A dreadful thought suddenly struck me and I opened my eyes.
‘Is this a wind-up? Did June put you up to it?’
‘What?’ He looked horrified. ‘No! What’s June got to do with it? How could you think I would joke about something like this?’
For a moment I considered telling him about Saturday night and the incantation and the whole ridiculous childish business – then sanity returned. I couldn’t. I couldn’t possibly. And it couldn’t possibly be true anyway. There must be some othrot be soher explanation – a rush of hormones – or some monumentally awful misunderstanding.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said at last. My voice shook. ‘I can’t do this. Please – please just forget it. Tomorrow you’ll think better of all this and you’ll be really embarrassed and so will I. Let’s just pretend you never said any of this – it’ll be better for both of us.’
‘OK. But it won’t change the way I feel. I love you. I’ll feel the same way tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that. But I don’t want to hurt you, Anna – I won’t mention this again if it’s making you unhappy.’
‘It is,’ I said, and felt tears rolling down my cheeks in spite of everything I could do to prevent them. And then I was in his arms, and he was stroking my hair.
‘Please, please, Anna, don’t cry. Oh love, please don’t cry.’
I could feel the beat of his heart and the heat of his skin through the thin T-shirt. For a moment I considered staying there, resting my cheek against his chest and folding into his warmth. It would be so easy, so tempting, so right…
I stopped myself. This was wrong. However I felt about him, his feeling for me was nothing but some inexplicable mistake, a passing illusion. I was making a fool out of myself and, even if he didn’t realize it, so was Seth.
‘Please stop this,’ I said as coldly as I could, trying to struggle out of his arms. ‘You don’t love me, and I don’t want to hear anything more about this. Just leave me alone, and we’ll both be happier.’
‘I don’t believe you,’ he said. His arms imprisoned me without effort, but it was the look in his intense dark eyes that made me stop fighting. ‘I don’t believe you. Tell me that you don’t feel anything.’
But I couldn’t. I couldn’t speak. I only stood, trembling, my heart beating painfully, as he leaned down towards me. Then he kissed me.
For a long, long moment I did nothing, only melted into the kiss, my head spinning with desire, my arms twining up to his shoulders, feeling his muscles tremble and flex beneath the thin material of his T-shirt as he gripped me tighter. The sounds and scents of the port ebbed far away. The roar of the sea was drowned by the roar of blood in my head, the sound of Seth’s heart, and our panting, gasping breaths as we locked closer and closer.
But even as I began to kiss him back, in the back of my mind a tiny voice was still insisting This is wrong.
‘No!’ I tore away and, not trusting myself any further, I ran. I ran up the quay, panting and blinded by tears, and on to the main road, where I half walked, half stumbled home, crying all the way.
CHAPTER FIVE
The whole business was obviously either a prank or some kind of mass hallucination – after a good night’s sleep that much was obvious. I walked to school on Tuesday certain that Seth would have realized overnight what a tit he’d been – either that or there would be a massive sign at the school gates saying: ‘ANNA WINTERSON – YOU JUST GOT PUNK’D!’
Whatever it was, no one could keep this up for two days. One way or another, everything had to be back to normal – didn’t it?
The hope was dashed as soon as I entered the school grounds. Approximately three million eyes turned to stare at me – or at least that was what it felt like.
I walked slowly across the quad, trying to keep my gaze down, away from the curious faces, until a large group of girls barred the way. I stepped left, so did they. I stepped right, so did they.
‘Excuse me,’ I said. The middle one, who I recognized as a friend of Caroline, folded her arms and put her head on one side, her long earrings jangling in the breeze.
‘It looks like there’s not enough room on this path for everyone, doesn’t it? I suggest you go the long way round.’
I sighed. The long way round was a ten-minute walk.
‘Isn’t this a bit childish?’
‘Look at it how you want. But this path is too small for all of us. And, frankly, so is this school. I don’t know what they’re like in London,’ her voice dripped sarcasm, ‘but in Winter we don’t have much time for boyfriend-stealing bitches.’
