by Beth Wiseman
Lucy sat down and put her head in her hands. “I don’t know. It was a long shot coming here. But I have no paperwork, nothing. Just money missing, a picture of a house, and two keys. It was the only thing I could think of, that Ivan used the money to buy us another house, then died before he had a chance to tell me about it.” Lucy started to sob. “I’m going to have a baby, and I’m going to lose my house. I never even wanted . . .” She stopped and looked up at Katie Ann, and her face reddened.
“You didn’t want a baby?” Katie Ann felt like this surreal conversation was choking her.
Lucy sniffled. “I don’t see myself as a very good mother. I don’t know the first thing about babies.”
Katie Ann eased back into the rocking chair, feeling nauseous. All she’d ever wanted was a baby, and for her and Ivan to have a family together. Now his mistress was sitting on the couch crying. “Being a mother will come naturally to you.”
Lucy swiped at a tear. “Do you think? Did it come naturally to you?”
Katie Ann didn’t like being compared to Lucy, and she didn’t want to share such an intimate detail with her. “It came naturally. And it will for you too.”
Lucy lowered her head again. “I just don’t know what I’m going to do. I took an advance from work to be able to make this trip.” She stared up at Katie Ann. “Do you think Ivan bought this house for us? To surprise me?”
Katie Ann studied the woman’s expression. “I don’t know.”
“It’s the only thing that makes sense.” She put a finger to her lips for a moment, then asked, “You haven’t gotten any mail regarding this, have you?”
Katie Ann recalled a letter she received from Ivan’s attorney awhile back, but there was no mention of any house. “No. I haven’t.”
Lucy started crying again.
“Can I get you something to drink?”
“Maybe just a glass of water.” Lucy pulled a tissue from her coat pocket and blew her nose.
Katie Ann left her in the living room and returned a moment later. She handed the glass of water to her, then folded her arms across her chest. “How much do you need?”
Lucy swallowed a gulp of water. “What?”
“How much money do you need to keep your house from going into foreclosure?”
Lucy stood up and faced Katie Ann. “I didn’t come here to ask you for money. I just came here to see if you recognized that house, or knew where it might be located.”
Katie Ann gazed into Lucy’s eyes, and for some reason . . . she believed her. She left the room, and a minute later she returned with her checkbook.
“Katie Ann, I will not take any money from you.”
Katie Ann scribbled out what she thought would be enough to carry Lucy for several months. She tore the check out and handed it to Lucy. “Take it. You are going to give birth to Jonas’s brother or sister.”
Lucy stiffened her arms at her sides and shook her head. “I can’t.” Then she covered her face with her hands. “How could you even make this offer, after what I did to you?”
Tears poured down Lucy’s face, and Katie Ann dabbed at her own eyes.
“I’m the most horrible person on the planet, and if I could go back, I would have never, never . . .” She sobbed harder. “Please forgive me, Katie Ann.” She looked up at her. “Please. I need to be forgiven.”
Katie Ann swallowed back a lump in her throat. She knew that she could ease Lucy’s pain by telling her that she was forgiven, but the words just wouldn’t come. The image of Ivan walking out the door, abandoning their life together, kept flashing before her.
She pushed the check toward Lucy. “Take the money, Lucy. If not for you, for the child.”
Lucy slowly reached for the check. “Ivan should have stayed with you. You’re a much better person than I am.”
Katie Ann wanted to say, “Yes, he should have.” Instead she moved toward the door, hoping Lucy would follow.
She did.
Lucy stepped out on the porch and then peered at Katie Ann through the screen, tears still streaming down her cheeks. “I loved him. And I miss him very much.”
Katie Ann took a deep breath, rubbed her forehead, and thought about how much she missed Ivan too.
“Ivan and I had a fight the night he was killed.” Lucy closed her eyes tightly for a moment before she looked back at Katie Ann. “We said ugly things to each other, then he left.” She locked eyes with Katie Ann and tipped her head to one side. “I always wondered if he was going back to you.”
