by Mary Kruger
“Yes, I know, but he made me laugh when I needed it.”
“What do you mean, when you needed it?” Josh asked.
She looked away. Earlier today, when he’d been about to interview Winston Barr at the bed-and-breakfast, she’d been aware that he wanted to know more about her time in New York. “It doesn’t have a thing to do with Felicia,” she said firmly.
“I didn’t think it did.”
“Then why do you want to know?” she asked.
“I care about you.”
The words hung silently in the air for a moment.
“I was seeing this guy,” Ari finally admitted.
“Mm-hm.”
“It’s the old story, Josh. He had someone else.”
“And?”
“And what? That’s it.”
“Is it?”
“Oh, all right. But I don’t like talking about it.” She leaned forward, her face in her hands. “God, I was such a fool.”
“Why?”
“Because he was married.” She looked up at him. “I didn’t know. He didn’t wear a wedding ring. I was waitressing at a small restaurant near Wall Street—I had to make some money—and that’s how I met him. He was young, well dressed, always polite. We got to know each other and, well, things went on from there.”
“Weren’t there signs? Didn’t you notice things about him that were off?”
“Oh, looking back, of course. We never went to his place. He always had some sort of business on the weekends. My roommates didn’t like him, either, though they never said anything. I didn’t want to notice, I guess.” She took a deep breath. “On top of that, my career wasn’t going well. Every design I submitted was rejected, and I didn’t have the money to start a company on my own. I needed something positive in my life. He seemed to be it. Until I found out about his wife.”
“How?”
Ari shook her head. She wasn’t sure why she was pouring all this out to him, except that his quiet sympathy was comforting. She’d gotten over it, of course, but sometimes she felt a faint residual pain, of humiliation and rejection. “It was awful. He and his wife attended a charity event together and their picture was in one of the papers. One of the girls I worked with made sure I saw it.”
“Aw, hell.”
“I was devastated, Josh. I really loved him, or I thought I did. The next time I saw him was at the restaurant. I managed to get a break, and I told him what I knew. And do you know what he did?”
“No.”
“He told me that it didn’t matter that he was married, that his wife didn’t understand him, that he was waiting for his kids to grow up so he could leave her. Josh, I almost believed him, but he had this look on his face.”
“What look?”
“Smug. He looked smug, like a little kid getting away with something. That’s when I broke it off.” She looked away. “That did it for me. I’d made a fool of myself, and I was failing at my work. I hated the city. Too big, too noisy, too impersonal. So I left New York, got some work here at home at a yarn shop, and started figuring out what I wanted to do with my life. Then I met Ted.”
“Rebound,” he said.
“No.” She frowned. “Of course not. Actually, I knew him already. He was a few years ahead of me in school. Someone fixed us up on a date, and I had a good time.” She looked up at him. “Most people don’t believe it, but Ted can be very funny when he wants to be.”
“I’ve never seen that side of him.”
“No.” She sighed. “Lately all he is is angry, especially since things started going wrong in our marriage. I understand his anger,” she went on before he could say anything. “It’s how he learned to express his emotions. But it’s very hard to live with.”
“Then he must be very emotional,” Josh said dryly.
Ari smiled. “You must admit that things have been stressful.”
“A little,” he said.
But I can’t complain too much.” She smiled. “I have Megan because of Ted.”
“Yes,” he said, and their gazes held for a long moment.
Ari, a little startled, a little uncomfortable, was the first to look away. “What’s happening in the investigation, or can you tell me?”
He blew out his breath. “I shouldn’t. Briggs would have my hide if he knew.”
“What about Chief Mason?”
“Him, too.”
“Is Briggs in charge of the investigation, Josh?”
“Yes. Once the staties come in, they take over.”
“Did you ever find Felicia’s coat?”
He paused. “Yeah, but I probably shouldn’t say anything.”
“Then why are you here?” she said, exasperated. It certainly wasn’t for personal reasons.
“I need to get away from it for a while.” He looked at her. “You can understand that, can’t you?”
Ari looked at the TV and then at her wine. Yes, she understood quite well.
“I’m not used to dealing with things like this,” he went on. “These damned complicated investigations that get all tangled up and take days to unravel.”
Ari turned her head to hide her smile at his unintended knitting puns. “You’ll get it, Josh.”
“Maybe. The first twenty-four hours are critical. Once we let the out-of-towners go, who knows what will happen?”
“Drink your beer,” she said gently. “You do need a break.”
Josh rested his head on the back of the couch and stared up at the ceiling. “Maybe we should have gone out tonight.”
She looked at him, startled. “What?”
“It would have taken my mind off things.”
“Oh,” she said, looking down at her glass, unreasonably disappointed. For a little while this afternoon there had seemed to be a rapport between them. Now, buried in Josh’s obsession with the investigation, it was gone. “So I’ll put the skating back on. Michelle Kwan can take your mind off anything.”
He gave her a quick, distracted smile. “No, never mind. I’ll try to be better company.”
She shifted on the couch, tucking one leg underneath her. “Okay,” she said with a sigh. “You’re not going to relax until you get it off your chest.”
