"I guess what I really want to say is that gesture made me believe in love again. It's tough, believing in something and discovering it was all a lie. But maybe it wasn't a lie after all because I could see it in the couple's eyes. So now every time I come to this place I remember that day."
I took her small and delicate hand in mine, rubbed circles on the back of her hand with my thumb to comfort her.
"What happened, Georgie? Did you break up with your boyfriend?"
She shrugged, not meeting my eyes. "In a nutshell, yeah. I'm sorry I'm such a downer today. I'm usually a fun friend." Her attempt at a reassuring smile was feeble at best.
I wanted to know more but I didn't want to push her. My chest was suddenly tight with anger for the guy who hurt her. Whoever that bastard was, I was going to make him pay.
After we ate at the Marionette cafe, Georgie and I headed to the second place in her list of favorites. We were quiet in the car ride. I was mostly thinking about what she told me. I was dying to ask her a lot of questions but I didn't want to push it. She didn't owe me any explanation about her private life. Still, that didn't mean I didn't want to know.
We spent twenty minutes looking for parking space. After that Georgie dragged me down 7th Avenue, her hand gripping me on the wrist.
"Where are we going?" I asked as we passed the skyscrapers and dodged around the heavy road traffic.
"You'll see," was all her reply.
We reached the part of the 7th Avenue where it intersects with Broadway. Then I realized where we were. She turned to face me, her face beaming with excitement and pride.
"Here we are," she declared, her hand flourishing around.
"This is Times Square, isn't it?"
The skyscrapers loomed over us, the giant screens displaying different advertisements. By now the sun had already sunk down the horizon and it was dark. But the bright lights of Times Square kept the darkness at bay. The buildings' windows were bright with lights. We stood at the curb, the cluster of people walked past us. Another crush of people crossed from one side of the street to another. The light turned green and the cars moved on. The faint smell of tacos and hotdogs wafted from the nearby food trucks.
"Wow," I heard the awe in my voice.
"Close your eyes," she commanded excitedly.
"What? Why?" I asked, perplexed.
"Just do it," she said impatiently.
"Alright." I did as I was told.
"Now listen to the sounds around you."
A car honked. The tinkling bells signaled a new customer in gift shop near where we stood. Someone shouted "Hey!" Two people passed by, speaking a different language, probably French or Italian. Footsteps pounded the pavement. A street musician played a jazz tune, the notes dancing happily in the air.
"Do you hear it?"
"Hear what?"
"The city's voice! The sound of cars, urgent conversations of faceless strangers passing you by, the music the street musicians play. This place feels so alive, I feel so alive when I'm here. It's beautiful, isn't it?"
A deep chuckle escaped my lips, my breath fogging up the air around us.
She frowned, her forehead creasing. "What's so funny?"
"Nothing. It's just... you. No one has ever told me that the hustle and bustle of a city is beautiful. People usually don't see it that way. They think it's all inconvenience."
"Well, they're wrong. And that must mean you haven't met a person like me."
"No, I haven't," I agreed. "You're one in a million."
Her lips curved up in a full-on grin. She had the most beautiful smile.
"So tell me, what makes this place so special?" I asked.
We continued walking around the Square. I didn't notice it at first but her arm was linked around mine as we walked. She didn't seem to notice it or paid no mind to it. Her brows were knitted in a small frown, like she was thinking hard about my question.
"It's really hard to explain. You know how when you really love something and words aren't enough to express your love for it? It's exactly like that."
"Yeah, I know just what you're saying, but at least you could try."
A small laugh escaped her lips. "Alright. You know Time's Square's other name? 'The Crossroads of the World'."
I nodded, signaling her to go on.
"Being here feels exactly like that. The skyscrapers and the lights remind you that the world is bigger than you think and you're just a small part of it. It makes me feel that there's so much more to life and the world than what I know now. There's just something about it that makes you want to widen your horizon and break away from what you know and explore the unknown. I remember the very first time I was here in Times Square, I was eight. I was with my parents but I wandered too far and got lost. Instead of crying in one corner I explored the place and found myself in a candy shop."
"That's it? What happened when you entered the candy shop?"
"Well, I did as any kid would do— I ogled at the sweets. The shop owner asked me if I was going to buy some. And I explained to him that I was lost and didn't have any money with me. But that didn't stop him from giving me a candy apple and he let me stay in his shop the whole day. Later that day my parents found me in there."
"I'm pretty sure they were worried sick about you."
"Yeah, they were. My mom tore up when they found me. And she gave me a very long lecture about not wandering all by myself."
"Wow. You have this tendency to get lost and that means I have this difficult responsibility of ensuring that you don't wander too far around the city or else I might lose you." My voice was light, teasing, as I said those words but I observed that her hand wrapped around mine. She squeezed it and said, "Don't worry, you won't lose me."
We stood there in her apartment building's steps, our faces partially illuminated by the lamp post across the street.
"I had a really great time today," I said, my voice low. "Thank you."
"No problem, I enjoyed today, too." A quick flash of sadness showed in her eyes but she quickly masked it with a smile. "So, I guess this is it. See you on Monday?"
"Yeah, see you on Monday."
