by Tammy Barley
In the afternoons, Jake took her shooting as he had before, giving her plenty of practice time as the days grew longer. Lone Wolf always rode along to be their eyes and ears while Jake and Jess focused on the use of the revolver.
By the end of the second week back at the ranch, Jess still hadn’t hit the target once, though she had whittled down the rock beneath it until Jake had teasingly praised her gift for forging pebbles. She’d answered back that she’d probably have better success with a cannon, and so the evening went.
When Jake holstered the gun for the last time one Saturday night, Jess lauded her efforts. “At least I knocked down the
tin once!”
“A rock chip flew up and hit it,” he said dryly.
“Yes, but wasn’t it exciting?”
“I’d like it a lot more,” he answered with concern, “if I felt certain you could protect yourself.”
At his allusion to the arsonists, Jess’s levity faded fast. “I’ll get along just fine, Bennett. I’ve always been able to take care of myself.”
“How do you figure that? Since we’ve met, you’ve gotten yourself into one scrape after another. You take risks with little forethought—”
“I think things through very carefully before I take risks,” she threw back. “Every one of them has been worth it!”
“Worth it?” He stepped toward her, his voice rising sharply. “You roamed the streets of a Unionist town alone, you were attacked by an angry mob, you nearly had a burning house fall on you, and you keep running away from a safe haven, determined to get killed by whoever didn’t succeed the first time. Jess! Does this seem rational?”
His dismissal of the fact that she had done so out of love for her family stung bitterly. “I have no regrets,” she yelled, “and don’t you dare talk to me about safe havens. I had one—you were there when it burned to the ground!”
At the shout, Lone Wolf came running. He stopped, chest heaving, his bow in his fist.
“Why are you being unreasonable?” Jake pressed, staring down at her. “I wasn’t the man who started the fire!”
“Unreasonable?” Angry tears ran from her eyes, and she no longer felt any desire to halt her words. “You ruined my life!” She took a deep breath.
“How did I—”
“You killed my father!” she screamed, finally freeing all that she’d caged inside. “You could have let my father save Mother and Emma, but you held him back until it was too late! And then, when the flames were everywhere, you let him go!” Lone Wolf put a warning hand on her arm, but she shrugged it off. “It’s your fault! You let him go, Bennett, and he died. He died!” she cried, glaring at him through her tears.
Jake spoke again, gently this time. “Jess, your mother and Emma…they were trapped. There was no way to save them. Isaac knew it. I think he just didn’t want to live without your mother.”
Hatred was thick in her voice. “So you let him die.”
“You were there, Jess,” he said softly. “You saw what happened. He was half crazed, and he pulled a gun.”
A gun? She couldn’t believe it…wouldn’t let herself believe it. “Liar! There was no gun. You let him go. You did everything but push him through the door!”
“Jess!”
She envisioned that night. She knew her father carried a concealed four-barrel derringer, and she hadn’t seen his gun hand when Jake had backed away. Jake was telling the truth. She’d been wrong to accuse him, to blame him, but she was too ashamed of her words and too full of pain to back down. It had felt like someone had driven a knife through her heart, but she realized now that it hadn’t been Jake. “Leave me alone,” she hissed. She gathered Luina’s reins, gained the saddle, and whipped her into a run.
***
Knowing she was too upset to be reasoned with, Jake let Jess go without pursuing her. The sun had set and the sky was growing dark. He and Lone Wolf watched her ride away.
“I was there,” said Lone Wolf.
“I know.”
“She is wrong to say this to you, my friend.”
“She’s hurt and angry. I cut open old wounds tonight.”
“You did so to understand her anger. I saw this.”
“Yes, I know. Some part of her knows the truth about that night.” For a moment, Jake allowed himself to relive it—the vicious struggle…Isaac’s maniacal strength…the wild desperation in his eyes when he pulled the gun.
“The fire?” Lone Wolf asked. “Yes, I also believe she knows. She cares for you, my brother, but she is afraid to care too much. She fears she will lose all once more.”