“Too much to think about for that. Damn, I’d almost rather have a drive-by shooting.”
“Josh,” she protested.
“At least we usually have a good idea of who the bad guys are, even if we can’t prove it.”
“I thought you left Boston because of things like that.”
“Yeah, and stepped into Murderville instead.”
“That’s not fair, and you know it.” They were quiet for a while. “Why did you leave, then? Because of the drive-bys?”
“That was part of it.”
“But not all?”
“No.” He was quiet for so long, Ari thought he wasn’t going to continue. “You know, Ari, all my years on the force in Boston, I only had to draw my service revolver three times. Never had to fire a round…until a few months before I came here.” He looked at her, and the pain in his eyes was so deep she wanted to flinch. “Have you ever heard of suicide by cop?”
“No.”
“Well, I came up against someone who wanted to kill himself, and he chose me as his method.”
“What do you mean?” Ari asked, dread pooling in her stomach.
“I mean I shot him, Ari.” He looked at her. “I killed him.”
The fairgrounds were quiet after the suspects left. The police had packed it in long ago; the detectives were gone, as well as the crime-scene van. That left only some state troopers to guard the entrance and the grounds themselves, which were dark and somehow menacing tonight. Trooper Allen, new to the job and eager to prove himself, conscientiously inspected the buildings, one by one. Barn A was deserted. So was Barn D, except for the sheep, who stirred at his entrance. The doors to Barn C had police seals on them, and were further surrounded by crime-scene tape. No one would disturb that building tonight. That left only Barn B.
Ba
rn B was darker, and chillier, than ever. Allen didn’t like dark, open spaces, but he ignored his feelings as he flashed his light around, illuminating corners and leaving wide swathes of gloom. It was empty, with most of the belongings of the various suspects removed. All that were left were the looms inside the Sheep to Shawl enclosure and the fleece bins, one of which was still full. Allen shone his light on the bin, turned, and then looked back. What had he just seen?
He was crossing the barn to the bins to take a closer look when he heard a bell ringing. It wasn’t coming from outside, he thought, stopping to listen, or from one of the other buildings. It drew him, though, to that one full bin. Someone had lost a phone in there, he thought, as it chirped one last time. It would be easy enough to do. Bend over too far, and it would probably fall to the bottom.
Leaning over the bin, still wondering what he’d seen, Allen began shifting the fleeces. They were heavier than he’d expected, and far denser. He began to revise his thoughts about the phone. It couldn’t be too far from the top. If that were so, why hadn’t the owner found it?
He pulled back another fleece and stopped dead still, realizing he’d found his answer. What he saw, instead of a cell phone, was a foot. Someone was buried under the fleece.
Chapter 12
What Josh had just told Ari shook her to the core. “Oh my God,” she exclaimed, before she could stop herself.
“Yeah.” He stared ahead, and she wondered if he was reliving the event. “Yeah, it kind of changed my life.”
She drew her legs up tighter beneath her. “How did it happen? If you don’t mind my asking.”
He looked at her intensely. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this.”
She had told him about her life, but this wasn’t exactly the same. “Maybe you need to,” she said gently.
“I don’t know.” He blew out his breath. “God, I’m tired.”
And vulnerable. She shouldn’t take advantage of that, and yet she sensed he needed to talk. She doubted he’d told many people about this. “What happened?”
“Oh hell. All right. It came out of nowhere. My partner and I were returning to the station after responding to an assault call. There was a blue-and-white with a car pulled over to the curb on Bowdoin Street—this was Area A, by the way, Government Center area—nothing that seemed unusual. But just before we passed them the car took off at high speed. Luckily it was early morning, ’cause that part of the city’s pretty busy during the day. The uniform called for help and we took off after the vehicle.”
“Uh-huh,” Ari murmured, not wanting to disturb his train of thought. She had been to Boston and was familiar with the area near City Hall, and several federal buildings nearby. Massachusetts General Hospital was located there also. “What happened?”
“Well. He sped down Cambridge Street and took off onto Storrow Drive at Charles Circle. How he ever took that exit, I don’t know. He just missed taking out another car. You familiar with Storrow Drive?” he asked, looking at her.
“Yes.”
“You know how narrow and curvy it is.”
“Someone painted ‘The Curse’ over ‘Curve’ on the Reverse Curve sign,” she murmured.
That made him smile. “Yeah, and the Sox finally won. Anyway, it was a tough chase. We got up to eighty at one point. He was weaving back and forth, and finally he lost it at the Mass. Ave. bridge. Went right into the abutment. Well, we thought he’d had it and we jumped out, but then he came out of his car, bleeding from the forehead and ready to shoot.”
“He had a gun?”
“Yeah. We drew our weapons and yelled at him to drop the gun. But he just kept coming closer, screaming that he was going to shoot.”
“And?” she prompted when he didn’t go on.
“We fired,” he said flatly. “He got off a round and I fired.”
“But not just you.”
“No. No. Three of us. There were other cop cars there by then, but no one else in position. Five rounds, and he went down. We’re trained to shoot for the middle of the body, and I did.”
