“I’m sure it is.” A true family moment if ever there was one.
“Will, what’s the matter with you?”
“Nothing. I just have stuff to do.”
“You’re lying.” When she leaned against the support pole, he knew she wasn’t going anywhere. “It was Nathaniel’s picture, wasn’t it?”
Sighing, he tossed the wire crimper back into the toolbox and turned to face her. There was no sense in denying it. “I’m not looking for a family, Christina.”
“He’s seven and he drew the people he cares about the most. It didn’t mean anything more than that.”
“I’m afraid he’s looking for more from me than I can give, so it’s best if I start easing back some. That’s all.”
“Nathaniel’s not looking for anything from you but friendship,” she said, and he heard the anger. “Neither am I. My son and I have each other and we’re not looking for a family, either.”
“Not with a man like me, anyway.” The second the words were out, he wished he could take them back. He hadn’t wanted Christina to know how much her words had hurt.
She was taken aback, and then he saw the confusion on her face. “What are you talking about?”
“You said you didn’t want a man in your life. Especially a man like me.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “I might not have the kind of money you’re used to men having, but at least every dollar I do have was honestly earned.”
“Don’t you dare,” she said, anger suddenly burning on her cheeks. “Don’t you dare use my ex-husband to take cheap shots at me.”
“Cheap is all a man like me has, I guess.”
“You’re an idiot, Will Broughton.” Tears shimmered in her eyes, and his stomach clenched. “I said I didn’t want to hand my life over to another man, especially one like you because you scare me. It has nothing to do with money and it never has.”
“What do you mean I scare you?”
“You’re so...solid and steady. If there’s a problem, you fix it. If something needs doing, you do it. You’re the kind of guy who would take care of me and Nathaniel.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
She sighed and shook her head. “Of course it’s not. But what if I trusted a guy like that and once I was feeling all safe and taken care of, he decided he didn’t want us after all? I can’t start over again.”
“So you’re going to punish every man for what your husband did to you?”
“And you’re going to hold every woman at arm’s length because your wife died. I think you want to let me in, but you’re afraid to love anybody else. I can’t live in Emily’s shadow, Will, and I don’t know if I’m strong enough to have everything fall apart on me again.”
He clenched his jaw, letting the pain of knowing he’d lost Christina wash over him. “Then I guess we’re on the same page, aren’t we?”
She nodded. “Nathaniel goes back to school in a few more days. I need Gail to watch him while I’m working but, other than that, we won’t bother you any more than we have to.”
Even though it was for the best, her words cut. That’s not really what he wanted. But before he could say it, she was gone. After a moment of thought, he picked up the wire crimper again.
It would be better for everybody this way.
Chapter Ten
Christina set a coffee cup in front of Gail and then took a seat across from her with a sigh. Today was Nathaniel’s first day back at school after the winter break and, since Christina had the day off, they’d decided to get together.
Gail rarely sat at Christina’s table to drink coffee and chat since they were usually across the street, and it drove home just how badly she and Will had screwed things up.
She’d missed him. They’d been like ships passing in the night, making polite conversation when they crossed paths and nothing more. She felt bad that he’d misunderstood her comment about a man like him because it had clearly hurt him, but he’d dealt out his share of hurt feelings, too.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Gail asked, and Christina realized she’d zoned out on a conversation about the winter farmer’s market.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” she said softly. “I’m sorry if it makes it awkward for you, though.”
“Don’t worry about me. It’s not really about me anyway, is it? I just want both of you to be happy and I haven’t been able to figure out what exactly went wrong.”
“He got spooked by Nathaniel’s picture because he drew us all together as a family.” She started at the beginning and told Gail pretty much everything. Even though she was Will’s mom, she was also Christina’s friend and she needed a shoulder.
“I kept telling myself it had been long enough so he should move on,” Gail said. “And then I lost my husband. I understand a little better now, and his loss was so much worse because it was tragic and he lost the baby, too.”
“I know it sounds crazy, but I think he is emotionally ready. He’s just talking himself out of it because he’s scared.”
“You’re probably right, and that makes me sad. I’m sure it’s no surprise I would love for you two to get together.”
“That’s one of the reasons we didn’t tell you what was going on,” Christina confessed. “He was afraid you’d get your hopes up.”
“When Emily and the baby died, I thought I was going to lose Will, too.” Gail stared at a spot over Christina’s shoulder, her gaze sad and lost in the past. “My son was broken and I couldn’t fix it. As much as it hurt to watch him leave, part of me was glad he left town because he was drowning in his own grief and he didn’t know how to save himself.”
“I know he’s been hurt. I can’t even imagine how devastating that was, to all of you, but it’s not just him. I trusted a man once and he turned my life and our son’s life upside down and left us with nothing. I’m never going to let that happen again.”
