by Unknown
I nod and squeeze my arms draped around his waist a little tighter in response. When he loosens his grip on me, I let go of him and take a step back as he opens his car door and slips inside. “Bye, girlfriend,” he tells me flirtatiously.
Obligingly, I reply, “Bye, boyfriend,” attempting the same tone he used. He closes his door and starts his engine, and I give him a small wave as he pulls away, a sigh of relief leaving me as his car disappears down the road.
Kayla’s Chick Rant & Book Blog
July 11th, 2005
I start my new job today. My friend Jenna has been working for GNC for over a year now and told me they were hiring for the store on base at the PX. She said I should make quite a bit of commission if I got the job, because all the soldiers shop there for their workout products. I went in for my interview last week, meeting Casey, my new boss, and instantly hit it off with her. She hired me on the spot and asked if I could start training the next Monday, today.
I’m pretty excited. It’s a lot different than any other job I’ve ever had. I’ve never been in retail before, but I’ve always loved working customer service. I somehow have a way of making even the most disgruntled of people leave in a much better mood. I’m a good pacifier I guess.
A few weeks ago, I basically moved in with Aiden. Not officially, but if you go by the fact that most of my clothes are here now, and I’ve only been home a few times to visit my family, then I’d say I’ve sorta moved in with him. It started out the weekend after we got back from the beach. I went for the party that Friday night, stayed the whole weekend with him, and then left Monday to go back to my parents’ house when he left for work.
The following weekend, I did the same thing, only Aiden asked if I’d mind picking up a few groceries for him before I went back home, since he hadn’t had time that weekend. He gave me his key and debit card with his pin number, and didn’t even flinch when I joked I was going to go on a shopping spree. He only grinned and shrugged, and then wrote me out a short list of the things he needed to make lunches and dinner for the rest of the week.
An urge to please him came over me at the grocery store, which surprised the hell out of me, having not had that feeling since leaving Texas, now months ago. I got everything on Aiden’s list, plus some ingredients to surprise him with a home-cooked meal.
When he got home that evening, he was pleasantly stunned to see I had a dinner of chicken fettuccini alfredo and garlic bread set up on his small, round wooden dining table in his kitchen. When he leaned over the table and took a big whiff, he turned to me and swooped me up into his arms before setting me back on my feet and kissing me hard on the mouth. I smiled up at him as he told me he liked not only coming home to dinner already cooked, but also having his beautiful girlfriend waiting for him after a hard day of work.
The sentiment warmed me. I felt appreciated, and I was glad I had made the effort. I fought the dark thoughts trying to wiggle into my mind, making me wonder what it would have been like if Jason had asked me to stay in Texas, if this is what the end of the day would have looked like if we had moved in together like I had dreamed about.
I was determined not to let the thoughts bring me down, since I was feeling somewhat content with how my relationship was going with Aiden. Yes, we were moving very fast, but it felt like a natural progression, and everything was on him. He was the one who asked me to stay the night with him all the time. He was the one who told me I should just start keeping some clothes over at his house, so I wouldn’t have to keep running home to change. It was him who took me to Wal-Mart and had an extra key to his house made, even stuck it on my key ring himself.
It was him who started taking care of my responsibilities, paying my car payment, my insurance, paid for all my food, and for everything whenever we’d go out. I tried to pay for things, insisting he at least take some money for my share of groceries, but I would find the cash I’d thrust into his hands back in my wallet the following day.
So I did what I could to make myself feel better about the situation, so I wouldn’t feel like I was taking advantage of him, even though I knew I wasn’t. I still felt guilty. I cleaned the house while he was at work, even though it hardly ever got dirty, since his roommate was deployed. I fixed him lavish dinners every night, and I made his lunches to take to work with him. I pleased him with my body every night. Anything I could do so I wouldn’t feel like a kept woman.
