Kaymar has been injuring himself deliberately, burning himself with his cigars or cutting himself with various of the arsenal of knives he always has on his person. It is puzzling, but it seems that the pain he inflicts on himself causes a temporary reduction of his madness. Immediately after and for some hours, sometimes days, his symptoms of madness recede. Perhaps during times when he is not suffering from melancholia, this self-injury results in a period of normality, but at present, relief from hallucinations and delusions simply plunges him further into despair.
I have spoken with Menders regarding my concerns about Kaymar’s fitness to continue guarding the Princess. He shares these concerns, but also fears the consequences should Kaymar be removed from duty. Kaymar has a powerful sense of responsibility and fierce protectiveness toward the Princess, as well as a genuine affection for her. I believe this is all that prevents him from taking his life in despair.
Unfortunately, Kaymar is satisfying his demons by provoking Menders. These men are more alike than they know, both possessed of strong tempers that can tend toward violence should they be pushed far enough. Both have learned extreme self-control because of their assassin's training, but the current situation is telling on them.
There have been a number of vicious verbal confrontations. It is inevitable that physical confrontation will occur unless Kaymar's condition improves dramatically. Kaymar is secure in Menders' regard and affection for him. He knows that Menders would never reject him or send him away from The Shadows, so he is safe in venting his rage on his cousin. Unfortunately, Menders has his own troubles and his temper is being worn to nothing by Kaymar's continual baiting and challenges.
I see no solution to this dilemma. To send Kaymar away would be the end of him, as he would despair and take his own life. His family is not capable of coping with his illness. His brother is a very normal, placid and unpretentious man, not given to the vicissitudes and emotional storms that plague his younger sibling. His mother is fragile, having barely escaped The Terror in Fambre as a young girl. She has never been truly aware of Kaymar's mental condition, his actual occupation or his sexual proclivities, as she is sheltered and protected by her sons, as she was by her husband before his death.
Kaymar truly has no home but The Shadows and no family who understands him other than Menders. In his illness he is doing everything he can to have his only refuge and ally taken from him.
Kaymar has even been snappish and unreasonable with Katrin, who understandably resents and is confused by this behavior. Where previously he has been strict but kind and done all he could to make the restrictions that are necessary for her safety as innocuous as possible, now he is simply laying down the law and making her very aware of just how fenced in she is. Coming at the time in her life where she's contrasting her situation with those of her peers, this is causing conflict within her as well as anger and resentment over her limitations.
Katrin, while a dear child, can be quite manipulative - as can her mother, and as was her grandmother. What can be an admirable trait in a Queen can be less so in a child. I fear that Katrin, always a quick study, is becoming aware of Kaymar's weaknesses now that his illness is so overtly displayed and will, sooner or later, take advantage of the situation. I have discussed this with Menders with little satisfaction - he feels very strongly toward what little family he has, particularly Kaymar. He is not seeing the situation pragmatically and became very angry with me as a result of our talk.
Shvalz men and their blasted tempers! It is so apt that the Thrun refer to rage and anger as "The Red Beast". It tears at these men. It gives them exaggerated senses of duty and responsibility when they channel it for good, but it also destroys them from within. Worst of all, it makes them blind to the damage they do and the possibilities around them.
Kaymar could find comfort right here at The Shadows if he wasn't absolutely bent on being consumed by sorrow and rage - but I'll say no more about that. All I can do is watch helplessly as Menders, Kaymar, Katrin and another are engaged in what could become a destructive and tragic dance.
***
Lucen appeared in Menders’ office doorway, followed by Eiren, who had seen him returning from the halt with the weekly mail.
“Official letter from the Palace here,” Lucen said briefly.
Menders took the pile, tore open the heavily sealed envelope and read the document inside, feeling his heart sink.
“Menders! What is it?” Eiren gasped.
“You’ve just gone dead white,” Lucen added, his brow wrinkled in concern.
“No – I’m sorry, it’s nothing that bad,” Menders answered, handing the letter to Eiren. “I think I can get around it.”
It was an official Court summons.
From Her Majesty, Queen Morghenna VIII to Lord Stettan,
Sir,
You are commanded by Her Majesty the Queen to bring Princess Katrin Morghenna to Court two weeks from the date of this document, to be presented to Her Majesty.
Morghenna VIII
“How do you intend to get around it?” Eiren asked, her voice rising with fear. “People don’t just say ‘no’ to the Queen.”
“The Princess is sick, don’t you know?” Menders said, feeling the color coming back into his face. “Nasty case of putrid fever.”
“That’ll scare them off,” Lucen mused. “Anything else you need?”
“No, Lucen, thank you. Take the afternoon off,” Menders grinned.
“I’ll go hoe the beans then.” He clumped away.
Eiren settled into the chair opposite. “What do you think prompted this?” she asked as she indicated the summons.
“I don’t know, I’ve had no intelligence in that direction,” Menders answered. “I’ll send Kaymar over to see what’s afoot. They won’t trifle with putrid fever, that’ll put them off right away.”