“And?”
He shrugged. “DOA at Mass General.”
“Oh, Josh.”
“Whenever you fire your weapon there’s an investigation. The autopsy showed it was a bullet in the heart that killed him. And guess whose gun fired that round?”
“Yours.”
“Mine,” he agreed. “We were all on administrative leave until they figured out what happened. The investigation found that we acted the only way we could, considering the circumstances, so we were reinstated. Life goes on.”
“But there’s more to it than that, isn’t there?” Ari asked after a moment.
“Yeah. Turns out the guy had been depressed for a while and had been talking about death.”
“Suicide by cop,” Ari said, understanding now.
“Yeah. God damn it. He wanted to kill himself, and he chose me.”
“Josh, not you,” she said gently. “Any cop would have done.”
“Yeah, but it was me, Ari, and I have to live with it. I had counseling afterward. It helped some. I realize that I had to act the way I did, considering the way the guy behaved. I believed I was in danger.”
“But still…”
“But, still,” he agreed.
“So that’s why you came to Freeport?” Ari said after a while.
“That’s part of the reason. I’ve told you I was getting sick of it all. The random assaults, kids getting caught in crossfire from the drive-bys, all the scum and the crap we see. It’s endless, day after day, the same thing, and you don’t feel you’re making a dent. At least, I didn’t feel that way. It wasn’t why I became a cop.”
“Why did you become one?”
“To help people.” He smiled briefly. “I was idealistic. I really thought I could make a difference.”
“Don’t you think you did, though? Don’t you think you might have touched someone’s life?”
“I don’t know, Ari. Maybe. It just didn’t seem like enough. I took a couple of weeks off, and I knew pretty quickly I didn’t want to go back. So I quit.”
“And came here.”
“Not right away. I had the rest of my vacation time coming, and I had a hell of a time.” This time his smile was wider. “I did all the things I never had time to do. I went to the beach, watched cooking shows, caught up with all the books I’d been meaning to read. I spent time with my mother, too. I think you’d like her.”
“Mm-hm.”
“I thought a long time about what I wanted before I started job hunting. I figured that in a small town I could accomplish things. I know there’s crime everywhere and problems no one can solve, but here I can interact with people on a more personal basis, and the crime’s not as serious. Usually,” he added. “I didn’t sign on for knitting murders.”
“Well, neither did I,” Ari said wryly.
Josh leaned his head on the back of the sofa, far more relaxed than he’d been just a few minutes ago.
“So are you happy here?” she asked, not yet wanting to return to the subject of murder, or anything concerning it.
“Happy enough, I guess. It’s a nice town, the people are friendly, and there’s enough to keep me busy without being overwhelming.”
“Josh,” she began, and then stopped.
“What?”
“Last fall, I know I trapped you into going out with me because I wanted to be in on the investigation.”
“Oh yeah. I felt real trapped,” he said with a smile.
She frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Ari, do you think that if I had wanted to find a way out of dating you I couldn’t have?”
“But—but I told you I could help you, I could tell you things, but we had to make it look natural—”
“I had plenty of people ready to tell me things.”
“But I had information you couldn’t get otherwise.”
“Not easily, no. That’s true.”
Her frown deepen
ed. “Are you saying you could have figured things out without me?”
“No, Ari. I’m saying that I went out with you because I wanted to.”
“You mean—you really did want to?”
“Just said so, didn’t I?”
She straightened and pushed her hair back over her shoulder. “So if we’ve been going out since last fall, why hasn’t anything happened?”
“Such as?”
“You know damned well what I’m talking about.”
“Come on, Ari.” He had rested his head on the back of the couch and was regarding her steadily. “I wanted to see you, but how did I know you felt the same?”
“Because I asked you out. I can’t believe I’m saying this.” She looked away. “I’m never this aggressive.”
“Don’t stop. I like it.”
“Oh, do you? Then why haven’t you taken me up on it?”
“Ari, for God’s sake. You asked me out because you wanted to be involved in the investigation.”
“Yes, that was part of it, but—”
“The idea was for other people to think we were dating while we were actually working together. Right?”
“Yes, but—”
“A man doesn’t like to think he’s being used.”
“That wasn’t it at all!” she exclaimed, sitting bolt upright. “All right, yes, I did want to be involved in the investigation. But, Josh, can you imagine me asking the chief to go out with me?”
That made him look at her oddly. “What?”
“Maybe I wanted to…see you, too.”
He gazed at her a moment longer, and then a smile spread slowly on his face. “Oh. So that’s how it is?”
Her face was flushed; her chin was raised. “Yes.”
“Then that’s a different story, isn’t it? Us both wanting to see each other outside of the investigation,” he said, and leaned toward her. Ari closed her eyes and let him press his lips against hers.
It seemed like a very long time before the kiss ended. Josh brushed back a strand of Ari’s hair and smiled. “Better?”
“Much.” Ari was smiling, too, as she rested her head on his shoulder. “It’s about time.”
“Mm-hm.”
“So now what?”
“What do you mean?”
