It was probably for the best.
My mother frowned. “I’m sorry things just went so awful, Abby. I really did like him. He was good for you, especially after what happened.”
I held my hand up, a sad smile on my face. “New beginnings, remember? I’m leaving all this,” I splayed my hands to demonstrate, “behind once and for all. No Evan, no Joey. Just me and my baby girl.” I glanced at my daughter. Her hair was finally coming in, curling around the nape of her neck, just like mine. She shared mine and Evan’s gray eyes, but they were a touch bluer, like mine. My precious daughter.
Mother crossed the room and hugged me. “I can’t believe you’re moving. My girl, a big city university professor at last!”
I squeezed her tight. “I know it seems far, but it’s just up the interstate. Four hours isn’t a long drive.”
“It’s like you’re leaving for grad school all over again,” Lettie said, finally standing and turning to the plates on the stove. “Only this time, you’re not coming back, are you?”
I thought about that. I loved my little community college, my struggling students, with all the barriers and successes they faced. After three years, it had been my life, and I couldn’t imagine it any different. Except a few months ago, the University job had landed in my lap. Even with Joey gone, the Dean and I had had a ‘sit down’ that included her recommending me for it. Apparently, the old History professor had retired in June, and the University didn’t have any luck finding a suitable candidate. “You’ve outgrown this institution,” the Dean had said. I knew it was a polite way to fire me after the scandal I’d caused. By now, the entire town knew about my affair with Joey, and most, the resulting physical complications.
I sighed. The road to recovery after my surgery had left me without summer classes, and I’d had to take a loan from Father to make ends meet, on top of the workman’s compensation wages I finally received from the union. Without Joey in my life, however, my father was glad to help me.
“No, I don’t think I’ll come back,” I told my sister. I watched both her and Mother as sadness washed over them. I hugged Lettie, as Zoey squealed and munched on her Cheerios in the background. “At least, I won’t live here anymore. But hey, maybe you’ll end up in college one day, Lettie, and you can take one of my classes.”
Lettie chuckled at that. “And give up management at the diner? Whatever for?”
My mother shook her head. “Someday you’ll see the value in it.”
“Hush,” I told Mother. “College isn’t for everyone, you know.”
“I know.” She pushed a smile on her face. “Now, come on, the movers will be here in an hour, and we’ve got to get moving!”
I looked around the kitchen, and into the living room adjacent to it. My entire life, stacked around us in boxes. My kitchen, empty and more sparking clean than the day Evan and I had bought this house. Four years of ups and downs, and a new chapter in my life was beginning.
I looked at Zoey, my beautiful, and now only, daughter. She meant the world to me. My heart still broke for Joey, and I missed him dearly. But that chapter of my life was over. “Here’s to new beginnings.” I snatched my bottle of water from the sink.
Lettie met it with her own from the table as our mother watched us. “And new classes to teach,” she said as we smashed plastic together.
We all laughed.
As it turned out, the big city was actually the best opportunity for Zoey and I. Daycare was easy to find, and in addition, I even found a circle of other toddler moms, too. From moving the end of August to the week before the new term, to the third week of September, the ‘Awesome Moms’ club was formed.
So far, there were four of us: Julie, Lauren, Tania, and one dad, Rowan. Julie, working part time in customer service, was always busy with her three under three-year-olds, two boys and a baby girl, Lauren, another professor in my new department, had an eighteen-month old boy, and Tania had triplets, three-year-old girls. Rowan’s husband was active duty military, and he was mostly a single mom and dad of twin two-year-old girls who kept him running all day long. We’d all met on social media, and during the week our group chat was always busy. On the weekends we met at a park, trampoline zone, bouncy-castle land, or the Play Place toddler zone down the street from the college. During the hot summer nights, however, wine on the back porch was always an option.
The week before term, all of us sat nursing coffee at gymnastics, where we were huddled together over Julie’s phone, watching a video of her youngest, Allie, taking her first steps. While our kids all tumbled and jumped with their gym instructors, nine-month-old Allie slept peacefully in her carrier at Julie’s feet.
