by Fawkes, Sara
hall, I inhaled deeply.
It was ridiculous, a figment of my imagination, and I knew it. But there, amongst the stale smell of
mildew and the stronger one of cooking cabbage, I swore I could detect just the faintest hint of her
strawberry perfume.
ADELE
The massive late afternoon line of customers suffering from caffeine withdrawal finally ended.
“Is there a government imposed ration on coffee that I don’t know about?” I asked my co-worker
as I untied the apron that was splattered with coffee and frosting. We always got a late afternoon rush
at Java the Hut, the coffee shop where I worked full time, but today’s had been bordering on
ridiculous. It was twenty minutes past the end of my shift. It was a good thing I hadn’t had plans,
cause no way could I have left Meg alone with the thirsting hordes.
“Whatcha up to tonight, pretty girl?” Meg smiled at me as she set the machines to brewing—our
dispensers all needed to be refilled after the rush.
“Roller derby practice.” I finger combed my hair before tying it back with an elastic that I kept in
the pocket of my apron. I knew from experience that it wasn’t much of an improvement, looks wise,
but at least it was off my face.
“Wanna grab dinner after?” Meg’s voice was casual, with a hint of flirtation. I studied her for a
long moment as I zipped my hoodie all the way up to my chin.
Tall and pleasantly plump, my fellow barista looked like the former southern beauty queen that
she was, all big hair and boobs and shiny teeth. On her first day at the shop she’d announced out of
nowhere that she was a lipstick lesbian and too bad if I had a problem with that.
I had blinked in surprise, but only because of the way she’d just thrown the info out there. I could
have cared less if she dated men, women, or dogs, and when I’d told her as much she’d laughed that
deep throaty laugh of hers and patted me on the ass in a way that didn’t offend me at all.
“We’re gonna get along just fine, sugar.” She’d said, and we did, even though she never stopped
asking me out.
Apart from a few dinners, I mostly refused. Hell, maybe I’d take her up on it one day, but as of
right now I didn’t date anyone, not women, and certainly not men.
I wasn’t sure that I ever would again.
“You don’t want to go for dinner with me after practice. I’ll be sweaty and stinky and ready for
bed.” I realized that I’d set myself up as soon as the words left my mouth, and was already laughing
by the time Meg wiggled her eyebrows at me lasciviously.
“The ready for bed part sounds real good, sweetie pie.” She blew a kiss at me as I laughingly
swatted her away, tossing my apron into the laundry bin and swinging my purse up and onto my
shoulder.
“See you tomorrow, Meg.” I grinned at her as I pushed my way out of the steamy, cinnamon
scented interior of Java the Hut and into the uncharacteristically crisp air of early fall. I snuggled
down deeper into my hoodie as I began to walk in the direction of my condo, wishing I’d had the
forethought to bring my woolly mittens with me that morning.
The chilly air burned the inside of my nose as I walked, my thoughts back on the crazy busy shift
I’d just left. I was a self-admitted loner and so wasn’t sure where the urge came from, but I thought
about turning back to the shop and taking Meg up on her invite, though just as friends.
It was probably time to start getting out, start trying to get some semblance of a normal life back.
The problem was that I so rarely had the urge. The coffee shop, roller derby, my condo—they were all
safe.
It took a lot for me to venture outside of my comfort zone these days.
“Just do it, Adele. One dinner. You’ve done it before.” My steps slowed as I turned back around—
my mind wanted company, but my body wasn’t so sure. Out of habit I looked across the street, at the
apartment building I’d lived in a few years earlier. The one I’d fled from when my life had turned
upside down.
A young man stood on the frosted grass in front of the ancient brick, breaking down cardboard
boxes, only a t-shirt standing between him and the chill.
I did a double take.
“What the fuck?” Meg forgotten, my feet froze in place and I stared, my heart going from zero to
sixty in the time it took to suck in a strangled mouthful of air.
He was a fraction taller than he’d been last time I’d seen him, and the long, lean muscles I’d once
known were thicker, looked harder. His dark hair was a bit longer, like he just didn’t have the time or
inclination to keep it short and neat.
And it was a different pair of glasses perched on his nose, some classic wire rims instead of the
preppy RayBans he’d once sported.
But my body remembered, and unfortunately, so did my heart.
It was Malachi Hunter. Malachi Hunter, the only guy who’d ever broken my heart.
“Holy shit.” An embarrassing squeaking sound echoed out of my mouth, cutting through the thin,
cold air, and then I felt those eyes that I’d once loved to just look into lock onto me.
I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe.
His head cocked to the side, his eyes narrowing like he was trying to place me. A pang of hurt
twined with irritation bolted through my gut, followed by the more rational reasoning of my mind.
It had been over two years since I’d laid eyes on him. He looked different, and I knew that I did,
too.