Putrid fever was a common childhood illness. Young patients were not endangered unless neglected, but for some reason the disease was almost invariably fatal in adults. Putrid fever attacked the gut. In adults it caused high fevers and bloody flux before the unfortunate patient died after days of agony. Those few adults who did survive putrid fever lived on as mindless invalids who wasted away in their beds within a year or two. Epidemics of the disease were common in cities. No-one would want it carried into the Royal Court of Mordania.
When Eiren left the room, Menders looked at the letter again and sighed, then picked it up and bearded Ifor’s lair.
Where Menders’ office tended to be neat and methodical to a fault, Ifor worked happily in a welter of chaos. Just seeing the piles of paper and other materials was enough to make Menders itch.
Ifor looked up as the document was dropped on the desk. He glanced over it and raised his eyebrows.
“What might she be up to? Any ideas?” Menders asked.
“You’ve just solved a mystery for me, I was wondering what Bartie was on about,” Ifor answered, digging in his piles of paper until he came up with a letter from Thoren Bartan.
“Apparently the Queen has had one of her spells of sobriety and has asked some questions as to Katrin’s condition and upbringing. I think this summons was written during that time. According to Bartie, she’s back to drinking and has probably forgotten all about it.”
“Think that a note to the effect that Katrin is sick with putrid fever would settle the matter?” Menders asked.
“Very likely. Do you want to send someone over with it, just to see what’s going on?” Ifor leaned back in his chair, reaching around to massage his damaged back and looking up at Menders.
“Yes, send Kaymar. He’s the most familiar with the Court.”
“Best man for the job,” Ifor agreed. “He can smell around and see if there’s anything else afoot. As soon as you give me the note, he’ll be off. Don’t worry, Menders, I don’t think this will come to anything. The Queen used to have spells of deciding that Princess Aidelia needed her attention. After an hour of that demented creature she would take to th
e bottle, but that’s understandable. Aidelia would drive anyone to drink, if only to numb their sense of smell.”
Menders frowned. “Let’s hope this is just another one of the Queen’s rare lucid moments,” he said.
Back in his office, Menders gave vent to a groan of frustration. Ifor might have thought his words about the Queen taking spasmodic interest in Aidelia would be comforting. They were not. What if, after one of those episodes with her eldest daughter, she thought, ‘I have a younger daughter too, who might not be mad’ and decided Katrin must live at Court? The last thing Katrin needed was any involvement with her closest relatives. A drunken, slovenly mother and a raving mad sister - no, not for his little girl.
***
Katrin burst out of the heavy underbrush and into the road, nearly running under Demon's feet. Menders hauled on the reins, throwing Demon onto his hindquarters to avoid trampling her. The farlin cried out in anger and pain. Katrin, likewise, stopped so quickly that she fell to her knees in the dust.
"What the hells?" Menders shouted, jumping free of Demon, who was thrashing back onto his feet and snapping at the air. Menders looked around wildly, his hand going to his knife. Katrin knew then that he thought she was being chased by someone.
"Katrin! Damn it, Katrin!" Kaymar shouted in the woods, his voice gaspy and breathless.
Menders turned back to Katrin and snatched off his dark glasses, his eyes filled with fury.
"Did you run away from him?" he asked in a low, terrible voice.
She had.
Kaymar had been snappish all day, refusing to let her go with Olan, Petra and Hemmett when they decided to run down to the river to fish. It was autumn now and one of the last nice days they would have to play by the river. Kaymar had been twitching and muttering to himself all morning. There was a moment when she wanted to join the others at the river more than anything in the world. Kaymar had been talking to a tree like it was a person, paying no attention to her. She'd bolted, running as hard as she could for the river road.
She had not expected Kaymar to snap into action and chase after her as if his feet were on fire. She hadn't even expected to run away - she'd simply run, suddenly and without a plan. She just wanted to go with the other children and be like them.
“Did you?" Menders caught her by the arm, his hand gripping hard. Katrin flinched and stared up at him. He'd never been so angry with her, ever, even when he'd caught her singeing broomstraws in the fire.
She couldn't speak. She tried, but couldn't make the slightest sound. Kaymar could be heard closer, calling for her, his voice becoming desperate and despairing.
"How could you!" Menders nearly shouted. "You know your cousin isn't well! How could you take advantage like that, when we've tried so hard to teach you to care about others?" He turned her around and Katrin realized he was going to strike her.
“Stop it!” Suddenly Kaymar was there, diving at Menders and knocking him away from Katrin. There was a flurry of blows. Demon snorted and tossed his head up and down violently. Katrin backed away in fear – then turned and fled toward the house.
***
My dear cousin Dorsen,
It is with regret that I must inform you of a deterioration in Kaymar's condition. I have hesitated to contact you before now, as I was hoping that time would ameliorate his difficulties, but it is becoming obvious that he is very ill and becoming worse. His mourning over Mikail has plunged him into deep melancholy and overt madness.
Kaymar has deliberately taken to provoking me to the point where we come to blows. I have been sorely tempted to send him away from The Shadows. I have only resisted because I know that doing so would result in catastrophe - that Kaymar would be destroyed by the withdrawal of my affection and support.