But it got stale after a couple of weeks, just hanging out at his house all day while he was at work. Brittany went to school during the day, and Anni worked, so it wasn’t like I could just hang out with them to pass the time. That’s when I reconnected with my friend Jenna, and during one of our long phone conversations, she told me about GNC hiring.
A job. That’s what I needed!
So after the long four-day weekend for Fourth of July with Aiden, watching the elaborate fireworks display on base, I called the store at the PX and set up an interview with Casey after Jenna had called her to give her recommendation.
I leave in about an hour, so I’ll let y’all know tomorrow how my first day went! Wish me luck!
I’m gonna live like tomorrow doesn’t exist
September 2, 2005
About two weeks ago, Aiden found out he was on the list for the next deployment. We knew it would eventually happen, seeing how he normally got deployed twice a year for four months at a time. I considered it fated I moved home and went to that party during a time he was actually home. I was definitely bummed he would be leaving, because each day I spent with him, it let a little bit of light back into the darkness I felt inside. But I’m not too worried about it. I love my job, and it keeps me pretty busy. When I told Casey my boyfriend is deploying soon, she asked if I’d like to work more shifts, and I gladly accepted. We closed at seven in the evenings, so Anni was excited I’d be able to spend more nights hanging out with her since I wouldn’t have Aiden ‘holding me hostage’ as she put it.
It’s true. We don’t really go out as much as before, spending most nights at house parties near where we live so we wouldn’t have to make a long trek home while intoxicated. Oh no, that hadn’t changed. Getting drunk was a near nightly event, and I haven’t even turned twenty-one yet. That’s tomorrow.
When he found out he was deploying, he put in for a week of leave and invited me to drive up to Michigan with him to meet his family. The trip has pulled double-duty, because it’s also my birthday tomorrow, and apparently in Canada, you don’t have to be twenty-one to drink. Aiden is taking me to a casino across the Canadian border, that way he can take me out for my birthday and get to drink himself, since he doesn’t turn legal until December.
We got here a couple of days ago. Having driven straight through, we ended up arriving around two in the morning. His dad met us at the door, and after a very brief but pleasant introduction, we went straight to bed. I adore Aiden’s stepmom, Brandy, who has gone out of her way to make me feel welcome in their home, but I’ve actually spent most of my time playing with their two dogs: Rocky, a massive black lab who likes to play with his knotted rope, and Thor, the biggest damn Great Dane I’ve ever seen in my life, who also happens to think he’s a little lap dog. He comes up to me and sits his butt in my lap, his giant paws still placed on the floor.
Their house is on Lake Huron, so right out the back door and down a small hill is the water. Last night, we made a fire and sat in camping chairs, talking well into the late evening hours. His dad isn’t very interactive. He’s spent the entire visit talking cars and football with Aiden, but I don’t blame him, knowing his son is about to deploy. He did tell me it was really great seeing Aiden with a girl though, because he hadn’t brought anyone around since his prom date years ago.
Today, we went horseback riding at one of Aiden’s old friend Amy’s ranch. I’m personally deathly afraid of horses, but I relaxed a little when Amy told me she was giving me her ‘sweet old man’ to ride. She said he’s the one she always puts children on whenever they visit, bec
ause he is slow and friendly.
She didn’t ride along with us, instead staying behind when the vet showed up to pull one of her other horse’s teeth. So that left Aiden and me to ride around her huge ranch on our own. I have to admit it was pretty romantic. He moved his beautiful black horse close enough alongside mine that he could hold my hand, while I held onto the saddle with the other for dear life.
When we returned from our trip around the peaceful and lovely landscape, I hopped off the old animal and actually thanked him for being a good boy, giving him a tentative pat on his nose and then hurrying away before he decided to turn around and kick me.
Aiden took me to White Castle for dinner, because I told him I’d never had the mini cheeseburgers before. We just got back to his parents’ house, and I am already ready for bed. We snuggle up in his old bedroom and watch some TV, but when he tries to make a move on me, I turn him down flat, saying it would be too weird to do it not only in his parents’ house, but especially with them home.
