Kent glanced up, suddenly interested. "Can Tracy come and visit too?"
David's slow smile crawled across his lips. "I hope she does."
The comment dangled between them, igniting a faint hope.
At the same time, right behind it, vulnerability hovered. Her feelings for David were so tender, so new, she didn't dare invest too much hope in them. She'd been hurt before, and if things went south with David, she would have nowhere to run. She lived here in Holmes Crossing, worked here, was settled here.
She had to fight down a moment of panic. She chose to focus on Kent sitting beside her, still busy with the paper he had been given when they came into church.
This little boy she understood. He needed her, and he was safe. She gently feathered a long strand of hair away from his forehead, and he glanced up at her with a quick grin.
Such a little thing. But it flew straight to Tracy's heart and burrowed deep.
Then she chanced a look at David, who was watching her with a bemused expression. He seemed to be waiting for a response from her. She held his gaze a moment, not sure what to do. What to think. He was getting close.
And the idea both appealed and frightened her.
"She's not home." Kent trudged through the doorway of his apartment, giving one more quick glance over his shoulder as he closed the door, as if hoping his mother would magically show up. "I looked and looked." He gave a little sniff.
After church, Tracy and Kent had gotten into David's truck to drop Kent off at his home. To her surprise, Kent was more comfortable with David today and chatted with him all the way here.
Kent drew in a shuddering breath, and Tracy hunkered down, drawing him close to her. "Do you know where your mom would go?"
"Maybe she went with Uncle Steve," Kent said, swiping his hand over his eyes.
"Do you know Uncle Steve's last name, Kent?" she asked, tenderly wiping the tear from his cheek. If they at least knew that, it might help.
Kent glanced up at her, and then away. "I think Stinson," he mumbled.
Tracy's heart plunged. Seriously? Stinson? Uncle Steve was related to Edgar Stinson?
"But I don't want to go to Uncle Steve's place," Kent continued. "He's mean."
Tracy thought of the bruises on Kent's body, and right now, she wanted to rush to the police, file a report, go to the hospital, get it documented.
But how would Kent react?
Instead she bit down her anger as she slowly got to her feet, and then she turned to David, who was standing behind her. "I guess I won't be coming with you, David," she said. "I'll have to take care of Kent." She couldn't imagine taking this poor broken little boy to her mother's place. Going to see her mother was a survival situation. She would need all her defenses in place, and Kent would need too much individual care.
"He could spend the day with me," David said, reaching down and clasping Kent by the shoulder. "What do you say, sport? Would you like to spend some time with me and my . . . my family? There will be other kids there."
She caught the faint hesitation as he spoke of his former girlfriend's family, and she was surprised at the flicker of jealousy the thought created. He not only had his own parents but he also had these people. Seemed like an overabundance of relatives.
To her surprise, Kent nodded and sniffed once more. "Can Tracy come too?"
"Tracy has to visit her mommy," David said, giving Kent another smile. "But she can ride with us to Freeman."
"I don't need to see my mother today," Tracy said, seeing an out. "I can do that another time. Kent and I can spend the day together, can't we?"
Kent frowned, as if considering his options. "Can't we see the kids?"
"We'd be going back to my apartment." Tracy didn't look at David as she laid out her plan, but she could feel his gaze on her.
"I think I want to see kids," he said in a matter-of-fact tone.
"And your mother could be hurt if you don't come," David said with a sad smile that slipped behind her elaborate protests.
Tracy released a harsh laugh. "I somehow doubt that."
She didn't like how his smile faded away to a disapproving frown.
David opened the door of the truck and let Kent scramble into the back seat. "She's your mother. Why wouldn't she be disappointed?"
Tracy said nothing to that, remembering too well the many letdowns and broken promises that were part of her life with Velma. She wasn't ready to share that with David.
"Would Emily and her family be okay with this?" she asked as she got into the truck as well.