As I'm sure you know, Kaymar stays here out of love and loyalty to me and the Princess. He has refused to accept any wage, despite his excellent work and dedication. This is his home and though he is not overt in his appreciation of it, I know that he loves it - and me.
Dorsen, any advice you can give me at this time would be welcome. I am often at my wits' end when dealing with Kaymar as he is now - and I am desperate to find a solution for him. He is losing a great deal of weight and is also displaying the nervous tics that accompany his madness. Casual friendships that he had made with various of my staff have cooled. There was also an incident where he was severely provoked and had to be restrained from attacking one of the other Men (and I don’t need to explain that Kaymar is entirely capable, in his present state of mind, of killing.)
I’ve had no choice but to relieve him of guard duty for Katrin. His episodes of madness make him dangerously inattentive. I know that he cannot help this, but I cannot risk her safety, no matter how dear Kaymar is to me.
Despite this letter being far from full of good news, I hope it finds you and your family well. All are well here and prospering - and I would be entirely happy if I could find some solution for Kaymar.
Your cousin
M
***
Katrin crept down the backstairs and eased over to the door at the bottom. It was ajar and she could see that Kaymar was standing with his back to it. The scent of his cigar smoke had led her to him. She watched with horror as he dropped the butt of the cigar on the floor and trod on it.
That would cause another argument or fight with Menders - she was sure of it, just as she was sure Kaymar was doing things with the intention of making trouble. Ever since he and Menders had fought the day she ran away, he'd been doing things that would make Menders angry. Menders was strict about where the men smoked their cigars because The Shadows was made from wood and would burn to the ground if a fire ever got going.
She watched Kaymar, who was talking to himself.
"You'll never rest, everyone you love dies, dirty disgusting freak. Why don't you kill yourself and save a lot of trouble? You’ll never be missed. Afraid? You're worthless. Filthy, tainted. Filthy!"
Katrin gasped as Kaymar tore one of his knives from its sheath and held his arm out in front of him. He slashed it three times, cutting through his shirt sleeve.
"Kaymar!" Katrin jumped out of the stairwell and ran to him, trying to remember what to do when a person was cut and bleeding. She needed cloth, something to stop the blood...
"What the hells are you doing hiding there!" Kaymar shouted, turning toward her. His face was terrifying, contorted with rage.
"Your arm!" Katrin reached out, remembering what Menders had said about bleeding, that even pressing a cut with your hands was better than doing nothing.
"Get away!" Kaymar shouted, turning away from her. "Leave me alone! Let me do what I have to do!"
He had often been strict and sometimes sharp with her but he had never shouted. Though she was hurt and wanted to cry, she could see the blood dripping down as he shoved his knife back in its sheath and then twisted his shirt sleeve, stanching the flow.
"Kaymar?" she ventured in a tiny, frightened voice.
"Go away, Katrin," he replied, his voice low and gravelly. He didn't sound like Kaymar at all.
Katrin wheeled and dashed up the backstairs, bursting out on the second floor right under Menders' nose as he was walking down the hallway.
"Princess, what on Eirdon..." he began.
"You have to come help Kaymar!" Katrin gasped, out of breath from her run up the steep flight. "He - he cut himself with his knife, three times. He's bleeding! We need to get cloths to stop it!"
To her astonishment, Menders didn't respond. He reached down and took her hand.
"Where did you see this?" he asked.
"At the bottom of the stairs. He threw his cigar on the floor and put it out and then he started talking to himself and then he cut himself." Katrin began to cry. She tugged at Menders' hand, trying to pull him toward the stairs.
She was shocked when Menders held her back.
"Kaymar needs to be left alone," he said. "You can't possibly understand, but he's able to take care of himself. It's
very important that you not creep up on him again, Katrin."
"He's bleeding!"
"Yes, I understand. He'll be all right."
Why?" she cried on a rising note.
Menders looked down at her. He took off his glasses and crouched down so they were eye to eye.
"I don't understand certain things about Kaymar any more than you do," he said softly. "He is in a great deal of pain - not in his body, but in his mind. He does some things that most people don't do. He's worked out his own way of dealing with his pain. He’s not guarding you at present, so I want you to leave him alone, Little Princess. He needs his privacy. Will you do this?"
"I think we should check to see if he's alright," Katrin ventured.
"He'll be fine. Come on now, I was just looking to see if you would like to go for a ride with me. Go get your things and we'll be on our way." Menders smiled, though it looked as though he didn't mean it. He turned her toward her room, giving her a little push.
She knew he hadn't intended to go riding - he was trying to distract her. Perhaps Kaymar needed privacy, but he'd been hurt. It was the first time she'd known of Menders not helping someone who was hurt.
***
“That’s why,” Menders concluded as Katrin jogged alongside him on Trouble. Demon tossed his head but calmed when Menders patted his neck absent-mindedly. They were returning from their ride, with the afternoon turned very cold and the weather dreary.
“Why would bad people want to take me away or hurt me?” Katrin asked, feeling anger rising inside her.
Weaving Man: Book One of The Prophecy Series Page 34
