“I can’t make anyone do a tox screen who doesn’t want to do a tox screen.”
She jumped at the sound of his voice, her eyes flying back to him. She took hold of the heavy bag on both sides, digging her fingers in.
His eyes bored into hers over his shoulder. “I can’t make anyone do a rape kit who doesn’t want to do a rape kit. I can’t make anyone press charges who doesn’t want to press charges. I can’t make anyone do anything they don’t want to do. And neither can you. The sooner you realize that, the better your life will be. Trust me.”
“Why choose the Special Victims Unit if you weren’t willing to fight for these girls? Why SVU if you don’t give a shit?”
His eyes smiled at her. “I don’t give a shit,” he said, as more of a statement than a question.
Veda shrugged. “I mean… We both know what Todd did, don’t we?”
His eyes hardened.
“And yet, he still walks free.” Now that Veda was questioning her capacity for killing Todd—hell, her capacity for doing anything but being with Gage—she figured seeing him behind bars would be the next best thing. If she were in Linc’s shoes, she’d stop at nothing.
“When I was eighteen….” He took a moment, his eyes going to another place, as if some part of him was still in the process of trying to ignore her. That part of him seemed to lose out, however, when he continued. “When I was eighteen… just a snot-nosed probationary… I found a woman floating face down in the ocean. I fished her out and gave her mouth-to-mouth. It wasn’t until she opened her eyes that I realized she wasn’t a woman at all but a girl… dressed like a woman. A girl… with the body of a woman. A girl with bloodstains on the seat of her dress. A girl whose eyes told me she’d rather I left her for dead.”
Veda didn’t realize she’d been holding her breath until she inhaled sharply.
“She was probably sixteen years old. She was so damn young… It shook me. She ran away from me before I could snap myself out of it, but I’ll never forget the look in her eye… the blood on her dress… By the time it occurred to me to go after her, she was gone. Disappeared behind the black rocks.” He licked his lips. “That’s why I chose SVU. Not to force women, or change women, or make women do things they don’t want to do… but to help keep them breathing. If I can’t do anything else, at least I can keep them breathing.”
Veda licked her own lips, her eyes falling to his.
“Okay?” He raised his eyebrows, silently asking if she had any more nosey-ass questions for him. When she didn’t, he went back to his bag, punching harder that time, enough to elicit a groan with each hit.
She forced her next words out before she could talk herself out of it. “What happened to your wife?”
The moment she saw the muscle under his jaw roll, she knew she’d gone too far. He stopped hitting the heavy bag, catching it when it swung back toward him.
After steadying it, he looked at her again, from the corner of his eye, green orbs on fire. “I don’t know.” His voice went low and gravelly. “Why don’t you ask your boyfriend?”
Veda gasped. She didn’t know what she’d been expecting, but it sure as hell hadn’t been that.
He went to walk past her but she caught his arm in the nick of time, stopping him in mid-stride. His bicep felt like a boulder, so solid she was sure she could lift her feet from the ground and swing from it like a jungle gym.
He froze with his back to her, looked over his shoulder, and claimed her eyes.
“He’s not my boyfriend,” she whispered, hearing the quiver in her voice when she realized it didn’t matter. What mattered was the implication he’d just made. The one that had left her stomach in a puddle at her feet. “And what does that mean?”
It was as if they’d both climbed into a time machine when the corner of his lip lifted. Veda saw the exact moment he took ten steps back.
He held her gaze in silence, letting the stillness fall in. Then he lowered his eyes to her fingers, dwarfed by the bulging bicep she still clutched.
It was as if his eyes had shot fire and scorched her hand because it flew off his arm in an instant, releasing him.
Freed, he crossed the room without another word, snatching up his duffle bag from the corner before yanking the door to the weight room open.
And Veda’s heart was in her throat.