I sighed again and turned away, and there was a snicker of satisfied laughter behind me. One of them called out a word I’d never heard used in school before, not even in London. My eyes blurred but I kept going even though I could barely see the path. I was not, I was not going to let them see me cry.
Suddenly I felt my arm seized.
‘Listen,’ hissed Seth’s voice beside my ear, ‘turn around, Anna. Those,’ he choked, so angry he could barely speak, ‘those silly little girls are going to beg your pardon and let you through before I’m done.’
‘Seth, please don’t. Please, just leave it.’
‘No. You can’t turn back; your life will be a misery at Winter if you give in now. You have to let me help you.’
He was right; I knew it. I turned wretchedly around and Seth spoke coolly to the leader.
‘Hi, Jess.’
‘Hi, Seth.’ Her voice was guarded, as if she wasn’t sure what she’d taken on.
‘Anna would like to get through. I suggest you get out of her way.’
Indecision mixed with fury flickered across Jess’s face and eventually she stood aside. But Seth didn’t move.
‘And perhaps you could say sorry for blocking the path so rudely.’
I cringed inside, but Seth had my arm in an iron grip. I could barely move, let alone slink away. Jess’s face hardened.
‘Perhaps. But I don’t really want to.’
‘I’m waiting.’
‘Look, Seth, I’ve got no problem with you,’ she said in a low voice.
‘If you’ve got a problem with Anna, you’ve got a problem with me.’ His voice was equally low, and full of menace. ‘Beg. Her. Pardon.’
‘Seth …’ Jess looked over his shoulder at the large crowd that had gathered at the hint of a showdown. I saw Caroline over the heads of the crowd, her face dark with fury.
I felt Seth come to a decision beside me. He put his arm around me and turned to face the crowd, raising his voice.
‘OK, let’s get one thing straight. Whatever happened with Caroline and me, Anna had nothing to do with it. But she’s a good friend of mine and anyone who wants to be on speaking terms with me had better realize that. If you want to pick a fight with her, pick it with me first. Is that clear?’
I’d never felt so humiliated in my life. There was a murmur from the crowd and he turned back to Jess.
‘Jess? I haven’t got all day.’
She tossed her hair and muttered something under her breath. Seth leaned forward.
‘I didn’t catch that.’
‘Sorry!’ Jess practically shouted. ‘All right?’
She turned and stormed away. As she left I saw her shrug her shoulders at Caroline.
I shrugged ungratefully out from under Seth’s arm, trying my best to ignore the myriad students staring at me. Their expressions ranged from amusement (most of the boys) to green-eyed envy (at least half the girls – the more stupid half in my opinion). My cheeks were burning as I slipped as inconspicuously as possible into South Building. So much for things being back to normal.
I slunk into English and sat down next to Emmaline with my face still scarlet. To my surprise she was slinging books into her bag.< C ba hei/p>
‘Aren’t you staying?’ I asked.
‘You’ve got a nerve,’ she hissed. ‘What the hell do you think you’re playing at?’
‘What?’
�
�Don’t act innocent with me. Whatever you did on Saturday. You know what you’ve done to that poor boy and you should be ashamed of yourself. It’s disgusting. It’s cruel, it’s fake and it’s disgusting. And if you had any sense of shame you’d have undone it. I don’t want to share a town with you, let alone a desk.’
And she swept out of the room, bumping into Ms Wright, who was just coming in.
‘Not staying, Emmaline?’ she asked in surprise.
‘Sorry, Ms Wright, I’m going home. Something’s made me feel horribly sick.’ And with that Emmaline shot me a glance of pure hate and then walked out.
At break I cornered June.
‘Have you talked to anyone about what we did on Saturday?’
‘No, of course not, why?’
‘Because I just had a very strange run-in with Emmaline Peller and it certainly sounded like she knew what went on.’
‘What – that snooty cow? Emmaline Peller won’t give me the time of day, Anna. Frankly she’s the last person I’m going to have a heart-to-heart with about drunken antics. Anyway, why do you care?’
I ignored the question and pursued, ‘So you haven’t told anyone?’