I find this quite funny, in a depressing kind of way. I never had any problem having crazy amounts of sex with Jason in his parents’ house, even when they were home. Sure, they were always asleep, and most of the time didn’t even know I was there because we’d arrive after a night out well past their bedtime, but they were still there. Maybe I just don’t want to be intimate, and am using the setting as an excuse. Either way, we watch one last skit on Comedy Central before falling asleep, the image of Jason and me quietly sneaking through his house for a quick but passionate romp in his bedroom after a night of drinking and playing pool, mixing in my mind with visions of an idealistic horseback ride with Aiden.
After going through hell trying to get into Canada—they didn’t like the fact we only had our driver’s license and his military ID, instead of passports—we have finally made our way to the casino.
I’ve had a pretty fun birthday. We spent the day down by the lake, drinking wine and beer next to the water, and his stepmom brought us the best pizza I’ve ever had. She made me laugh, saying it was a pie, which was as close to a cake as I was going to get from their family, because she doesn’t bake. That was fine with me, because it was absolutely delicious, and when I asked where she had gotten it, she told me it was from a family owned restaurant up the road that had a fire oven, which is what gave it such an amazing flavor.
We got ready for our night out, him dressing in a close-fitting grey polo shirt that hugged his biceps like a dream, with nice dark jeans, and I got dolled up in a short green dress and heels, earning a long whistle from Aiden when I walked out of the bathroom after straightening my hair.
As we walk into the casino, I look around in awe. The place is gigantic and loud, overwhelming every one of my senses. People are hustling around, buying drinks, turning in their chips for cash, or trying to find the slot machine that might spit them out thousands of dollars.
“What do you want to do first?” Aiden asks, looking around until I see him spot the poker tables.
“Well, it’s my twenty-first birthday, so how about a drink?” I suggest.
“Let’s do it, pretty lady.” He takes my hand and guides me through the crowd toward the bar, and then orders me the drink I always get while we’re out. Kyle introduced me to the snakebite while we were at Little Reno one night, where you could order the lemonade-tasting drink by the pitcher instead of just by the glass. It was yummy and went down entirely too easily, so of course it became my drink of choice.
Aiden hands me my glass of snakebite after telling the Canadian bartender the ingredients—who looked at us with a face that read ‘weird-ass Americans’—pays for our drinks, and then swipes his bottle of Bud Light from the bar top. We make a lap around the perimeter of the casino, refill our drinks, and then settle at a set of Wheel of Fortune-themed slot machines.
“I traded some cash for this roll of Canadian quarters for you. This is what you’ll have to use in the machines. Are you sure this is the one you want to play?” he asks, handing me the cardboard tube of silver coins.
“Yes, playing with real money at the poker table makes me queasy even just thinking about it. I’ll stick with slots,” I reply, expecting him to play the machine next to mine. But to my astonishment, he stands, leans down, quickly kisses me, and starts to walk away. “Aiden?”
“Yeah?” He turns back to me, but glances over his shoulder to where a game of Texas Hold ‘em is going on.
“Um…where are you going?” I inquire.
“Well, while you’re playing your slots, I’m going to play some poker,” he says, obviously too distracted by the card game to realize the incredulous look on my face or the not too subtle amount of steam beginning to escape from my ears.
“By myself?” My eyes dart between the throngs of people around us and Aiden, who still isn’t catching on to my change in mood.
“Oh, you’re fine, baby. I’ll be right over there, see? You can see me from your seat,” he says, pointing to the blue felt-covered table.
I sit there seething in my chair. It’s true I’m not comfortable being left in a foreign place alone, but what’s really pissing me off is it’s my birthday! Why the hell would a man take his girlfriend out for her birthday, and then leave her to go off on his own? It’s not like we came with friends, and he was going to play a game of poker while I hung out with my girls or something. No. I’ll be sitting at a slot machine by myself like a damn gambling addict getting her fix. I imagine gambling like drinking—if you do it alone, you have a problem; it’s meant to be done with company.
