by Rae Foxx
Not like I would be wearing them for long.
Sitting back on my haunches, the plague of the day crawled up my throat and threatened to make me puke. One letter in a five-cent envelope had cracked all my dreams. I could already smell the scent of French fries and onion rings laced oil in my nose.
Where it would be forever because this was my fucking life now.
Tommy gave his usual knuckle raps against the side of my trailer’s bedroom, the usual sign he was waiting on me. He never came in or even attempted to come to the door. Not that Mama gave two shits about what I did or who I was with, but anytime Tommy was around she would start ranting about the deadbeat dad that left us to rot.
Ain’t nobody wants to be subjected to that.
“Yeah, yeah, chill your dick,” I called, knowing he could hear me through the thin walls that kept the cold in during the winter and the hot in during the summer.
In so many ways, Tommy’s van was better.
“I’m sure that would feel nice,” he mumbled as I stuffed the hiking pants and some other t-shirts into my bag, along with a jar of peanut butter and stale crackers that I kept in my closet. My late-night munchie stash that I always kept away from Mama.
Taking special care to aim for Tommy’s head, I shucked the sleeping bag and tattered backpack out the window before stomping out of the trailer to the tune of Mama snores and Tommy's foul mouth from having been hit in the head with a sleeping bag.
I needed to let off steam and have my last bit of fantasy before reality sucked me into its depressing claws.
Speaking of claws, ten minutes into the drive and Tommy’s hands were doing a good job of pretending to be some. His wandering fingers made multiple trips up and down my thighs, picking at the hem of my undies and sending my stomach swirling.
An hour later and a few stolen cigarettes into the trip, Tommy turned the van toward some tree-lined spot off the road I had never seen before. It looked ridiculous, a pine oasis against the barren mountains of the Nevada wasteland.
Tommy’s hand returned to my upper thigh and I barely contained myself from shoving it off. I’d better get used to it. Tommy was my best shot at a life now, no matter how pathetic and smothering the thought seemed to be.
“You ready for the best weekend of your life?” Tommy waggled his eyebrows at me as he pulled the van to a stop, swinging the rusty door open with a creak. The tattoo on his neck stretching as he did, the damn eagle wings faded and gross after healing all wrong.
He stood there for a second, staring at something in the distance before heading to the back of the van and throwing things out, probably to clear off the bed back there.
Don’t even know why he brought a tent; we both knew we were going to be rocking the van all night.
“Come on, baby. Let me show you something.” I jumped as he slammed the creaking door behind him, the whole van rattling from the impact.
My door let out an almighty groan as I followed him, right to the edge of an outcropping and cliff looking thing that he was already pissing off the edge of like he was trying to extinguish a forest fire.
“You wanted to show me your piss?” I asked, scrunching up my nose in disgust. My dreams of being a doctor had long been squashed, but even I knew the guy needed more water with the smell that was coming off him.
“Naw! Look at this!” He left his dick hanging out as he gestured to the wilderness below us, the acres of yellow grass and tumbleweeds stretching out like a dark blanket in the last of the daylight. I could barely see the tiny mining town that liked to pretend it was home in the distance. “I’m the motherfucking lord of it all.”
“Like a lion?”
“Hell yeah, like a lion!” He growled then, the sound echoing over the nothing, over the stone and grass and the forgotten bits of the world to boom right back at us.
I couldn’t help it, I growled back, doing my best impression of a lion or bear, or wolf or whatever it was that snapped passed my tongue.
The sound grew as it echoed, bouncing back to us until it almost sounded real.
“Nice, babe,” Tommy said, throwing his arm over my shoulders. “My baby is a damn lioness.”
It was supposed to be a compliment, but it sounded like some kind of claim of ownership. Which would probably be why he was pressing himself against me, sliding his tongue into my mouth.
Tommy had effectively claimed the canyon and me as his own, leaving something inside of me growling in refusal.
