He did not seem to care that she’d just woken up from a bad few hours of sleep, or that her hair was messy, or that she smelt like dogs and was covered in dog hair. From the way he pressed against her, all he cared about was feeling her. His hands were rough, rougher than she remembered them, and she wondered whether what he did in wolf form affected his human form—it was different for the shapeshifters, although their dog forms aged proportionally with their human skins.
He found his way under her three layers of shirts to squeeze one breast hard enough to make her yelp. Then he thrust his hand into her sweatpants and under her panties to start fingering her with more finesse than the previous roughness would have suggested. As he did, he thrust his hips against her thigh, using her for friction and nothing more. Renee twisted her hand in his hair for leverage, and she thought she felt some of it come out, but he only bit her lip, almost too hard, before taking control of her mouth.
It was all fast. Rough. Hot. Wild. If Renee had been more awake, she might have initially protested before finally giving in, but he had caught her by surprise, just at the right time, when she was too emotionally raw to even think of protesting. All she could do was feel, from the deliberate painful reminders to the steady climbing of pleasure and the pressure of his fingers playing her clit.
“Do you know why I’m here?” he asked against her mouth. Her gasps blew frosted breath between them, and he tasted it with a curl of his tongue. “Do you know why I came here? Why I come to you?”
She pressed her nails into him as the swirl of orgasm rose.
“I want you,” Grant murmured. “So much. I want to bite you.”
She knew she drew blood when she came, thrusting her leg up against his hardness to try and make him rise with her. He rutted against her madly, but his voice was still soft, still intent, intense.
“A wolf has to have his pack,” he said. He marked her mouth, her chin, her neck, anywhere he could find skin. And it hurt, but then he was jerking in short, tight movements. Then he was still, and she looked down at him from where he pressed her against the door.
“I could run for a hundred years from this place, and I would still want your flesh in my mouth,” Grant said. He let her down slowly until her feet touched the ground, but he did not release her.
She wanted to whisper at him to let her go. There wasn’t love or anything approaching it in his eyes. There was desire, yes, but also a need that went beyond hunger. Whatever it was, it was not insatiable—it had an end. It was as though he wanted her to burn without being consumed. With his body still tightly against hers and Jake just on the other side of the door—Did he hear anything?—she already felt consumed. She felt high, her head six inches above where it usually was, as though she was dosed on medication or had a particularly bad fever.
“Say something,” Grant said.
That was the trouble. When she did not know what to say, she did not know how to fill the silence. She drifted her fingers, then her lips, over his neck, waiting for something to latch on to.
“Do you want me?” he asked, muscles bunching under her hands as he drew her closer.
“Yes,” she said. She tasted the affirmative with a little bitterness.
“I can turn you,” Grant hissed into her ear.
She did not jerk away, but she paused, pulled back slightly so that the icy air swept in where her mouth had been, cold on her lips.
“You can have this. All the time. The heat, the intensity. They can never give you this. You can’t be domesticated, Renee. You’re either broken or you’re free.”
“Like you?” she said. “Were you broken?”
“Your skin cages you,” he replied. “I didn’t know I was broken until I was freed. You know that you’re broken, and no matter how much they try to put you back together, the only answer is magic. And their magic is weak.”
She pressed her hand against his chest. Not pushing him fully away, but enough that there was space between them. She could only imagine the sight she was after sleeping with the dogs, then fucking a werewolf.
“I don’t believe in magic,” she said. Each word was enunciated without being angry or insulting. Just matter-of-fact.
Grant paused. “You’re kidding, right?”
“No.” She pulled her jacket up from where he had pushed it down her arms and began making her way down the snowed-over path.
“You run a sanctuary for shapeshifters who turn into dogs,” Grant said. “You’re harbouring a werewolf.”
“None of this convinces me of the supernatural—at least, supernatural the way most people mean when they talk about it,” Renee said. “Only that there is natural that is yet undiscovered or unexplained. They change into dogs. But that’s all they do. Their families have conferences and wear suits and ties and go to work. They grow old with their dog skins, and they die. The dog skin and the human skin are unimpressive, except that one can turn into the other. And even that seems to be genetic. There’s no fancy light show. They can’t pass it on to me or anyone else.” She finally reached the cabin and pulled herself onto the porch.
“I can,” Grant said. “I told you.” He swung himself up next to her.
“Then maybe they’re the mutation and you’re the disease,” Renee said. “Like you said. Like Britt said.”
He smiled, the grin spreading over his face in an almost ominous way.
“You really have no idea, love,” he said. “But I promise, I’ll show you.”
* * * *
“Christmas is in a few weeks,” Britt said, nudging Renee’s shoulder as the core pack played Monopoly in the great room. Each of them balanced bowls of chili precariously on their laps, silverware clinking against the ceramic every time one of them leaned over to roll or move a piece. Leslie, in his quiet way, was winning without trying. Malcolm had already been bankrupted out of the game, but Renee and Ki were gamely soldiering on. Max, Jake, and Britt were beginning to buckle under the strain.
“Mm-hmm,” Renee hummed. She was watching Ki getting closer to her housed Pennsylvania Avenue property. Another five steps forward, and Renee would be able to breathe for a little longer.