“I remember when Sarah and Lilly were so little,” Rowan nearly gushed. He crossed his legs and took a sip of his latte. “Now they never stop running.”
“Oh, yeah, you’re in for it,” Tania sighed as Julie tucked her phone away. She stood and stretched. “The girls make me chase them all day long. It’s exhausting.”
I looked around our little circle. Tania, with her curly black hair pulled back on her head, hadn’t bothered to wear anything but a baggy shirt and yoga pants today. Julie was already ready for work in a dark blue polo and khakis, but the messy bun on her head spoke volumes to her morning routine. Even Rowan had resorted to semi-casual today in a Steeler’s t-shirt and skinny jeans, instead of his usual sweat pants under some equally baggy shirt. Only Lauren and I dressed how we did every day, like college instructors: flowing blouses and slacks. Even on our days off.
Although she’d been teaching world history and sociology at the university for five years, this was my big time, and I’d ditched the summer dresses and short skirts for something more traditional. Thank God for Lauren. She was older than the rest us who were still in our twenties, save Rowan, who would be thirty next year. Lauren had waited until her career was solid into her 30s to marry and start having children. Although privately, she expressed that her son, Adam, was already too much for her to handle at thirty-six years old.
“Zoey will be two next week,” I said, remembering my own timeline passing just as quickly, “and she still runs everywhere. I can’t imagine how you do it with more than one.”
“Honey, it’s all about being faster than them,” Rowan laughed. “That’s why I do Zumba in the mornings, always. You have to stay limber.”
All my friends were much thinner than I, save Lauren, who was shorter and on the heavy side. Tania and Julie were agreeing with Rowan, but Lauren and I shared a glance.
“I’m too busy with the upcoming term,” she sighed, “to even think about the gym.”
“Hey!” Rowan said suddenly. “I’ve got coupons, if any of y’all want a discount.”
“I might take you up on that,” Tania said. “They got day care there, right?”
“I wish I had the time,” Julie sighed. “After Eric’s accident, I’m trying to pick up more hours. Maybe in a few months.”
I remembered my hike with Joey, a painful memory I didn’t want to think about, but that came unbidden anyway. “I’ve only got three classes this term, Rowan,” I told him, “I think I’ll take you up on it. I’d love to be able to hike with Zoey again.”
He nodded. “You got it, girlfriend.”
“So, tell us,” Tania interrupted. “Where’s the birthday party for Zoey again?”
“Sunday afternoon at Play Place,” I told them. “You’re all coming, right?”
“Wouldn’t miss it.”
“Hubby is watching Allie.”
“The girls will love it!”
The last one was Rowan, who finished his coffee and tossed it in a nearby trashcan. He leaned forward, his brown eyes gleaming. Even with his cropped hair and a longer, trimmed beard, he always reminded me a little of Joey. “I have some exciting news, girls!”
“What is it?” Lauren asked first.
“My husband is coming home for his first R&R on Monday!”
Julie and Tania cheered and clapped. Lauren
and I just blinked at him but smiled. “Congrats,” I said. “R&R, like rest and relaxation, right? He’s Army, if I remember correctly?”
Rowan nodded, biting his lip. He clapped a little. “I’m so excited! The girls are getting so big and he hasn’t seen them for seven months. This is his last deployment; he’s taking a desk job, so he can spend time with me and the girls before they are old enough for school.”
While the other three congratulated him even more, my heart skipped a little. I remembered Joey’s R&R, years ago, where I’d run into him at a grocery store. We had said little but the customary hi, how are you? and agreed to meet for coffee before he left again. Which we never did, of course, because Evan had always been in the way.
“Abby? You okay?” Julie was asking. “You got that far away look again.”
I never told any of them about Joey, so I had to think of something, and fast. “Just thinking about classes next week. I’ve still got some prep to do. Sorry!”
Lauren nudged me. “That’s okay, me too. Let me know if you need any help with the new grading system, alright?”
