She bit her lip. "So….you're not gonna change your mind?"
No. I wasn't. And her persistence was rubbing me the wrong way. Still, I summoned up a smile. "Maybe you should ask Tori."
Becka frowned. "Why her?"
"Because she sounds like she's coming down with a cold. I bet she'd love tomorrow off."
Becka was still frowning. "Yeah, but I'd rather switch with you."
Okaaaaay. That was a bit strange. "Why me?"
She shrugged. "Why not?"
I felt my gaze narrow. "Is there something I should know?"
At first, she denied it. But then, after a good deal of nagging – plus a bribe, if you can believe it – I finally had the whole story.
And I wasn't happy.
Ten minutes later, I was walking through the parking lot with my head down and my thoughts churning like a jumbled crazy mess. I was flattered. And angry. And very, very confused.
I was so lost in my thoughts that it took me a moment to notice Jax leaning up against his car – or rather, one of his cars. Cripes, the guy had so many, I could hardly keep track.
I stopped in mid-step and stared at him from across the distance. His gaze met mine, and he smiled like he always did when he was happy to see me. I tried to smile back, but my lips wouldn't cooperate.
His smile faded, and he strode forward, meeting me more than halfway, between a long row of cars. In a low voice, he asked, "Baby, what's wrong?"
We were standing very close, and I couldn’t decide if I wanted to fall into his arms or run in the opposite direction. "Nothing."
His gaze probed mine. "Tell me."
I so didn't want to do this, to play the old, "nothing" game and make him guess over and over. But honestly, I wasn't sure that anything was wrong. I mean, I should be thankful, right?
In a way, I was.
And yet, this wasn't where I wanted my life to go. I didn't know how to explain or where to begin. But I did know that a parking lot – this parking lot in particular – was no place for this discussion.
I sighed. "I don't want to talk about it, at least not here."
He looked at me for a long moment before saying, "Alright. You wanna grab dinner or something?"
Probably, this was the wrong question, because it only fueled my suspicions. I'd been scheduled to work until much later, but the restaurant had been slow, and like so many other nights, I'd been the one selected to leave early.
I stared up at Jax. "How'd you know I was leaving?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean," I said, "I was supposed to work 'til ten."
"Yeah, so?"
"So it's not even eight."
"And…?"
"And you had my schedule," I said, "so why are you here?"
He frowned. "Am I not supposed to be?"
This should've been hilarious. I tried to laugh, but the sound came out wrong. "Sure you are. I mean, you do own the place, right?"
At this, he grew very still. In a carefully neutral tone, he said, "Is that a problem?"
"Well, it would've been nice to know."
"Yeah? Why's that?"
"Because it's weird that I didn't."
"Not to me."
I made a sound of frustration. "But it's weird to me. The whole situation is. Doesn't that count for something?"
"You know it does."
"So….?"
"So maybe you were better off not knowing."
I made a scoffing sound. "Well, that's rich. So tell me, what else don't I know?"
As he gazed down at me, I could practically see the wheels turning. Probably, he was wondering exactly what I knew.
I knew a lot, but at that moment, I had to wonder, was there anything else?
There couldn’t be, right?
But as it turned out, I was wrong.
Chapter 70
In front of me, Jax still hadn't answered.
I gave him a stiff smile. "Would you like to hear what I know already? Would that help?"
He paused to study my face. "I doubt it."
What was that? Sarcasm? I felt my teeth clench, even as I said, "I know that you own the place where I work." I kept the smile plastered in place as I continued. "But I've already mentioned that, so let's move on, shall we?"
See? I can do sarcasm, too.
When he made no reply, I kept on going. "You own the place where I live. You own the car that I drive. You–"
"The car, it's yours, just like I said."
"It can't be mine," I pointed out. "I haven't paid you for it."
"You don't have to. It's a gift."
Yes. And it was incredibly thoughtful. I realized this. But my mom had received plenty of gifts, too – including a car from that auto executive she'd dated a few years back.
As far as my car, the one from Jax, I loved it. Truly, I did. But I didn't love it nearly as much as the guy who'd bought it.
And now, like some sort of ingrate, I was giving him a hard time.
Right on cue, there it was – that familiar whiplash between gratitude and fear, contentment and panic, love and obligation. It was too much, and suddenly, I almost felt like crying.
Jax reached out, as if to pull me into his arms. I held up my hands, palm-out. "Don't distract me, okay?"
He stiffened. "I wasn't trying to."
On some level, I knew that I was being unreasonable, but I couldn’t seem to make myself stop. Oh sure, it would've been so easy to fall into his arms and pretend that everything was okay.
And maybe it should've been okay. Hell, my mom would've been delighted to be in my shoes. In a way, I was delighted.
I loved him so very much.
And I knew he loved me.
But this road, it was so dangerous, because I knew exactly where it ended.
I took a deep breath and tried to smile. "Just let me finish, okay?"
His mouth tightened, but said nothing.
Deliberately I softened my tone. "I know you've been bribing people."
His face was unreadable. "Yeah? Who?"
"Well, my co-workers, and probably the manager, too."