Jake frowned, tracking the dot on the horizon. “I know. I’ve known that fear myself.”
Lone Wolf glanced at him. “Many seasons have passed. You must let Olivia go.”
“She filled my heart, Lone Wolf.”
“That was true once, but no longer. I think a green-eyed falcon fills it now, my brother.”
Jake didn’t answer.
“She is a wanderer, this bird. You are wise to let her fly, but do not let her become lost to you.”
Inwardly acknowledging the turning of his heart, Jake untied Cielos, but Lone Wolf halted him.
“No, my friend. She will not listen to you now. I will follow and guard her. I will bring her back.”
After a pause, Jake stepped into the saddle. “Jess and I need to work this out, but not tonight. Tonight I only want her safe.”
“She needs to run,” Lone Wolf advised.
Thinking on this, Jake nodded. “Then I’ll let her. I’ll bring her back when she’s ready.” He held out his arm to his friend, and they clasped wrists. “The Almighty has blessed you with wisdom, Lone Wolf.”
“To you He has given the heart of a warrior. You will need it to save your woman.”
Jake touched a spur to Cielos, knowing fully what Lone Wolf meant by “save.” He would need all the strength in his being to save Jess from her fear of love.
***
Jess knew Jake was right. If her mother had been able to save herself and Emma, she would have found a way. Jess knew she couldn’t blame Jake for their deaths, or for her father’s demise, any longer. What he’d said was true—he hadn’t started the fire, and her father had likely been far enough beyond reason to shoot him. With the bandana Jake had given her, Jess wiped her cheeks, wanting more than ever before to return to Carson City, to be near her family and revisit the places that held memories of them. And though she realized he wasn’t at fault, Jess hoped Jake would not follow her. She desperately needed to be away from him.
Coyotes yipped somewhere downstream, drawing her musings to the silvery water of the river and to the silhouettes of herself and Luina cast in shadows by moonlight. This night was so much like another time, years ago, near a river that curved through her Kentucky homeland.
***
“Are you sure we won’t get caught?” she had called softly in her little girl’s voice.
Young Ambrose had slowed his mount, turning to reassure her. “We aren’t doing anything wrong, little butterfly,” he said, “except perhaps spoiling a bit of your sleep.”
“Oh, I don’t mind. I’d much rather be here.”
This particular summer evening, their mother and father had left them in the care of their grandparents, a doting pair who wouldn’t have been surprised to learn that Ambrose and Jess were out riding by the river they loved.
“It’s not much further. Are you warm enough?”
“I’m fine, but I really wanted to ride Isabelle.”
“Danny is more sure-footed. I’ll take you out on Isabelle in the morning.”
“Promise?”
“Promise. Okay, watch out for the low branches. We’re almost there.”
“Do you really think we’ll see them, Ambrose?”
He lowered his voice. “They’re here every night. If they’re shy, I’ll simply tell them a beautiful butterfly has come to visit.” She giggled at the tender way he spoke to her. “Shh, we stop here, Jess.�
��
Ambrose dismounted and lifted her down from her pony. He tied their mounts to a low branch and took her hand, leading her through the woods toward a dense thicket. Unsure in the dark, Jess clung more closely to Ambrose, who squeezed her hand reassuringly.
At the edge of the brambles, he knelt down and pulled her close beside him. Not at all frightened now, she held in a squeal of excitement. His hand faintly visible in the moonlight, Ambrose eased a mantle of leafy vines to one side. Just as soundlessly, Jess gazed into the clearing beyond it. There, a doe and two young fawns were resting quietly.
Astounded by their beauty and nearness, Jess could hardly breathe. The fawns, nestled cozily against their mother, looked as sweet as new foals, only smaller. The doe licked each one on the head, and Jess decided that she was telling them good night. One laid her head down. After a moment, so did the other. The doe turned her gentle gaze toward the woods to listen and to watch. Careful not to make a sound, Jess looked up at Ambrose, and he beamed down at her.
They stayed there for several minutes, and when Ambrose noticed the doe becoming restless, he led Jess out again, much to her regret.
