by Amie Nichols
"I want to stay–"
"Then stay," he interrupts me.
"I need a laptop."
"I have a brand new one I haven't even used yet. Just got it set up and that's it. It's yours," he says without hesitation. I don't say anything so I guess he thinks that is a yes. Turning me around, he stares into my eyes. He cups my face, his thumbs rubbing my cheeks. His lips brush mine, gentle at first then a little harder. He tilts my head up giving me a full kiss. That gentle, you are the only woman in the world to me kiss. Our lips move perfectly together, his tongue so soft brushes over my bottom lip as it enters my mouth.
I want to yank off the towel he has on and tell him to take me. Just when I'm about to, his phone on the counter starts vibrating. He ignores it continuing with his expert work on my mouth. It is enough to bring me to my right mind. I push on his chest and gasp for air. He gives me a wounded stare and brings me back to him.
"No, I need to focus. I have to get some studying in today. If you keep doing that, I won't get anything done but you." I wiggle from his grip and move around the counter.
"Okay, okay, if it means you will stay, I will keep my hands to myself. For now," he warns with a raise of his eyebrow. "Here," he pushes a laptop in front of me that is on the edge of the counter. It is so sleek and thin I didn't even notice it there. "Get started so you can be done." He half smiles. "I'll make some coffee after I get dressed." He takes off down the hall, and I watch until he is out of sight. The tingling in my insides are very distracting. I don't see how I am going to retain anything today.
I open the laptop and see it is password protected. "What's the password?" I yell. Walking back in with only ripped Levi's, no shirt, and barefoot, the tingling spreads. Jesus, really? I mean what the fuck, how can someone be that fucking hot all the time?
"I will tell you, but you can't be creeped out by it," he says, putting one hand on the back of my chair and the other on the counter glancing sideways at me.
"Umm ... okay."
"It's Petal," he says, pursing his lips together, like he is embarrassed. It's so endearing I can't be creeped out by it.
"Is that with a T or a D?" I face him, trying not to smile.
"Can you be any fucking cuter?" He grabs my cheeks between his fingers and thumb squeezing so my lips pucker.
I just shrug. "You'll figure it out." He laughs kissing my puckered lips.
I pull up my email while he goes around the counter to make coffee.
What I see is a massive amount of unchecked emails. The one that catches my eye horrifies me. An email from my advisor sent yesterday morning.
"Fuck me hard!" I shout at the screen as I read the email.
"Okay." Liam laughs, turning around, seeing my face as I read through the email. "What's wrong?" Instantly he knows that wasn't a request.
"The work study program at U of I has had budget cuts and they're down to only three open slots." I tell him, glancing from the screen to see the confusion on his face. "U of I's Veterinary program, the only way I can afford to go is if I get a work study. The chances for me now are slim to none."
"Okay ... so what does this mean?" he asks, pouring us both a cup of coffee. "Why are your chances slim?" He leans on his elbows across the counter from me. He genuinely seems interested in this.
"Because hundreds, maybe even thousands have applied. They have cut the program massively because of budget costs and the economy." I shake my head in disbelief, my advisor had told me with my grades and my letters of recommendation I was a shoo-in. Now she is telling me to basically not count on it. I already have massive student loans.
"So what are your options then?" he asks calmly, he can tell I am upset.
"I don't know yet." Honestly I've never thought about what I would do if I didn't get in. I will probably have to go to a cheaper school. "Probably go back to Iowa and attend ISU, it is cheaper and I can live at my parents' house," I tell him.
"Don't like that option." His face grows grim and he stares in his coffee cup.
"Me neither, I just can't afford to go to U of I without that work study." I chew on my thumbnail as I reread the email, but it still says the same thing.
"How about you don't worry about it right now." He dismisses the problem as he walks away. "I'm going in my office to do some work so you can study in peace," he says as he disappears in the room off of the living room. He shuts the door behind him. What just happened? He went from being concerned and interested to basically not giving a fuck in a matter of minutes. Why do his actions right now bother me so much? What do I expect him to do? Maybe a hug and an 'everything will be all right'. Damn, I don't know.