I waited for him to deny it. But he didn't. Instead, he looked away and muttered, "Fuck."
"So, you were?"
He returned his gaze to mine and said, "Maybe I didn't see it that way."
"Oh yeah? So, how did you see it?"
"A win-win," he said. "Trust me, they weren't complaining."
No doubt, they weren't. I recalled what Becka had told me. Through some weird arrangement with the manager, she'd been getting a fifty dollar bonus – in cash, no less – for every weekend shift she worked in my place.
Obviously, she hadn't been the only one. Already, I could think of two other waitresses who'd been begging for my shifts.
I looked to Jax and asked, "So why'd you do it?"
His gaze met mine. "You know why."
"To spend time with me?"
"That's part of it."
"And the other part?"
"You were happier when you didn't work."
I almost laughed. "Yeah. Everyone is. But that doesn't mean you should go around bribing people."
"I don't care about 'everyone.'" His voice softened. "I care about you."
His words were so sweet, and he obviously meant them. Still, he hadn't answered my earlier question, and I felt compelled to ask it again. "So tell me, what else have you been doing?"
When his only reply was a tight shrug, I said, "I'll find out eventually, you know."
He was silent for a long moment. And then, he asked, "And what happens when you do?"
"What do you mean?"
"Let's say you do find something else. What then?"
"I don't know," I admitted. "I hardly know what to do already."
"And why's that?"
I wanted to explain, but I hardly knew where to begin. Just then, a noisy group of customers emerged from the restaurant and began heading in our direction. I bit my lip and waited, praying they'd p
ass quickly.
Jax watched them for only an instant before saying, "Come on. We can talk at my place."
I didn't want to talk at his place. It was too darn distracting, and the thought of running into Jaden was more than I could stomach. I shook my head. "How about mine?" I gave a humorless laugh. "Or should I say yours? You know, since you own it and all."
His voice was quiet. "Forget that."
"I can't. I shouldn't. I mean, I know I should be paying a lot more in rent."
He shook his head. "If I had my way, you'd be paying nothing."
I believed him, too. Probably, the only reason we paid rent at all was to keep us from getting suspicious.
Too late for that.
When I said nothing in response, he gestured to his car. "C'mon. I'll drive us."
"Where?"
"To your place, like you said."
I glanced toward his car and hesitated. "Actually, would you mind if I walked instead?"
He glanced in the general direction of my apartment. "Why?"
"Because I want time to think, and I always think better when I'm walking." This was true, but it wasn't my only reason. Knowing Jax, he'd coax me out to dinner, or maybe to his place, and I'd lose control over everything.
"Alright," he said. "But I'm walking with you."
"Why?"
"Because you're upset, and I don't want you going alone."
I sighed. "I'm not upset. I'm confused."
"You're both." He gave me the ghost of a smile. "And I'm coming with you, so deal with it."
In spite of everything, I almost laughed. This was vintage Jax, and I loved him all the more for it.
I even loved how he wasn't mentioning that my own car was parked just a few car lengths away, making my decision to walk sound doubly stupid.
I couldn’t help but smile. "Actually, that would be really nice."
And it was, especially when he started telling me some things that I didn't know – even if I should've.
Chapter 71
Our walk began in silence, with each of us lost in our own thoughts, or maybe that was just me.
We were halfway to my place when Jax said, "I saw you, you know."
I wasn't sure what he was talking about. "You mean in the parking lot?"
"No. On the street, the night we met. I saw you before you saw me."
I gave an embarrassed laugh. "Well, obviously, since I was playing in traffic."
"No." His voice was quiet. "You were running. And you were scared."
"I wasn't really running," I tried to make a joke of it. "High heels and all."
"Yeah. But you bolted anyway."
This was true, but only because I'd been so desperate. Between my mom and the limo driver, I'd felt incredibly trapped and yes, maybe a little frightened, especially when the driver had refused to pull over. In the end, feigning sickness was all I had.
At the memory, I stifled a shiver. "That was quite a night, huh?"
"Best night of my life."
At this, I stopped walking. And so did Jax.
I turned to face him and said, "It couldn't've been that good, with the accident and all."
He gave a slow shake of his head. "It was no accident."
"Sorry, what?"
"The crash," he said. "It wasn't by accident."
This made no sense. "So, what was it?"
"You want the whole story?"
Wordlessly, I nodded.
"That night," he began, "I'm sitting in Jaden's car, waiting at one of our warehouses for him to catch up, and I see this limo fly by and then veer off to the side. The thing screeches to a stop, and the back door opens. A split-second later, I see the most beautiful girl bolt out, like she's making a break for it."
Listening, I felt a rush of heat, but I couldn't tell if it was due to embarrassment or something in his voice, something incredibly tender. Whatever it was, it was making me feel warm all over.
Jax continued. "And this girl, she looks scared, and I'm thinking, I don't want her to be scared. And I sure as hell don't want anything bad to happen. And I'm just about to head over there when I see the driver's door fly open."
I blinked. "Did it really? I didn't see it."
"Yeah, because you were looking the other way. But the driver leans out, and something in his look, well, I didn't like it."