***
Her childhood memories were filled with similar adventures, nearly all of which had been shared with Ambrose. The moon hadn’t changed, but the river had, and the shadow on the ground was that of a woman now. Jess missed her parents, but it was Ambrose who had always been there for her, and, especially in recent years, she had been there for him. Their closeness had been unique, precious. She remembered the letters they had exchanged since he had returned to Kentucky and how eager he had been to meet little Emma. Suddenly, tears choked her, and she cried out. For a long while, she sobbed loud and long like a child, glad no one was around to hear her bittersweet release of pain.
Unable to stop crying or to catch her breath, she pressed her face into one hand. With her other hand, she clung to the pommel of her saddle but loosed the reins. Luina wandered a little in confusion, eventually coming to stand near the creek, where she nibbled at young grasses.
Jess felt free—free of the ranch, free to cry out the agony she’d locked inside, and free to cry away the blame she’d unjustly placed on Jake. Lifting her tear-streaked face to the night sky, she yelled, “I’m sorry, God!” She shook her head and quieted. “I’m sorry…for my anger.”
For a long time, she simply grieved. Then, at last, she let out her breath in a shaky sigh, feeling that a tremendous weight had left her. As the minutes passed, something else stole into its place: conviction—the conviction that she was not going to lose anything more and the conviction of what else she needed to do.
Jess looked around to get her bearings. Her mind was fixed: she was going to visit the place where her family was buried. Then she would pay a much needed visit to the import store, for inside the safe in its storeroom lay her last memories of Ambrose—his letters.
Jess gathered the reins and pulled them taut. “Come on, Luina. We’re going to Carson City.”
She started the horse at an easy lope. The air was fresh, cooler than before, and although a cover of clouds veiled the moon, enough starlight fell on the desert floor to light her way for miles.
She let Luina maintain the leisurely pace for more than an hour as she got lost in her musings. All of a sudden, Luina’s head shot up.
Jess’s eyes scanned the night for outlaws, for the cold blue gleam of moonlight on rifle barrels. Wary now, she listened closely. Luina’s mane bristled, and she struggled against the reins in an attempt to run.
She was staring at the mountain.
Jess followed her gaze, watching for shadows of horses or men.
Whatever it was, it was not Cielos.
Jess’s eyes fell on several low, dark forms twenty yards out, lunging toward them through the sage. Densely furred bodies and tails took shape, followed by long-fanged muzzles—wolves.
She stabbed her heels into Luina’s sides, and the horse plunged forward and reared up. Jess grabbed her mane so as not to be tossed off. On the road before them, a wolf snapped its bared teeth. The moment Luina’s hooves met the earth, a second wolf leapt up at them from the side.
Jess gasped as Luina stumbled sideways at the impact. With razor-sharp claws, the wolf raked at Luina’s belly as it fell. Luina bolted—then stumbled.
In desperation, Jess whipped Luina with the reins. She ran, terrified of what might be waiting ahead.
A snarl erupted near Jess’s right boot. Her eyes darted down to glimpse a flash of fangs. The wolf snarled and crouched low, a mad light shining in its eyes.
“No!” Jess shrieked.
The wolf lunged at them.
Luina swung away, her eyes rolling back, white.
Jess looked back. The wolf was keeping pace near Luina’s left flank and three others were loping behind him. They were gaining speed.
From the right came a flash of gray; then there was a tug at Jess’s skirt. Suddenly, a powerful weight was pulling at it, threatening to drag her from the saddle. The sharp sound of fabric tearing split the air.
The wolf fell, a patch of petticoat in its jaws.
Jess’s eyes swept the night for a makeshift weapon—something she could swing at the beasts. Everything lurched as Luina kicked out behind; a wolf yelped, then tumbled away.
Two others were closing in, both attacking from the right. There was another tug at her skirt. More tearing. Then her boot was nearly wrenched from the stirrup.
“Please, Lord…,” she stammered, glancing about in desperation. Two more wolves were following closely behind.
