by Karen Anders
Her heart twisted at his words and at the anguish in his voice. How deep did his feelings for her run? The agent in her rejoiced that he was so fully under her spell, but the woman in her melted. She totally understood words like madness and irrational, and what he’d meant about this being unbearable.
She also understood the word hopeless.
8
JAMMER STOOD WITH GINA’S soft flesh in his hands and cursed his inability to let this woman go. The promise of her was enough to make him want to just disappear. Just merge into the world’s mass of human population and live the rest of their lives in peace.
But he couldn’t. The dead souls that he had on his conscience wouldn’t ever let him rest until he avenged those deaths, until Fuentes was brought to justice and the world made just a bit safer.
“I need you, Gina.”
“For my contacts?”
“No,” he said huskily.
He took her mouth. Right then. No preamble, no slow lowering of his lips to hers, no choice given. Just a choice made.
The surprise of it kept her motionless, but only for a second. He mentally braced himself for her to shove at him. He’d have expected that. He would have backed away, though it would have cost him. He knew then how well and truly entangled he’d become.
It had never been like this for him. He relied on instinct, on rational thought. Not on emotion and his hard-on. Or his heart. Life wasn’t set up to be fair about those things, and he’d had enough of the unfair part of life.
Then she moaned, just a little guttural sound in the back of her throat. And her hands came up to fist in his hair as she pulled his mouth down even harder on hers. And returned his kiss with every ounce of intensity she had in her.
He realized there was no protecting himself from this. Or from her. And right now, he didn’t want there to be.
But the cold hard facts hadn’t changed. Soon Gina would be only an intense, pleasure-soaked memory.
One he would spend the rest of his days reliving.
She felt too right against him. So Jammer focused on the task at hand and ended the kiss. “Did you have any luck with your other associates? I need to wrap up this shipment.”
Her silence didn’t bode well. Fear and anger rolled through him again. He held her a bit tighter, then let her go.
“Oooh, given your expression and the set of your mouth, we’re going to have another argument.”
“Gina, this isn’t a game. You play it like it is, but it isn’t. Joost is not an option.”
“Then there is no option. You’ll have to call Fuentes and tell him you’ve failed to deliver on your promise.”
Jammer growled in frustration. He was well aware of Gina’s competency and what she was capable of. In fact, she’d be shocked and dismayed by how much he actually knew, thanks to the information he was fed about all the people he came into contact with. It made being the Ghost that much easier and so very, very successful.
But he couldn’t risk his deal with Fuentes. He’d given up too much and worked too hard to get the man on the ropes. He intended to take him down. Once again he debated just severing ties with her, but he had said she could be part of the exchange. Besides, she might be able to soften up Joost and distract him from his animosity toward the Ghost.
“Jammer, I can take care of myself. It’s not like I’m a noob. I’ve put together deals…”
“Gina, it’s not about you. It’s my irrationality again. Set it up and make sure that Joost understands that the Ghost will not be there. I don’t want to deal with the man’s bruised ego during the buy, or his refusal to sell to us.”
“Jeez, I can’t wait to meet this guy. He sounds like the equivalent of the soup Nazi.”
Startled by this non sequitur, Jammer looked at her quizzically.
She grinned. “If we don’t order just right, it’ll be, ‘No guns for you.’”
Jammer laughed. He gazed at her standing there, so confident and in control. Dressed in her outrageous clothes, which always seemed to work no matter what she put together. Hell, Gina could be completely naked, and somehow she’d still manage to appear as unruffled and powerful as if she was the one in charge.
He should know.
It was one of the many complexities about her that he used as his excuse for acting so completely out of character whenever he got within five feet of her.
“You can make jokes…”
“Good ones,” she said.
“Even good ones, but you know how high the stakes are. And the playing field is full of danger. All the time. Joost is a predator and very skilled at being one.”
“I’d say you’re better at it, Jammer, if I’m any judge of character.”
“I’m a master, Gina. I’ve never gone head-to-head with Joost, but he doesn’t scare me. But be prepared for him. He doesn’t do anything conventionally. That includes the way he handles gun buys and the people involved in them.”
Jammer had worked too hard to let Joost Roorback mess things up now. One way or another he would have those missiles and planes. He would prefer that Gina not be involved, but it was too late now. He was committed. He’d have to deal with her, Joost and whatever else popped up, and make sure the job got done-with him walking away the victor.
“Sometimes,” Gina said, smiling like a cat ready to pounce on an unsuspecting mouse, “you have to improvise.”
“I’m sure you’re good at improvising. I, on the other hand, prefer to have a plan A and a plan B.”
“I didn’t say I didn’t have any plans, just that I’m flexible enough to improvise.”
“You’re flexible…in many ways, but let’s not put it to the test, shall we? Let’s just get in, get the missiles and both go home in one piece.”
“I’m all for staying in one piece, Jammer, but what happens if things don’t go exactly according to plan A or plan B?”
“Then it’s simple. I get mean.”
“From what I’ve heard about Joost, that might be the only way we come out with what we want.”
“We’ll get what we want. I guarantee that.”