I sit for an hour at the counter going over some sample questions. None of it is sinking in. Between Liam walking away like I am nothing and thinking about U of I, I can't concentrate for shit. I haven't heard a sound coming from the office since he went in there. Does he have an escape hatch? Maybe he did get me out of his system and this is his way of letting me know that we are done. Jesus Harper, you have one wild imagination.
I slam the laptop shut and spin around on the stool staring at the office door. Okay, Harper, this is just as new for him as it is for you. You told him you needed to study and he is giving you space. I walk over to the office door and hesitate for a moment before I knock lightly.
"Yeah," I hear him say on the other side. I open the door a crack and peek my head in to see he is typing away on his desktop computer.
I step in apprehensively, "Thought you could use a little break." He doesn't look up.
"Ummm sorry, Harper, I have to go in to the office. I can drop you off at your car," he says deadpan, still not looking at me. Okay, so that hurt. That hurt bad. I stand there a minute processing what is going on. I feel like I could start crying, but I fight it. I knew this would fucking happen, he is not the relationship type. He fucked me, he conquered his quest. Now everything is clearing up for him.
"You know that's okay, I'll just take the bus," I say, hoping to get an argument.
"Oh, that would be great, thanks." His voice is like frozen shards of ice stabbing me in the heart. I turn around and walk out of his office shutting the door lightly. I want to fucking start screaming, "You fucking lying asshole!" I know that the tears would start, so I don't. I get my bag and my clothes in a hurry and leave the apartment. I make it to the sidewalk before I can't hold them in any longer. Sobbing like an idiot I walk to the bus stop. Between the email and my dismissal from Liam Tarseta, I can't seem to stop crying. I don't stop at the bus stop, I walk the 5 miles to the gym to get my car.
In that time a girl can do a lot of thinking. I will graduate with my fucking 4.0 and then I'm getting the fuck out of Chicago.
After I get home, I am all cried out. What did you expect really, that's why you fought him off for so long. You knew this would happen. "I have to fuck you to get you out of my system." I replay his words in my head. The sad is replaced by mad now. I kick a book that is on the floor across the room.
How am I supposed to go to work now? I'm just one of the many employees that he has now fucked. Oh, and I get to see him with other girls. Goddammit, Harper. Way to hang on to that dignity, Harper Troy.
Chapter 15
I find my phone in the bathroom of my apartment. I have texts galore from Liam the night of the club telling me he's about ready to come looking for me. "Fuck you!" I say to my phone as I delete all of his old messages. I have texts from Jax asking me where I am and to please let him know I am safe.
Damn, why didn't I listen to him? I shoot him a text telling him I'm fine that I've just had the flu. I receive one back immediately.
Jax: Girl you have had me worried. Christ, answer your texts once in a while, save me the heart attack.
Me: Sorry, I lost my phone. Just found it. I will be at study group tomorrow.
Jax: Good, I miss you.
This puts a smile on my face. At least someone does.
I call my brother Kade next.
"Hey,
Sis," he answers.
"Hi, how you doing?" I ask the question I always ask, but he picks up on my sadness right away.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing, just miss home," I answer.
"We miss you, too, but that's not it. What is going on?" he pushes.
"I probably won't be getting that work study for U of I. They cut the program," I tell him, because that is part of what is wrong.
"I'm sorry, Sis, but I am glad you will be coming back to Iowa. ISU is a good school also, you know," he utters. He's been begging me to go to ISU ever since I got accepted into Chicago.
"I know."
"What else is wrong?" Damn, he knows me so well.
"Just a guy." I don't know how else to explain to my brother that I got played and played good.
"Just a guy, huh? What has this guy done to make you sound so sad?" he presses for more.
"Oh, you know, some are real assholes."