My hair was no longer the neon red I’d once kept it—I’d let it go back to its natural reddish
blonde. I didn’t let it fall in a wild mass of waves anymore, either, instead preferring to keep it off my
face in a ponytail or a bun.
Gone too was the thick charcoal eye makeup, the bright red lipstick. I hardly wore makeup at all
anymore, not even to derby matches—I didn’t like to be noticed.
And my most telling feature, my tattoos, were hidden as they always were now beneath my long
sleeves.
Still I held my breath, unable to do anything but hold our stare and wait.
Would he recognize me?
“Adele?” The voice called out across the street, a shade deeper than I remembered, though just as
capable of making me shiver. I held still like a terrified deer as the guy I’d once known melded with
the man in front of me, the two becoming one as he tossed the cardboard aside and loped across the
street.
I cleared my throat, emotions that I’d thought long buried roaring to the surface like they’d never
been gone.
“Hi, Mal.” Whatever I’d been expecting, it wasn’t the big, open, still freaking sexy smile or the
excited look in his eyes.
It wasn’t the bone crushing hug that he pulled me into, either. But instead of tensing, poised for
escape like I’d been any time someone touched me in the last two years, a not entirely comfortable
discovery slapped me right in the face.
It was impossible to turn back time. I of all people knew that, because I’d once gone to a casual
frat party looking for this very man, dying to fix what was broken between us, and instead had been
violated, shamed, and run out of town. I wanted to scream at Mal as much as I wanted to hug him, to
ask him why he’d called but never come knocking at my door in the days after I’d walked out on him.
I did none
of these things. Instead, surprised at myself, I settled into hug and contemplated the fact
that Mal’s arms still felt like home.
MAL
The punch of attraction when I wrapped my arms around Adele floored me. Like the two and a half
years since I’d last seen her had disappeared in the time it had taken me to cross the street, I felt my
body respond to her nearness, to her smell.
She looked different, but she smelled the same—ripe strawberries and crisp champagne, a smell
my brain associated with sex, sex and more sex.
My cock began to thicken without any prompting from my brain, and I hastily extricated myself
from the embrace. She’d appeared like my thinking about her had conjured her up, and I sure as hell
wasn’t going to scare her off with my cock’s eagerness to say how much it had missed her.
“It’s good to see you, Mal.” The faintest hint of pink flooded Adele’s cheeks as I pulled back and
studied her face. She looked great, though I kind of missed the way the red lipstick she used to wear
had highlighted the lush curves of those lips.
The memory of those crimson lips wrapped around my cock flashed through my head, and I had to
struggle not to groan aloud.
“It’s good to see you too, Adele. So good.” I wanted to take her hand, wanted to kiss her, wanted to
pretend that the years that had passed hadn’t happened. “Hey, do you want to come in for a bit? Just
for a drink.” I added hastily when a wary look crossed her face.
She looked like a cornered rabbit about to bolt. I couldn’t let her, not when fate had just dumped
this chance to make things right with her in my lap.
I had to know why she’d run.
“You’re living here now?” She was clearly buying time while she made up her mind, but at least it
wasn’t a no. “Why on earth would you move here when you already know how shitty the apartments
are?”
And there it was, the first mention of our past together. The silence stretched out between us, thick
with tension... but the tension wasn’t entirely unpleasant.
I cleared my throat, swallowing the urge to demand to know what had happened, why she’d given
up on us so totally that she’d left town. But the look in her eyes told me that I needed to be gentle with
her. I may not have seen her in a long time, but it was patently obvious that she was no longer the
Adele she’d once been.
“It’s kind of a long story.” I said. A lock of her now golden red hair escaped from her ponytail, the
wind whipping it across her cheek, and my fingers itched to tuck it behind her ear. “Don’t want to bore
you.”
I had a feeling that she’d smack my hand away if I tried. I’d deserve it if she did, atoning for my
past sins. I’d probably only gotten the hug in because it had been a surprise attack.
“You’ve never bored me, Mal.” As if she’d made up her mind, Adele nodded slightly, her face set
with determination... and maybe with curiosity, though that might have been wishful thinking.
“All right. I’ll come up. Just for a bit,” she warned, twining her fingers into the strap of her purse.
“I have someplace to be soon.”
I didn’t care if she only gave me five minutes, it was more than I’d had when I’d woken up this
morning. As I followed her into the ramshackle old building I felt elation building up in my chest, a
feeling stronger than I probably should have had at running into an ex.
But then, Adele had never been just another girl to me. It shouldn’t have been a surprise that she
wasn’t just another ex, either.
“Where are you living now?” I pushed open the door to my place, watched as Adele looked down
the hall towards where the door to her old apartment was. I looked too, reminded of that night I’d
shown up bearing roses and finding only emptiness.
I wondered if the bald meathead was still the building manager. I hadn’t seen him yet. He would
have been hard to miss.
“I inherited a condo from my uncle last year. It’s a couple of blocks away.” She said absently,
scanning her surroundings as soon as she walked through the door. I looked along with her, seeing it
through her eyes, and wincing.