With that said, he pulled her close. “I wouldn’t risk you for anything, Gina. You know that, right?”
“Yes,” she responded, wrapping her arms around his neck and doing his favorite thing. She settled her head on his shoulder and did this little twisting, burrowing motion that made his heart tighten.
It would have been so easy if he hadn’t met her. His purpose had always been mapped out, and he’d endured three years of isolation and loneliness to accomplish it. He’d lost all that he was and had become a different person the day Fuentes had sent his goons to eliminate him and his team.
They had left him for dead, bleeding, in agony, lying among the bodies of his teammates. After the executioners were gone, he’d pulled himself to safety, but to this day, the blood of those three men and two women would remain with him until he set everything right by making their killer pay for what he’d done. But he had met Gina, and he had to deal with the fact that she had come to mean more to him than any of it. If not for his guilt and his vow, he would chuck it all.
“Make the call, Gina. Let’s play Joost’s game our way. By our rules.”
“Right, but he just won’t know it.”
He went back to the window as Gina contacted Joost. If Jammer had his way, Joost’s right-hand guy, Dieter Fromme, would be the person he’d deal with. Dieter was easygoing and more than made up for Joost’s eccentricities.
It wasn’t long before Gina told him that the deal was set. They were to fly to Amsterdam tomorrow and check into the Hotel Sofitel. Someone would be in touch with them then.
“He’s already started his game.”
“I know. But I didn’t talk to Joost. I talked to Dieter. He’s the one who gave me the directions.”
“Dieter is easier to deal with, but make no mistake, he protects Joost and would cut your heart out in a second if he thought you were a threat.”
“Who
? Little ole me?” she said, batting her eyelashes. Then her face got serious. “He wouldn’t see what hit him.”
Jammer could attest to that. Ever since he’d met Gina he’d been looking for the bus that had hit him.
“That means we have some time here in London. What do you want to do?” he asked.
“I say we order room service and have our own private little party.”
“You don’t want to see some of the sights of London?”
She grinned. “Like what?”
“Big Ben?”
She grinned that wicked grin again, and Jammer’s heart started racing.
“I have my own Big Ben right here,” she said, cupping him through his trousers. “And it looks…feels like he’s about to strike twelve o’clock.”
“Where you’re concerned, it’s always twelve o’clock.”
“Oh, no, that means you must be in need of repair, because clocks always have to keep the right time.”
“I know how to keep the right time,” he said, his voice rough now with need, and with anticipation.
“And make time, if I’m not mistaken.”
Jammer chuckled as he allowed her to drag him toward the large bed in the suite. This woman had him by more than just the balls.
Something he didn’t want to think about right now. He should be focusing on the buy in Amsterdam. His gut told him that they were in for trouble there, but Gina’s soft hands and delectable body had other ideas.
And he was going to let her indulge every one of those ideas-hopefully for the rest of the day and into the night. Well, maybe with a break for food and hydration.
He wasn’t a robot. And it was evidently clear that he was a flesh-and-blood male, because he felt completely and utterly alive with her.
A very unexpected and devastating sensation for a Ghost.
JAMMER BIT INTO THE croissant and took a sip of the delicious coffee room service had just brought him. The server didn’t question him when he asked him to put the cart on the balcony, nor did he say anything when he tipped the kid a hundred bucks.
In his very proper British accent, he asked, “Will there be anything else, sir?”
Jammer shook his head and the kid left. After going a few rounds with Gina, he would have thought that sleep would have come very easily, but he hadn’t been able to settle, even with her warm and sated body next to him. Maybe it was because he didn’t want to get used to having her curl up next to him at night. When she was gone, he would miss that too much. Better to not indulge in that luxury so often.
He settled into a large chaise longue beneath the full moon and let the taste of the food distract his thoughts. September in London was decidedly cool and the nights even more so. He’d donned sweats and was quite comfortable with the hot coffee warming his stomach.
He was also concerned about the upcoming Amsterdam buy. He needed those surface-to-air-missiles more than he’d ever needed anything for a deal, but with Joost’s unpredictable behavior, it was imperative that Jammer be able to focus on the task at hand. If he was worrying about Gina, then he wouldn’t be one hundred percent effective.
Sitting there, he came to the conclusion that now that she’d set up this buy, he really didn’t need her. He could pay her and she could leave.
He closed his eyes as a cloud covered the moon, his heart rolling over in his chest. It would be best to sever their ties now, though everything inside him rebelled against it.
He heard the sound of the sliding glass door and turned to find a sleep-mussed Gina blinking at him with heavy eyes. She’d donned a pair of black leggings, over which she wore a butter-yellow Henley T. Accustomed to seeing her in tulle and lace and black leather, he found the outfit made her look sweet and much too normal. Too normal for a man with so much baggage.
“What are you-Food!” She sighed as she made a beeline for the croissants. “Pour me a cup, will you?”
He smiled at her breathtaking beauty-the way her black hair shimmered, her eyes big, blue and luminous, her skin glowing in the light from the moon.
She leaned across his body, snatching at a croissant. Settling sideways on the second chaise on the balcony, she pointed at the coffee and raised her brows. He chuckled.
