It had been the perfect little room, though. It held her high, full-sized bed, her dresser, and a small desk in a tight squeeze, but it also had its own small full bath. Just enough to live in for most of the day—which was why Britt had wanted her out and about. Her father had encouraged the move. The room had stayed the way she’d left it, sans the clothing and toiletries and her stuffed teddy bear. Her stuffed polar bear guarded the room now.
Renee climbed the stairs to her loft, grabbed a clear pair of jeans, a royal blue sweater, and a clean pair of panties before heading into the bathroom. She undressed after closing the door behind her and threw the utterly filthy clothes into her hampers.
Looking into the mirror, she could not help but snort at the places where the dirt abruptly ended at her collarbone, her arms—above her elbow because she had removed her jacket—and the area above her ankles where her socks stopped. In contrast with her pale skin, which was slightly sticky with sweat, her dirty skin looked as if it had been smeared with charcoal.
She turned the shower on as hot as she could stand. She cracked the bathroom door open a bit in order to let the moisture from the bathroom out of the room. As she pulled the blue-and-brown patterned shower curtain behind her, she felt the hot spray run over her chilled body. She ran her hands through her loose hair and shuddered at the knots she found.
Around the time she reached down to wash and shave her legs, she thought she heard the door creak. With the shower water pattering against the porcelain bottom of the tub, she could not be sure, but she paused to listen closer. She could not hear anything else, so she just continued with her routine, closing her eyes as she sensed the contours of her legs with her razor. Breathing out into the steamy air within the shower, she ran the razor past her thighs and carefully over the swell of her mound, over the labia. She could not remember exactly when she’d started shaving between her legs. She remembered first trimming it from the ginger bush that it had been until the hair was close against her skin. She’d wanted it to look clean and controlled, but she’d worried that she was going to get a shaving cut in a very inopportune and inappropriate place. She had been surprised when she hadn’t cut anything at all the first time she’d tried.
She remembered what it was like the first time she’d used the showerhead on it, then her vibrator. It was as if the feeling had intensified just a little bit more. And she had done it ever since then, and liked the look and the feel for herself. She liked the routine, feeling the guarded blades sliding over the flesh and revealing it to her gaze when she looked down, seeing the tease of lip and clitoris whenever she looked in the mirror. It felt sexy to her somehow, especially since it had not been done for anyone but herself. Britt, who never shaved between her legs herself, had said—on one of the few occasions she had seen Renee naked—that she liked the way it looked on Renee. That it was beautiful, even. Another one of those moments when Renee hadn’t been sure about what Britt wanted from her.
Renee circled her clit lightly at the thought and wondered whether she could ever get up the courage to ask Britt. Or take her up on any potential offer. She did not really want to get off now, just a little touch, a little push. Enough to get her going without going off. She considered pulling out the shower head, but she was not in that sort of mood.
Once she’d shut the shower off, she pushed the shower curtain back and peered out to make sure that she had just been hearing things. Everything was as she had left it, the door at about the same distance from the door frame as before. She still felt nervous, because she could not be sure whether the order of her clean clothes on the vanity counter was the way it had been when she’d thrown them there, nor was she sure that the distance between the door frame and the door was that exact distance. But everything was there, and she just figured that she was being paranoid. If someone had been there that she had to worry about, there was no reason that they would just come in to hear her in the shower instead of pulling open the shower curtain to see her.
And of course, when she was thinking ‘they’, she meant Grant. Then again, Britt could have come in looking for a hairbrush.
She pulled on her clean clothes and slipped into her house shoes before heading downstairs. She paused a bit when she saw how many people were in the cabin. She knew all of her shapeshifters pretty well, but it was different when they were outside to when they were in the home itself, filling space that she was not used to being filled. Or rather, she was not used to so much space being filled.
“Hey!” Britt came over and gave her cheek a kiss. “Long time no see, Red.” True to form, she was wearing jeans and a loose blouse, but had neglected to button it.
“Where have you been all day?” Renee asked.
“Out and about—needed a good run today, ease out some tension of the stranger variety,” Britt answered. “Took a pack out with me in the afternoon. We didn’t see whatever animal has been ripping up other animals, and we didn’t see any fallout from it either.” She sat on the arm of the sofa and trained her dark brown eyes on Renee, running her fingers through her already wild, curly hair.
“So,” she said.
Renee waited for her to continue.
“How has the stranger been so far? I heard he got us our dinner,” Britt said.
“He’s been an arrogant asshole, but he asked what he could do and said he liked to hunt,” Renee said, shrugging off the underlying concern in Britt’s question.
But Britt knew what Renee needed to hear—a direct question, something she could not shrug off. Britt knew all of Renee’s weaknesses, and honesty was one of them. “Did he behave himself? Keep his hands to himself, and that sort of thing? Refrain from killing things that won’t be on our table tonight?”