—
Gage sighed as he entered his home with a duffle bag on his shoulder. It was becoming harder every day, being away from Veda, even if only for a couple of hours. It was harder to walk into the grand foyer of the mansion he shared with the wrong woman. It was hard to lie in the bed he’d yet to share with Veda, even though she’d been sharing hers with him for months.
His dress shoes clicked on the wood floors as he made his way to staircase. The crystal chandelier overhead beamed down and made the black leather shine.
“Darling….”
Gage stopped with his foot on the first step of the staircase, swiveling toward the unmistakable sound of his mother’s voice. He found her in his dining room, sitting stark straight as usual in the tufted wingback dining chair. The fitted black dress hugging her curves made her pale skin look see-through, almost disappearing against the white chair.
Her red lips remained ever smiling, but as soon as their eyes met, it grew warmer. Easier. More genuine.
Gage moved toward her, dropping his bag in the middle of the foyer. “Mother.”
Celeste stood and greeted him once he made it to the foyer, clutching his arms in a grip a little tighter than normal while kissing both his cheeks.
She allowed her eyes to travel him, looking for imperfections only a mother could see. Once she deemed his appearance exemplary, her eyes flew over his shoulder.
Gage followed her green gaze, caught sight of his duffle bag, and looked back to her. “How long have you been waiting here for me?”
Her smile lost a little of its toasty warmth, a little of its sincerity. “Why, only for the last five days, darling.”
The color drained from Gage’s face. “Five days?”
“For five days, I’ve sat in this dining room, waiting to see a familiar face in my son and future daughter-in-law’s home. Waiting to see any face, at all, in fact. Five days and…” She shrugged. “Nothing.”
Gage felt the heavy swallow moving down his throat. Saw her eyes follow its journey to the pit in his stomach. “I’m leaving her, Mother.”
Celeste’s eyes fluttered closed. The hold she still had on his arms tightened, but not to the point of pain. She wasn’t strong enough to cause him physical harm, not even if she wanted to.
She took a deep breath. The tiny shred of softness finally left her smile until she was giving him the same ice-cold grin his father had been on the receiving end of since the day he was born.
“You do live to torture me.” She dropped her eyes.
Gage lifted his head high. “It might’ve been easy for you and Dad, but I can’t marry a woman I don’t love. It’s not what I want for my life.”
“The family business—”
“I don’t care.”
“Your father—”
“I don’t care, Mother. I don’t care about any of it. I’m no longer willing to auction off my soul with the hope of some halfhearted return, for whatever scraps of inauthentic love he may choose to reward me with. If he doesn’t want me to be fully vested in the business without selling my soul, then I don’t want to be fully vested in the business. If he doesn’t want me to be a part of the cruise line, I don’t want to be part of the cruise line. If he doesn’t love me, then to hell with him.”
“Darling, your father loves you. Dearly. You have to understand—”
“I understand completely—”
“I’m speaking.” Her voice rose, eyes steely.
When she reached up and cupped his cheeks, he blinked his own eyes shut.
“We might’ve given you the illusion that you had a choice in this, darling.” Her words came harsher. “But you hav
e no choice.”
Gage opened his eyes and searched her gaze. “I’m leaving her.”
“Your father would sooner die than allow you to destroy this deal.”
The air left Gage’s lungs.
“He’d sooner see you die.” Celeste squeezed his cheeks harder, shaking him. “And I’d sooner die before I allow you to throw your life to the wolves.” Her eyes filled with tears, and she sucked in a shaky breath. “You’re my sun, my moon, my stars.” She brought her trembling hands from his jaw and ran them along his tie, swallowing. “Now, we’ll just pretend we never had this conversation.”
Gage waited for the tears in her eyes to dry. “I’m leaving her.”
Celeste’s arms fell to her sides and she brushed past him, her sky-high heels clicking as she entered the foyer. She kept her back to him, one hand pressed to her hip and the other over her mouth. “The woman from the bar.” She swiveled on her heel as she made her declaration. “The party-crasher?”