“Let’s go on a walk,” Tommy said, sliding his hand over my back and guiding me toward the tree line to the left. I already knew what he had in mind. It’s not like he had put his dick away and zipped up his pants. His desire was staring me in the face.
My raggedy flip-flops caught on the jagged path and I tripped, but Tommy continued on, talking to himself like he was the only one on this hike. I wish I could say I was on the same trajectory.
Well, I had wanted to come up here to forget everything. Best way to do that was to let Tommy pound me like a two-dollar hooker.
That kind of turned me on, well, if it wasn’t for the idea of having sex on a rock.
“Can we maybe set up camp first? Have something soft to lay on and let me breathe. I have to process today.” I sighed, tripping again. Not like Tommy cared or noticed.
“Babe, can you forget about yourself for one minute? Don’t even worry about all that school bullshit. It’s all an excuse for rich people to take your money and pretend you’re going to be like them. You’re not. You’re mine. Be that.” He crashed his lips against mine, tasting like the beer he had been drinking on the way up here. “That’s my girl. Now, hike up that dress.” He pressed me against the nearest boulder, his hungry mouth sucking at my neck.
“Right here? On a boulder?” I asked, trying to give myself some time to try to get turned on, the weight of failure was still sitting too hard on my chest.
“Right here. Right over there. Anywhere I want, Ivy.” His dick was so damn hard, his erection pressed painfully into my stomach before he lifted me up alongside his thrust, laying me on a rock.
Tommy had always been stronger than me. The way he held me against the rock, his fingers pressing against my wetness, guiding his way into me, was trapping me even further.
I doubted I could go anywhere if I tried.
“I love you baby, my lioness.” He grumbled, thrusting deeper and slamming my tailbone into the hard stone.
This was a good start to the rest of my oil-smeared life. What little arousal I had summoned vanished in one solid thrust of Tommy against me.
“I love you too,” I knew the words were true, but they felt dead for some reason. Everything inside of me felt dead.
Everything felt like the nothingness that was opening up before me. I pushed it away and laid back, giving him greater access to every bit of me.
He slammed me into the stone again and again, the pain mixing with the lust that was pooling between my legs in a new ecstasy that I hadn’t felt before.
I moaned. Low and deep, my growl rattling the pine needles in a sound I had never heard before.
“Yeah baby, be my lioness,” Tommy moaned, tugging at my leg and hiking it over his hip.
The action, the sound, the twitter of wilderness that was buzzing through me. It was all like a live wire, and I pressed myself into him, kissing and grabbing like I hadn’t before.
The growl came again, low and somehow more menacing than it had been a second before.
It was then that I realized the sound had not come from him.
It had not come from me.
“Tommy? What the hell is that?”
“You know what that is, baby. Don’t act like you’ve never had it before.” He thrust into me again and again, oblivious to the danger that was stalking closer.
Idiot.
I pushed against his chest and rolled my eyes. “Not that. That sound. The growling.”
The sound came again, low, deep, and pulling at me the same way. Like I n
eeded to go to it. Like I craved it. I was one step away from ripping my dress to shreds and running into the forest after it, not that I could move under Tommy, who had frozen against me. His head was turned back as he stared at the trees, his heart thundering so loud I could feel it against my chest.
It took me a second to see what he was looking at.
A massive silver wolf had stalked through the trees, it’s head down. It’s yellow eyes trained right at us.
“What the hell?” Tommy stuttered before he straightened his shoulders, going into powerful dumbass mode.
“Get out of here. Go!” He shouted like a maniac, pressing against me as he waved his arms and yelled.
The hair on the back of the massive thing’s neck rose, its eyes narrowing as it took two steps closer. Three other wolves stalked through the trees on either side of it. Just as big, just as focused.
Holy fuck! What was going on here? I had lived in Nevada for years and never seen wolves this big. What did we do, stumble onto a nuclear waste site? It was Nevada. Chances were high.