“I will.” The class was winding down, so I stood and hoisted my purse—thank God Zoey was potty-training and I didn’t need that huge baby bag anymore—on my shoulder. “I’ve got to get back to campus, guys,” I told them. “Sunday at two. Play Place, remember!”
Everyone nodded and agreed as Lauren stood as well. “Same with me. Busy weekend before term.” She strode off to collect her kid, and I followed, as Julie, Tania, and Rowan gathered their things as well.
On the drive home, I stopped at the store to gather the rest of the party supplies for Zoey. Pink princess plates, a few balloons, some streamers, and little toddler trinkets for party bags. Zoey babbled and grabbed at things, clapping excited like. “Birthday!” she yelled, and the two other women in the aisle looked at us, smiling.
“That’s right, Zoey girl, you’re going to be two!” I kissed her forehead. “Are you excited?”
“Where Daddy?” she asked, cocking her head and looking around.
It wasn’t the first time she asked that. A few weeks after I got out of the hospital, she cried for him. It had been a few months, however, since she’d asked, and today she caught me off guard.
“Daddy doesn’t live with us anymore, remember?” I whispered gently as I pulled the number ‘2’ candle off the shelf and threw it in the cart.
Of the two women in the aisle, one had walked away, but the other stared intently at us.
“Want Daddy,” Zoey said, her lip trembling.
Oh, no. I couldn’t have her crying, not here. I hugged her. “It’ll be okay, you have mommy, remember?”
She seemed to accept that, but still frowned at me. “Want Daddy!” She smashed her little fist on the cart handle.
The woman at the end of the aisle was making her way toward us. She touched my arm. “I’m so sorry she’s lost her daddy,” she said softly. “I’m sorry for asking, but was it divorce or something else?”
I blinked at this strange woman. “I’m sorry, do I know you?”
“No,” she shook her head, and I saw tears spring to her eyes. “It’s just…I’m so sorry. I have a son. He’s five. I lost my husband in the war last year.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” I answered politely. I was still weirded out she was talking to me and not sure how to respond. “Zoey’s dad, he, uh, we lost him a year ago, too. He was in the Army.” I knew Zoey meant Joey; she was too little to remember much about Evan, but I had talked about Evan. I wasn’t ready to talk about Joey. Not yet.
“Little Joey’s never been the same since then,” she said, and I almost gasped at her son’s name, but she continued quickly, “but I just wanted to tell you that it gets easier. Some days are harder than most, but then you wake up the next day and you remember that he gave his life for his country, and you can be proud of that.” She smiled down at Zoey. “She will be proud of it, too, someday. And you, my dear? Know the world moves on without them. Someday, you’ll be able to love again.” She patted my arm again and walked behind us, turning the aisle and disappearing.
Frozen, I realized I’d never gotten her name.
If it wasn’t for Zoey asking who was the lady, mama? I would have thought she was an aberration. Nevertheless, the woman had been absolutely right. Losing Evan was hard, but it did get easier. But that bit about loving again, after Joey—I wasn’t sure if I could. It was all about Zoey, now.
“Are you ready to get your cake, baby girl?” I said, shrugging off the strange encounter.
“Cake!” Zoey squealed and laughed.
“Happy birthday, princess,” I laughed with her as we made our way to the bakery section of the store.
Chapter 23
Jo-Jo: My God, I miss you. I can’t stop thinking about you at night, when I curl up in the world’s smallest twin sized bed in this dorm. The freshmen are slowly settling in, the sophomores are excited to reunite with their old pals, and our few juniors are lagging their feet, anxious to get the term started. The dorm is noisy, all the time, and it reminds me of the barracks back in the Marines. I’m finally at home here, but not home. Home was with you, Abby girl, you and Zoey. I wish I could take back everything I said, but is it really too late for us?