We were quiet for a few beats. She didn't move to enter the building, I didn't move to get into my car either. We just stood there, the unspoken words hung in the air.
"Maybe I—"
"Atkins—"
We spoke at the same time.
My arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her against me. Her hands flew to my chest. We crashed into each other. We fit together like we were meant for this. Our lips met in a fierce kiss, drinking in each other like there was no tomorrow. I grabbed a fistful of her silky soft hair, just enough for it not to be painful. A moan escaped her lips. It was a sweet, sweet sound. It made me hard like nothing else. Heated desire consumed me. I wasn't thinking straight. There was only one way this would end tonight.
But then she went rigid, stopped responding to my kiss and pushed me away. I watched as different emotions danced on her pretty face. Surprise, confusion, and then shame.
"I should go," she mumbled so quietly I wouldn't have heard it if she wasn't standing just a few inches in front of me. She punched in her code and opened the door. Her last words were, "Good bye, Atkins."
I adjusted my pants, walked to my car, opened it and drove away. She was the only thing I was thinking about as I drove home.
CHAPTER FIVE
Georgina
I stared at the ceiling like I always did when I was trying to make sense of my feelings. My fingertips were on my lips. I could still feel Atkins's lips on mine. I would just close my eyes and I'd be back in that moment.
I opened my eyes again. Cursed myself. Stared at the bright light bulb in the ceiling. It hurt my eyes and I was punishing myself.
It was wrong. I was wrong. I shouldn't be doing it. I just got out of a sinking relationship. I wasn't ready yet. It would be unfair to make him the rebound guy. He didn't deserve it. I haven't even cleared things with Matt.
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I would be lying to myself if I didn't find Atkins hell of a hot guy. With that smoldering eyes and smart mouth, it was hard to resist the charm. But that was all there was to it— attraction. Just physical. Nothing more. I'd been with a guy for five years, and now I wasn't. It was only natural to get attracted to the first guy I laid my eyes on after a five-year exclusive relationship, right?
I needed this, the thrill, if only to prove to myself that I haven't gone numb. But enough was enough. I had to jump ship before I find myself wading through shit again.
The doorbell rang once, twice, three times. Whoever was on the door was impatient.
"I'm coming," I mumbled to myself as I hauled my ass off the bed to open the door. Who would be coming to my apartment on a Sunday morning?
Matt Bishop would. I should've known and not open the door. I realized my mistake too late.
He was dressed in his business suit, his skinny tie printed with a paisley pattern. The devil looked handsome as hell. If this were a different situation I would've dragged him by the tie and lead him to the bedroom. But now when I looked at him I only saw the overwhelming urge to punch his handsome face.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" My voice sounded with satisfying hostility. I was panicking inside. He wasn't supposed to know where I lived. I told my friends to never talk to him or give him my new number and address. He caught me off-guard but I wasn't about to show him that. I crossed my arm across my chest and asked, "How did you find me here?"
"Georgie I—" He made a step towards me.
"No. Don't come near me," I warned and made a step back.
He nodded, looked down on the floor. "I'm so sorry for everything."
I let out a harsh and humorless laugh. How empty and hollow his words were to my ears. It was pointless, meaningless. Saying sorry wouldn't undo the shit storm I had been through in the last couple of months.
"If you came all the way here to say that, you shouldn't have bothered because I don't give a flying fuck how sorry you are. You hurt me. You cheated on me. Sorry wouldn't cut it. Not in this lifetime."
My heart was beating fast and my blood pumped with the adrenaline. I was so close to crying and breaking down but I had to show him I wasn't weak. I was done being weak.
"How did you find me here?" I repeated my unanswered question.
"I saw you at Times Square yesterday."
"Were you following me?" My voice rose an octave higher.
His face registered surprise. I didn't usually raise my voice, unless I was royally pissed, he knew that. The thought of Matt following me around like a goddamn stalker was enough to make me see red.
"I wasn't," he said quickly. "I was just passing by Times Square when I saw you on the curb with a guy. Who's he?"
Was that jealousy I heard in his voice? The bastard didn't have the right to feel it.
"You lost the right to ask me that the moment you decided to cheat on me. I don't owe you an explanation. Get out of here."
"We have to talk about this," he pleaded.
"Good bye, Matt. Don't come near me again."
I slammed the door so hard it rattled on its hinges. I released my deathly grip on the knob, sank to the floor and bawled my eyes out. Despite how much I ignored the thought, I never felt weaker than in that moment.
CHAPTER SIX
Atkins
The firm was still, the only sound to be heard was the clacking of the keyboards. Everyone was hard at work, except for Lukas. He was in a meeting with Bloom International, presenting the software we did for the company's HR department. If we were lucky they would approve of the software and sign us a big, fat check. Lukas was always the one presenting the software to the client. He was the most charismatic speaker among us.
Meanwhile, Georgie, Mariz, Clyde, Zang and I were here in the firm, still working on the ticketing and booking app.
"Mariz," I heard Georgie whisper-shout. "Can you ask Atkins if he's finished with the prototype?"
"But he's right here, why don't you ask him yourself?" came Mariz's reply.