“Well, he wasn’t a perfect gentleman,” Renee answered quietly, so that the others around them could not overhear. “But it’s not like any of us are expecting him to be. And he was willing to go out and hunt for the people who don’t like him. Please, Britt, work with me here. Give him the benefit of the doubt and let him prove himself guilty.”
Britt clenched her teeth, showing off the line of her cheekbones. She was not angry at Renee. That kind of clenching meant that she was trying to withhold an opinion. “Look, honey,” Britt murmured. “The way he was looking at you… I’m just worried.”
“You weren’t exactly ignored, if you’re talking about wandering eyes,” Renee said. “Wandering eyes aren’t anything to worry about, and as long as he makes an effort—”
“Wandering eyes, no,” Britt said. “But wandering eyes can lead to wandering hands, and you don’t exactly have the best natural defences, Renee. At least I can change into dog skin and teeth.” It was rare to see Britt so serious. “You might look into investing in some protection. I’m just saying.”
Renee did not know how to respond to that. Britt was right when she said Renee was incredibly vulnerable to that kind of danger in a way that the other shapeshifters were not.
When conversation waned in the great room, Renee knew that Grant had come in. He was still wearing the clothes that he had been wearing when he had come into the kitchen earlier. There was a spot of blood on the collar, but he had cleaned his face. He took the collective slight in stride and just went about his business with that small grin on his face. He raised an invisible glass at Renee and Britt from the other side of the room, sat down in an armchair, and waited for conversation to return to normal.
“Look, honey,” Britt said, lowering her voice even more so that Renee had to lean in to hear her. “Maybe being a werewolf doesn’t automatically make him dangerous. Like you said, maybe that’s just another shapeshifter prejudice. But I could swear that he is dangerous. And I want you safe. I don’t want you alone with him at any time.”
“He hasn’t killed me yet, Britt, and we have been alone together,” Renee protested quietly. She held up her hands. “I’ll be careful, okay. But I just… I don’t want to condemn him before he’s even had a chance. I refuse to be afraid just becaus
e he’s here. I have too many things to do to be afraid here, on my own land where I’m not supposed to be afraid. Someone can’t always be with me. I know what you’re trying to do, and I know that you care, but…”
Britt touched a hand to her cheek and lifted her face a little so that she could press her lips against Renee’s mouth. It was a chaste kiss, certainly more chaste than anything that Renee had witnessed her doing with Jake. Britt was cautious in her impulsive decision, but when Renee relaxed rather than tensed up after the initial surprise, Britt tilted her head more for a closer kiss.
It was a strange sensation, not least because it was only partially unexpected. Renee decided that she did not mind this display of affection from Britt. She almost wanted to slip her arm around Britt’s waist so that she could be closer somehow, so that the slow and enticing tingling sensation in her breasts and between her legs could somehow be touched by someone she trusted, and maybe even loved, and maybe even wanted. The feeling was curiosity, but not curiosity about whether she could be sexually attracted to a woman. Just whether what was currently brewing between them could grow into something else, something bigger, or whether it was not to be. There did seem to be more than just a spark between Renee and her best, greatest, closest friend, a connection they’d had since they were young and had first met each other that went beyond just friendship.
That general openness in the sanctuary was part of the reason why, when Renee broke the kiss, there was not too much embarrassment when some of the shapeshifters around them cheered, happy that something they’d believed possible had indeed happened. There had been talk, of course. Close quarters always bred a certain amount of gossip and drama.
Renee tried to school her expression into something controlled, but she could not help the smile that filled her face. And Britt’s initial expression of uncertainty relaxed.
“Thank God,” Jake said, ruffling Britt’s hair with a broad grin on his face. “I thought you’d never do it. Good on you. And you, my little gumdrop.” He gave Renee a great big hug, then held her away from him and searched her face as he asked, “Are you okay? With this? With…?”
Renee nodded, a little flustered but okay. “I’m just… I shouldn’t have been as surprised, but I was anyway.”
“You’ve been expecting something like that?” Britt asked, honestly startled. “Damn, and I thought I had come up with something original.”
Renee shrugged and looked down at her hands. “A little bit. Just little hints.”
“And you’d be okay?” Britt asked. “With trying? Maybe?”
Renee chewed on her lower lip, then leant forward and kissed Britt herself. It was brief and a little off the mark, but Britt knew the effort it took for Renee to initiate something like that.
“Just remember that this is new to me,” Renee murmured as she pulled back.
“If it makes you feel any better, I’m as nervous as you are,” Britt said, laughing slightly. “Believe it or not, it’s new to me, too.”
“I mean, the whole idea of a relationship with another person…”
“I know what you mean,” Britt said. She pushed a lock of hair out of Renee’s face, then let her have her space. Britt knew she had to have her space, especially when she was nervous enough that her hands started shaking, which they were doing. She didn’t take it personally.