‘For the last time, no! Why are you so bothered about this?’
‘Because …’ I said lamely. ‘Because … It’s just a bit embarrassing, especially now Seth’s dumped Caroline.’
June gave me a very sharp look.
‘I thought you said you didn’t think about Seth on Saturday, that this whole business was nothing to do with you.’
‘It’s not.’ I undermined my emphatic assertion by blushing a furious red. ‘I didn’t. But – but people might get the wrong idea.’
‘Well, whatever. I certainly haven’t told anyone. But I can’t speak for Prue or Liz.’
But, when I questioned them, Prue and Liz both denied it too. I wasn’t sure what to make of it. Most of Emmaline’s words had been fairly ambiguous. But that spat Cut ight="0out ‘Whatever you did on Saturday’ was pretty specific. It could only refer to one thing …
I worried at the question all the way home, barely noticing the climb as I trudged up the cliff road to the woods. My feelings swung back and forth like a pendulum, between a scoffing incredulity, and a stomach-churning acid fear that we really had set something off with the spell book.
Surely, surely this was ridiculous. This was the twenty-first century, not Cromwellian England. Burnings, bewitchments and spellbindings were things of the distant past.
And yet. Wasn’t it a bit too much of a coincidence? Where had Seth’s violent obsessive infatuation come from, if not from the spell book? I wasn’t arrogant enough to think that Seth had gone crazy over me of his own accord. Guys like him just didn’t fall for girls like me in the real world. Whatever I might want to believe.
Emmaline’s angry words kept reverberating in my head: ‘If you had any sense of shame you’d have undone it.’ The realization came with a queasy mingling of relief and dread. If there was a spell in the book to bind someone, might there be a spell to unbind them…?
My stomach was sick and churning as I climbed the creaking stairs to my room. I don’t know why, but the first thing I did was to go to the window and draw the curtains, shutting out the brightness of the day. The last thing I saw as I pulled the curtains across was the spreading beech, crusted thicker than ever with hunched, beaked shadows, silent and watchful.
The book was hidden under my bed, wrapped in newspaper. Now I undid the bindings with the feeling of opening a Pandora’s box – but the only thing that escaped was the smell of charred parchment as I leafed through the fragile pages. Every page felt like a sprung trap, hiding another pressed hand, or something worse, but I kept going, driven on by the memory of Seth’s wild desperation and Emmaline’s accusing eyes.
Many of the spells were completely burnt or illegible, and some called for ingredients I didn’t recognize or couldn’t possibly find, like the tongue of a manatee, or a handful of powdered mandragore, whatever that was. Others were very simple: an instruction to lay a broom across the door, so that none with ille-intent may enter & harm thee. Probably because they’d trip over the broom, jeered the sceptical voice in my head.
At last I came to a stop on a badly charred page. Flakes of ash smudged my fingers, but the words were more or less legible: A Spelle to Releafe One Bewitched from a Charm. I swallowed, and read on, trying to decipher the crabbed letters.
It instructed the reader to light a fire. Then to take a handful of salt and whisper the name of the charmed one to the salt. Then you had to throw the salt into the fire and say a short incantation while the flammes burn brighte. That looked OK; I had salt, I knew the name of the ‘charmed one’, and I could light a fire.
tr="#000000">Feeling rather foolish, I lit the fire in my bedroom grate and waited for it to burn up a little. Then I took a handful of Dad’s expensive Maldon salt flakes from the kitchen – it seemed somehow more witchy than the ordinary kind – and whispered Seth’s name into my fist. When I threw the salt into the fire it flamed up impressively and I read aloud the incantation.
‘Dóð swá ic bidde.’ The words were thick and strange like treacle on my tongue, bitter and hard to speak. ‘þone gehæftend álíese!’
My voice cracked – I swallowed, and cried the final line louder, defying my fear and the mocking voices in my head.
‘Dóð swá ic bidde!’
My voice flung back at me from the rafters, harsh with determination, the strange words ringing long after the echoes died. What did it mean? Did I need to know? Did I want to know?