Gage held her gaze, feeling his heartbeat pick up. “For my entire life, I’ve watched you and Dad, barely tolerating each other. Hating each other. For my entire life, I believed true love was a lie. I believed it was a lie because the proof was right there next to me. Under the same roof as me. The proof looked me square in the eye, every day. The proof fed me, clothed me, nurtured me. I believed love was a fairytale for the foolish. Something I didn’t believe myself capable of.”
Celeste approached him, her hand over her heart. “You should’ve come to me about this.”
“And said what?” He attempted to keep his voice level. “That I’ve fallen desperately, madly in love?” He smiled softly. “No.”
Her eyes grew vulnerable.
“I knew you wouldn’t understand.” He motioned to her. “How could you?”
Celeste flinched as if he’d punched her. “Perhaps you should speak to Todd… about the woman you’re supposedly so in love with.”
Gage felt his heart skip a beat, and he clenched his teeth to keep it from showing on his face. Still, his cheek flinched, and he knew she saw it happen.
It made the smile that had been slowly growing on her face pick up speed. “Perhaps you should speak to Todd about the woman you’re on the verge of throwing your life away for, before you make the catastrophic mistake of actually following through.”
The implications behind her words threw him, forcing him to take a step away from her.
He frowned.
Celeste tilted her head. “Even after you took him around the neck in public,” she spat, “Todd still had the grace, the class, to come to me and tell me you’ve been fooled, blinded, and misled by this devious woman.”
“Devious? Mother, stop.” He tried to bite his tongue but couldn’t. “You don’t know anything about her.”
“I know Todd sees her every weekend flirting with Lincoln Hill at the downtown gym.”
Gage felt his blood run cold.
It was as if Celeste had a hold of his veins and could feel the exact instant they went frigid. “A woman who Todd saw, just yesterday, holding Lincoln Hill’s hands.” Celeste began toward him, taking tiny steps, the click of her heels the only sound bouncing off the vaulted ceiling outside of Gage’s scant breath. “Lincoln Hill, the man who’s been out to ruin your family for the last five years. You’re throwing your life away for a woman who’d dare breathe in his direction?”
“He’s lying,” Gage grumbled. “He has a problem with Veda.”
“Veda.”
He faltered. He didn’t know why, but he hated that she now knew Veda’s name. She’d have learned it of course, eventually, but he hadn’t expected her to learn it during a conversation like this. “Todd has a vendetta against Veda because she’s not afraid to call him out on his sexist, disrespectful behavior. You know how threatened he is by a strong woman, and she’s the strongest one I know.”
Celeste laughed.
Gage felt rage blazing through him; it was one of the rare instances her glee appeared authentic.
“Be very sure, dear son.” Her voice lowered to a condescending purr. “That this woman is willing to make the same sacrifices for you as you are for her. Or you may find yourself entering a world of pain you can’t even begin to imagine.”
She gave him a look from the corner of her eyes. Then, with a breathy chuckle, she turned and made her way toward the door.
Gage watched her go, slamming his eyes shut once she’d exited and closed the door behind her.
He took hold of the dining chair next to him when the world suddenly spun, trying to fight off the pit in his stomach. His mother always spoke frugally, but this was the first time he found himself at war with her vague words. Wondering what was true and what was manipulation.
He knew one thing was certainly true.
He’d told Veda he loved her.
He’d told her every night during their lovemaking. Every night, his heart had squeezed a little more, compressing with a desperate need to hear her say it back. His heart pinched tighter. His hips slammed harder. He strove to make her feel with his dick what he felt dominating his entire body.
He’d begged her with his love-filled gaze to whisper the words back, hoping if he made her come for the second, third, fourth time that she’d finally drop her walls and let the words spill from her lips.
She hadn’t.
Gage drew a breath from his trembling lungs.