As Britt pulled back, Renee caught the way that Grant was staring at the two of them. The realisation that they were not just being watched by old friends was like a proverbial kick in the gut, and she almost felt as if she was going to be sick at the way he was looking at her—them—his eyes dark with arousal. He seemed completely unashamed of the way he felt about what he had seen, although his pants were fashioned in such a way that if he was indeed aroused, she could not really see much. Just a suggestion. A certain knowledge that that was exactly how Grant saw what she and Britt had done. It made Renee feel almost slimy. The worst part was that the feeling was not necessarily bad. And Grant knew that Renee knew he had been watching. He stared directly at her without shame.
“By the way, my two favourite girls,” Jake said, snapping her eyes away from Grant, “dinner is served.”
* * * *
The dinner went surprisingly well, even though Renee was expecting some kind of catastrophe. Britt and Jake flanked her, partly to protect her from Grant and partly in celebration of what had just occurred. Grant sat just across from her. The dining room table was wide as well as long, so he would not be able to reach her even if he stretched out his legs. But he could stare. On the other hand, he could stare from any vantage point at the table if he wanted to. It was not overwhelming, and he did not look at her all the time. But when he was looking at her, at them, she could always tell.
To Britt’s credit, she did not do anything like touch Renee’s thigh under the table or give her a moony smile during the dinner. Everything was normal, which was part of the reason why Renee loved her. Whether she was in love with her was up to time, but love on its own had never been a question.
Hare was not a common meal at the dinner table, but most of them had had it before, either in its original state or cooked in a stew, the way Jake and Ki had cooked it for this evening. Renee’s salad fixings helped set off the meal—it might not have been good enough for the royal table, but it was just fine for theirs.
Renee noticed that Grant never touched the vegetables or fruit. He ate around the carrots and celery in his stew when he could and just ate the meat. Renee wondered whether it was a werewolf trait or just Grant, but she didn’t say anything.
The shapeshifters on either side of him were sitting as far away from him as possible, which wasn’t very far. Renee felt sorry that Leslie had not been paying attention when he’d sat down to Grant’s left. He didn’t know what to do with himself. Grant sometimes raised his eyebrow when Leslie did something clumsy while trying to avoid him, and there was that little smirk. But he did not do anything directly to Leslie, which Renee thought she might have to thank him for later. For the meal and for the general politeness. It was a small thing, but Renee felt that he was at least making an effort.
After dinner, Britt kissed Jake and left the rest of them to clean up, leading Renee up by the hand to their shared room. Renee was too focused on the feeling of another person’s hand in hers—Britt was pushing the personal boundary deliberately, Renee knew, without pushing too far—to notice any of the people downstairs watching them go up. She did not even have the mental energy to think of what Grant was seeing. Let him look—as she had said to Britt, wandering eyes were nothing to worry about.
Britt led Renee to her own bed, then let go of her hand before moving to sit on the end of hers. A space of about five feet separated the two of them. Britt’s blouse was still gaping open, and Renee found herself peering into the shadow to look at the swell of her breasts, the dusky brown of nipples the size of half dollars, tight in the cool air. She had seen Britt naked many times before, but it was as though she were seeing Britt through new eyes—Renee was good at compartmentalising things, so when Britt was just a friend, she was just a friend. The possibility of girlfriend was new territory now that the subject had been broached, and it changed the way she saw everything.
“Am I going to start as usual, or are you?” Britt asked.
Since Renee did not even know where to begin or what the question really was, she waited for Britt to start.
Britt inhaled to brace herself, then went into it. “Okay, I know I kind of stepped into it by kissing you in the middle of a crowded room when it was the last thing you expected or maybe even wanted. But I can’t apologise. It was going to happen sometime. I knew that, and I guess you suspected it might. That makes me question my covertness, but that’s not the point. The point is that we have a decision to make. Do you want to pursue this, this new angle of what I think we’ve always had? I don’t know whether you think the same way. You’ve always kept what you think or feel pretty close to the vest, even though I know that
you tell me more than you tell everyone else. But I sometimes have to feel my way through the craziness that is your mind. And I don’t usually babble like this, but you know that I’m…”
“Nervous,” Renee finished for her.
“Yes.” Britt relaxed her shoulders a bit.
Renee bit her lip as she considered what to do. Her lip felt dry, and she licked it a little, sensing how dry her whole mouth was now.
The hum of continued conversation from the other side of the curtains reminded her that they were not really alone, but the fact that no one could see them gave her a little bit of courage, and she stood from her perch on the end of her bed and walked over to where Britt sat, then stepped between Britt’s knees. Even sitting, Britt did not have to bend her neck too much to see Renee. And Renee did not have to lean down very far before she was eye-to-eye with Britt. She was surprised at her own daring, her own willingness to push herself through some of the barriers that kept her from really connecting. She threaded her fingers through Britt’s hair, burying her hands in the mass of dark brown curls.
Britt had always been a grounding influence, and this was another time that she did not disappoint.
Winter Howl (Sanctuary) Page 7