“So you’re both going to spend the rest of your lives alone rather than risk getting hurt again.” Gail took a sip of her coffee and then sighed. “I’m not getting any deeper into this. You two need to figure it out on your own, but in the meantime, don’t give up on him. A little space is one thing. He’s got a lot to think about, but don’t let him run.”
“I’m not going to chase him.” That she wouldn’t do.
Gail patted her hand. “I think he’ll come around. You just need to open your heart and trust him not to be like your ex-husband. Will sticks, honey. He’s a forever kind of guy.”
“I believe that. But I think it’s too late.”
“Trust me, honey. It’s never too late. And even Broughton men come around eventually.”
Once Gail had gone home, Christina did some housekeeping. She’d mentioned putting the Christmas decorations away, but Nathaniel had begged for a little more time so she cleaned around them.
She was wiping down her hope chest, trying not to think about the sorrow that had come after she received it, when she heard Will’s truck coming up the street. It was funny how five or six vehicles could go by, but when she heard his truck, she always knew it was him.
Even though it would hurt, she moved to the window and watched him park in the driveway. He was dressed for work, in jeans and an old T-shirt he didn’t care about, and she watched him walk toward the side door of the garage. He always did that when he was particularly greasy, going straight up stairs and not tracking through his mom’s house until he’d cleaned up.
He paused with his hand on the doorknob and looked over his shoulder at her house. Even though she knew he couldn’t see her, Christina took a step back. She didn’t want him to know she was pining over him.
His expression was so sad, though, that she was tempted to go outside and cross the street. Maybe if they could just talk it through, they could be friends again
. She missed his friendship most of all.
But he went inside and she lost sight of him. With a sigh, she went back to her chores so she was done by the time Nathaniel got home from school. When he walked through the door, she could see that he was tired and took for granted all the kids were. The first day back after Christmas break was probably a big day for the little ones.
She set brownies on napkins and poured them each a glass of milk so they could talk about his day. That consisted of a run-down of everything everybody he knew got for Christmas, which made her laugh. He couldn’t remember if he had homework, but he knew Dylan Randall got a new sled.
“Did you see Will today?” he asked when his brownie was gone.
Christina tried not to show any reaction to hearing their neighbor’s name. “No. He was at work today, I think.”
“Is he mad at us?”
“No, he’s not mad.” She reached over and squeezed his hand. “He’s been busy, that’s all. And sometimes grown-ups need alone time.”
“You never do.”
She decided not to disabuse him of that notion. “All that matters is that he’s not mad at you.”
“Maybe we can visit him?” Nathaniel looked so hopeful, it broke her heart.
“I was hoping we’d play a game. But you’ll see him tomorrow after school, probably.”
“What kind of game? Checkers?”
“Sure. Go get the board.”
She wasn’t a fan, but she’d do anything to distract her son from thinking about Will Broughton. She only wished it was as easy to distract herself.
* * *
Will took a long, hot shower and it washed away the day’s grime, but did nothing to soothe his aching heart and raw nerves.
He’d almost walked across the street to see Christina. He missed her and he absolutely hated the way things had ended up between them. Missing having Nathaniel underfoot didn’t help, either. It was hard to separate the boy from his mom, but he needed to try harder. Nathaniel needed a man in his life and there was no reason Will couldn’t be that for him. Like one of those Big Brothers or something.
But missing Christina was harder. He dreamed of her sometimes, his heart breaking in his sleep when she smiled that sweet smile of hers and he knew it wasn’t for him.
When he opened his top drawer for a pair of underwear, his gaze fell on the photo of Emily that had been on the dresser since shortly before he proposed to her. She’d been laughing, with the ocean behind her, and it had always been one of his favorite photos.
What if he’d known he would lose her?
It was a question that had been hitting him at random times over the last few days. If he’d known he would lose Emily and their daughter, would he have walked away without looking back?
He would have missed out on the pain, but he also would have missed all the love they’d shared and the wonderful memories they’d made. He wouldn’t trade a single day with Emily for anything.
But he was missing Christina simply because he feared the pain if he were to lose her.
He got dressed and walked down to see his mom. She was clipping coupons and she smiled when she looked up. “You look nice.”
Confused, he looked down at himself and realized he’d put on a button-down shirt. A casual one, but still not a T-shirt. And he’d tucked it in. “Going courtin’ clothes, I guess.”
“Really?” Her face lit up, but he watched her rein it back in. “Who are you going to court?”
“I need to talk to Christina. Can I send Nathaniel over to help you?”
“Tell him I need help reading the tiny expiration dates.” Then she set the scissors down and gave him a mom look. “On one condition. You spend some time with the boy when you’re done, no matter what happens. At least play a game of cards with him.”
“I will. No matter what happens with Christina.”
“Then go. And don’t hold anything back.”
He almost chickened out halfway across the street. Maybe he should turn around and think about what he wanted to say to her. Not a script by any means, but at least an idea of what might come out of his mouth.