I didn't like the look either. Oh sure, I hadn't seen it that time, but I had seen his expression in the rear-view mirror when I'd slid aside the glass to tell him that I was about to be sick.
He'd been annoyed, and not just a little.
Now, Jax was saying, "But I'm a long ways off, on foot anyway."
Listening to him, I was utterly mesmerized. I knew how the story ended, but the beginning was something new. When he said nothing more, I asked, "So, what did you do?"
"You saw what I did." He gave me a rueful smile. "I floored it."
At the simple explanation, I almost laughed out loud. I couldn’t resist teasing him, at least a little. "You were awful close."
"To you? Nah. Sure, I cut it closer than I liked, but I'll tell you one thing, the driver was back inside before he knew what hit him." Jax paused. "Or, almost hit him, if you wanna get technical."
Now, I did laugh. But the laughter didn't last, because I suddenly recalled what happened afterward. "But then you crashed. I felt so bad. I still do." I searched his gaze. "And you could've been hurt."
"Nah. I was ready. 'Cause like I said, it was no accident."
"So what are you saying? You crashed on purpose? Why would you do that?"
"Why not?" he said. "It worked, right?"
"But the car—"
"…is just a car," he said. "And we owned the van, so…" He gave a loose shrug and didn't bother finishing the sentence.
I tried to think. "But when you came up to talk to us, you were so calm."
"Yeah, because I didn't want to scare you. And you want the truth?"
I felt myself nod.
"You were so fucking beautiful, it took my breath away."
I smiled. It was such a lovely thing to say, and I really did appreciate it. And yet, I couldn’t help but recall what Morgan had told me on his front doorstep. "Thanks. That's really nice, but…"
"But what?"
I forced a laugh. "Well, I’m no pediatrician."
"And that matters, why?"
"Well, I know that you like women who are…" I made little air quotes. "…'accomplished', I guess."
"And you're not?"
"Hardly. I'm just a waitress."
He reached for my hand. "You're not 'just' anything. You're the most incredible person I've ever met."
"Oh come on," I said. "That can't be true."
"Yeah? Why not?"
"It's just not. That's all."
"Listen," he said, "I've known a shit-ton of people in my life, people who've had it a lot easier than you, and turned out a lot worse."
"But—"
"But nothing. Just hear me out, alright?"
Again, I nodded.
"My dad? He married the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. And you know what it got him? A load of grief." Jax shook his head. "That wasn't gonna be me, lost in a pretty face or a hot body." He gave my hand a tender squeeze. "You won't always look like this, you know."
I looked down. He was right, of course. In fifty years, I'd look totally different. And so would he. But I'd still love him, well, assuming that by some miracle, we were still together.
He smiled down at me. "I called you beautiful. And you are. But that's not why I love you. It's not even the first thing I liked."
"Really? What was?"
"You."
"But—"
"On the inside," he clarified. "There you were, up to your neck in who-knows-what, and you're worried about me, the car, everyone but yourself. You took a lot of shit from your mom that night, but you got really riled when she started in on me. And I thought, 'Man, I bet she'd make a great mom.'"
I stifled a
sudden giggle. "You didn't."
"I did." His voice grew softer. "And, before that, a great wife. A partner. Someone to grow old with."
I sucked in a breath. "Oh, c'mon. You didn't really."
"Why not?" he said. "I'm not one to mess around."
This was true. Jaden might mess around, but Jax wasn't like that. Now, I didn't know what to say. I was almost too overwhelmed to speak.
Into my silence, he said, "But this girl – the girl I love – she won't let me do a damn thing for her." He gave me a crooked smile. "So yeah, maybe I've gotta get creative, but the way I see it, she deserves to be spoiled, even if I've gotta hide it once in a while."
I was still smiling. "Once in a while? Oh, please. You've been hiding everything."
He grinned. "I know. Including this." As he spoke, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a little black box. A moment later, he sank to one knee right there on the sidewalk.
My breath caught.
This wasn't happening.
It couldn’t be.
But then, he said, "I love you. And you know what I’m gonna ask."
My tongue was in knots, and my eyes were growing misty. "I, um…"
He smiled. "And you're gonna say yes. You know that, right?"
I did know that. I loved him. And I could think of nothing better in this whole world than to spend the rest of my life with him. I felt myself nod.
He whispered, "That's my girl." And then, he said it. "Cassidy…"
I could hardly breathe. "Yeah?"
"Will you marry me?"
A choked laugh escaped my lips. "Yes."
Epilogue
I almost tackled him right then and there. Probably, the only thing that stopped me was the realization that getting both of us banged up on the sidewalk would be a horrible waste, considering what I desperately wanted to do next.
So instead, I reached out and tugged him to his feet, giving him nearly no time at all to slip the ring on my finger. But when he did, I realized something – something I should've known all along.
I wasn't my mom. I couldn’t be, even if I tried. Oh sure, on the outside, we might've been twins. But on the inside, we were two different people entirely.
I loved Jax – and for all the right reasons. I would've loved him just the same if he drove a van or moved boxes for a living.
Maybe I was funny that way. But how could I help it? He was, well, simply amazing.
One Good Crash Page 29