There was an ancient couch and armchair already in place from the roomie I still hadn’t seen
today, as well as a television that was way nicer than the couch and chair would suggest. Add my pile
of moving boxes and the lack of any kind of decoration, and it was obvious that this place belonged to
a couple of dudes.
“Not much to look at yet.” Bending, I lined up a couple of boxes in front of the couch, a makeshift
coffee table. When I turned back around Adele’s gaze was lowered, and she flushed when she realized
that I was watching.
Giddiness surged through me when I realized that I’d caught her checking out my butt.
I smirked; I couldn’t help it. Realizing that she was caught, she smiled back wryly, though I was
puzzled by the surprise that I saw in her expression as well.
“I have water, beer. Or vodka,” I added, thinking of the lonely bottle in the freezer. I knew Dorian
wouldn’t mind. “Oh, and Kool-Aide. I could make you a stellar cocktail with orange Kool-Aide and
vodka.” I remembered tossing a few packets on top of the meager pile of things that I’d packed into
the box marked kitchen.
“How about just the Kool-Aide? No vodka.” Adele looked down at her hands, which were twined
together so tightly that her knuckles were white.
I cocked my head slightly with confusion; the Adele I had known had never turned down a drink.
She’d liked to party. I swallowed the question though—what had happened in the last two years was
none of my business, no matter how much I was dying to know.
“I don’t drink anymore.” She had caught my inquisitive expression, but the guarded tone of her
voice told me that was all she was going to share with me.
There was more to it—it was written all over her face that there was a reason she no longer drank.
If I pushed it, she’d be right out the door.
“One orange Kool-Aide, coming up.” Across the room was the tiny, galley style kitchen, barely big
enough for the meagre contents of the one small moving box that held cookware. I tore open the
cardboard in haste, needing something to do to fill the silence, and extracted a packet of the neon
powdered drink mix and two plastic cups. I mixed the powder with water, then presented her a cup
with a flourish.
“Thanks,” she said, lifting it to her lips for a sip. Her lips twisted into a grimace as she swallowed,
one that she quite clearly fought to turn into a smile.
“What’s wrong with it?” Concerned, I chugged from my own cup, and promptly winced at the
bitter taste. “What the fuck? Isn’t this shit supposed to be, like, pure sugar?”
Adele placed a hand in front of her lips, and for one tense moment I thought she was going to be
sick. Then a giggle escaped her, and I realized that she was trying not to laugh.
“You have to add sugar to Kool-Aide. The drink mix, sugar and water.” She giggled again, then
bravely took another sip. “It’s not that bad. Not if you’re expecting it.”
“Ugh. I’m sorry.” I glared at the offensive cup. I wished I had something better to offer her, some
fancy wine or something. Oh, except she didn’t drink anymore.
Sh
it. I was so in over my head.
Incredibly, the crappy Kool-Aide seemed to have finally broken the ice. Adele leaned back into the
couch, hugging her knees to her chest.
“Well, clearly culinary school is out. Guess I’ll stick to law.” I grinned, continuing to study her,
slightly afraid that I was going to creep her out. But...
Something was really different about her, something beyond the obvious changes to her physical
appearance, but it took a long moment before I could figure out what it was.
“You’re still forging ahead with law school, then?” She smiled, a look tinged with sadness. “You
always did know what you wanted to do.”
“Yeah. It’s a good fit, I guess.” My heart felt it was being squeezed in a very unmanly way when I
put words to my thoughts. I’d been surprised to find that law school was what I truly wanted to do,
even once my dad’s wishes had been removed from the equation. And seeing Adele again was a
similar realization.
I wanted her. I’d never stopped wanting her. And I didn’t care who knew it.
But she’d changed, and I had no idea what she was thinking. Once upon a time, this gorgeous
woman had been carefree, her every movement easy and relaxed. Now she seemed guarded, tense even
though she’d thawed a bit since entering my apartment.
I knew I had hurt her with our break up, but I wasn’t such an egocentric jerk that I thought my
stupidity had caused that wariness.
Well, not all of it, anyway.
“And what about you? Are you working at the hospital?” I was referring to the general hospital
that was a couple of miles away. A nursing student, she should be finished with school and employed
in the field by now. Nurses were in high demand.
The thought of Adele in scrubs, a syringe in hand, was so hot it made me squirm in my seat. The
scrubs I understood... the syringe, not so much.
Clearly I was a kinkier bastard than I’d thought.
I was caught up in the sexy mental picture, and didn’t notice the clouds forming over Adele’s face
until the storm was ready to break.
“Nope. I’m not a nurse.” Her tone was completely flat—damn it, I was trying to be so careful, but
I kept bumbling into things that were clearly touchy subjects.
“What?” I blurted, amazed. She might not have had her panties in a knot over grades like I had