A tear rolled down Katie Ann’s cheek, and with Lucy’s eyes still locked with hers, she closed the door. Katie Ann knew that she would spend the rest of her life wondering too now.
MARTHA SAT DOWN in her recliner, bumping the small table next to her chair for the thousandth time. Katie Ann asked her why she didn’t move the table over, but once she was settled in her chair, the table was close enough to reach her hand lotion, the remote for the television, and the phone without even having to stretch a muscle.
She stared at the empty space a few feet away where Elvis’s cage used to be. It had been almost a year, but she sure missed that bird. Sometimes she could still hear him saying her name. She tapped her fingernail on the hard surface of the table next to her. That parrot should have outlived Martha, but the Lord had seen fit to call her beloved Elvis home. She’d thought about getting another parrot, but it just didn’t feel right.
Closing her eyes, she thought about Arnold. Why did you take him too, Lord? Her close friend and companion didn’t go home to see the Lord, but instead went to Georgia to be with his dying son. How could Martha fault the man for that? But she sure missed him. They exchanged the occasional letter, and Martha had sent flowers when his son passed, but Arnold had decided to stay on in Georgia instead of returning to Canaan. He had kinfolk there, and he’d reestablished those relationships. Martha was glad for Arnold. He deserved to be happy.
She thought back a couple of months to when Arnold had asked if he could come for a visit. As much as she’d missed him, she made up an excuse for him not to come. She just wasn’t sure her heart could take another good-bye. Easier to just leave the past in the past without stirring up old feelings. But after her appointment with the doctor today, she had the strongest urge to call Arnold. Part of her wanted to share her news with him, but she feared Arnold would feel obligated to hop a plane to see her. She didn’t need his pity.
Laying her head back against the recliner, she thought about Katie Ann. She sure hoped that Eli Detweiler would fall madly in love with Katie Ann. Her friend needed someone to take care of her and Jonas, and clearly Martha wouldn’t be around forever. She opened her eyes, placed her hand on the telephone, then tapped her finger on the table again.
She picked up the phone, and this time she managed to dial nine out of the ten numbers before she placed the telephone back in the carrier.
“Oh, why not,” she said aloud as she picked up the phone again. She dialed the numbers quickly, knowing that once the phone rang once, there was no turning back. Arnold was a nonprogressive man—as anyone would know by looking at his outdated clothes and truck—but even he had caller ID.
Her heart raced as the phone rang a third time, then a fourth, and she was about to hang up when she heard the soft, gentle voice of a man she still loved.
“Hello, Martha.”
“Hi, Arnold. How are you?”
“Still missing you.”
Martha put a hand to her chest and closed her eyes as she pictured Arnold’s kind face. The man made her want to be a better person, and he’d introduced her to the Lord, something she’d always be grateful for. “How’s the weather there?”
“Chilly. But not as cold as in Colorado, I reckon.”
There was silence for a moment, and Martha struggled to keep her voice in check as a tear rolled down her cheek. “Temperatures dropped last night. They say it will be mighty cold by Thanksgiving.”
“What are your plans for the holiday?”
“Oh, I’ll be with Katie Ann and Jonas. Probably at Lillian and Samuel’s house. What about you?”
“My son’s wife invited me to Thanksgiving at her folks’ house, and a cousin of mine invited me, but . . .” He sighed. “I think I’ll probably just stay home.”
“Now, Arnold Becker, I’ve never known a man to love turkey as much as you do. It’s not right for you not to have any on Thanksgiving.” Martha realized that she was hinting toward an invitation and quickly backtracked. “But I guess it’s your choice.”
“How’s your back?”
Arnold always asked about Martha’s back, even though most of the time it was fine.
“Feeling pretty good.” She dabbed at her eyes. “I have to go. I was just checking on you.”
A long silence ensued, but Martha was choking back tears and afraid to speak. Finally Arnold did.
“I’m fine, Martha. As I said, I’m just missing you.”
Well, if you cared about me half as much as I care about you, you wouldn’t have stayed in Georgia. She’d wanted to say it a dozen times, but for reasons she wasn’t sure of, she never did. “You take care, Arnold.”