“So what are you getting us?” Britt asked.
“Yeah, Renee,” Ki agreed. “What are we getting for Christmas?” Most of the shapeshifters had no bank accounts or credit cards, and their payment for whatever they did in the sanctuary was simply living there. Jake, Leslie, and Ki were the only ones other than Renee who had access to money. Britt didn’t even have a driver’s licence. As far as the government was concerned, she was a runaway, presumed dead. Renee always took great pleasure in getting them things for Christmas and birthdays. She could not buy them the best and most expensive presents, but she could get them things they’d find uses for. Jake usually contributed to the cost, although he had been adamant when he’d told Renee that he did not want any of the others to know that his family was rich. Renee respected his wishes. She was not sure even Britt knew just how much money Jake’s family donated to the sanctuary every year. Not that money had ever meant very much to Britt.
“What makes you think any of you deserve anything from me?” Renee said.
A chorus of ‘oooooh’s followed the remark, and Britt cocked her head with a slightly surprised smile on her face.
“Did my girl just crack a joke with a completely straight face?” she asked.
“I’m not telling you what I got you,” Renee said. “You guys do this every year.”
“Leslie said he heard you fooling around in your room a few weeks ago,” Ki said. “Must be some pretty heavy stuff you’re hiding.”
For a moment, her heart beat against her lungs, but no one was looking at her as though anything was out of the ordinary.
“Just doing a bit of cleaning,” Renee said after a beat. She hoped the lie didn’t show too much on her face. She could always blame the fire for the blush if it did. “You’re all getting sculpted dust bunnies under the Christmas tree.”
“A ver
y popular art form these days,” Jake added, moving his top hat ten spaces and going straight to jail. “It’ll be worth millions ten years from now. We should all be flattered.”
“What I’ve never figured out is why none of us ever just open the door and look,” Malcolm said.
“That would spoil the surprise,” Ki said.
“So would me telling you.” Renee bought another two houses in anticipation of Ki’s approaching game piece. She rolled for Community Chest, missed it, and hit the railroad instead.
“No,” Ki replied. “That would just be like getting Christmas early.”
“Who wants Christmas early?” Renee muttered.
A crunch, a bump, then the opening of the front door with the storm raging outside made them all stop what they were doing and look around. Grant, who had the appearance of someone who had been swimming through snow, shook the excess from his head and shoulders, leaving it to form a small puddle near the front door after he closed it behind him. His motions slowed when he realised everyone was watching him, and his lips twitched.
“Go on. Don’t stop on account of me,” Grant said.
Max reluctantly rolled the dice, but none of them really stopped keeping their eyes on him. In the middle of a snowstorm like this, the fact that he had worked his way to the cabin meant he was there for a purpose, not just for the pleasure of interrupting them.
“You landed on St James Place,” Leslie muttered. Max handed him the money, and Jake took a turn trying to get out of jail.
“You and me, Renee, we’re going on a road trip,” Grant said behind her, unnecessarily loud. She felt her stomach plummet to her feet. “As soon as this storm settles, I’m taking you to Minneapolis. Actually, to a place right outside Minneapolis, but I’m sure we’ll spend some quality time in the city, too.”
“Wait, what?” Britt said.
Grant continued as though Britt hadn’t said anything. “I know a pack that runs out there. It’s no sanctuary, but you learn where the hot spots are once you’re turned. It’s the biggest pack you’ve ever seen. You’ll believe in magic by the time I’m through with you.”
“Was that a threat?” Jake asked.
“No.” Grant did not even look at him. Every part of him was focused on Renee and her reaction. “The snow should only last a day or two. Be ready.” He started down the hall towards the kitchen.
“Wait,” Britt said. “You can’t just come in here and order her around.”
“Why not? I think she likes it,” Grant replied.
“You can’t order her around.”
Grant grinned slowly. “I noticed that she didn’t tell me no,” he said.
“Renee?” Britt asked, turning Renee to look at her. Renee felt trapped, her brain frozen in a too-bright panic. She did not know what to say, what to do, how to respond. She did not know what Grant was trying to do. She wasn’t going to say no. Couldn’t seem to say no. Her mouth opened, but nothing came out.
“You think shaking the answer out of her is going to change it?” Grant said.
“She can’t leave without me,” Britt said. “She’s agoraphobic. She can’t leave this sanctuary without me.”
“She seems to do just fine when she’s here,” Grant replied. “And even better around me. Although you’re welcome to come along with us, pet, if running with wolves is your thing.”
“She’s not going with you,” Britt snarled. Renee thought she saw a ghost of fur bristle over Britt’s face and arms.
Grant looked interested briefly. “Well, well, maybe wolfkind is just the sort of thing you need.”
Britt closed her eyes, taking a moment. When she opened them, she repeated, “Renee’s not going with you.”
“Now who’s ordering her around, bitch?” Grant said, suddenly right behind them, his face between the two girls. His teeth glistened and looked sharp as he smiled.
Britt whirled around, back arched and teeth bared as she raised her hand to strike him, but Grant caught her wrist and squeezed, still grinning.