"Oh yeah," David said, waving off her feeble, last-ditch attempt to stay. "They're used to people coming and going." He buckled Kent in and pushed the front seat back, resting his elbow on it as he faced Tracy. "Emily's mom and dad have been foster parents for years. Emily and her husband have done it as well."
And there was another example of his former girlfriend's perfect family.
The opposite of hers.
The little poisonous thought floated like a whiff of acrid smoke across her mind, and with a shake, she dispersed it. Tracy hadn't chosen her mother, but she had chosen how to live her life. She had nothing to be ashamed of.
And if she said that long enough, she might eventually believe it.
"That's lovely that they are so accommodating." She couldn't help the snippy tone that slipped into her voice. Her defense mechanism was too finely tuned these days.
She moved to get into the truck, but David's hand on her shoulder stopped her.
"I wasn't trying to make them look like super-people." The light touch of humor in his deep voice, coupled with a half-smile, softened the stiffness of her spine. Melted her resistance.
"I'm sorry, too. I'm just feeling a little tense."
David's hand tightened as he helped her into her seat. "Of course you are, but she's the one who reached out to you. It will be fine."
There was that word again. Fine. But she simply gave him a smile and a tight nod. All she could do was hope and pray for the best.
Five minutes later, David turned onto the highway leading to Freeman, and in spite of having David sitting beside her, she felt the coil of apprehension tighten in her stomach with each roll of the truck tires.
"Is it a long drive to Freeman?" Kent asked from the back seat.
"About thirty minutes," Tracy said, wrapping her fingers around each other. Not long enough to relax, and too long to be feeling like this the entire time.
She untwisted her fingers and smoothed down her skirt, wondering if it was too dressy. What exactly was the protocol for seeing a biological parent who hadn't been a part of her life for three years?
"So what brought Emily and Jack to Freeman?" Tracy asked, tired of dwelling on her own life, trying to find something else to occupy her.
"Jack got a promotion. I was always surprised that Emily agreed to the move, though I think Jack wanted the chance to live closer to his parents."
"Freeman is a nice town to raise kids in. Jack and Emily have three, don't they?"
David smiled. "Yeah. They're great kids. I got to know them when Heather and I were dating. I grew up next door to the Verheegs in Grande Prairie. My brother and I spent a lot of time at their place."
"Hence your relationship with Heather." Tracy injected a light tone into her voice. She didn't need to be jealous of someone who was dead.
"She was the cliché high-school sweetheart and girl next door." David sent her an inquisitive look. "And what about you? I know you've got a few old boyfriends."
Tracy laughed lightly. "Just one major one. Art."
"Oh, yeah. I heard about him."
"How?"
David glanced at her quickly and then turned his attention back to the road, his mouth quirked in a half grin. "I asked around. Dr. Harvey gave me some information. Danielle a little. Some old friends a little more."
She tried not to feel defensive. "You could have just come to the source and asked me," she said, forcing a light tone to her voic
e.
"I suppose. I'm sorry. I just didn't think you would tell me anything. You do kind of keep to yourself."
His comment struck home. "Self-defense," she replied.
He glanced over just as she turned to look at him, and when his eyes held hers, Tracy saw a question in their depths.
"Tracy, Tracy. I see a dog out in the field," Kent called out, breaking the moment.
Tracy turned to where he was pointing, and then smiled as the “dog” turned tail and scooted off into the trees lining the field. "That's a coyote, honey."
"I was hoping it was a dog," Kent said, and then he turned back to the book Tracy had given him.
"Anyway, he's not a part of your life either," David continued, ignoring the interruption. "So either he's an idiot or you saw the error of your ways and dumped him because you knew you could do better."
Tracy laughed at his comment. Because it was funny. And because it made her feel good and cared for. "Maybe a bit of both," she said with a light, flirtatious tone to her voice.
"Maybe." His mouth quirked up in a crooked smile that didn’t help her equilibrium. "So how are plans coming on the acreage? Any new developments?"
"Nothing yet."