"Yeah, this I know, but I've never heard you be upset about one before. What did he do to you, Harper?" he spits louder with more annunciation.
"I just thought he liked me more than he did. I'm fine. I don't want to talk about it."
I finally get him to drop the subject after assuring him over and over that this guy did nothing to me. We talk about other stuff that is going on at the farm for a while and I finally get him off the phone.
The next call I make is to The Guardian. I tell Matty that I won't be in again.
"Why?" he demands. It's the only question he asks.
I contemplate saying, "Ask your nephew," but chicken out and tell him that I have to concentrate on school and that after I graduate I'm going back to Iowa. He tells me he can pay me more if I reconsider, which is flattering, but there is no way in hell I can go back to that place. I decline politely. He tells me if I change my mind I still have a job there.
I go the rest of the night without studying one bit. I type out a text about a million different ways about a million different times. All pretty much saying, what the hell happened and go to hell. I never do send the message. I also never receive one from Liam.
The next morning, after a very restless night's sleep, I get ready to go to the library. I am able to cover up what's left of my black eyes with foundation and eye makeup.
I'm trying to push Liam out of my head. All it takes is looking at my shiny new/old car to remind me again. God, how can this hurt so much, it was one night. One incredible fucking night.
On the way to the library I decide to sell the car and send the money to Liam. Him paying for this car was like him paying for the sex. It turns my stomach to think it was all just a fucking game to him.
I get through the study group without retaining a single thing. Jax asks me about lover boy on our way out of the library that night.
"Meeting up with the mob tonight?" he snickers, trying to make it a joke.
"Nope, it's not going to work out. I'm done, just concentrating on graduating right now," I tell him walking toward my car. He grabs my wrist, turning me around.
"Did something happen?" His eyebrows shoot up and his tone says he must have done something.
"No, Jax, nothing happened." I yank my wrist away and start walking again.
"Three days ago you were in gaga land in love." He makes googly eyes at me. I'm trying to walk fast, but with his long legs he looks like he is leisurely walking.
"No, I wasn't. I just realized that I need to concentrate. I don't have time for a relationship." I lie, there's no way in hell I'm going to admit to him that he was so right.
I stop abruptly and turn to face Jax, I don't want him seeing my car. "Jax, I have a lot on my mind. I just need to be alone right now." I stare up at him not moving. "I will call you tomorrow, okay." I continue to stand there and wait for him to go in the direction of his car which I know is on the other side of the parking lot.
"Okay." He has a hurt look on his face when I motion with my head for him to leave. I'm sorry, but I don't need him seeing my shiny new car, that will lead to more questions.
When I get home, I get a call from Tara. Since she's met Tony they've practically moved in together.
"What did you do to Liam?" She's exasperated as she accuses me of something. What the hell, I haven't talked to her in four days and this is what she asks me?
"Hi, Tara, how are you? I didn't do shit to Liam." I snap immediately. "And why in the hell would you think I did anything to Liam?
"Sorry," she instantly apologizes. I know how Tara is, she has been this way since I met her three years ago. When she has a boyfriend, she is all about that guy and basically forgets about everyone else. I know it and accept it. She has lost a lot of friends because of it. That's just how she is. She thinks she has to be with that guy 24/7 to keep him. Ironically, that is also how she usually loses her boyfriends.
"I know I've been a bad friend lately, I just... " She has changed her tone immensely.
"It's fine, Tara, now why do you think I did something to Liam?"
"Tony went over to his apartment last night to get ... shit I don't remember. Anyway, he went over there to get something. He said that Liam looked like hell warmed over. He was drunk off his ass and was positively pissed. When Tony asked him what was wrong, he couldn't even speak. He threw a half full whiskey bottle across the room and punched the wall. Tony said it wasn't the first time. There were holes in several places on the walls and his hand was bruised, swollen, and bleeding." I swear she shoots it all out in one breath.