“I’m faster and stronger than you. You couldn’t beat me in a fair fight, and I don’t fight fair.”
“We outnumber you,” Britt said.
“I’d kill someone if it came down to that,” Grant countered. “And I don’t want to do that. Yet.”
Renee put her hand on Britt’s shoulder to calm her down and tugged on Grant’s arm. He yielded Britt’s wrist without a fuss.
“I’m not asking you to choose between your precious dogs and me,” Grant said to Renee. “We’ll be back before Christmas. I promise. But you will come with me. You need to come with me.”
“You have no idea what she needs,” Britt said, taking Renee in her arms, shielding her.
“And you do?”
“I’ve known her for eighteen years,” Britt said.
“You love her,” Grant said.
“Yes. And I know what she needs. I help her. When we go into town, I help her.” She tightened her arms around Renee, and all Renee could do was let her, because she had a feeling the storm in the room was going to get worse than the one outside. “When she has a panic attack the first time she comes in contact with people outside the sanctuary fences, what are you going to do about it?”
There was a glint in Grant’s eyes that made Renee perfectly clear about what he was going to say, and she stiffened. “I may just kiss her. Hell, I would fuck her against a wall in front of everyone if I thought it would help.”
Jake leapt over the couch and took Grant’s neck in his hands. All Grant did was laugh through the choking.
“Now that’s really burned you, Junior,” Grant rasped. “Don’t start something you can’t finish.”
They hit the dining table and Jake bent him over it, still pressing his thumbs against Grant’s throat. “You’re never going to touch her, you slimy son of a—”
“Stop!” Renee screamed. She ducked out of Britt’s arms and ran around the couch to push Jake and Grant apart. Grant was still laughing as Renee put herself between them, facing Jake. “Stop. I’m going.”
“What?” Jake and Britt said simultaneously, followed by similar interjections from the rest of the dog pack, who had jumped to their feet when Jake attacked Grant.
“Renee,” Britt said, coming around the sofa, too. “You can’t go with him.”
“I am.” Every part of her hurt, but she knew she was going. It wasn’t even a question, even though the looks on the pack’s faces were enough to tear into her. No matter how much she did not trust Grant, she knew she had to go with him. She wanted to go with him.
“That’s right, love,” he murmured behind her. His voice was husky from the pressure on his larynx.
Britt looked confused and more than a little hurt. “Going to a werewolf pack is bad enough,” she said slowly. “But going with him… You heard what he said. The minute you start feeling what you always feel, you’re not going to have me there. He’s going to… You heard him.”
“She didn’t seem to mind it the other day,” Grant said smugly. His breath rippled over Renee’s neck, and he pressed his lips there, sucking briefly on the skin before pulling away. Renee could not help it as her eyelids fluttered with the frisson that came from the heat of his mouth. She was already tense, already aroused in one way enough that she shifted into the other way without trouble. She swallowed against it, but it was too late.
There it was, the eye of the storm when everything was silent for just a moment, waiting for the wind to return. And it did, but quietly.
Revelation dawned in Britt’s eyes, followed closely by pain and betrayal. “So that’s… I knew I smelt him on you before, but I thought it was just nothing. And you never said anything. Never told me. You never told me.”
Jake was furious. He did not look at Britt or Grant, just backhanded a wooden chair against the wall and stalked out of the room.
“Well, it’s clear why she didn’t tell us,” Leslie said. He, too, looked shocked, but perhaps not as shocked as the rest of th
em. “None of us approve. She was ashamed of it.”
Renee could not speak up to defend herself because she was ashamed of it. She wanted Grant, and she was ashamed of herself for wanting him. But it was the clear betrayal that Britt felt, looking like a little girl when she was supposed to have the presence of a goddess—that was what made Renee feel that there was nothing under her skin but air. She stared imploringly at her friend.
“When you were with me, I could smell him all over you,” Britt said, her lips drawing up in disgust. “Was that what you were doing that night? Letting him touch you, letting him see you? You haven’t even let me…” Britt covered her mouth to press in either sobs or vomit. “Why?”
Renee tried to talk, but nothing came out for a few seconds. Then finally she said, “Because I needed to.”
“Did he threaten you?” Ki asked, taking over for Britt. “Did he tell you that you had to do it or else he would do something to you, to us? Renee, if he—”
“Hey,” Grant interrupted sharply. “What kind of monster do you think I am? I distinctly remember her attacking me the first time, not the other way around. And the second time, she had a knife. Don’t you dare suggest I took her by force. If I’d done that, I’d be clear about it. And you know I’m right.”
“Is that true?” Malcolm said. “You went after him? Is he telling the truth, Renee?”
Renee raised her right shoulder in a half shrug as she tried to come up with a better justification than that she had felt like she needed him. She opened her mouth, but she could not find words to describe the reason when there was no reason.
Britt nodded slowly. “Yes, he’s telling the truth. He wanted her, but he wouldn’t get the satisfaction of rubbing it in our faces if she hadn’t been perfectly willing to do what he’s been wanting all along. Isn’t that right? She’s going with him.”
Winter Howl (Sanctuary) Page 14