"Would you build on the site?"
"I don't know. I priced some manufactured homes. They looked pretty good."
"That would be an idea."
And the conversation moved easily to more navigable ground as David and Tracy tested the new boundaries of this place they had come to, and Kent broke in occasionally to point out scenery.
Finally the Welcome to Freeman sign slipped past. Only minutes now before she would see her mother.
Tracy pulled a lipstick out of her purse and, pulling the visor down to look in the mirror, applied it, annoyed when her hand shook.
She didn't know why she was primping. Self-protection or a deep-seated desire to show her mother that she was a capable woman? The desire that every daughter has to have her mother's approval, spoken or unspoken?
"You look good, Tracy," David said.
She gave him a thankful smile. His approval warmed her heart.
"I just want to look my best."
"Where are we?" Kent asked, leaning as far as his seatbelt allowed.
"Freeman," David said. "What's the address?"
"Just drop me off here. I can walk."
"Not a chance. My mother taught me better than that," he said, flashing her another one of his killer smiles.
She was a weak woman, so she gave it to him.
He turned onto a tree-lined street, scattering yellow leaves as he drove. "I think we're getting close," he said, bending over to read the street signs himself.
He made another turn and then slowed down as Tracy counted down the numbers on the houses, her heartbeat growing heavier.
They got closer, and the houses and yards grew more shabby. Tracy wished she had told David to simply drop her off. She didn't want him to see this.
Finally David pulled up in front of a small, dingy home. Tracy double-checked the number scribbled on a piece of paper, sucking in a tumbling breath, her nerves coiled tight.
David put the truck in park, resting one arm on the steering wheel, the other on the back of the seat, looking from the house to Tracy. "Do you want me to come with you?"
Tracy threw him a grateful glance, but shook her head. "No. I prefer to do this on my own."
"Call me on my cell phone when you're done. I'll come and pick you up."
Then, to her surprise, he moved closer to her, slipped his arm over her shoulder, and brushed his lips over her temple in a gentle kiss. "I'll be thinking of you," he whispered, his breath warm, alive, against her head.
Her breath, already shallow, felt like it got sucked out of her. His kiss was unexpected but, to her surprise, not unwelcome at all.
She pulled back, looking deep into those amazing eyes, a slow warmth slipping through her.
Should she kiss him back? What was the protocol for this?
Then he fingered a strand of hair away from her face, his smile diving deep into her soul. "You'll do great," he said. "I'll be praying for you."
There it was again. "Thanks." The single word was a faint sound. She turned back to Kent and gave him a quick wave. Then she drew in a long, slow breath, pulled open the door, and stepped out.
She paused at the cracked sidewalk leading to the house, glancing back at David's truck, wishing he would leave. He must have gotten the hint, because she saw him put it in gear, and then he slowly pulled away, waving at her with his free hand, Kent looking out the back window.
So. Future hope moved away to deal with past hurts. She had to keep the two separate from each other in order to make it through this visit.
Another long, slow breath, wishing her heart wasn't pushing up against her throat. It would be so much easier to turn around and walk away. To keep her mother in the past, to keep her apart from Tracy's current existence.
But Tracy knew it wasn't that easy. She would always wonder if maybe this time things would be different. The what if that she had clung to as a child was not so easily extinguished. Even though her mother had let her down time and time again, a small corner of Tracy's heart had always nurtured a picture-book fantasy of a loving relationship with her mother.
It was that fantasy that made Tracy lift a trembling hand and knock on the door. Lightly first, and then a little louder.
There. It was done and there was no turning back.
She waited, each second slipping past like molasses.
She tried again.
Was her mother even home?
Wait. Just wait.
Then a muffled noise came from inside the house. A dull thud. Then the sound of a chair scraping across the floor. Tracy pulled in another long, steadying breath and unconsciously fingered her hair back from her face, rubbed her lips together to smooth out her lipstick.
The door opened.