I don’t even know how to communicate what I’m feeling without the possibility of causing a scene, so I just shake my head slowly while shooting daggers at him with my eyes, and growl, “Whatever,” turning back to the Wheel of Fortune game I’m seated at. Having never had a girlfriend before, it’s not surprising Aiden doesn’t catch one of the words listed as ‘danger words’ that come out of a woman’s mouth. He turns and hurriedly makes his way to the remaining open seat at the poker table.
I glare down at the roll of quarters in my hand, let out a long sigh, and begin unrolling one end of the coins. I’ve never seen Canadian money before, except for the occasional copper coin that’s been mixed in with some similar looking pennies. On one side is the queen, and on the other is an animal…I can’t tell if it’s an elk or a moose. I know Aiden’s game is going to take a while, so I only put in one quarter at a time to play.
I’ve replenished and lost my whole roll of coins twice since Aiden left me at the slot machine over an hour ago, and I’ve gone through a myriad of emotions ever since. I’ve fumed, admonished myself for being bitchy, justified my outrage, and have now slipped into a depressed state of defeat. By the time he finally comes back from his game, I’m ready to go to his parents’ house, pack up my shit, and walk to the airport to catch a flight home.
“You done, baby?” he asks, excitement evident in his voice. It makes me want to punch him in his throat.
“I think so,” I say in a tone that to any normal person would be evident I mean more than just the slot machine I’ve been hanging out with.
But of course, Aiden is totally ignorant. “Great, let’s go turn in my chips for cash.” He grabs my hand and pulls me to the cashier. As we stand in line, I look longingly over to the bar. My glass has been empty for an hour now. The waitresses hadn’t come by the slots, but I had seen them refill the poker players’ drinks several times over.
When it’s our turn to trade in the colorful clay chips, I discover Aiden had won quite a bit of money, and would be bringing home a few thousand dollars more than what he came with. He puts the bills into his wallet, stuffs it into one of the back pockets of his dark blue jeans, and takes my hand once again, and we escape the loud and bright atmosphere inside the casino out into the quiet evening outside.
I get into the car, fully expecting to start making our way back across the bridge into the United States, but instead, he turns in the opposite direction. “Where are
we going?” I ask with a sigh, weary over the thought of staying out late somewhere I don’t know, being left alone once again. This trip has taken a wrong turn. My birthday had started out so good, and I wish we would have just stayed at the lake instead of coming out.
“It’s a surprise,” he tells me, giving me a conspiratorial grin. I let out a huff of air and turn toward my window, watching the darkening scenery pass by.
A few years ago, I went to visit my boyfriend at the time, where he lived in Anchorage, Alaska. He was based at Ft. Richardson in the Army. I spent my Spring Break there, and the place was absolutely majestic. I always thought Canada would be the same, for some reason, and maybe it is in other parts, but here, just on the other side of the border, it looks no different than the northern states. I don’t know why, but my brain just envisioned that as soon as you crossed into Canada, it would be some beautiful winter wonderland. Must be the time of year, or something.
We pass plain looking buildings and several restaurants, go down some sketchy looking streets that have my heart fluttering, and finally pull onto a main road that leads us to a bar. Aiden parks the car and hops out, then I see him turn to look at me through the windshield when he realizes I’m not following him like a happy little puppy. He comes over to my side and opens my door, but I don’t immediately get out.
“You coming, birthday girl?” he asks with a smile.
“This is my surprise?” I ask with a cocked eyebrow.
“Well, not the bar itself, but what’s inside,” he explains.
With a dramatic sigh, I unbuckle my seatbelt and take his hand, and after he slams my door shut, he pulls me inside the building.
The bar is nondescript, nothing special, just a hole in the wall bar like any other. He tells me to pick a booth for us while he goes to get us some drinks, and I pick one toward the back, where I see a sign leading to the ‘Smoker’s Deck.’ Something tells me I’ll need it to be close by.