Luina leapt. Without thinking, Jess stood in the stirrups and went with the jump. A fallen tree passed beneath them. Luina hit the ground. The wolves weren’t there.
Her throat tight, Jess glanced back. Immediately, she saw that the wolves’ intentions had changed. No longer were they chasing for sport.
Now they were hunting.
Their heads hung low as the five raced after their prey with single-minded intent. Jess veered closer to the mountain, looking wildly for a place to go up.
There was a snap of jaws, then another. Horrible pain shredded the back of her leg. She felt the wet trickle of her own blood.
BOOM!
Jess cried out as she recognized the beautiful roar of Jake’s gun. “Bennett!”
“Go right!” he shouted.
“I can’t!” she screamed. “There’s—”
BOOM! The wolf’s cry was lost in the discharge of the gun.
Not waiting for a second command, Jess bent low and pulled right. Jake’s revolver barked twice more.
Wolf carcasses tumbled to the ground. The pack was down to one.
Jess came around, heading straight for Jake. He stopped Cielos and took aim.
Several seemingly endless seconds passed. Jess glanced around frantically, looking for the last wolf. She couldn’t see it.
“Why don’t you shoot it?” she screamed.
“It’s straight behind you!”
Unable to bear it any longer, Jess pulled Luina to a stop and ducked.
The wolf drew up alongside her. It leapt.
BOOM!
The echo of the last shot died away in the mountains. Beside her, the wolf lay dead. Jess was breathing almost as hard as Luina.
Jake holstered the gun and galloped toward them, his jaw rigid. Jess braced herself for his anger.
But he only pulled up alongside her, his dark eyes shining with concern as he leaned close to inspect her face, arms, and hands, then passed his hand over her shredded skirt. He looked at her. He was breathing hard, too.
“Did it get you?”
“Yes. My left leg. It feels like someone’s holding a hot iron against it.”
“We best get you back. Can you ride?”
She decided not to argue. “I can ride.” She started to tremble.
Seeing this, Jake jumped down and handed her his reins. He dropped to one knee, pushed her skirt aside, and eased her foot out of the stirrup.
“There’s not much left of your boot,” he said.
“I’ll just have to take the next one out of his hide.” She laughed at her own wry humor until tears rolled down her cheeks. Jake looked up, his brow furrowed with worry.
“Are you all right?”
“I’m shaking, and I’m feeling a bit light-headed. How bad is it?”
Jake removed her boot as carefully as he could, but she hissed in pain when it rubbed against the wound.
“Three cuts. At least one of them will need stitches.”
“That’s nice.”
Jake swiftly removed his bandana, twisting it to form a bandage. He wrapped it snugly around her lower leg and knotted it just above her calf muscle.
“Jess?”
“I don’t feel very well.” That was an understated version of the awful, sickly heat that was swimming through her veins.
Jake stood up. Without another word, he pulled her from her saddle and carried her toward Cielos. The reins fell from her limp hand.
“You still with me, Jess?”
“Uh-huh.”
He looked grim.
In another moment, she was sitting in his saddle and trying hard to stay there.
“I have to get the reins. Can you hold on?”
She couldn’t answer, but she took hold of the pommel. Everything around her swayed and pitched.
There was some movement, then Jake was behind her in the saddle. He pulled her against his warm body, and some of the swaying stilled. Her hat was lifted away. She felt his gloved hand touch her temple lightly, followed by his chin putting gentle pressure on her head.
She fought against the dizziness and pain. She was shaking, cold. “My own fault,” she murmured.
Jake remained quiet.
“Please let me go to Carson City,” she mumbled. “After my cuts heal.”
Jake turned Cielos toward the ranch, leading Luina. After a long pause, he answered. “I want you to think about two things, Jess. One, I want you to hear—really hear—what your heart is saying about this. Two, I want you to listen to what your mind is telling you.”
Jess considered his words as best she could. “My heart wants to be near them—near my memories of my family.” And away from her confusing feelings for him. “It wants to go back.”