Instead of biting into it, she pulled off a chunk of the flaky dough and popped it in her mouth.
“Mmm, these are good.”
He poured her a cup of coffee and handed it to her. Then said, “We need to talk.”
The cup stopped halfway to her lips. He felt her tense beside him, and it tugged at his heart. She did that a lot, that heart-tugging thing, mostly without even trying. He didn’t want that reaction from her. He wanted her to agree and just make it easier for him. Though he had to acknowledge that nothing involving Gina was either easy or simple.
Now the moment had arrived when he had to tell her to leave, and for some unexplained reason, he wasn’t sure he could bear it.
He set down his cup and turned sideways, too. He took her hand, and her fingers automatically entwined with his. That small gesture sent painful yearnings through him like an electronic shock. His throat thickened.
She wasn’t smiling or frowning. She looked contemplative. Normally such a look would make him want to arm himself.
“Come here,” he murmured. Tugging her hand, he pulled her down next to him on the chaise. He didn’t let her hand go, but absently rubbed his thumb along the side of her wrist.
“What now?” she asked, allowing him to position her against him. He loved how easily they did that-framed each other. So effortless, so damn good. “What’s going on in that brain of yours?” She pressed her forehead to his.
“Too much,” he said softly. “All of it bad.”
“Mmm.” She kissed his chin, then rubbed her cheek on his stubble. “Well, stop it.” She sighed a little, and the smile that had begun to curve his lips tripped up some. “I just want to feel,” she said. “Touch, taste, sound, smell…” She tipped her head back and looked between the trees out in front of the hotel. But the moon had been swallowed by clouds again, leaving her upturned face in deep shadow. “But I guess I’m not going to get to do that, am I?” She sighed and returned her eyes to him. “So, let’s have it.”
“I’d rather talk about the touching and tasting part.”
She smiled slightly. “Me, too. But the stubborn realist in me apparently won’t let go. So spill. What do you have to say to me?”
He held her gaze for a long minute, then sighed himself. She was right, no matter how badly either of them would like to think otherwise. “In the morning, you should book yourself a flight back to the States, to your destination of choice. I’ll go on to Amsterdam and complete the deal. It’s really over, Gina. We both know that we can’t stay together. It was never your intent, that’s for sure. You said as much in Napa. So let’s not prolong it. I can have your cut wired to your bank. I just need-”
Gina raised her palm. “That’s it? Our business is done because you say it is?”
“Yes.”
“This isn’t about the deal.”
“You fulfilled your end of the bargain. You got me the contacts.”
“That’s right, I did. I also don’t quit in the middle. I’m following through on this one. This is a rehash of the argument we had before. You’re trying an end run around me. I don’t like it.” She looked past his shoulder to the street below as a black taxi drove by, shattering the sudden silence.
“I don’t want you in the way.”
“Oh, really?”
He swore under his breath, hearing how the words sounded. “That’s not what I meant. You know me and you know I only meant that you distract me too much.”
She didn’t pursue that line of thought, but he could tell from her contemplative expression that it was only going to be a matter of time. She’d already delved a little into his life. He liked that she was curious about him, that she’d want to know more. But he was unable to give her the real details-all of them, anyway.
He wanted to grab her shoulders and shake her, make her understand that they weren’t actually a team here. He cringed at that word. Never had he intended to team with anyone again. His reactions, his very motivation was to shun involving another person in this terrible and dangerous game he was playing.
Yet in his heart, that’s what it was. They were a team. But his head knew they were something totally different. Something he couldn’t define or categorize.
Her defiant pose lasted another moment, then her shoulders dipped slightly as she pulled away from him and stood up. “Okay, Jammer. Have it your way. I’m not going to wait until the morning, if you don’t mind. I’m leaving now.” Her tone was still defensive, even if her posture said otherwise.
It was as if the light went out of his life-just died, and he felt that big chasm open up inside him. The one that Gina filled to the brim. His throat closed and he forced himself to turn away from her. He wanted to shout his pain to the full moon, but kept his mouth closed. He’d kept his mouth closed, his identity hidden, for three long years, all for one goal. He couldn’t fail to achieve that goal or he would surely become the Ghost he pretended to be, consumed from the inside out by his guilt and his desire for vengeance.
He couldn’t rest until Fuentes had paid, one way or the other. He wouldn’t be a good companion or anything else for Gina.
“Thank you for all your help.”
“Jammer, go to hell,” she said, softly but firmly.
The door closed with a snap and he picked up his cup, only to find that his coffee was as stone-cold as his heart.
CALLIE PACKED HER BAGS haphazardly, the Gina clothes flung inside in a fit of pique. Damn him. Why did he have to get all noble on her? He was supposed to be a fucking gunrunner, for Pete’s sake. Why did he care about her? Why? It made her life twice as difficult. Her eyes filled suddenly and without warning. Her hands trembled as she turned and sat down on the edge of the bed to get herself under control. It wouldn’t do to lose her cool now. She was a government agent-a Watchdog agent-and she was made of better stuff than this.