"Never mind," I heard her say.
I pretended I was very much interested with doodling circles using the graphic tablet on my desk, pretending that I didn't hear their conversation. I didn't risk looking in Mariz's direction because I knew she was going to ask me why Georgie was acting weird. I didn't know how to answer it. I knew why she was acting weird, at least I think I know. But I didn't want to be the one to explain it.
The awkwardness was so thick in the air I could almost touch it. Ever since that day I kissed Georgie on her apartment's front steps she had been bent on avoiding me. I wanted to talk to her but that was probably not a great idea at the moment.
Lunch came and Clyde volunteered to go out and get us food. Just like every other lunch time, we spent it in the pantry. The room was filled with conversation, Zang having the loudest voice. My gaze caught Georgie's. She quickly looked away. I shoveled pasta into my mouth.
"Atkins?" came her tentative voice. She was looking in my general direction but not at me. Her gaze was fixed past my shoulder.
"Yeah?"
"When can you hand me the prototype?"
"I'll finish it tonight and give it to you tomorrow."
She only nodded and went back to her food. She was being civil with me but nothing more. Her eyes never laid on me for the rest of lunch hour. I watched her as she ignored my existence.
I wish she wouldn't push me away. One minute I thought I already had her figured out and then she would suddenly build these walls around her, and keep me on the other side.
Lunch time ended and we were back to work. The door opened and the chilly winter air entered the room, and so did Lukas. He was beaming like he won the lottery, which I guess he kind of did. In his right hand was his briefcase.
"How'd it go?" asked Zang. Although based on his look we already had an idea how it went.
"It went better than I hoped! Not only did they love the system we developed, they are also looking forward to working with us on another project."
Lukas hadn't even finished talking when a loud cheer erupted in the room. We were whooping and laughing. Eight months of work had been worth it. Well, a big part of the software's development was done way before I was hired but I still did some of the debugging and other little developing stuff, stuff you wouldn’t care about.
"Okay, alright, people calm down." Lukas held up his hand, signaling us to be quiet. "Congratulations, you've done well. And because I'm feeling generous we're going out for a drink tonight. On the house."
Another cheer erupted, even Clyde was smiling from ear to ear. Well, well. It looked like everyone here just loved to party.
After work we headed to one of New York's high-end clubs. We originally wanted someplace quieter but Mariz insisted getting down on the dance floor was the way to go tonight.
The loud bass thumped, the bodies on the dance floor writhed and swayed to the music. I was sitting on the bar, Lukas was beside me. The song changed to a mellow and romantic one.
"May I have this dance, Mademoiselle?" Zang bowed and held out his hand like a real gentleman. Mariz chuckled and said, "Ugh, you're so cheesy, Zang. But yes, I guess."
They made their way to the dance floor. I vaguely wondered if there was something going with them.
Lukas was silent beside me. He was nursing a glass of gin and tonic.
"Lukas?"
"Yeah?"
"Are Mariz and Zang going out?" It wasn't my business to pry or if I really wanted to know the answer I could just ask Zang directly. He would surely give me the answer.
"Who knows?" Lukas answered.
I nodded, expected to receive a non-answer. That wasn't what I really wanted to know. It was just a prelude to my real question.
"So, what do you think of office romance?"
Lukas looked at me like I've grown a second head. "Why do you want to know what I think about it?"
I shrugged. "Nothing. Just wondering, is a
ll."
"Is this about Georgie? You like her?"
I liked her but no way was I going to admit that to him.
"No!" I lied. "Just a theoretical question, you know?"
He took a long swig from his drink. "Really? Well, to answer your question, I don't see it as a big deal, so long as the work performance doesn't get affected. We're a tight group, just the six of us. You guys are more than just my employees, you're my friends. And as a good friend, I'll support whatever makes my friend happy."
"Right." I nodded, took a swig of my drink.
"It wasn't a theoretical question, was it? You're really bad at bullshitting me, Atkins."
Lukas was wrong. It wasn't that I was a terrible liar, he was just good at smelling them.
"Nope," I admitted. "It wasn't."
"We all know about you and Georgie, we're not blind."
It was my turn to look at Lukas like he had grown another head. But he was wrong, there wasn't anything going with me and her. But I wish.
"There's no us."
"She's in a difficult situation right now. Give her time."
I wanted to ask Lukas what he meant. I wanted to know what happened to Georgie and her ex.
"Hey guys." Georgie came up beside me. "Where's everyone?"
Lukas pointed to the general direction of the dance floor. "Mariz is dancing with Zang. Clyde was here a few minutes ago and now I don't know where he is. Where have you been?"
"The bathroom. The line was unbelievable!"
"Would you like a drink, Georgie?" I interjected. Lukas was right, I should give her time. But I couldn't stay in the sidelines either.
"Sure," she replied. "Cosmo would be nice."
I nodded and flagged down the bartender.
Lukas got up from his seat. "I, uh, I'll just step outside for a bit," he declared, winked, clapped me on the back and walk on without another word.
I cleared my throat, suddenly too nervous to speak.
"Your drink will be here in a minute," I said lamely.
She hopped on to an empty stool next to me and nodded. "Okay."
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