbi. He is studying in Damascus. When at home he lives with his mother in Stamford Hill, London. Moses has been chosen to lead his people. Or that is what he thinks after reading a page in Grapefruit Are Not the Only Bombs. But this time he might not be just a prophet but the Messiah. He is armed with a Luger pistol.
Chodak is a novice Buddhist monk. He is in a Tibetan monastery high up in the Himalayas. But now he is on his way.
The Old Five and their leaders:
The USA – President Michelle Obama
Russia – Czar Vladimir Putin the First
China – Chairman Xi Jinping
Japan – Emperor Akihito
The EU – Ms Angela Merkel
ABANDON ALL ART NOW is a poster by Yoko & John. The other words on the poster are:
Major rethink in progress
Await further instructions
iPhone23 is the only hand-held device anyone uses in the world in 2023. It cannot be bettered. There will be no iPhone24.
iJaz is AppleTree’s news and current affairs channel in 2018.
iSky was launched in 2018, when AppleTree bought Sky.
Womankind: ‘Womankind needs to have war, famine and inequality to function properly: without them we as a species will be over within a couple of generations. As for religion, we need as many as we can have to compete for our souls. The more radical the religion, the better.’
Henry Pedders was a fat boy who lived in Dalston. He was bullied at school. He joined the Saturday-morning youth drama group at the Arcola Theatre in Dalston. He should have got the part of Dudley Dursley in the Harry Potter films. He led the 2011 Tottenham Riots. His Twitter name is Henry Da Riot. Henry wants to see the Shard burn.
The Shard is the tallest building in London. It was built in 2012. Several thousand people living in London dream of the Shard. In these dreams the Shard often appears to have a large swivelling eyeball stuck on the top of it.
Tracey Tracey writes for Classic Biker. Interviews Roberta Antonia Wilson. Came up with the image for Subcomandante Marcos.
The Three Shepherdesses are three young and abused women living in three very different and distant parts of the globe:
Arati: the young bride with an abusive husband in Kolkata.
Camille: the young woman in Port-au-Prince who is raped by a transgender artist who is in Haiti as part of the Ghetto Biennale.
Divine: the seventeen-year-old girl in the Congo who is raped by her hero Patrice.
They all receive instructions to meet at The Shepherdess Café on City Road, London, at 17:47 on 24 December 2023.
We will learn more about The Three Shepherdesses and their part in the history of Womankind before the end of this book.
&
nbsp; Barney Muldoon and Saul Goodman are two plainclothes coppers who are based at Stoke Newington Police Station and who are investigating the suspected murder of a young man whose body has been found in the River Lea.
Al-Qaeda Towers are the two buildings that were built to replace the Twin Towers.
Philippe Petit is a tightrope walker who walked between the Al-Qaeda Towers.
Will Gompertz is the arts editor for iJaz. He knows what art can be.
Colin from Oban, aka Drums of Death, paints his face and knows his stuff.
Azealia ‘taste this quim’ Vaults is a rapper and DJ from East London. Azealia ‘you cun’t make me cum’ Vaults breaks all the barriers.
Ronald McDonald is dead. He was killed by Chodak.
NokiaNet: no one has used NokiaNet since 2018.
The Three Popes is a fake Irish bar in Rome. It is also where the last three living Popes like to meet for a quiet Guinness and to discuss things.
The Three Kings is a pub on Kingsland Road, London. You might not be able to find it.
The London Aquarium is the largest aquarium in London. It is also where Tangerine NiteMare play the opening show of their world tour. It was one of the greatest gigs ever to have been performed anywhere in the universe. Parallel or otherwise.
The Roadmender is a club in Northampton. It is where Extreme Noise Terror played their warm-up comeback gig. It was shit.
Yoko Ono the Younger and Winifred Lucie Atwell Smith, or Yoko and Winnie, were arrested for the murder of Paul Harrison, aka John Lennon the Younger.
‘Welcome to the Dark Ages’ was to be the title of Chapter 1 of Book Three. It is now going to be the title of Chapter 2.
Dear Diary,
My mind is now clearer.
I am remembering things.
But you may also need to be reminded of who and what I am.
Please read the entries below. I apologise now for writing about myself in the third person.
After that is done I will get the rest of the book written and then plan my escape.
Love,
Roberta X
2023: a trilogy (Justified Ancients of Mu Mu) Page 21