“You, too, Martha.”
She hung up the phone as another tear rolled down her cheek. She clicked on the lamp on the table. Nightfall was settling in, and normally she would have been at Katie Ann’s by now. She hated to miss a day with Katie Ann and Jonas, but Katie Ann would know something was wrong, and that girl had enough on her plate. She didn’t need to be worrying about Martha.
And curiosity was nipping at her, making her wonder how Katie Ann’s visit with that hussy Lucy had gone. Martha was still sure that Lucy had come calling for money.
KATIE ANN WATCHED Jonas sleep, her own eyelids growing heavy. She tucked his small quilt around him and made sure he was warm enough, then forced herself to leave his bedroom. She wondered if there would ever come a time when she wouldn’t worry so much about him. God had taken Ivan away, and the thought of losing Jonas, too, was more than she could bear. All this fear and worry went against everything she’d been taught. She knew the only way to bring peace and calm was to believe in God’s will, to pray about it. She was sure she couldn’t trust another man the way she’d trusted Ivan, but had she stopped trusting the Lord as well?
In the living room, she lifted the lantern until a reflection lit the clock on the wall. Surely if there had been a problem at the doctor, Martha would have been at her house in an instant. Katie Ann would have showered her with sympathy, even though she suspected that Martha simply had a bad cold. Probably best that she didn’t come over and expose Jonas. Martha went to bed early, so it was too late to call her, but Katie Ann decided to go out to the barn to see if she had left a message on the answering machine.
A light snow dusted her black coat as she walked across the yard. She pushed the barn door open, waking some of the residents. One of the pigs snorted as a chicken flapped across the space in front of her. But nestled in the corner on the quilt, Dash slept peacefully.
Katie Ann tiptoed to the workbench and shone the light from the lantern onto the answering machine. No messages. She leaned down, hoping to pet the sleek black cat. But as her hand drew near, the animal hissed, and within seconds he resembled a porcupine, every hair on his body standing straight up.
“It’s okay, fellow. You can trust me.” But the cat hissed again, cowered for a moment, then leapt underneath the workbench and around the corner where he’d retreated before. She reached into her pocket and pulled out some leftover scrapple she’d put in a plastic container, unsure if the cat would be interested in the cornmeal mush.
After giving each of the four horses a quick scratch on the nose, she made her way back to the house. She checked on Jonas, who was sleeping soundly. He was still having bouts with a gassy tummy, but Katie Ann had been practicing Eli’s technique, which continued to work well. She carried the lantern back into the living room and placed it on the coffee table in front of her, then sat down on the couch with a book. It was so quiet, except for a coyote howling in the distance. After only a few minutes of reading, she felt fidgety, so she got up and put another log on the fire.
It was bizarre. Ivan always had a good business sense about him, and buying a new house before he sold the old one just didn’t make any sense. She knew Martha would scold her for giving Lucy money, but someone had given Katie Ann money when she needed it the most, so it seemed the right thing to do. Or had she done it to ease her own conscience because she couldn’t forgive Lucy, or Ivan? Was it her way of trying to get right with God? She wasn’t sure, but she hoped that it was enough money to keep Lucy far away from Canaan.
LUCY SAT AT the airport, waiting for her flight to board. She kept thinking about Katie Ann’s generosity, and she wondered whatever had made Ivan choose her over his wife. The woman seemed so unselfish and filled with goodness. Lucy, on the other hand, didn’t think life could get any worse. She’d sunken lower than a snake by accepting Katie Ann’s money, and the only man she’d ever loved was gone. Along with his money. It hadn’t been a ton of money that he’d brought to the relationship, but it was substantially more than Lucy had ever had, and his contribution to their bank account had always given her a sense of security.
But Ivan had always loved to surprise her, like with the new car he’d bought her a few months ago. He had adapted well to his job in the outside world doing landscaping projects, saying it allowed him to keep a small part of his past, his love of the land. And the money had been good, but old habits die hard, and Lucy was always on edge about money.