While his mother was ice-cold in so many ways, she was certainly no dummy, and Gage couldn’t help but consider her words. Was she right? Was he really throwing his life away for a woman who would never love him back?
Would it be worth the risk of losing everything for a woman who might eventually break his heart?
The answer flashed through his mind in an instant.
He didn’t know if Veda loved him.
But he knew he couldn’t marry Scarlett until he was positive that she didn’t.
12
As Veda made her way down the hospital hallway to meet her next patient, she forced her eyes closed and tried to stop thinking about Lincoln Hill.
“Why don’t you ask your boyfriend?”
She sucked in a breath when she heard the words in her head. Sure, she’d asked Linc about his missing wife, which had been none of her damn business, but to hit her with an answer like that? She knew he’d caught her red-handed in the on-call room with Gage, so when he used the word ‘boyfriend,’ he couldn’t have been talking about anyone else.
But why would Gage know anything about Linc’s missing wife?
She cursed under her breath. Not just because she needed more answers from a man who barely spoke, but because she was such an idiot.
She was an idiot for allowing a few whispered words of love to blur a path that had once been crystal clear. For thinking Gage could be different from every other man just because his angel/demon cock could silence the madness in her head whenever he slid it inside her. For even entertaining the idea of saying she loved him too.
She was an idiot because Gage had given her a glimpse into a world she hadn’t known could exist for her anymore.
Exacting retribution had been her main driving force in the quest to kill Todd. An eye for an eye. To kill a man who hadn’t hesitated in killing a part of her.
Veda now knew that part of her was alive and well.
Could she really take his life?
That question proved more difficult to answer than ever before, so when she found herself locking eyes with the man of the hour himself, she stopped cold in the middle of the busy hallway, forcing the employees behind her to mill around.
Todd lingered in the doorway of the on-call room.
He smiled down at her. “Oh, look.” He lifted his eyebrows. “It’s the crazy woman.”
Veda rolled her eyes; he was so fucking lame. She cringed up at him, unable to stop the curl to her lip. “What the hell are you doing in our on-call room?”
Todd let the door to the room close behind him and pass
ed her, craning his neck to hold her eyes. “Why are you so damn crazy?”
“Why are you so…?” Veda tried to think up an awful word to spew, but the rapid pounding of her heart made it hard to think. “So ugly?”
It was a pitiful retort, but when Todd dismissed her, turning away with a laugh, she realized it was perfect.
He was ugly. Inside and out. And ugly people always got their just desserts. Even if it couldn’t be by her hand, she knew, one day, Todd Lockwood would get his. She could only pray that when that day came, the gods would have mercy and allow her to witness it.
She moved to the door of the on-call room and yanked it open, surprised when she caught sight of Coco.
“Hey.” As a smile bloomed on her face without even having to force it, Veda realized it wasn’t just Gage who’d reminded her there was still light in her heart.
Coco looked over her shoulder.
And Veda’s smile fell. Her heart went with it, hitting the floor in a puddle at her feet. At first, it was the tears spilling over Coco’s cheeks that made Veda’s heart drop. Then the quiver of her lips made it explode on impact, the shattered remnants impossible to put back together. The naked fear in Coco’s wide eyes melted those shattered pieces to liquid, finally deeming them impossible to even touch, let alone reconstruct.
Veda shot a disgusted look over her shoulder into the hallway, but Todd was gone. Still, as Veda turned back to Coco… she knew.
She just knew.
“What the fuck has he done to you?” Veda stepped into the room, closed the door, and locked it.
Coco slapped tears off her face, keeping her back to Veda while yanking her long-sleeved shirt down over her arms.
“I’m totally fine,” Coco said, her voice hoarse and wobbly, barely loud enough to fill the quiet room.
Veda’s eyes traveled down Coco’s body. Her scrubs pants and undershirt were both inside out, and the seams were uneven, as if she’d been in a rush to put them back on.
Quiver (Revenge Book 1) Page 18