I explain to Tara what had happened since the night club. That he dismissed me basically and I hadn't heard from him since.
"So if he was pissed at something it wasn't because of me," I finish after my long story of the past four days. I can't help but be very curious at what does have him so mad. Not that it matters to me, I should be happy the asshole is upset. I almost wish it was because of me.
"That's strange, Harper. I swear the way he was swooning over you the other night, you know, when we were waiting for you to show up, I could have sworn he was head over heels in love," she states as if it is a fact.
"Obviously not, look I don't want to talk about Liam Tarseta anymore. I've wasted enough time on that bastard."
"One last thing, did he ever tell you about what happened with Chelsea Waters?"
"No, every time I would ask him something about his past he would change the subject. It really doesn't matter anymore, now does it?" I sigh into the phone.
"I asked Tony, he said it was family business. He said that he wasn't allowed to talk about it. That just seems so bizarre, he was mad that I brought it up," she mumbles annoyingly. I can just hear the cogs of her mind turning. One thing Tara does not like is not knowing something.
"Like I said, it doesn't really matter. I don't need to know what is in Liam's past or future, so can we please drop it?"
We chitchat for a while, but I can tell she is anxious to get off the phone when I hear Tony in the background. I let her off easy and tell her I have some stuff to do, and I will talk to her later.
Later that night, I get a text from Sarah from the club.
Hey girl, I'll miss you around here. P.S. Liam was just in and was super pissed when he heard you quit. He left minutes later.
Thanks, I'll miss you too. I type out and decide to leave out anything about Liam. I don't really care what those girls say about me, but I am not going to fuel the fire.
I don't know what's got Liam's panties in a twist, but I know it is not me. Fuck, I should be the one punching the walls. I just don't want to hear that name ever again.
The next morning I am driving my car, the last reminder of Liam, to a dealership just outside of Chicago. It is owned by one of my father's friends, so I am hoping to make some money and drive away in a new Liam free car.
When I walk into the dealership a swarm of men in suits ascend. I politely nod and make my way to the reception desk. A bubbly brunette is sitting behind the desk.
"May I speak with Ted Oberman?"
I ask the girl.
"Who can I say is asking?" she asks politely, picking up the phone.
"Harper Troy."
"He'll be out in a minute," she says after hanging up the phone. I meander around the show room floor, avoiding eye contact with all of the salesmen ready to pounce.
"Harper!" I hear Ted's booming voice. I turn to see the man I've known for years coming toward me. He is a giant teddy bear of a man. He instantly embraces me giving me a crushing bear hug. "Your dad never told me you were looking for a car," he says looking down at me, his arm around my shoulders.
"Ummm ... he doesn't know. I actually want to keep this between us for now." He gives me a fatherly stare, before he nods.
"What can I help you with today, dear?"
"I want to see if I can trade in my car. It's had some work done, so I would like to actually downsize, walk away with money," I tell him, he looks confused. I motion to the door so I can show him.
"Wow, you had a lot of work done. This is so cool," he says, walking around the car whistling through his teeth. "I've never seen anyone trick out this style of Jetta. Why in the world would you want to down size?" he asks, opening the door checking out the interior. He pops the hood and whistles even louder when he sees the engine. "This must have cost a fortune." He turns to me knowing I'm a college student. He has a lot of questions in his eyes.
"A guy did it for me. A guy I don't want any reminders of. This is why I don't want you telling my father. At least until I've had a chance to talk to him." I am pleading him with my eyes not to make a big deal of this. The only reason I came here is because I know he won't screw me out of a great deal.
"Okay, sweetheart, it will be our secret. Now let's go in and play let's make a deal." He gives me a wink and directs me to his office.
I walk away with a used 2010 red Ford Focus. Not fancy, but low miles and reliable. I also have a check for thirty thousand dollars. Ted told me that with the work he could get forty thousand out of it, easy. Because it was so unique, he would probably take it to a specialty auction.