And Velma stood blinking in the light, her graying hair a tangle of curls, mascara smudged under her eyes, her face pale in the afternoon sun, grinning a wide, sloppy grin.
The fumes were wreathing around her, and with a sinking heart, Tracy realized her mother was drunk as a pirate.
Chapter 10
Emily's parents were here already. David recognized Linda and Stanley's car parked beside Jack and Emily's. He ran his fingers through his hair, checked it in the mirror, and flipped the visor up. He was as nervous as he knew Tracy was. Only, his nervousness was an interconnected web of guilt woven of his growing feelings for Tracy and the heavy meaning of this day.
"Is this where we are going?" Kent asked, setting his book aside. "This is a nice house. I like this house. Are the people nice?"
"Yes, they are. The nicest you'll ever meet." David drew in a deep breath as he helped Kent out of the truck. Help me through this, Lord, he prayed. Give me the right words, the right actions. Help me be kind and fair. And honest. That would be the hardest part.
Together they walked to the door and knocked.
Seconds later, the door was yanked open. "David, you're finally here," Emily cried out, raising her arms to hug him. Then she stopped as her gaze fell on Kent.
David rested his hand lightly on the little boy's head, wondering what thoughts and fears were slipping through his mind. "Emily, I'd like you to meet Kent Cordell. He's a friend of mine who I invited along for a visit."
Emily's frown showed her confusion. "Today?"
David heard a myriad of emotions behind her quiet question. Again he felt a familiar pinch of guilt over the fact that his feelings about today didn't mesh with hers or the rest of the family's. And right now, he was glad Tracy hadn't come along, especially after assuring her how welcoming Emily and her family would be.
"He's a good friend." David caught Emily's eye and telegraphed a warning. "His mom isn't home, and I asked him to come along."
Emily thankfully caught the hint. "Well, then, Kent, come on in." She stood aside, but as David pas
sed her, she stroked his arm. "I've been praying for you," she said. "I still can't believe it's been a year already that Heather passed away." She released a heavy sigh, and David pulled her close in a hug.
"Gonna be a hard day for you," he said, patting her on the back.
"It will be hard for you too," she said, pulling back, touching his shoulder with her hand.
Not in the way you're thinking.
He felt a quiver of guilt thinking of the kiss he had given Tracy. He didn't regret it one moment, especially when she had responded so sweetly. But coming here on the heels of that was a little awkward.
"The family is in the living room," Emily said, leading him into the house. "Harmony and Rachel are downstairs playing with the Barbies. I think Max has his robots down there. I'll take Kent to meet him." She held her hand out to Kent. "Do you want to meet some kids? The toys are down there too."
He nodded and, to David's surprise, took Emily's hand without any hesitation and walked with her toward the stairs leading to the basement.
David pulled in a deep breath, trying to steady himself, and then walked into the living room where everyone seemed to be gathered.
Heather and Emily's parents, Linda and Stanley Verheeg, sat on a couch in the living room, paging through a photo album. Emily's mother was crying quietly. The heaviness of the atmosphere surrounded him as he stepped into his past.
Linda looked up and, as soon as she saw him, stood, her face crumpling. "How are you doing, my boy?" Her voice trembled as she slipped her arms around him. David awkwardly returned her hug, wishing he could absorb her pain as Heather's mother started crying in his arms. "I'm sorry," she said as she drew away, her voice twisting downward. "This day is even harder than I thought it would be." She pulled out a tissue, wiping carefully at her eyes, her smile tremulous. "I can't imagine how hard it is for you."
David was glad she couldn't. Linda would be disappointed. On this first anniversary of Heather's death, he couldn't even generate more than a feeling of nostalgia. Heather had been a lovely girl and a good friend. Though he'd had second thoughts of coming, he knew he owed this family too much to stay away. Coming to the anniversary of a beloved daughter's death was the least he could do for old neighbors and friends.
A Silence in the Heart (Holmes Crossing Book 4) Page 11