“Holy fuck!” Tommy hissed, pressing against me harder and sucking the last of the air from my chest. Forget not being able to move, now I couldn’t fucking breathe. Tommy was so freaked out he didn’t even notice.
I tried to hit him, but he didn’t budge, he was still focused on the first wolf, the one who was staring. Finally, Tommy broke free from whatever the fuck trance he was in and turned with a jolt, removing himself from inside me.
The wolf was now growling.
It was the same sound as before, that low menacing rumble that was pulling at everything, making my bones ache with something unfamiliar. I looked right at the wolf, unable to look away as the growl sucked me into him.
As his eyes sucked me into him.
“What are you?” I asked with a gasp, air sucking out of my chest.
Tommy finally seemed to notice me, twisting around to face me and letting me breathe.
“Are you a wolf?” I asked, knowing that I was an utter dipshit for trying to talk to a wolf, like asking him to go away was a useful tactic when dealing with wildlife. “Are you dangerous?”
The wolf's head lowered further, those yellow eyes digging into me in a whisper of warmth that I could have sworn said; ‘Not to you.’
I pushed myself away from Tommy. “Did you just speak?”
“Okay, stop that Ivy. This isn’t the time to fuck around.” Fear smothered Tommy’s face as he tried to shift away. “How the hell did they find us. And your eyes...?”
“What is it?” I was still trying to catch my breath, but my voice was low, twisted into something unfamiliar.
‘Let it come.’ It was the same voice inside my head. ‘Come be with me. I can feel you.’
“What does that mean?” I stuttered, the same voice growling past my teeth. “What’s happening?”
“What game are you playing, Ivy? This is dangerous!” Tommy stuttered, looking between me and the wolves before he turned and ran away, only making it a few steps before he stumbled over his ankle bound pants and went face-first into the ground, ass in the air.
I locked my laugh inside, the emotion still blending with the fear and shock at the massive creatures that were still stalking towards me.
Massive creatures that I could have sworn were laughing with how their hair was rippling, chests heaving. If wolves could laugh, these definitely were.
Ignoring Tommy, who was still hobbling away from me. I straightened my dress, like the wolf would give a damn. Like I should give a damn, but something inside of me did. Something that was trying to take control.
Okay, maybe I was losing it.
One of the wolves stepped closer, his eyes boring into mine. Close, so close, I could almost touch him. I reached out, but the others nipped at his back legs. The one in the front snarled at each of them in turn but only looked at me one more time before leading them away by running away from me at a bullet’s pace.
Heaving in a breath, I started to back away, towards the van that Tommy was bee-lining for.
“What the fuck is going on?” I snarled; my voice twisted in an animalistic growl.
God, I was losing it.
I turned and took off, not caring about all of those wild animal safety courses we had been forced to take in Junior High. My flip-flops were keeping me from running pell-mell to the van, and to Tommy who was desperately trying to get inside.
“Tommy! Wait!” Like hell I was going to let him leave me in the middle of nowhere.
“You--” Tommy said with a shaky voice. I walked toward him, but he backed up, hands in front of him. “Don’t come near me.”
I laughed out loud, the sound echoing off the cliff and back to us. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“You--your fucking eyes. You brought them right to me!”
“My eyes...what?” I was beyond lost now, although I couldn’t find it in me to argue. I had felt that pull. Heard the growl in my voice.
I shook my head. He was making me think crazy thoughts.
“You talked to that damned wolf, didn’t you? What did you do? Tell him to kill me?”’
“Are you in shock or something, Tommy? You sound like an idiot.”
“No. I’m serious. Don’t even fucking touch me. Not until you are safe.”
He stopped fiddling with the van and ran off, leaving me alone, standing by the van, on the side of a cliff, staring out into the wilderness.
“Nice, Tommy. Go fuck yourself, you moron!” I yelled after him, flipping him off even though he couldn’t see. He still deserved the gesture.