She recalled the fight they’d had the night Ivan was killed in the accident. Lucy was concerned about their finances, and Ivan said that was all she cared about—money. The last thing he did when he left was to mumble something in Pennsylvania Deitsch, and Lucy had no idea what he’d said in his native dialect.
She rubbed her tired eyes for a moment as she wondered once again what Ivan’s final words had been. She’d pushed him to get a divorce, but Ivan said he didn’t believe in divorce, which Lucy found ironic since the man was sharing her bed.
Sometimes Ivan said one thing but did another. She knew he felt bad about their living arrangements, but he still insisted divorce from Katie Ann wasn’t an option. He also said that he knew he’d failed in the eyes of God, that he missed his relationship with the Lord. Most of the time Lucy didn’t understand his reasoning. She just knew she loved him.
Lucy stood up when people started to board the plane. She picked up her carry-on bag and edged toward them. A woman in front of her moved to the front of the line, since she was boarding with a small baby. Lucy touched her stomach with her free hand and wondered for the thousandth time what in the world she was going to do with a child.
Six
ELI ASKED THE DRIVER TO WAIT WHILE HE WENT TO get Katie Ann and Jonas. He was worried that Katie Ann would cancel because of the snow, but the driver had the car toasty warm, and Eli had an umbrella opened to protect them from the light flurries. Although he wasn’t sure a trip to the sand dunes was the best plan. He’d wait until they were on the road to mention it and suggest an indoor outing instead.
Katie Ann opened the door a few seconds after he knocked, with Jonas bundled in her arms, a car seat at her feet, and a diaper bag over one shoulder. “We’re ready,” she said.
Eli was thrilled to hear excitement in her voice. And the woman looked absolutely beautiful. A faint alarm rang in his head, reminding him that they could be nothing more than friends, but he ignored it, picked up the car seat, and motioned Katie Ann ahead of him, holding the umbrella over her head.
“Careful down the steps,” he said, latching onto her arm.
Once they had Jonas secure in the backseat, Eli offered to sit there with him, but Katie Ann insisted on being close to the baby. So Eli sat in front with their driver, Wayne, an older man whom Vera had recommended. Vera said he was a regular driver for the few Amish in their small community.
The ca
r hadn’t even pulled out of the snow-covered driveway when Katie Ann spoke up. “Would you mind if we make a stop around the corner before we go to the sand dunes?”
Eli was surprised that she was still open to seeing the massive dunes with the weather as it was. He twisted his neck to face her. “Ya. Wayne can take you wherever you need to go.”
“I want to check on my friend Martha.” Katie Ann frowned. “She comes to see me and Jonas every day, and she didn’t come last night.” She hesitated. “And Martha had a doctor appointment yesterday.”
Wayne reached the end of the driveway. “Which way to your friend’s house?” The gray-haired man looked over his shoulder at Katie Ann.
Eli had liked the Englisch man right away. He was softspoken with a gentle smile.
“Turn right here,” Katie Ann said. “Then it’s the second right, and Martha’s house is the third one on the left.”
Wayne did as he was instructed, and in five minutes they pulled into Martha’s driveway. It was snowing harder.
“If it’s all right, I’ll just leave Jonas in the car and run in to check on Martha.” Katie Ann opened the car door after Eli nodded.
“What a beautiful woman,” Wayne said as they watched Katie Ann walk up the sidewalk to Martha’s front porch.
Eli cleared his throat. “Ya, she is.” Stroking his beard, he kept his eyes on her.
KATIE ANN KNOCKED hard on the door until Martha finally answered in her pink housecoat and matching slippers. Her hair was atop her head in the butterfly clip.
“I’m just checking on you.”
“Come in out of the cold.” Martha grabbed her arm and pulled her across the threshold, then peered past her to the car in the driveway. “Who’s that, and where’s my baby?”
“Eli hired a driver. His name is Wayne, and Jonas is in the car. I only have a minute. I just wanted to hear what the doctor said. Do you just have a bad cold?”
Martha nodded. “Yes. Just a cold. I’m fine. Now you go play with that handsome Eli.”