But if he started overthinking it, he might chicken out and say nothing at all. After taking a deep breath, he closed the distance to her front steps and rang the doorbell.
Christina’s expression was so neutral when she opened the door, Will knew she must have seen him coming. “Hi, Will. Did you have another sugar accident?”
“Not today. Can I come in and talk? My mom said she could use Nathaniel’s help with the coupon clipping.”
As if Will saying his name had summoned him, Nathaniel ran full bore into the kitchen. “Will!”
“Hey, buddy!” He ruffled the kid’s hair and then looked at Christina. “Is it okay?”
She nodded. “Grammy Gail wants to know if you’ll help her clip coupons.”
“I’m not very good at cutting yet. And I want to see Will.”
“She needs help with the dates,” Will said. “I just want to talk to your mom for a few minutes and then I’ll come rescue you from coupons and play cards with you, okay?”
Nathaniel looked skeptical. “Promise?”
“I promise.”
Once Nathaniel had put on his coat and boots and Christina had watched him get across the street, she turned to face Will, her arms folded across her chest.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry and I’ve missed you. A lot.”
He hadn’t been sure what to say, but he knew he’d started off on the right foot when her face softened. “I’ve missed you, too.”
“You snuck up on me,” he continued. “You were the neighbor lady. My mom’s friend. Nathaniel’s mom. And then you became my friend. I got used to having you around and I don’t like not having you around now.”
“That’s right now, but what about an hour from now? Or until something triggers that fight-or-flight reflex that seems to kick in if we get too close.” The way her expression closed off again broke his heart. “I can’t do the push-pull thing anymore. You pull me in and then you push me away. And then you do it again. It hurts and now it’s hurting Nathaniel, too.”
“I know, but I don’t want to push you away anymore.” It was awkward, standing in her kitchen as they were, so he shoved his hands in his pockets.
“What changed?” Her arms tightened, almost as if she was hugging herself. “I don’t think you wanted to push me away before. You couldn’t help yourself. I mean, you traded something you’ve treasured since you were a teenager so my son could give me a hope chest for Christmas, but when you saw a sign we care about you, you ran.”
“Losing you changed me. Knowing I’d hurt you and that I was never going to hold you again or see you smile at me the way you used to changed me.”
“When you looked at Nathaniel’s picture of us, it changed everything. He drew us as a family, but we weren’t the family you wanted.”
“That’s not it.” He took his hands out of his pockets and started to reach for her, but she gave a slight shake of her head and leaned against the counter. “Looking at Nathaniel’s hopes and dreams of us as a family terrified me because I’ve had those hopes and dreams and lost them. It hurt so bad I couldn’t breathe and I didn’t think I would live through it. When I saw that picture, I didn’t think we had a chance at being a family and that hurt. I tried to push you away before it hurt more and that was stupid.”
“What you went through was awful. I understand that. But I can’t tip-toe around your loss. I can’t wonder if you’re watching me and Nathaniel and wishing we were Emily and your baby.”
“No.” He shook his head. “I loved Emily and she and the baby will always have a piece of my heart. But it’s a big heart, Christina. You and Nathaniel make me happy and I don’t wish for anything but being here wi
th the two of you.”
He took the chance of pulling her hand free from where it was tucked under her arm and lacing his fingers through hers. “I realized today that one day with you would make me happier than a lifetime spent without you because I was too scared to take the chance. I don’t know how much time we’ll have. It could be days or weeks, but I hope it’s decades. I want to spend that time with you.”
Tears shimmered in her eyes. “I want that, too.”
“I can’t promise I’ll never make mistakes, but I won’t ever turn your life upside down, either. I know it might be hard for you to trust again, but I’d never walk away from you or Nathaniel.”
“I believe that. Like your mom told me, you’re a forever kind of guy.”
He nodded. “I am. I just want the chance to be your forever guy. I want to help you fill that hope chest with memories.”
“And dreams for our future. Together. I want to take that chance, too.”
The ache in his chest eased and he pulled her into his arms. “This is the best Christmas ever.”
“You’re a little late.”
He made a show of looking at the Christmas decorations still hung around them and then kissed her. “Some gifts are worth the wait.”
Two years later, on the first Saturday in December
Christina heard the door to the garage open and close, and set a plate of pancakes in front of Nathaniel as her mother-in-law walked into the kitchen. “Good morning, Gail.”
“Morning, Grammy Gail,” her son echoed.
“Morning, munchkin.” Gail made a beeline for the coffeepot. “The nice thing about living over your garage is being able to sneak down for coffee when I realized I flew in from Florida so late, I didn’t get any groceries.”
“Dad knows all the creaky spots in the floor, so he’ll know if you sneak in and out,” Nathaniel warned her. “He won’t tell me where they are, though. He says I have to learn where they are on my own or Mom’ll bust me when I’m a teenager.”
“I busted your dad more than once,” Gail said, taking her coffee to the table.
Her Holiday Man Page 12