I stared after him until the sun had fully gone out of view and the crimson and rust of the landscape turned to violet and blue. He never came back. The van was still locked, the few things we had packed littered around the back of the van in Tommy’s attempt to unpack.
“Fantastic,” I groaned and searched the area for the tent we’d brought but hadn’t counted on using. After struggling with it, I finally got the mangled thing assembled, mostly. One corner hung down like a limp plant, but it would do for a night. I crawled inside and changed into a tank top and the lacy shorts I had found at the thrift shop. They were sexy, and Tommy liked them. Pointless now.
The night would be hot, not as hot as if Tommy was here, but maybe that was for the best tonight.
As I lay on my sleeping bag, sticky with sweat, I threw my arm over my eyes and tried to get to sleep, listening to the wolf howls.
Chapter 3
You would think that Tommy would get over his fit by the next morning, but instead, he refused to speak to me at all. Damned asshole didn’t even help me pack up the tent. He had opened the door for me and slammed it shut once I got everything inside.
It was probably a miracle he had let me into the car in the first place, to be honest.
“You’re planning on not speaking to me when we fight? Is that it?” I reached over and poked him in the bulging tenseness of his bicep.
Or I would have if he hadn’t jumped away from my outstretched hand, the steering wheel pulling to the right and sending the van swerving violently.
“What am I? Poison now?” His jaw hardened at my question, eyes narrowing toward the road as he pressed the accelerator and sent the engine into a full growl.
“Yes. Yes, you are.” He rapped his fingers on the steering wheel but didn’t spare a glance my way.
“You’re acting like a baby,” I mumbled behind clenched teeth. He glared at me, but I wasn’t about to take it back. I was grumpy, barely awake, sore from sleeping on dirt and rocks, and I was still acting saner than he was.
I sat still, staring at the dead yellow landscape, listening to a broken radio and a man-child’s extended sighs.
This was the future I had to look forward to. Dick flailing Tommy, bringing me places to screw and then giving me the silent treatment when things didn’t quite go his way.
Nothingness. That was my future with him. Hollow and stale.
He sc
offed, “Yeah, I’m the baby, you fucking lunatic.”
Nothingness and domestic issues.
God. Screw this.
I flicked the plastic-wrapped pack of cigarettes to find he’d smoked all of those too.
“Yes, because I’m the one who seems to think my eyes changed.”
He glared at me and shifted in his seat before attempting to accelerate the van more, but it was clear the poor thing wasn’t going to go any faster.
“I saw it.” It was clear that he wasn’t talking to me that time.
Which was fine. I wasn’t seeing him, or the ugly ass desert. I was back in that bank of trees, staring into the glistening yellow eyes of a massive wolf.
My stomach flipped. I tugged at the dress I’d put back on that morning, crossing my legs to stop the throbbing that had sprouted up in my thighs. Everything was growing very warm and very wet at the thought of the power the biggest wolf emitted. The way his eyes had pulled me into him. Raw energy had pulsed through me at the sound of his growl. He beckoned me--a siren if there ever was one.
“Get out,” Tommy barked. I popped from my thought bubble, half asleep, to find we were back at the trailer park, my dark single-wide staring at me. Paradise--great.
I turned to him and tugged on his sleeve using my best flirty yet sorry voice. “Don’t be like this, Tommy. I don’t know what happened. Maybe it was the sunset in my eyes…It could’ve been anything.”
He held up a hand. “I said, beat it. Get your shit out of my van too. I don’t want it in here. I don’t need the smell on me.”
His van--not ours.
It was hard to ignore the way that stabbed, the way it pulled at the last memory I had of my father. Of the door that slammed right before me.
Just like all the others.
“Fine. So much for our big plans,” I yelled after him, yanking my bag over my shoulder, but he was already speeding away.
I didn’t cry. I didn’t whimper. I just stood, jaw tight, eyes hard as I locked up that part of my heart that was aching. The part of me that was twisting apart.
I didn’t want to feel it. I didn’t want to feel it ever again.