“Are we seriously going to an arcade?” I moaned from the back seat of Randy’s car. My finger hovered over the send button on my phone, but I closed the app instead. Abby hadn’t contacted me in three months, and I knew it was over. I wasn’t an asshole who didn’t know when it was time to get over it. Even as much as I struggled through it. Thank God for my new position at the school. Randy had been right: being RA was hard. Every week there was a new camp, a new issue, and orientation. I was glad for the distraction.
Now it was Sunday afternoon, the day before classes started, and Randy had asked if I was up for an adventure. I wondered what it would be this time: wine tasting, painting, or even riding go-carts. I had no idea he meant an arcade was an adventure. The last time I’d been in an arcade ended very differently.
“I am totally dying for Pacman,” Andrew, Randy’s boyfriend, said from the passenger seat. “And pizza. They have the best Philly cheesesteak pizza I’ve ever had in my life at this place.”
“Where are we going, exactly?” I asked for the third time.
“It’s called the Play Place,” Randy said, throwing me a brief look as he pulled into the parking lot behind a two-story building. “There’s an arcade upstairs with laser tag, machines, and this cool roller coaster simulator thing.”
“I’m not going on that again.” Andrew slapped Randy’s arm when we got out of the car. “Last time it made me sick.”
Randy chuckled. “It was funny.”
“Brat!” Andrew mock yelled at him.
“So, tell me again why three grown college students are going to a little kid place?” I complained as Randy held the door open for us.
“Just stop griping already,” Randy told me. “It’ll be good for you to hang out with people other than us for a change.”
I just chuckled. Hanging out with these two over the summer had been an absolute riot. I’d been dragged to every gay bar in the city, hit on more than once, and spent a day at the beach with a group of men who loved to show off every inch of their bodies. I was confident in my straightness, but I did have to fend off questions constantly why I was always at every event.
You see, there’s this girl I can’t quit thinking about it, and I’m not ready to move on, and around you guys, I don’t even have to think about it. I wasn’t ready to be honest, though, especially not to Randy and his friends. Randy and Andrew knew, of course, they knew everything, because I couldn’t keep my damn mouth shut, especially when I was breaking her one-drink rule. Nevertheless, it still felt a little awkward to talk about Abby around them. Hanging out with Randy’s crew, though, I never had to worry about an awkward female hitting on me, the buff, sexy Marine in the corner, though I’d had to fend off a few gay men a
t times. This summer had actually been a lot of fun, and I’d learned more about farmer’s markets, wine tasting, surfing, and how to cook the perfect pasta my mother never taught me.
I blinked at Randy as we stood in the foyer that opened to stairs on our right and a huge indoor slide and play equipment that reminded me of a fast food place. I got hit with the smell of singed pepperoni and spicy buffalo wings, but that wasn’t the first thing I noticed. At least three birthday parties were underway, and dozens of children, ranging from toddlers to teenagers, ran around like someone had opened an all you can eat sugar buffet. Three teenagers thudded down the stairs and jostled pasted us, causing us to back up against the door. They raced each other to the soda machine at the far end of the place, hastily, and quite messily, refilling their blue plastic cups.
“You mean you want me to meet a lonely single mom.” I eyed Randy, who looked everywhere but at me.
Randy and Andrew shared a glance. “Well, you do like kids,” he started.
Andrew glared at him and clapped me on the back. “Just go upstairs, buddy, and enjoy yourself.”
“Isn’t that what you said last night?” Randy whispered, but in the din of the place, I heard every word.
I laughed at them. “That makes zero sense. Also, gross.” I ignored them and took the stairs two at a time.
“You first, Randy, I like the view,” Andrew said behind me.
I rolled my eyes.
The arcade was much, much less crowded. Unlike the first floor with the slides and tubes and ordering counter, the top floor was split down the middle. On one side, teenagers, and a few adults, meandered casually through over a dozen games, some ripping tickets and others complaining about being ripped off. The other side held a small counter with prizes, a register, and beyond that, double doors with a blazing neon sign that read, Laser tag. On the very far end of the huge room, a looming contraption, like a wire ball with sides people were gladly climbing into, sat under the sign that read: Ready for the Ride of Your Life?
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