But as the flames subsided, only silence filled the room. I don’t know what I expected to happen – some kind of sign perhaps. But nothing.
God. Who was I kidding with all this crap? I shut the book, with a feeling of sick disgust at myself, my gullibility, my desperation. But something coiled in my stomach, a clench of nerves at the thought of tomorrow.
The next morning I strode along the cliff path to school feeling half hopeful and half ridiculous. It was all so stupid – and I didn’t believe it anyway. But how comforting if I turned up at the school gates to find Seth snogging Caroline behind the bike sheds and everything back to normal. I ignored the tiny twinge of pain that image provoked – Seth wasn’t mine, it was stupid to feel sadness at the thought of losing what I didn’t really have.
Suddenly a horn blasted out behind me. I jumped convulsively and turned to see Seth pulling up behind me in his dad’s truck.
‘Hi, Anna, can I give you a lift?’ he called.
For a moment I hesitated – torn between wanting to accept and not wanting to enrage Caroline any further. Seth saw my indecision and sighed.
‘Look, don’t worry. I’m sorry I asked, and I’m really sorry about what happened down at the quay. I know I was out of line.’ An expression of bewilderment crossed his face. ‘I acted like … Well, anyway, I understand if you don’t want to accept a lift from me.’
Guilt curdled in the pit of my stomach.
‘Don’t be silly, Seth. Of course I’d love a lift.’ I hauled myself up into the truck and the engine roared into life. He sighed as he rebuckled his belt and gave me a wry look.
‘I really am sorry, and I promise to keep my animal urges under control this time, if it’s any consolation. I don’t normally go around jumping on Cnd between girls uninvited.’
‘Seth, stop apologizing.’ My face was scarlet and I felt like the worst person in the world. ‘Let’s change the subject. How are you?’
‘Fine. How are you?’
‘OK. Thanks.’ I sneaked a look sideways, trying to work out if the spell had worked, but he was frowning over the steering wheel, his face unreadable.
‘I hope you’re not letting those girls at school get to you. I should never have said your name to Caroline in the first place; it wasn’t fair on you. The sight of them laying into you like that—’ His hands tightened on the steering wheel until the tendons stood out and his knuckles showed
pale against the tanned skin. ‘God, I could have cheerfully belted every last one of them, girls or not.’
‘But you’re not angry at Caroline are you?’ I ventured. ‘I mean, do you think you’ll get back together?’
Seth turned a horrified face towards me.
‘What? How can you ask that? Of course I’m not going to get back with her. I’m furious with her. If I ever was in love with her, which I’m not sure I was now, the way she’s been treating you these past few days has been enough to put me off for good. I always knew she had a bitchy side but I never realized she was capable of being so downright cruel. I wouldn’t be in the same room with her again, if I had the choice.’
Oh crap. This didn’t sound good. I was cringing with embarrassment inside, but I had to know.
‘Seth, listen, do you—’ I swallowed. ‘Do you still … like me?’
‘Like you?’ His expression was astonished. ‘Of course I like you. What do you mean?’
I undid my seatbelt.
‘Actually, Seth, I’m really sorry but I’ve just remembered something I forgot at home. Could you let me out?’
‘I’ll run you back,’ he said, stopping at once and starting a three-point turn.
‘No, please don’t. I’d honestly rather you didn’t.’
‘It’s no trouble. You can’t trudge all the way back up that hill: you’ll be late for school.’
‘I – I’m not going to school,’ I said desperately. ‘I’m ill.’
‘What?’ He took his foot off the accelerator. ‘Anna – are you OK?’
‘No, please let me out.’
‘But—’ He reach C—’ I sed out for my shoulder but I shook his hand off and fumbled for the door.
‘Seth, please just – just leave me alone.’
I jumped down but again misjudged the height of the door and tripped, skinning my knee and ripping my jeans.
‘Anna!’ I could hear Seth grappling with his seatbelt as I started to walk, hobbling at first with the pain from my knee, then faster as I heard the slam of his door and his feet on the gravel behind me.
‘Anna, stop! You’re hurt!’
A Witch In Winter Page 5
